#1 Secret To Dating Younger Women
20. Jun, 2010 
20 Comments
Want to know the #1 Secret To Dating Younger Women?
I get at least 2-3 emails a week from men asking whether or not they can date girls who are younger than them.
I always find this to be such a strange question because there should never be any limitations on who you can and cannot date.
Listen, if the girl is 16 I am obviously going to advise against it but if she is legal and you connect, then I play ball!
The real question I like to throw back at these men is why are you putting boundaries on what you can and cannot do?
The #1 Secret To Dating Younger Women is to stop thinking about what complete strangers (women) want and start going after what you want. The only thing that stops you from getting what you want is your own head. So if you think that a younger women will not be interested in you then she won’t be. How could she be?
Thinking that younger women will not be attracted to you is an issue with YOU not women. The longer you have this belief the longer you will not be dating younger women.
The way to get rid of this belief is simple. Just throw it out the window and stop letting your insecurity about your age be your crutch or defense mechanism.
I can tell you that I have a lot of female friends who prefer dating older men. In fact, I happen to be one of them. In the past I had dated men who have been up to 20 years older than me and am now married to a man that is 10 years my senior. To be honest at times, the issue of age did come into my mind but quickly disappeared every time.
There was one instance when age did become an issue and that was the time when the guy I was dating became totally fixated and insecure about our difference in age. It was brought up every 2 weeks and I could tell that he was very uncomfortable with it. This made me uncomfortable with it and it also annoyed me having to constantly defend my age and the reason we were together. Exhausting and very unattractive.
I thought it would be interesting to interview them and see why they preferred dating older men compared to men their own age.
“Older men are like a breath of fresh air. Most of the men that are my age (26) are not comfortable in their skin yet. They are still figuring themselves out. I did that 3 years ago and am ready to be with someone that is a little more mature, independent and confident.” – Melissa 26
“I like to date men who are in their late 30′s – early 40′s. They are less headaches and are more open to communicating because they are not worried about looking cool and being macho. Plus they know who they are or are at least closer to getting there then men my own age.” – Jennifer 27
“I have dated younger men and I have dated older men and I definitely prefer dating older men. They are just better. Men who are younger or my age don’t really interest me. I find it easier to connect to older men.” – Belinda 35
Everyone around you is an option and therefore women young or old will be attracted to you as long as you are attracted to yourself.
Remember, you can’t turn anyone on if you aren’t turning yourself on and doubt mixed with poor self worth will not turn anybody on.
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Enjoy!!!!
For the past few years, I haven’t dated a girl at length that was legally able to enter a bar (…and I specialize in “night game”…go figure!?) and I think the biggest reason for this is my sense of “entitlement”.
Its strange because the same kind of girls that wouldn’t give me the time of day when I was 18 are the ones that can’t get enough of me now (I’m 31, by the way)! Sure when I was 18 or so my skills with women were less than impressive (but at that age, what guy’s skills are!?)
So can I say that it is ONLY because my skills with women have gotten better? That’s definitely a factor in it but not the full picture.
Here’s the deal:
I honestly believe that the older I get, the sexier I become to younger and younger women.
This may or may not be a “delusional” belief….but…it has been quite functional as that belief transfers itself onto the younger women I tend to go after: Because I believe that the older I get, the sexier I become to young women, these young women tend to believe it too.
It’s all about experiencing this sense of entitlement. Once you feel entitled to having a certain type of girl, it’s amazing how that type is naturally drawn to you.
I take a lot of heat from people about my rules of dating. I just won’t date anyone over the age of 30. My last two girlfriends were literally half my age. I’m 39. I agree, Adonis. When I was that age those women wouldn’t give me a second look and now they find themselves drawn to me.
Granted I don’t expect these relationships to be too long term but it fits perfectly in my lifestyle at the moment.
I’m sure the reasons behind why I do this have a little to do with the so called getting it out of my system. But I would sat the biggest reason is that I have not met many women over thirty that I was attracted to enough, to date. Also women over thirty are generally settled down, married, or divorced, and have kids…etc. So I put it my online profile that I refuse to date women over thirty and now I have women telling me how many days or years they can have me.
An interesting fact about men dating younger is how the different sexes respond to it. My friends that are women bust on me for dating a woman half my age.
My guy friends are overly curious about the details.
The women give me that, half shame half wondering look.
The men just smile and thank me as if I did them a favor.
One woman even proclaimed to me,
“Yeah…but I bet it’s the best sex he has ever had.”
At the same time another women was mentioning how younger guys have more sexual stamina. Haha…and as she walked away I could see the light bulb over her head making the connection,
“Younger woman, better sex. Younger man, better sex. Older man and younger woman, he must be good in bed!”
And the men are just overly curious about the details.
My girlfriend claimed SHE was “robbing the cradle” and that when I grow up, I’m going to be a great man.
And I just smirked back with a, “Haha! You’re my old lady.”, look on my face.
Then the man in me focused more on the details of our relationship.
I am 44 and I have a terrible time dating women say younger than 38….they give me all kinds of excuses about age,ect and its been like pulling teeth.
Its really tough and almost impossible I believe. If one has status, money or looks to a degree, then I can see it. For the average guy like me, its been really tough.
I am 68 and just got married to a wonderful 22 year old Swiss.
I’m Welsh I guess that helps. lol.
It definitely does!
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What to do when the woman expresses age considerations?
My great friend I had been hanging out with (33), said I “was too old for her” when I expressed a passionate response to a beautiful poem she wrote me. Even though she had been showing many indicators of interest, and she also said “if you were younger I’d be all over you”!
Now I don’t have her, due to my inability to successfully turn this situation around.
How could I have handled this situation more successfully?
I’m in great shape. Work out in the gym 4-5 times a week. Am a health nut, take cutting edge supplements. My body is cut up, and am said to look like Dr Zhivago. That’s actually how I met her. She stopped me, and asked if I was that celebrity.
I’m 62, but feel great, and would very much love to have a kid with her, at some point! I have no consideration about my age at all. But she got intimate with someone else, soon after my passionate email response to the poem she wrote me was rejected.
This really hurts.
How could I turn this situation around in my favor??
What should a guy like me do when the woman throws out an age consideration, especially after first showing strong interest for months?
Most Sincerely,
Sal
You stop letting her take the lead and make statements like “if you were younger i’d be all over you”. Tell her you don’t need to be younger to rock her world. Older, wiser and more experienced right??!!!
My opinion is take action and go after what you want. If she still says no, then walk away.
Maybe off-topic:
I’m 47, in the final stages of a long and painful divorce.
My ex was the last woman I ever dated\picked-up in the last 26 years, so I’m VERY out of shape in this field.
Even tough, I DO NOT want to start dating women my age. They just don’t “do it” for me, I would like to date women 25-27 years old (or even younger), mainly because of the fact that they are still physically “in place”, just as young women should be, every part in its natural place. Maybe it sounds “Piggy” of me but its the honest truth.
My question is how can a man my age (by the way, I’m in great shape, I look much younger than I really am) make the first move on a girl that is so many years younger? And I am NOT concerned from the social responses, just from the young women’s responses.
Sal, your question was asked in january so this response may be too late.
If we assume she’s still in your life, even if she’s going out with someone you’re still in with a shot. There are lots of things you can do but they should have been done the moment you realized you desired a younger woman.
First, you have to start off with an ” a priori”: if it happened once, it can happen again. Let’s assume she’s history. My suggestion, and you or might not want to act on it is this: take six months and train like you’re a Navy Seal–and by that I mean your body’s in good shape but you some work todo on the artofpersuasion. My guess is you never studied applied linguistics–linguistics being the study of the structure of the forms of language.
For example, she said, “If you were younger I’d be all over you.”
I don’t know what your response was but in that statement there was a “throwaway Phrase” : “I’d be all over you. Those statments
come out spontaneously from the unconscious. We know from that she was attracted to you but that some belief was stopping her. Obviously it was your age but we would have to know exactly what it was about your age that was stopping her from
jumping your bones and that requires familiarity with using questions masterfully to get her to examine her beliefs about age without it appearing obvious that that’s what you’re trying to do.
I’m your age and my training was to first change my own beliefs about my age and it was easier than I imagined. I’ve gotten to the point where I know I can approach any woman of any, color, creed, or age that I desire (30-40), do so with complete confidence that I can take command of the situation with questions that allow me to understand what’s really going on behind the words. It doesn’t mean I achieve my goals all the time the confidence makes every encounter exciting win or lose.
but
As an example my response to her statement about “being all over you” would have been,
“What is there specifically about the fact that I put more candles on my birthday cake than you that stops you from “being all over me”.
She might have point blanked you and said, “You’re just too old for me.”
The next question is kind of obvious.
“How much younger would I have to be?” (Notice I used younger rather than used the word “old”?).
She might have said then, “Twenty years.”
Now we have a handle on the issue–maybe.
“So you go out with guys 35-40, more or less?”
“That’s about right.”
Now, here’s where you could have started taking command of the situation.
“So, how’s that been working out for you?”
The chances are the knee jerk response will be another throwaway line (i.e., “O.k.”, “so-so”, “not bad”.) It’s not likely she’d say great because she found you attractive.
Then you could have point-blanked her and said, “Can I ask you a question. If the perfect guy was standing in front of you right now, how would you know it was him?”
She’ll have to think about it but the chances are good she’ll give you some qualities and at least some will be the “intangibles”.
She probably won’t get into the age thing and talk in generalities: he’d have a sense of humor, we’d have similar interests, etc.
I’ve seen that happen so much that I always ask, “You know, I’m curious. You mentioned all these qualities but you didn’t say anthing at all about the guy being any particular age. And here’s another thing I’m wondering about. What would have to happen in the next couple of minutes, and I don’t know if it could happen or it couldn’t because you have to let it happen, but what would have to happen for you to say to yourself, “Maybe I’ll forget about the age thing and see what happens.”
You seem to have let her off the hook too easily but that’s understandable. I think you can imagine now how much more confidence and success you’re going to have with younger women when you learn how to steer the conversation where you want it to go.
Remember, it’s always about communication and rapport at the end of the day. Women want to know men hear them, truly understand their needs as women, and you can’t do that with just a pretty face, lots of money, or status. They are no doubt powerful enticements but the guy who can make a woman feel
like he knows her better than she knows herself really has an edge. You can see the truth in that, can’t you?
Hey John
Thanks for taking the time to write such a detailed post. I do really like how you said ‘Remember, it’s always about communication and rapport at the end of the day. Women want to know men hear them, truly understand their needs as women, and you can’t do that with just a pretty face, lots of money, or status. They are no doubt powerful enticements but the guy who can make a woman feel like he knows her better than she knows herself really has an edge.’ This really resonates with me.
