Are You A Nice Guy Or A Doormat?

One thing I see over and over again are guys who insist on being nice to women.

They don’t want to be the bad boy/jerk/asshole that mistreats a girl or hurts her in any way.

Which would be great, except they’re not really being nice at all!

At least not according to a woman’s definition of a nice guy.

Not sure what that is?

Watch the video below to see how our version of a nice guy is drastically different to yours.

What most men consider ‘nice’, we consider doormat behavior.

And we don’t get aroused by men who let people walk all over them… even if that person is us!

So when you hear us say we want a nice guy, it’s true. We really do.

However, our idea of a nice guy is one who has a strong masculine presence.

A man who has opinions, beliefs and values, who won’t turn his back on those just to appease someone else.

So let’s take a look at a couple of examples of what most men consider to be nice behavior, that women interpret as you being a doormat.

#1 I like whatever you like

Have you seen the movie Coming To America?

Eddie Murphy plays a prince of a fictional African nation, arranged to be married to a beautiful local woman.

Her whole life has been spent in preparation to marry him and do whatever it takes to make him happy.

So whenever he asks her opinion about something or what she likes, her answer is always the same: “I like whatever you like.”

While this is meant to please the prince, it has the opposite effect. He has no interest in her because he doesn’t want a servant, he wants a partner.

A woman who can be herself and express what she truly thinks and feels.

Well guess what? Women want exactly the same thing.

So while nice guys don’t directly say, “I like whatever you like,” that’s exactly what they communicate.

We can tell they’re not being their real selves around us because they don’t want to offend us by saying the wrong thing, or God forbid, disagreeing with anything we say.

That’s spineless, doormat behavior and it makes us feel like we can’t trust you to be honest about what you really think.

Our definition of a nice guy is one who will be himself, not pretend to be who he thinks we want.

#2 Being Too Available

One of my girlfriends used to date a guy who we nicknamed 7-11.

Why?

Because he was available 24/7 for any and all of her needs.

Needed a lift at 1 am when leaving the club? He’d drive on over.

Wanted someone to carry her shopping bags while in the mall all day Saturday? He’d be happy to.

Got a body that needs disposing of? We’ll never know about this one, but I’m sure he would’ve volunteered.

And while all this attentive behavior seemed nice and sweet, it was actually making him less attractive. And it wasn’t long before he got dumped for another man who wasn’t such a doormat.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying to never do anything for a woman or be there when she needs you.

But you need to balance this out with having a life of your own. Sometimes you need to actually put yourself first and tell us no.

We may even pout and try to get you to change your mind, but deep down we want you to stick to your guns.

Being unavailable from time to time and not giving in to our every whim is going to make us respect and desire you more.

Keep these two points in mind from now on and you’ll eliminate a lot of the most common doormat behavior I see in men.

And if you want to decipher what we really mean when we say ‘nice guy’ or anything else, you need to check out The Chick-tionary: The Hidden Meaning Behind What Women Say & Do.

This is a manual that translates everything from ‘woman speak’ into practical terms every man can understand. Plus, it comes with bonus interviews of beautiful women revealing the secrets behind everything they say. You can check it out by clicking here.

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  • Very true, Marni. Women are attracted to men who are confident and stand their ground. Men need to have strong beliefs and values so they can take care of themselves and others.

    • Rob Farrell

      American women are controling. It is their goal in life to make you a door mat. Ask any married man. The most common word out of a married mans mouth is YES. Because anything else will be an argument. Stay single and travel to other countries where women have at least alittle respect for men.

  • blogster1

    gotcha. so we need to be hot ice cubes.

    • Rob Farrell

      lol

  • BillK

    While the first part of this is good, could the second part BE any more confusing?

    You can’t be available, you need to have a life of your own… and then, you’re a jerk. Deep down you want us to stick to our guns… so you can complain to your girlfriends about tis.

    You may pout and try to get us to change our minds… and when we don’t we’re insensitive morons who can’t “read” you.

    Lovely advice that leaves men doomed whatever they do.

    • Tman

      I don’t think so.. it’s something we won’t get until we actually have some success with what she is telling us. This was a very good video blog.. probably one of the best I’ve scene. There’s just a fine line and subtleties that are in your blindspot at the moment. We all have to cross that ourselves because it’s different for all of us. Just be yourself… not the self you’re used to being around women.. your true self.

    • Rob Farrell

      Mostly it’s about not being a door mat. I understand looking for good women in america sucks I stopped looking here years ago.There’s a big world out there that is much better. But if you want to continue looking here in american. Just always make it look like you will walk away and find someone else. And tell her to F___ off sometimes.Or they will walk all over you.

    • ats

      I couldn’t agree more. I don’t know how many times I’ve been told I’m a nice guy or a sweet guy, and it’s always followed by “I like you as a friend”. I’m just about at the end of my rope trying to figure out what women want, and this article left me even more confused. Like you said, I feel like I’m doomed no matter what I do. I’m supposed to be myself, well I AM a genuinely NICE guy – I am thoughtful and kind and caring, and everything that women SAY they want. I don’t feel like I’m being a doormat….I’m really close to just giving up.

  • Zo

    BilllK,
    Feel your pain. lol. In short, all she’s saying is be normal. When you act normal, you act appropriately. You pass compliments where due. You call out behavior that irritates you when necessary. Above all, you don’t so desperately need her that you’re willing to even act to your own hurt just to please her. It’s that underlying neediness that kills it. (Even with your ‘cool’ guy friends)

  • esquimaux

    I shared this comment with a lady friend from Asia. She laughed. “This is soooo American.” Marni’s right. Nothing good comes of being a doormat. And this interpretation of what it means to be a doormat is especially on point when it comes to seeking to attract women whose youth, good looks and lack of life experience incline them to be somewhat shallow and conceited.

  • Mike B

    I am a “nice guy”. I also know what I want and have figured out how to express who I am and what I’m about. More importantly, I learned how to really listen and not project my own ideas onto the women I’m talking with.
    Now, if a woman has been talking about herself for awhile pauses and says “your such a Nice Guy”, the meaning seems to be a little different then the “friend zone” nice guy trap. I always agree with her and tell her I’m a Really Nice guy, but don’t always have to be.. I can be a “bad boy” too, then smile and laugh. Her non-verbal reaction tells me if her mind went where I wanted it to go, and the conversation can pivot onto sexy banter from there. Marni.. Are you getting this?

  • Bill Madsey

    Female housemate broke and I pay all her bills and for food etc. I am starting to get attracted to her but don’t want to be a doormat. Any advice in proposing a relationship to her?

    I know that i am her safety blanket, and I don’t want to throw her out into the street. I have built feelings for her but im not 100% sure shes feeling the same way.

    But I also don’t want to become the doormat with no fringe benefits. Really enjoy her company and our interaction don’t want to lose that if i make a move and she rejects.. but then again shes got nowhere to go

    • Jaded satyr

      Be careful. With her living under the same roof as you she can call the cops to report you for domestic violence if you try to toss her out.

    • Jaded satyr

      Tell her to put out or get out.

  • Darrell Beuten

    So my question is this if a woman tells me “You’re possibly the nicest guy I know”. Is she referring to me as a doormat or am I qualifying for a woman’s definition of a nice guy? I don’t “feel” like I’m doing things to be door mat like, I’m not available 24/7 and I don’t blindly agree with her. She’s the one that typically initiates contact (texts).
    I’m totally into her but I get really mixed signals.

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