Attracting Women: Do Looks Matter?

attracting women do looks really matter?I wanted to share an interesting, yet common story about attracting women.

I am sure many times in your life you have been walking down the street and saw a beautiful women with an unattractive man and said to yourself “something is wrong here. Why is she with that guy?” I am sure you could not understand it. That is because you could not see what women see and that is energy. The energy that has been attracting women for centuries.

This is the confident, self assured and comfortable energy I have been describing to you since day one.

Unlike men, women are not primarily driven by looks. Looks can be overridden by personality to a point where a man’s features can totally transform in the eyes of a woman.

I recently sat down my friend and former Playboy model and we got into a conversation about looks vs. personality. She shared an interesting story with me so I asked her to jot it down so I could share with you. This story is about meeting the not so expected love of her life. This story will tell you if when attracting women, if looks matter.

Attracting Women: Do Looks Matter?

Looks, I thought used to be very important to me until the man who made that seem last on my list.

I remember it was a late winter evening. I was running behind and had gotten lost on my way to a first date. By the time I finally got there my stomach starting feeling like it was eating my spinal chord and I had just assumed we would stay at the restaurant where we met. But, he had changed his mind and wanted to go up the block to a little place he’d heard of.

My date, (a good-looking, late 30’s, Real Estate Broker) and I arrived at this great little Italian restaurant about twenty minutes to closing. The Gentleman, (an overweight, mid 30’s, Matier’d) who greeted us said they would love to have us stay and enjoy a meal, (even though it was completely apparent no one else was in the restaurant). We couldn’t resist! I noticed there was something unusually appealing about the Matier’d. He politely sat us and motioned over to the server. “Bon Appetit”, he said as he handed me a menu.

My date and I shared some opinions over the real estate market and the neighborhood we were in while sipping our Chianti and devouring the Muscles Marinara we had ordered just to start. By the time the entrees arrived, (Zuppa de Pesce with the freshest Burrata I’d ever tasted for me and Pappardelle with braised Veal Bolognese for him) I came to the conclusion that my first date was going pretty well. And, I hadn’t cared less! Although he was good-looking and successful, I couldn’t stop looking over at the man who sat us trying to figure out what it was about him. He had a tall build, dark intense eyes, and he was overweight! But, his mannerisms were extremely confident and there was an air about him. Overall, still NOT the guy that catches my eye. Especially, when I had the attention of a beautiful man sitting right in front of me. So strange, when I look back on that night. I’ve never been that drawn to someone so instantaneously .

When the server came to ask us for dessert I had already decided that I wanted to find my own way home so I could share at least a few words with this man I found to be so unusually appealing. Dessert seemed to have went by like an eternity and the double shot of espresso made me even more anxious for dinner to be over and for me to act on my curiosity.

Finally, dinner came to a close and my date politely said good night out front when I told him I was going in the opposite direction. He kissed my cheek and waved as his cab turned the corner.

After standing out front for a few moments, willing my new crush to come outside before the next taxi pulled up. I heard a man’s voice ask if I was, “all set”. I turned to him and said, “Yeah. Just waiting for a cab.” He nodded politely and stepped outside with me. He began asking me the normal questions you do when you first meet someone, “What’s your name?, Where are you from?, What do you do for work?, yada yada yada” but it wasn’t what he was asking me, it was how he asked it. He didn’t turn his eyes away from me once while I was speaking. I felt his eyes going over every part of my face as I spoke to him and answered each question like it was the first time I’d ever been asked this information by anyone! I could feel him studying my lips as the words came out of my mouth, my hair as I pushed it away from my face, and my eyes when I actually worked up the nerve to look into his.

He made me feel shy and sexy at the same time. Something I never felt before. And when he directed his attention towards me it was fully and honestly. He had a confidence about him that I never saw in any other man. His confidence came from knowing what he wanted without being afraid of it.

After a few polite exchanges, he asked me if I hadn’t liked the tiramisu my date ordered for us, (I assumed he noticed how anxious I was). I replied with what I hoped would catch his attention instead of the truth, (which was that I couldn’t be bothered with anything else besides him at the time). So, I said in the most sultry voice I could, “I don’t feel like tiramisu tonight.” He turned to me with surprise, looked at me as if I had said something wrong, and as I turned away not knowing if I had just made a fool of myself, I secretly wished he would ask me to explain why I wasn’t in the mood for tiramisu over some coffee together. And like an attentive man should, he noticed, turned back to me, looked me dead in the eye, and said what I expected least, “Do you like puff pastries?” That was him. Corny, but funny. Charismatic and strong. It didn’t take long for me to fall in love with him.

I always used to wonder how woman found certain men attractive, but I think some men really understand that a good woman just wants to be with a man we feel special with. A man that makes us laugh. We dated for a little over a year and I choose to see him as the man who showed me that being so superficial for the rest of your life is such a bore! Grazie. And yes, you’re right. This is L.A. And it is hard to find someone that has more than just looks to offer. But, on the most exclusive lists in “Tinsel Town”, looks are last in line and it’s all about the swagg, Gentleman! Work it.


If you want to hear more secrets of attracting women and getting women you should check out our newest program called What’s Inside A Woman’s Mind. 20 women, 10Β  hours and honest conversation about what attracts women.

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  • Enough Said, Marni explained it well.

  • Mike

    For many of us guys, our own life experiences have taught us what this woman wrote is entirely accurate. At my local health club I once overheard two gorgeous ladies discussing a guy who would be arriving shortly to work out with them. From the tenor of their raves I fully expected to see a Brad Pitt look alike. But what I saw made my jaw drop in disbelief. The male subject in question had none of the conventional desirable traits (like 6 feet of height, straight teeth, full head of hair, and muscular build) that Hollywood has taught us are needed to attract beautiful women. What he did have was the calmness and self assuredness to walk up and talk to these genetically blessed ladies, not like they were goddesses, but just normal human beings. You could literally see these women light up as he talked to them and even though much finer specimens of manhood walked by trying to grab their attention, their eyes remained riveted to him. I could imagine that guy having a sex life that most of us only dream about. By the way, the guy works at a mortuary so his occupation isn’t glamorous either

  • Mike

    One thing that might strengthen the message this article is conveying is citing more examples where this phenomenon occurred in her dating life. When you relate only one experience it might come off sounding more as a fluke rather than the norm.

  • Brian

    …and I always thought being a prick turned girls on after I was let go of numerous times for being a gentleman. Hmm. I’ve spent six years so far figuring out what turns women on, what makes them happy, what holds their attention, and over all keeps them satisfied. Nearly all of it was explained in this article. Honestly, I’m thinking this might beat any of the tricks PUA’s hand out. It’s a very realistic point of view, props.

  • Brian

    An article on how to be a gentleman?

    • Brian

      Yes, I left the room for 10 minutes and had to come back to ask

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  • Cody Lacy

    The reason I got into learning how to pick-up wemon was because I was a good looking guy who could’nt get laid. Now I have become extreamly successful with wemon, but it is all because of having good game. Thank you for writting this page because as crazy as it may sound my looks actually stop me from getting the girl I want (this used to happen to me on a regular basis untill I realized its all about personality and the way you make her feel when shes around you). This happens when I’m hanging out with some girls I’ve just met at a club and start relying on my looks instead of my game. I start thinking to myself I don’t need to stay ontop of my game these girls want me because I’m good looking. Then instead of staying focused, engaging them in interesting conversations making them laugh and being a challenge, I start to get lazy because I think that I’m going home with them no matter what. Whenever I do this I end up going home alone, all because I thought that being good looking was actually doing something for me and forgot that its all about game.

    • Darren

      Wow Cody im having the same problem. I am a good looking guy and I have absolutely no game πŸ˜› . When im this close to getting laid (with some very beautiful women i might add) all always shoot myself in the foot due to lack of confidence. This website is really helping me realize actually what I am doing wrong! Thanks, Marni πŸ™‚

  • fritz

    Women are all about feelings, nothing more. If a woman can feel special sensations, you are far away from the ass kissers. The good feelings could be started from a great self-assurance, or from some kind of cocky funny style as mentionned by David Deangelo.

  • Eric

    I find this article to be VERY true. I’m not the best looking guy ever but I have dated and had sex with woman who are BEAUTIFUL. When I ask them why they were attracted to me most of them said,”I was fun, funny, and confident.” These are woman in their early and mid 20’s, so even young girls don’t judge off of looks some do but most don’t. Here’s what I learned from my experience and have heard woman say is that when you display attractive behavior i.e. confidence, sense of humor, unaffected by her test, not needy, etc they FORGET how you look. I have heard that straight from attractive women’s mouth and I think the reason is that looks FADE personality is FOREVER!

  • John Smith

    I am not totally convinced and I think it really depends on the particular woman in question . Women are as different as snowflakes and while a few may be willing to look beyond looks and consider shorter men or obese men, based on my experiences I have come to the conclusion that for the majority of women looks do make a good or bad impression and can be a deal breaker. I am an extremely confident man and a skilled communicator/conversationalist/listener by the nature of my profession(Social Work). I carry most of these qualities over to my private life but I have yet to connect with a woman who finds my confidence appealing. For the majority, when they see that I am not tall and handsome, it is a deal breaker.

    • Marni

      John thank you for your comment. This post was not meant to tell men that women do not care about looks as well. A woman still has to be attracted to the man they are with but all attraction does not come from a hot body and an excellent jaw line. Attraction comes in different packages and amazing looks can be overridden by an amazing energy. I would actually like to talk to you more about this because from your email I can tell that there is something underneath your confidence that women may be picking up on.

      Write me at so we can talk further.

    • Jarrod

      Looks are only about 10% of ur first impression, body language about 60% and the other 30 is split between confidence and personality. I say 60% is body language because women will pick up in that slight wrist twitch that u won’t notice and think ur nervous. You also don’t want to give the impression of a dog trying to hump her leg. Excuse my example. I work for a small dollar store that is full of women and I talk to them about everything my dates there dates and they let me know what I did wrong and vice versa I also watch there body language while I tell my story and find that something tiny can be a bigger deal maker or breaker then I ever would of thought.

  • Valmont

    I really liked the article though this sends a wrong message to guys that “looks/appearances/image is not important” which is a fallacy.

    Generally speaking, attractive and desirable women do want men (physically speaking) who:

    a)are taller than them
    b) in good physical shape
    c) take care of their appearance (grooming) and image (dress style).

    A lot of guys are just lazy slobs and neglect their appearance and project a sloppy image.

    The first dating improvement step for a guy before delving into “inner game” should be to work on his appearance and image and hit the gym because it will boost his confidence and will make him feel good about himself…how can a guy “seduce” a women if he does not even like himself and treats himself like shit?

    • Marni

      I agree with you. If a man is treating himself poorly and looks horrible because of this then he is not loving himself and therefore should not expect others to love him either.

      On the other hand if a bald, heavier man owns his appearance and is happy that energy can go along way with women.

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  • There are only two ways of telling the complete truth–anonymously and posthumously.

  • sakthi

    confidence (exhibiting the potential to do something useful), funny enjoying the life kind of attitude and good sex appetite makes any girl (even the most beautiful ones) to draw in and be kept…

    • Marni Wing Girl

      Being confident and finding yourself sexy are definitely very important πŸ™‚

  • Andy

    Marni, so you as a woman, believe, honestly believe that women are not as attracted to looks as men are? is that really accurate?

  • bongstar420

    You should have told your date what was up. Im surprised you or your date (I would have encouraged you to chase what I would openly state as a dead end-that dumbass with game) didnt discern what was going on from the beginning…Btw, the attraction is superficial no matter what. That man simply behaved in a way (and likely had histocompatibility) that is analogously sexy to perfect double tits with a thin waist. People need to understand that the basis for sex and the connection that people feel is similar to what dogs experience. The prefrontal cortex (basically the part of the brain that yields actual intelligence) is disruptive to people because they lack the capacity to move beyound the less evolved parts of our brains. I happen to be a rare case, and I can actually produce good sex with what is considered a totally unattractive pattern. People’s courtship patterns are sickening to me because their continued participation is a contradiction to what they actually say they want with the greatest irony being that they cannot openly and consciously do the same exact thing and have it work for them. There seems to be a lot of self deception and willful ignorance involve in the process.

  • bongstar420

    Ya…Its dumb because the shit that they are attracted too causes inferior people to be born.

  • I say looks matter but not just the looks a man should be a gentleman with integrity but also have a feisty side and has to be going to high places with his life . I like men that are go getters and don’t just wait around for shit to happen they see a door way and walk right thru it no matter what could be on the other side and make the best out of any situation and are good at many things in life not just work but being a good lover and good father and the best guy friend all in one and there romantic and smart and a good listener that is my type of man and he can’t be fat or chubby I love being athletic a fat person would only slow me down and I eat a hearty meal that has hardly no take out foods since I cook for my self that is the type of guy I love but yes looks matter but not just looks alone he has to have a realistic attitude if something in negative he will deal with it and let me help him and if it’s a positive thing we both will embrace it with good vibes πŸ™‚