Erin's Success Story

As much as I talk about the inside being the most important, which it is, sometimes the outside needs a little work too. From my own experience I know that when I dress correctly for my body and feel stylish and feminine, my confidence goes through the roof. I carry myself differently and therefore others around me take more notice. The same thing will happen to you.

Erin has written a list of her “must have” items for what to wear for summer dating along with some pictures so you can see what she means.

To find out more about Erin and work with her one-on-one (she works with men all over the world over skype) Click Here

What To Wear For Summer Dating

Hi I am Erin. I have been working with men in the PUA community as a Fashion Consultant for the past four years. It is truly my pleasure to work within a community of men that value themselves and women so much that they would be willing to face their own challenges and learn how to be the best possible version of themselves. I love it when a man comes to the realization that “whatever has been working for me in the past (or what I thought has been) isn’t cutting it.” He realizes that it’s time for a change, and those are the guys that I really hold near and dear to my heart.

Please read ahead for What To Wear Summer Dating: Essentials Summer Fashions, my top Fashion Don’ts and a break down of my favorite fashion essentials.

Essentials Summer Fashions:

*White light weight cotton button down in a short and long sleeve
*A pair of dark straight legged jeans
*A pair of khaki flat front slim shorts that are approximately one inch above the knee
*A white slim fit V-neck
*A light weight well fitted blazer in navy blue or khaki
*A pair of leather criss cross sandals
*A pair of brown leather wingtip style shoes aka oxfords; wear them sockless.
*A vintage or vintage-inspired straw type fedora
*A pair of Ray Ban Wayfarers or aviator type sunglasses
*A nice silver or gold simple neck chain with a meaningful pendant.
*An updated haircut, white teeth, and smooth skin.

Fashion Don’ts

*Do not wear embellished anything! No rips, studs, embroidery, graphics, rhinestones.
*Do not over saturate your hair with style products like gel, mouse or hairspray.
*Do not wear dirty sneakers other than to the gym.
*Do not wear jeans that are older than 3 years old, unless they are an amazing vintage pair.
*Do not wear cargo shorts with huge pockets and an army print.
*Do not wear cow-boy boots or pointy snake skin shoes.
*Do not have “shaped” eyebrows or artistic facial hair.
*Do not wear sporty type sunglasses like Oakleys.
*Do not have a long pony tail or a comb-over.
*Do not wear flashy jewelry.

Now onto the specifics. If you have any questions or even things to add, post them in the comments section at the bottom of the page. Your tips can be helpful to others.

T-shirt and Polos:

A simple black or white Calvin Klein V or crew neck T-shirt is a great way to look casual yet chic. V-necks are a great way to create the illusion of a slimmer neckline, particularly if you have a double chin, as they place emphasis on your chest area instead of on your neck.

Avoid “freebie t-shirts”, Logo t-shirts (Abercrombie/ Hollister types), anything Ed Hardy or Affliction, graphic logos, embellishments, and shirts with witty statements on them. Let’s save these styles for the frat boys and the Jersey Shore. Slim fit Polos are the way to go. Please avoid popping the collar.

Button Downs:

Button Downs are wonderful. They provide clean lines and are very flattering to all body types. “Slim fit” is the best. I notice that a lot of men don’t wear the correct fit. Most of the time they tend to wear their button downs over-sized which tend to make their frame look “stocky”. So make sure that your fits your body. Avoid graphic and embellishments on button downs as well. Short sleeve button downs are a great way to look casual but well put together during hot days. Also I love the way it looks when a man rolls up his shirt sleeve to his elbows for a relaxed look. Both of the looks below are great.

Blazers:

Blazers are a great way to flatter any figure flaws. To make your upper body look more muscular, purchase blazers with light shoulder padding. Be warned that bigger is not better here, as small shoulder pads will give your back and chest a visual boost, but massive padding will make you seem like a small boy lost in a man’s jacket. Wear jackets at the right length. When it comes to jackets, make sure they all fall right under your buttocks.

Denim or Slacks:

You really can’t go wrong with a pair of straight leg dark or black denim. Wear it to the office with a white oxford and navy blazer or throw on a leather jacket for a street-ready look on the weekends. Avoid a lot of rips, tears, fades and embellishments. As for slacks I would avoid pleats as they add bulk and would stick to a slim flat front fit. Currently a rolled hem to about mid calf is very in style. This should look like an after thought as opposed to a perfect roll.

Shorts:

Don’t wear cargo shorts (the ones with huge pockets). The secret to a great pair of men’s shorts is finding ones that don’t stray away from a straight line running from hip to hem. And speaking of hems, yours should always end an inch or two above the knee.

That sums up our Summer Essentials. Next week I am going to go over accessories and hair.

Erins' Success Story

I know all this sounds a little overwhelming and it may even sound intimidating but it’s actually very simple. A few tiny changes in your wardrobe can totally transform the way you feel.

TIP: Print out your summer list of your Summer Essentials and go to your local department store. Most big department stores have stylists that can assist you FOR FREE with picking out styles that work best for you. Even better, grab a girl at the store and tell her to dress you. Women like nothing better than to help men with fashion.

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I have worked with Erin for over year and she has worked wonders on several of my clients.

Do you want to work with Erin and receive a big discount on her services? Just mention my name when you book a session. Go to: www.erinstelzer.com

I get at least 2-3 emails a week from men asking whether or not they can date girls who are younger than them.

I always find this to be such a strange question because there should never be any limitations on who you can and cannot date.

Listen, if the girl is 16 I am obviously going to advise against it but if she is legal and you connect, then I play ball!

The real question I like to throw back at these men is why are you putting boundaries on what you can and cannot do?

The #1 Secret To Dating Younger Women is to stop thinking about what complete strangers (women) want and start going after what you want. The only thing that stops you from getting what you want is your own head. So if you think that a younger women will not be interested in you then she won’t be. How could she be?

Thinking that younger women will not be attracted to you is an issue with YOU not women. The longer you have this belief the longer you will not be dating younger women.

The way to get rid of this belief is simple. Just throw it out the window and stop letting your insecurity about your age be your crutch or defense mechanism.

I can tell you that I have a lot of female friends who prefer dating older men.  In fact, I happen to be one of them.  In the past I had dated men who have been up to 20 years older than me and am now married to a man that is 10 years my senior.  To be honest at times, the issue of age did come into my mind but quickly disappeared every time.

There was one instance when age did become an issue and that was the time when the guy I was dating became totally fixated and insecure about our difference in age.  It was brought up every 2 weeks and I could tell that he was very uncomfortable with it.  This made me uncomfortable with it and it also annoyed me having to constantly defend my age and the reason we were together. Exhausting and very unattractive.

I thought it would be interesting to interview them and see why they preferred dating older men compared to men their own age.

“Older men are like a breath of fresh air. Most of the men that are my age (26) are not comfortable in their skin yet. They are still figuring themselves out. I did that 3 years ago and am ready to be with someone that is a little more mature, independent and confident.” – Melissa 26

“I like to date men who are in their late 30′s – early 40′s. They are less headaches and are more open to communicating because they are not worried about looking cool and being macho. Plus they know who they are or are at least closer to getting there then men my own age.” – Jennifer 27

“I have dated younger men and I have dated older men and I definitely prefer dating older men. They are just better. Men who are younger or my age don’t really interest me. I find it easier to connect to older men.” – Belinda 35

Everyone around you is an option and therefore women young or old will be attracted to you as long as you are attracted to yourself.

Remember, you can’t turn anyone on if you aren’t turning yourself on and doubt mixed with poor self worth will not turn anybody on.

To instantly get more FREE Insider information from me sent directly to your in-box every week fill out your name and email below:

Enjoy!!!!

When women talk, they look for connectors, emotional connectors. So men that understand this about women, have an upper hand over other males.

So what I am going to do, with the help of my friend Bill, from PUA Forums, is teach you a few tools to use so that you can connect to women in conversation and will never again have to ask me how to talk to women.

Bill discusses what he uses to remember to connect with women when talking with them. He remembers to  Listen, Confirm and Affirm which I thought was genius and as a woman I can say these actions are definitely appreciated and rewarded at any stage, be it attracting, dating, relationship or marriage.  Connecting to women does not stop once you get her number.

Here is a brief summary of Listen ,Confirm and Affirm

Learn – Learn something about a woman by asking a question or by having her tell you something about herself

Confirm – Confirm you have heard her by talking about the topic at hand for example giving your own take on the topic either by sharing a story or expanding on hers

Affirm – Affirm that because of this “thing” she has told you makes you like her more

Listen to the full audio (16 minutes) that gives a much longer description with exact examples on how to talk to women and how to connect to them through conversation.  After you are done listening to the video, Click Here to see another one of Bill’s famous moves called The Whiskey Kiss!

To watch a video on how to perform the Whiskey Kiss Click Here!

There’s that cliché in the movies where the girl is sitting by the phone, waiting for it to ring, picking it up to make sure there’s still a dial tone.

It’s the perfect depiction of the anxiety and near-obsession us girls start to feel when we don’t hear from you within the first few weeks of dating. And now with all these other means of contact—text, email, Facebook post—it’s even more confusing. We’re sitting there thinking, “does he not like me? Did I do something wrong? Has he moved on?”

What we fail to consider is that it may be none of the above. It may just be that you have no idea how often or when you should contact us, which is something plenty of my guy pals have expressed to me.

So here’s a few quick pointers to answer the question “When Should I Call Her?”  just to get you started:

#1: If it feels too often…

It probably is.
Once I met a guy on a Sunday. He asked me out for Friday. He called or texted me everyday until then.
I didn’t mind so much, since I was really into him too, but by the following Wednesday the whole thing was over. How much contact you have is a component of the relationship that needs to build with time, unfolding at a steady pace. If you’re already talking everyday from the start, where do you go from there? And in the event that you do decide to take a “day off” and not drop us a line, we may start questioning ourselves yet again. Not a good tone to set in a relationship, especially in the beginning.

Lesson for you – Don’t POUNCE on her! Never attractive and never, ever works! Trust me.

#2: If it’s her birthday…

CALL HER.
Don’t text, don’t join her 50 co-workers and high school acquaintances with a generic “happy birthday!” on Facebook. Pick up the phone ala 1985. Knowing that you took that extra step that is rarely taken anymore will let us know you care. Granted, there’s the question of when gifts should come into play, but that’s for another blog.

#3: If you’re on vacation…

This all depends on how much you care, and how much you want to show it and how far into “dating” you are. If you’re on a weekend getaway with your buds and still have cell service, even just a quick text can make our day. The fact that you have all these other fun distractions, but we’re still on your mind and you took the time to make it known? That’s sure to get some butterflies going in our tummies.

***But if you’re not pursuing something a little more serious, let it be. Enjoy your vacation on your own and get in touch when you’re back.

#4: If you’re “really busy”…

I don’t care. Find the time. Because guess what? If this turns into a full-blown relationship, there’s bound to be plenty of more times when you’ll be overwhelmed at work or helping a buddy move. But you’re not gonna go two weeks without talking to your girlfriend, are you? I didn’t think so. So if you’re into this new chick enough that you think you might want her to become a girlfriend—and you’re also getting that vibe back from her!—act accordingly. Do a little check in or send a quick note via text or email.  But keep it short, 2 min max. Let her know you are super busy but just wanted to check in and say.  This shows you care about her but that you still respect your work and your future.

***But if you’re not pursuing something a little more serious, then wait till you are free to call. Only touch in if you want to show her you really want to connect.

#5: If you said you would call her…

I can’t believe I actually have to address this. If you say you’re gonna do something, do it! Don’t leave her hanging. Please.

The most important overall note when it comes to answering the question “When Should I Call Her?” is that in dating there must be respect. Respect for yourself, respect for her, respect for your current life and respect for hers.  In the beginning is when you get to establish boundaries, set parameters in which you would like the rest of your relationship to follow.

When I was using online dating, I came across SOOOOOO many men who didn’t understand how to present themselves well online. It was sad for me, because I knew that if these guys made a few simple wording tweaks they would get the recognition they deserve. BUT because of some minor errors they were turning off women and making them click out of their profile.

Below is another great article from Adam Gilad, who is a specialist when it comes to online dating.  Trust me! This guy is a master in the online dating world and he has taken what he is learned from his experiences to write the article below.  My feedback is included in bold.

Article From Adam:

You were probably taught these rules in high school, but it’s also possible you were too busy staring at the girl next to you to have paid attention. It’s okay and you’re forgiven.  In fact, there might have been something wrong with you if you preferred grammar at age 16!

So here’s a quick rundown.  These points are simple, but crucial for a successful profile that isn’t completely ignored at first glance:

1. Don’t misspell: Stick your file in Word and spell check it. Women hate it when men misspell.  It shows sloppiness and a lack of attention to detail.  Women like attention to detail.  Think about it — consider their predilection for decoration and, oh, foreplay?  So pay attention to details. The two words I see misspelled most often – “independent” and “definitely.”  Also, know the difference between desert and dessert. Listen, I myself have been busted a few times for horrible grammar and spelling errors in my newsletters.  So I get that it’s tough to have proper grammar.  But there is a difference between impeccable grammar and careless mistakes.  Proof read yourself or a get a friend to help.  You don’t want stupid, obvious mistakes popping out at women. Trust me, it will turn them off instantly.

2. Avoid clichés: You are not a hopeless romantic, a gentleman and a scholar, a boy next door.  You are an individual worthy of individual expression. Use individual and unique definitions for yourself. I love it when men use the word individual. I think it is sexy and strong and it means so much to me.  The cliches actually make me sick to my stomach. It just screams “I am trying so hard and I think this is what women want to hear”.  We do not want to hear it.

3. Avoid generic language: You don’t like walks on the beach, a nice wine with dinner, or feel as comfortable in jeans and t shirt as you do in a tux. Same comment as above.  I have an audio recording for you in the part of the series that explains this further.

Do yourself a huge favor. Go read other men’s profiles and see how often guys write the exact same thing.  They are clueless.  More importantly, to an attractive woman online, they become the same as all the others… invisible.  (You can usually cloak your profile to go look at guys’ profiles, if the idea of that sounds weird.  Just go “invisible.” Most dating sites have that option. This is a great idea.  See who pops out to you and then study what it is they do.  It will help a lot.

4. Be precise in your language: Say Chicago Blues instead of blues.  Shiraz is better than “wine.” No Chardonnay (feminine), orMerlot (lazy).  The Palms is better than Vegas.  Rib-eye steak is better than mere steak.   Azure is better than blue.  Aspen grove is better than forest. Not sure about a few of these but a good note to take away from this rule is, know what you are talking about. Don’t fake it to impress.  If you want to talk about wines and really know what you are saying then study up on it.  I have have a great article here on wines if you like. Click here to read

The more precisely you can paint the environment of your life, the more tactilely and sensually her imagination will project her into it (much more on that in other articles!) The more real you will feel to her and the more her senses will wake up when reading your profile or emails.

5. Be dynamic in your language: Avoid static words like “is”, “are” and “have” – those are static verbs.  USE A THESAURUS to make your sentences sizzle, and that often starts with what are called active verbs.

Example: If you love your dog, you might want to write: I love dogs!” BORING! Rather, paint a picture of you relating to your dog that she can feel, see, enjoy and project herself into that picture… Painting a picture is huge.  Women want to visualize a scenario. That is why women use so many words during the day because they are constantly painting pictures.  This helps us capture an emotion so we can feel.  If you can paint a picture of what a woman COULD be part of you will capture her attention and her heart. Trust me.

“I like to spend Sunday mornings wrestling in the sand with my lab.  She’s hilarious- running up to say hi to everybody. You can practically see her laughing the whole time, and then we collapse and peacefully soak in the sun.”

That’s a happy picture vivid with action.  I don’t merely have a dog.  Rather the reader sees and imagines me wrestling, and laughing, and collapsing with my little furry pal.  What a playful guy!  And there’s room for her in the picture  too, so she can see herself lying down next to me at the end.  Who is that “we,” after all, she might wonder?

6. Show, Don’t Tell: Possibly the most important writing rule of all.  Don’t list.  Don’t talk and tell about yourself.  Show yourself. Same comment as above. I had a client who would interview date. Which means he would give exam type answers to questions asked by his date rather than paint a picture and get involved in his story.  This shows passion and women love passion.

If you are funny, do not say you are funny – be funny.  If you love your little nephew do not say he is the “light of my life” – paint a picture of something you and he do together or how he makes you laugh.

This is the difference between George Clooney coming on screen and telling you the story of Oceans 11, and George Clooney in the action of the film itself.  Which is more interesting?  Show your life; don’t list the facts of it.  Write little movie scenes in your profile.  She will be drawn into that movie, as anyone would.

Remember these 6 simple rules online and you’ll instantly stand out from all the hundreds of guys who don’t have a clue

As I said Adam is VERY experienced in the online dating world. As am I.  He has created a couple of amazing HOW TO programs for all steps of online dating.

DO YOU KNOW THE #1 SECRET THAT BUILDS ATTRACTION ONLINE?
WATCH THE VIDEO BELOW TO FIND OUT:

My Wing Girl Zoey tells you exactly when a woman is open to a one night stand!

I could have a one night stand, and I’m the kind of girl who looks over in the morning and is like, ‘Do you really have to be here?’ I don’t need to cuddle and do all that stuff because I know what it is and I don’t try to make it more… I feel like a lot of women try to make it into more, so they don’t feel so bad about just wanting to have sex. I don’t really have a problem with just wanting sex. Never have… I just wanted to see what it was like to be with different people. I don’t think a girl’s a slut if she enjoys sex. – Jessica Alba in “Cosmo”

There’s a common misconception that only a wanton slut, a Desperate Housewife, or DeDe the Dogfaced Girl would be the kind of woman open to a one-night stand.  But many desirable women, Jessica Alba included, aren’t afraid to satisfy their needs with no strings attached.  Truth be told, a vast majority of women have enjoyed a single night of passionate, no rules, no meaning, simple satisfying sex.  In the past we may not have admitted, even to our girlfriends, that we’d indulged in a one night stand for fear of being labeled and judged.  But more and more women are embracing their own empowerment and sense of fun and adventure, while choosing to leave the judgments and labels in the dark ages where they belong.

We’re all aware of the stereotypes of a weepy woman waiting by the phone for her one night stand wonder to fulfill his empty promise of “I’ll call you…” or the wannabe-wife who believes a night of sex translates into choosing a caterer and color theme for the wedding.  While these stereotypes are often the antithesis of real women, their desires and intentions, more than a few of us have had her feelings squashed by that troglodyte who wrote a check his ass couldn’t (and never meant to) cash.

After a couple of these disappointments, some women determine to not be let down again by any man.  She starts calling the shots, deciding with whom and when she wants to get laid; she becomes the architect of her own experience.  Rather than finding herself panicked and lonely, the woman unafraid to love ‘em and leave ‘em indulges in a night of passion and then simply goes on leading her full life.  Presented with the choice, she turns a one night stand into an experience instead of a disappointment.

For other women, spontaneity is simply a way of life.  This type of girl grabs opportunity by the balls and rides it for all its worth.  This type of adventure-girl believes life is too short to let an exciting opportunity pass her by.  The right guy, the right place, and the chance to regale her girlfriends with another fantastic story, is too irresistible.  This is her moment to enjoy her body and her sexuality with the right person to satisfy her needs at that time.  Waiting around for a one night stand to take her out to breakfast is not her style.  For the adventure-girl, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.  Even when she’s in Detroit.

Women are open to a one night stand on innumerable occasions, each with her own reason or for no reason at all.  She might be too busy to be tied down by a long-term commitment or maybe obligations make her feel trapped.  Perhaps she’s living out a lifelong fantasy of going home with a sexy stranger.  She might be on the rebound, unready for all the banal complications that come with dating someone new, but eager to sample some fresh flavors of men.  Or maybe she just wants what Erica Jong termed a “zipless fuck”: Unapologetic sex with no stings attached, pure and free of ulterior motives and power plays.  With no emotions involved, she’s able to get out of her head and truly enjoy the chance to leave behind all the contrived rules about romantic encounters and just have wild, hot, meaningless sex.  In between searching for our soul-mate and getting our hearts broken, who couldn’t use zipless screw now and then?

Here is your chance to listen to 2 women talk about their experiences with a one night stand, why we had a one night stand and what makes us want to have a one night stand!  Listen to the audio below:

Click Here To Listen To The Full 20 Minutes of our discussion of A One Night Stand!

BUT I recently receive an article from David Black from Social Masters and I thought it was great. It was all about what he went through to get over his approach anxiety.   I thought it was pretty great and it’s nice to hear another mans success story. This is the exact type of exercises I endorse and use to teach men how to approach & get over approach anxiety.

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Hey guys, David Black here from Social Masters. Today I am going to be explaining why you shouldn’t set the bar too high when it comes to meeting and attracting women.

You can find a million and one fancy techniques and ‘pickup lines’ out there on the net. Thing is, if you’ve ever gone out into the real world and tried to put these techniques to work, you may well have discovered that it’s not as easy as so called ‘Gurus’ make out.

In fact, it’s downright ROCK SOLID!

You see, most guys, including myself, start learning this stuff because we are not very confident and therefore not very good with women. I remember when I first started that I learned a ton of material but didn’t have the balls to put it into action. You may well be in a similar position.

Let’s be honest, most guys probably find it hard to ask a hot girl a simple question such as, “Where is the nearest ATM/cash machine?”. Let alone going up to a girl and reeling off, “Hi there, me and my mate are having a discussion about a girl whose mum has been sleeping with with her best friend’s boyfriend. Do you think I should say something?”.

Even if you had a 99.99% successful opening line tried-and-tested, most guys would probably still struggle because they may likely believe that they will be the 0.01% that cock it up, even if that belief wasn’t grounded in reality at all.

So the real issue to deal with initially isn’t: What fancy technique is right for me? It’s more a case of building confidence, and getting outside of your comfort zone (probably for the first time in ages). And this can be really daunting.

So how do you get over this?

The secret, is to build up gradually. Start with easy stuff and work up from there.

It’s like weight training. If you hit the gym for the first time and try to smash out the 50kg dumbbells, you’re going to get injured. Well the same applies in interactions with women. If you jump in the deep end, you might be ok (if you are one of the rare lucky ones), but the likelihood is that you’ll stumble, and may get emotionally injured.

Some people believe in this ‘baptism of fire’ approach. But personally, I have found it to be ineffective on all but the most emotionally hard of men (and these are the guys who don’t have many issues around women anyway).

As the wise quote says, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”.

Start by asking women what the time is over and over. This is a simple question and they give you a simple answer:

You: Hi, what time is it?
Her: [tells you the time / I don't have a watch / etc.]
You: Thanks.

Soon this will become easy for you. This is when it’s time to move it up a level. Start asking questions that involve a more complicated answer. Something like asking for directions:

You: Where’s the nearest Subway?
Her: [tells you / don't know / etc.]
You: Thanks.

Now you have to do what I consider a small interaction with the women. Keep making the questions more and more involved until you feel confident that you can ask an opinion opener or something (side note: Though I am not a huge fan of routines, I do believe they make for a good starting place when first beginning approaching women).

Word of warning!!!

Do not get stuck into the trap of ‘not progressing’. You need to make sure that as soon as you feel comfortable with a certain question, that you move on to harder and harder ones. You always need to be looking to progress, and be wary of getting stuck that all-too-familiar comfort zone.

Keep a proactive eye on exactly where you are, and what is the next logical step to improve in this area.

And above all else, don’t set the bar too high. Learning how to get a girl takes time and effort. You’ll get there, it won’t be overnight. Don’t feel bad that you aren’t there yet, the process is one of the most rewarding things you will ever do in your life (no exaggeration), so enjoy it. Take your time, have patience. The results will be more than worth the wait, and the effort.

Speak soon,
David Black

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Jump start your success with women and learn what to do after the approach. Click here to find out more!

Below is a Case Study of a client that I worked with a couple of years ago who, in 1 week, was able to overcome his Approach Anxiety by pushing himself, being proactive and taking risks.  Again, all things that men are born to do.

Click Here To Download The Approach Anxiety Case Study Now!

Special Announcement: One Day Only “Get Over Approach Anxiety” Coupon For 25% Off!

If you feel Approach Anxiety is plaguing you and stopping you from getting the women you want then I invite you to work with me.  Together we can quickly eliminate your approach anxiety and have you going after the women you want in under 1 month! Guaranteed!

Here is a special 25% off coupon for you to use on for a One-on-One coaching session with me … BUT, don’t wait because it’s only good for 24 HOURS!

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I wish I could say that chemistry is something that is a frequent visitor in my life. It’s not. It has arrived, maybe half a dozen times, and it is becoming more rare as I grow older. Each time the man was highly desired by more than a few women.

The chemistry was always hot, and, fortunately, mutual. It happened within minutes of our meeting or observing each other. And it never went away – on my side, at least. Yet, none of these fledgling ‘relationships’ ever lasted beyond a few days, weeks, or months.

Were they bad boys? As I look back now, I realize none of them were particularly honest, and all of them had a flock of females vying for their affections. These men were hot, and it had to do with their good looks, their smile, and their charisma. They were polished, sophisticated, and charming. It never occurred to me that they were bad, but then I’m not sure what people mean when they say women succumb to bad boys. I most certainly don’t!

If they were bad, I didn’t know it. How would I classify bad? For me, personally, it would mean someone who stole, was violent, broke the law, was perpetually drunk, abused people, and who sported all the other negative behavior patterns there are. But the term could also cover behavior that wasn’t necessarily criminal, so much as socially dysfunctional and deceitful. For instance, would I consider a bad boy a man who simultaneously took out three women at the same time, pretended he was faithful to all of them, and increasingly messed them around by not pitching for dates or letting them down in other ways? Yes, I think I would.

Would I continue to date someone like this if there was no chemistry? The first time it happened would be the last time. Would I continue to date someone like this if there was heavy chemistry involved? Probably – but not for long. Would I continue to find them attractive despite dumping them? I am ashamed to say yes. But get this straight! I did not find them attractive because of their bad behavior! I didn’t know about their bad behavior. I found them attractive as a result of their movie star good looks and their charismatic charm. Men who offend me upfront, regardless of good looks and chemistry, never get past hello.

This post was written by Sarah Lane from UK online dating site WeLoveDates.com. For more of Sarah’s writing please visit the WeLoveDates blog.

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ARTICLE BY: Tom Venuto, NSCA-CPT, CSCS, Author, Burn The Fat, Feed The Muscle

On a recent special edition of CNN’s Larry King Live, Mr. King interviewed a panel of “mind experts” about how the thoughts you think literally turn into the events you experience, the material things you possess… AND even the health of your body.

For years, “positive thinking” and goal-setting were often criticized as “pollyanna” and “the law of attraction” was relegated into the category of “new age” fluff

On the recent show, panel experts Bob Proctor, John Assaraf and others who were featured in the movie ‘The Secret’ explained that recent breakthroughs in neuroscience along with understanding mental laws, reveals why goal setting, the “law of attraction” and “positive thinking” all work, regardless of whether you look at them from a metaphysical or a scientific perspective.

Scientists have even identified specific parts of the brain, such as the reticular activating system (RAS), which works with the visual parts of our brain to call our conscious attention to things that are important to reaching our goals and to filter out those things that are unimportant.

The RAS is activated by “programming” goals into our sub-conscious minds. Our sub concscious mind is the “power center” and THIS is the mechanism that explains why goal setting and positive thinking are now being accepted as scientific methods for change.

We are discovering that our brain is cybernetic in nature, which means that it is literally like a computer, waiting for a program to be installed.

Here’s the kicker – the subconcsious is completely neutral and impartial – it will carry out any instructions you give it.

Unfortunately, many of us are still running negative programs we picked up from others as children when our non-conscious minds were totally open and impressionable, or which we developed over the years as a result of repetition of our own negative thinking.

As it turns out, our own thoughts, repeated daily, are one of the primary ways that our “mental computer” is programmed on a sub-conscious level, which is the level of beliefs, habits and automatic behavior.

To change your results, you must overwrite old negative programming and install positive new programming into your subconscious.

This can be achived through such techniques as written goal setting, positive self-talk (affirmations), and mental imagery (visualization).

In the 1970′s, the Soviets and East Germans were the first to formally use structured mental rehearsal, and at that time, they dominated in several olympic sports. Today, virtually all elite athletes use visualization extensively, as we now know that the brain cannot differentiate between real practice and practice that is vividly imagined.

If you are getting more of the same negative results in your life – such as the same health problems, or the same body fat continues to return even after you lose it, then you have probably been un-consciously running old negative programs and re-inforcing them with negative thought patterns.

You can begin the positive mental reprogramming process by writing down your goals, changing your internal dialogue and taking a few minutes to relax, quiet your mind and perform a session of visualization or mental rehearsal every day (seeing yourself in your “mind’s eye” not as you currently are, but as you ideally would like to be).

These methods, repeated often enough, will begin to program the non-conscious portion of the mind, which is the same part of the mind that controls your heart beat, digestion and new cell production, all on “automatic pilot.”

In the last decade, neuroscientists discovered that you have the capacity to create an almost infinite number of new neural connections in your brain when you run new thought patterns.

The Old neural pathways are like grooves in a record, and if you are struggling with your health related behaviors or behaviors in any other area of your life, you have been playing the “old records” over and over again.

If you were to carve a new groove into that record, it would never play the same way again. the old pattern would weaken and the new one would take over. Brand new, positive thoughts, feelings and images begin to create new
neural patterns.

Psychologists estimate that it takes 21 to 30 days to establish a new pattern in your brain. During this time, the focus on sticking with your practice and repeating your new thought patterns is critical.

Is this easy? For most people, no it’s not. In fact, controlling your thinking and keeping it constructive may be one of the most difficult challenges you have ever faced. Fortunately, writing goals and reading affirmations can help get you started.

You can take some of the pressure off yourself by simply accepting that negative thoughts and self criticisms will pop up from time to time. Just observe them, without mulling over them or adding to them, and change the polarity of the thought by quickly repeating one of your positive affirmations or by changing your mental pictures.

So is there something to this whole “positive thinking” thing?

The philosophers and theologians have been saying yes for the entire span of recorded history:  “As you think, so shall you be.” Variations on this proverb can be found in every spiritual and philosophical tradition.

But… if you are the left-brained, “prove-it-to-me” type, you dont have to go on faith anymore. Scientists are beginning to prove more and more convincingly that thoughts are powerful things. Even Larry King seemed impressed with what his panel of “mind mentors” had to say. In fact, I just found out that larry will be airing part two of this “Power of positive thinking” show next week.

So how soon are you going to begin your mental training right alongside your physical training? When are you going to learn how to harness this power locked up inside your mind?

Guess what? You’re already using this force every day because you cannot turn it off. Whatever you are thinking and picturing in your mind repeatedly on a daily basis is on it’s way to you already, so it’s simply a matter of HOW you are using it, not IF you are using it.

What do you say to yourself every day? Do you say, “I am becoming leaner, healthier and more muscular every day?”… or do you say “I am a fat person – Ive tried everything, nothing ever works?”

The fact is – you can think yourself thin and healthy or you can think yourself obese and ill. Maybe not in the literal sense…but most certainly as the critical part in the chain of causation…

You see, there’s a lot of talk these days in the personal improvement world about law of attraction, manifesting, intention, visualization and of course, positive thinking

Without understanding that there is an orderly, scientific basis underneath all of this, many people will simply remain skeptics, while on the opposite extreme, others may get the idea that you can sit around meditating and visualizing, then expect a mystical “law of attraction” to kick in and then “poof!” a great body materializes out of thin air… along with the perfect relationship, a nice bank account and career success.

What really happens is “Positive thinking” and related methods quite literally re-program your brain, which in turn creates new behaviors that move you physically toward whatever you have been thinking about and focusing on.

So success is achieved through positive thinking + positive doing… attraction + action. There are two sides to the coin. Without paying attention to both, you may continue to struggle… often against nothing but yourself.

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I loved this article mainly because it really speaks to what I believe and what I teach others to understand.  It really is all in your control.  All that is required of you is to use your strength to think positively and change your story, rather than speak negatively.  It takes work but it can be done!

Positive thinking leads to positive outcomes. Meaning positive thinking leads to greater success with women. I guarantee.

If you want a helpful push from me to jump start your positive thinking check out How To Become The Man Women Want.  The only program that gives you the exact steps you need to create positive outcomes with women by building up the positives in you.  Check it out: http://www.winggirlmethod.com/products/become-the-man-women-want/