Do Women Want Sex As Much As Men?
Of course we do. We just want to be able to make the choice to have sex.
Speaking for myself, as a woman, I like sex. It’s fun and it feels good. What’s not to like.
I will be honest and tell you that I am a good girl who used to be very prude when I was younger.
The reason i was so prude was that I was uncomfortable. Uncomfortable with boys, my body and myself.
Not a good combo if I ever wanted to have a mind blowing sex life.
When I was 18 I went backpacking and safely kissed my way up the east coast until I met a very special guy who totally broke me out of my shell.
The first time we were making out he said to me “I want you to be comfortable. If I do anything that makes you nervous or uncomfortable, just slap my hand and I will stop.”
I can tell you there was no hand slapping and I got very comfortable.
The reason for this was because I felt that I was in charge of my sexuality. I was getting to make the choice and that alone put me at ease.
Women want to be sexual. Women want to be sexy and women want to live out crazy sexual fantasies but they need to feel safe and secure.
They want to know that they are the ones making the choice and not being forced or pushed into being sexual.
I never want to feel judged or pressured. I don’t want to be tossed in the slut category and therefore I am very conscious of who I give my sexuality to.
Women want to be unlocked. Trust me. Even the purest of pure want an adventure.
As men, you can give women a safe place to be sexual. Just like my backpacking friend did for me.
Next time you are getting intimate with a woman, try his move and I promise you will get great results.
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This post illustrates why I support you and your advice as a woman over all the other “wannabe” female dating coaches trying to give advice. It is honest and practical and you know how to put things in a way that guys can actually use.
This is the kind of female honesty men need to hear.
hi marni
i think that this is not correct
bcz u r not a good girl as u saying and u r not an honest yourself i think u want to do sex with any one it can be a girl or boy
Very well thought-out response. However, it is well-known that the vast majority of women fake orgasms. Why? The best answer I have ever seen comes from a book published in 1982. Very famous best seller. Author is Naura Hayden. The reason virtually all women fake orgams is because, in a nutshell, men “bang” the hell out of women. His hard pelvic bone “banging” against her soft clit is at best uncomfortable and and worst painful. Naura outlines a very specific technique to guarantee a woman an orgasm every time. Not sure I can mention the book here but google Naura Hayden and you’ll find it. The Wing Girls should discuss this.
Being a woman myself I can tell you that there are plenty of reasons why women fake orgasms.
For one, women fake orgasms because their man just doesnt know how to satisfy them. And I do not entirely blame that on men. If more woman spoke their minds and told guys what they want and what feels good to them then men would know where to touch, what feels good, what hurts and so on. But men have to understand that women are not the most comfortable beings, but the more comfortable we are, the more open we are.
Second, women fake orgasms because they want their man to feel good. Some girls can’t have orgasms alll the time but that doesnt mean the sex wasn’t good enough. But maybe they just don’t want to disappoint their men. Men know that they have big ego and the woman only wants to feed it.
I’ve actually heard (from someone) that there is a certain percent of people (false as far as i’m concerned) who can’t have an orgasm but I honestly don’t believe that. I mean if you can’t hit that spot then thats what it is.
It was March of 2008. I was talking with a dude in the UK who’s into Pick Up stuff (he’s into “The Game”)
I was telling him about this woman I’d met who’d come home with me. And how we’d been making out and then she’d said she didn’t want to go any further.
He asks me, “Did you give her the freeze out?”
I feel disappointed. And a bit sick to my stomach. And i tell him so. For those who don’t know the term, the freeze out is basically a way of pressuring a woman into having sex.
It is probably the worst thing I’ve come across in the whole pick up scene. It’s basically punishing a woman for wanting to stop you escalating. It’s a term for basically emotional blackmail of completley ignoring a woman, leaving the bed and turning on the lights once she says, “stop” to make her want you to come back and then you tell her “take off your bra” or whatever she stopped at.” When she asks what’s going on you say something like, “i’m not upset. but you said ‘no’ and so i stopped. i just turns me off sexually. no bigee. i’m just gonna check me email.” And of course they WERE enjoying it so they often cave in and ask him to come back to bed.
But we weren’t REALLY turned off. We aren’t REALLY okay with her saying ‘no’. We just want to get what we want to get.
Instead of creating more safety and connection – we bully.
The freezeout is used to counter her . . .
ASD – Anti-Slut Defense. This comes from the understanding that no woman wants to be seen as easy, a slut or desperate. That’s fine in and of itself. But the solution that’s given is often a bunch of techniques to ‘disarm her ASD’. Some lines, routines and techniques to use that trick her into thinking you really care.
And of course her ‘ASD’ shows up most ferociously in her . . .
LMR – last minute resistance. To quote dimitri from charismaarts.com, “LMR is the feeling of sadness a woman experiences when she’s incredibly aroused but realizes that she ultimately doesn’t want to have sex with the creepy guy that brought her home.
In my opinion, you’re not allowed to have sex with a woman until she says “Will you please do me now.” We talk about how to get there Saturday or Sunday at Charm School. “One thing that comes to my mind now is that when a woman is being tricked into seeking self-validation through sex with a man who crashed her self-esteem, emotionally blackmailed her, hypnotized, or otherwise manipulated her into having sex with him, then it’s technically a rape. There are way too many women out there who made themselves sexually available to men who messed with their minds. These women’s perceptions of the world had been altered and distorted, they had been mentally traumatized by insecure men. Sometimes forever.”
And so I tell my freeze out loving UK friend this.
“Dude. wow. I think the freeze out is bullshit. Our goal needs to be to leave them better than we found them.
Saying ‘no’ is monstrously hard for some women. By the time they’ve said it, they’ve already likely been feeling it for a while. So many women have trouble trusting their own intuition and setting boundaries. The freeze out is a form of psychological punishment to remove affection and control them. It’s awful.
Instead of stopping and creating more safety and seeing if it feels right to move ahead – we punish them for needing slowness and space and safety.
What’s wrong with lying almost naked in bed with a woman you find beautiful? When people do the freeze out – it’s not about the woman – it’s about you getting laid. It’s about your goal and your needs OVER her needs. But what if you could BOTH get her needs met?
If a woman is uncomfortable – then you stop and check in. You get curious as to what’s going on. You don’t keep pushing. Or try to trick her into it. You don’t use your touch and approval and warmth as a carrot and your disapproval and departure as a stick. So many women struggle to balance their needs for sex with their needs for self respect.
If you do the freeze out they will likely meet one at the expense of the other and feel worse about themselves the next day. We leave them worse than we found them. If we stop, check in, and ask them how they are and talk honestly about our boundaries, tell them what we’re wanting but apply no pressure or coercion – then whatever is supposed to happen will happen.”
I finish my rant. There’s a pause. And then the words appear on my MSN screen. “You should lead a workshop.”
I think he should take one of Marni’s . . . but that’s a whole other story.
But this whole conversation makes me reflect on a conversation I had with my cousin. I’d just had surgery done 5 days before and was taking it easy. She came over to hang out and take me out for groceries. I pick up my guitar and start noodling on this new Bon Iver song called “Stacks” I’ve been learning. I learned it for another girl. Who moved away. I put the guitar back down. I ask my cousin her take on the whole ‘pressuring’ thing.
“When is it creepy in interactions with a guy?” I ask her.
“I think it comes down to when you’re pressuring someone to do something you can tell they’re uneasy with – if you’re pushing them past a boundary they have or trying to change their boundaries to be what YOU want then that’s . . . creepy. It doesn’t feel good. I don’t feel safe to open up to him.”
I sit with that for a moment. “It’s like he’s trying to pry the new flower open with his fingers vs. giving it sunlight and water and trusting its pace to open naturally. It’s the biggest irony – when a woman gets that you’re okay with her saying ‘no’ then she feels safer to open up and say ‘yes’. If she gets that you’re really still cool with whatever she gives you – she will relax. It’s like she’s constantly testing you to see if you’re solid, if you’re really interested, if you’re needy, if you have integrity. If she flinches and you get mad, or get pouty or keep pushing . . .”
“Yeah . . .” I’m really happy that my cousin and I can have these kinds of conversations. She continues, “It’s just creepy when they can’t perceive my boundaries or the signals I’m giving or when they don’t realize how they’re being perceived by others or coming across. Like some guys act like king shit but everyone thinks they’re a joke and they can’t see it. Or they keep following me and my friend around the club offering us drinks and I don’t want to be mean and tell him to go away but . . . he just doesn’t pick up on the fact that we’re not interested. They’re not being truthful to themselves – they’re putting on a show – they just don’t seem comfortable with themselves.”
Hi Marni,
You did what I hoped you would do and discuss “faking.” Very informative. Thank you. The book I referenced is called How to Satisfy a Woman Every Time and Have Her Beg for More. Naura Hayden. 1982. David Deangelo even mentioned it as a book to read in one of his seminars.
Naura faked all of her orgasms for years because every man, without exception, was such a horrendous lover that she would pretend anything to get him off of her to stop the pain and/or boredom of his “banging” hard on her soft clit. The most open women I have been with say, without exception, that they have never had an orgasm without manual or oral stimulation. Certainly not from intercourse alone– UNLESS Naura’s technique is used. If you go on Amazon and read the customer reviews, two words are often used: “life changing.” It certainly was for me.
A little word on how a proper “freeze out” (I hate that term) would be exactly how Tad describes what to do.
If you are doing a ‘freeze out’ properly there should be no neediness whatsoever…which is why so few guys can actually do it right. Personally I rarely have to do freeze-outs because I almost never get LMR (which is a whole different topic) but on those few occasions when we do experience it… All I do is step back, relax, & turn of my internal sexual energy.
But it has to come from a place of internal security and non-neediness…which is where most guys get it wrong… You can’t just pretend like its ok that she is not wanting to escalate things… you have to ACTUALLY BE ok with that.
A proper freeze out is not supposed to “blackmail” a woman into having sex with you…it’s meant to build more comfort with her by demonstrating that you truly are ok with things not going further. She needs to know that this is ok…and you can’t fake it.
Women know when you’re doing these from a place of neediness vs a place of abundance and understanding. Do it from the former and it will rarely work out right… Do it from the latter and things will naturally just fall into place.
Adonis,
beautifully said. yes.
sadly, i do think the ‘freeze out’ – as taught by mystery and style etc. IS designed as a form of punishment. i DO think it’s explicitly that. i think what you’re describing isn’t a ‘freeze out’ it’s a . . . ‘warm-in’? or something less lame. even the name ‘freeze out’ says it all. you’re going cold on her. and you’re pushing her out. you’re disconnecting from her. you’re punishing her.
with what we’re talking about we’re actually leaning out BUT staying connected at the same time. it’s about creating more warmth and safety – which very often opens up more energy for incredible, hot sex.
It seems to me that if a guy isn’t near what he perceives is the attractive ideal of women he’s interested in, he has two general choices:
(1) become more like that man–his body language will be a reflection of the philosophy that guides his actions.
(2) become a better lier–he can become aware of his body language signals and consciously project those which are congruent with the desired image.
Just as there are pick-up advocates of both directions, so can LMR be approached differently, for better or worse.
EasyEC
i am sad that the second option would ever even be an option for a man.
i am sad to see these compared as approaches with equal value and merit.
Tad,
The second is not my choice, but neither will I force anyone to adopt my values, only explain what I perceive to be the consequences of each. Just because my life philosophy is one way doesn’t mean such choices do not exist and it would be naïve to do so. The same choices are made every day in business, politics, and even amongst the various social interactions of other animal species.
This topic screams out for an audio track.
I love the others. Very Enlightening!
Hey Marni,
How are ya mate?
Alex from Sydney here in down-under!
Well……….Yes you are right!Woman do love sex as much as men!LOL!It’s true and no one can’t say that is not true!
I will give you perfect example!
I was married for 10 years!We have 4 boys but we are separated!
Why?
Was it her(wife) or was it me? I used to blame other people for my mistakes!For God sake and I was thinking that was happening all the time!But not!
It’s up to you and your personality to shape up and get along with the life!I was like little child in my marriage and my wife was wearing pants if you know what i mean!LOL!Basicly she was everything,but me stil that little child!
But not anymore!Thanks to David De Angelo,go have a a look at his website what he has to offer which is:doubleyourdates.com,
Dr.Paul the psychitrist and his website which is:doctorpaul.net,
Carlos Xuma which is: carlosxuma.com,
your website as well, and for God sake people get the grip and idea whats going on!
As you said woman wants a MAN not the pervert insecure little child!
Well guess what has been happening to me lately?
I am trying to shape up!People see the changes in me!Wife(we still separeated,says to me somehow I am changing and she is asking me how I do it,which I won’t tell her-yes A big NO to learn from Dr.Paul),wants to have sex now with me but cause of the kids and her parents that she is obligated to look after its a bit difficult!
But we managed to do it!
She told me believe or not that she enjoys more sex now the way i am,then when we were together!
The reason?
Yes,
She wanted a man at the time,but i was child!Now this is different!
You see where I am going?
Sooooo,all those people that winging about their sex life and approaching woman,they have to learn from;
David De Angelo,Dr.Paul,Carlos Xuma,Marni and the wing girl method,and all other subjects hen comes to be a man!
So people,stop blaming everyone else for you faults!
Get in shape,look for answers and go on be a man,not the child!Being a MAN,the girls will approach you from every angle!LOL!
I was a child,but I woke up one day and hey,it’s actualy me not the others!?!Why me?
Well,I opened my self from inside out and I see where was the problem!
Sooooo,GET UP OF YOUR ARSE,FIX YOURSELF UP,AND START DOING THE APPROACHING TO THE GIRLS!
THEY WILL LOVE A MAN NOT THE CHILD!
Later people,
thanks Marni,
Alex
Sydney,Australia
Alex, thank you for writing that. Happy you have opened yourself up.
I know that women think about sex as much as men. I can really only speak for myself when I say that I think about sex more than the average woman, as much as men, if not more than men. I love sex. And i have to say that its all about the orgasm (for me) because it isnt.
I’ve always been the giver. In life in general, but mostly in sex. I love knowing that I’m pleasing my partner. I’m exactly sure if it has to do with power or what. I know that it increases my pleasure.
I know that having sex is an escape (for me). Some people drink or smoke as an escape. I like sex. And its not even that I have sex a lot or even regularly. But when I do get the chance to have sex, I have a very big appetite. It could be because I havent had that orgasm but I think even with the orgasm I would want to keep going. The feeling of sex is very intoxicating.
I realize that I’m bringing a thread back from the dead here, but…. as a WGM customer I’m allowed to right? :Q
So the freeze out is a bad thing? Give me a break! Marni, you said you’d met Mystery right (somewhere I heard you say that)? Do you not know his teachings? The freeze-out is his technique! Search “freeze out pua” on google and it will come up with a youtube video link!
I still don’t undersand why women are expected to be treated as vulnerable, indefensible, emotional eggshells while its quite acceptable for men to be neglected for showing the slightest insecurity.
OK, honestly I do understand why women find unconfident and unsure men unattractive… And I understand that men themselves are in charge of changing themselves for the better (IE. no woman is going to show them sympathy along the way) But this is all simple human nature and its simply how attraction works.. I have no qualms about this part.
It is the societal double standard that women are to only be treated how they want to be treated, while men are to be treated however women want to treat them, that I don’t agree with.
I don’t understand why men are supposedly in charge of the emotional state of the woman that CHOSE to come back to his place and the actions she CHOOSES to perform or not. She can always say “no”. She can always say “no”. She can always say “no”. To disagree is to suggest that women are somehow less than men and that they can’t even use their own mind to make their own decisions. Give me a break!
Probably no one going to read this, but this whole thing is an oxymoron. Women want to feel like they’re the one’s making the decision? WTF? Then what is this I hear about how a woman wants a confident man who knows what he is doing? Sorry you can’t have both because it begs the question to how does he know what you are feeling or thinking? That is how you get into a sexual rut because he feels trained. I just enjoy the ride and never refuse him! Ever! When American women “get” this, their relationships become a whole new level. That is why the average woman in America doesn’t really enjoy sex until they are in their mid 40s and sometimes 50s, because they want the control, but want their man in charge and have confidence. Can’t have it both ways sweety.
Finally a comment I don’t have to argue with
You are awesome too and everyone should check out your material about same night lays: http://c32afpofw9jd0jbftlsg7w7v3i.hop.clickbank.net/
I read it and will be righting a review later.
I am not sure you were really understanding my post. I was saying I am a good girl but just because I am good does not mean that I do not have sexual urges, desires and fantasies.
All women do. Point blank. In fact I find that the ones who usually hold themselves back the most are the ones that are sexually frustrated.
Again not sure you were understanding what I was saying.
I actually totally disagree with that. I am sure it is very true in some instances but I would not say that this is the overall reason women fake.
There are two reasons why I believe that women fake orgasms.
1. We get in our heads and when we get in our heads it is hard to get “INTO” sex. There have been times when I have actually lost my orgasm. I have been totally into it and then my mind drifts and then I lose my orgasm which totally sucks and then I get more in my head because of it.
2. Only 45% (not exact stat) of women in the world can have INTERNAL orgasms. It sucks but that is the truth. This inability to orgasm puts a lot of pressure on women and therefore they have #1 occurring plus they feel an obligation to let their partner they are enjoying themselves.
BONUS – #3. Sometimes it’s just not working for us.
Again, a lot of women may be upset about the banging against their pelvic but I would not say that is the reason why ALL women fake orgasms.
Wow, wow and more wow. Thank you tad for the wonderful rant. I did not even know that the PUA community had this term freeze out but I know many women who experienced something very similar. What behavior like this does to a woman, is tear her down and belittle her. This does not seem like something a man would purposely want to do to anyone. It seems like something an unknowing immature boy would want to do.
Listen, I get why men want to do this. They want sex, they want power with women and they want to get what they have never been able to get before. They stop forgetting about what their actions are doing to others, which in my opinion is very weak and meak behavior.
I really think that men should learn from Tad and pay attention mainly to one line in his rant “Our goal needs to be to leave them better than we found them.”
I had someone else say that to me recently and I loved it. Thought it was a strong comment, attractive and sexy and that’s what will get you laid by women not pushing them into having sex out of guilt.
Thank you. I am putting together an audio/video program for this piece that should be out in a few months.
I’m sorry to read that, Marni. That’s got to suck.
Question – did the guy talk to you during sex? Or was he just a moaner and grunter, like he’s in his own world?
That’s a big one for me. I have to know that mentally, my partner is with me and not off in la-la land, though at the right time it’s a wonderful place to be!