How To Get Sexual Confidence

I want to be very clear on something. Just because a girl agrees to go back to your place DOES NOT mean she for sure wants to have sex. BUT, if you have this 1 thing, it will increase your chances of getting her into bed.

And what is that one thing? SEXUAL CONFIDENCE!!!!

I have a great, free, audio for you below that explains how to get sexual confidence. But first….

I'm going to share a story with you, to paint a picture of what sexual confidence looks like to a woman:

When I was younger, I was a HUGE prude.

The reason I was a prude was because I had tons of guy friends who would take advantage of women by lying to them to get them into bed.  

Now even though these guys never treated me this way, in fact they treated me like a queen, it made me put up a huge barrier towards all men.  Fearing that they would do the same thing to me, if I let them.

I never wanted to be taken advantage of or seen as a slut or a whore. 

So I became the kissing bandit and made a rule to only kiss men until they proved they really liked me and would never use me.

I basically made men jump through hoops to get any more from me.

That was until I went backpacking and met a man who changed it all for me.  A man that got me to open up, in just one night ;-)

I was out with my girlfriends one night, in a little town called Byron Bay. The town was filled with tons of other backpackers from all over the world. 

We got to this one bar that we loved and planted ourselves in our usual spot when I suddenly spotted this cute blonde guy across the bar.  

Now this guy was not overly attractive because of his looks. In fact, this guy was 5 foot 5, super skinny and not my type at all.

Has attractive because of his attitude. I found him attractive because of the way that he was acting. 

I could tell right away he was the leader of his group and he was making sure his whole group was having a great time.  He didn’t focus on girls, in fact he didn’t seem concerned with anyone other than his friends. He was focused on having fun and getting the most out of his evening.

I immediately thought  “I want him”.

So I grabbed my girlfriend and made her come with me, so that we could stand near the group and hopefully catch his attention.

5 minutes later. Nothing.  I was pissed and felt totally unattractive.

Then suddenly he walked by us, said something, which I can’t even remember, then went back to enjoying his friends.

I instantly loved him and was extremely turned on.  

Towards the end of the night, as we were ready to leave, he approached me and we started talking.  He offered to walk me back to my hostel, which he happened to be staying at as well and I of course said yes.

We got back to my place, I invited him in and we instantly started kissing and moved our way over to my bed.  

Then as soon as he tried to go further then kissing I immediately tensed up and got scared.

Now there are 3 things a guy can do in a situation like this. 1 of which is the right thing to do. The right things that displays true Sexual Confidence.

1. He can also get anxious and react emotionally.  This looks like a man getting discouraged that “it's” not happening, stopping what he is doing and making an excuse to leave.

2. He can pretend to not notice my body language and push to keep going further and it's up to me to stop him which I'll eventually do and then it's totally awkward.

Or he can do, what this guy did.

He stopped, looked at me and said if you are uncomfortable with anything we’re doing I want you to slap my hand and we’ll stop immediately.  He literally took my hand and slapped his own, 
Just hearing those words immediately calmed me down and got me to open up liked I’ve never done before ;-)

That was my first ever one night stand.

As soon as he said this my mind immediately was put at ease.

Marni the Prude was no more!

I want you to discover how to get sexual confidence.  The sexual confidence that this guy had!

So I have two FREE resources for you below:

1. Audio interview I did with Carlos Xuma on How To Get Sexual Confidence (27 minutes)

It's 27 minutes of solid, actionable information explaining:

- Why women desire men who have sexual confidence

- How to get sexual confidence

- The BIGGEST sexual mistake men are making with women

- How easily to gain sexual experience

- Why you do NOT need to have a ton of success with women to be sexually confident

- How to make women think about you sexually even when your not there

- How to escalate sexually with women

2. A Report that Carlos has made where he reveals: How to take a woman you’ve just met to a level of WHITE HOT SEXUAL DESIRE in a matter of minutes… Click Here to Find Out More

He also explains the #1 Attraction KillerClick Here & Find Out Now

Click Play to Listen To The 27 Minute MP3

Click Here learn about Carlos's program and learn the Secrets to sexual confidence & power with women Click Here.

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  • Nicole

    Thank God for Alpha men…

  • skw

    “
Now this guy was not overly attractive because of his looks. In fact, this guy was 5 foot 5, super skinny and not my type at all.”

    Do you have his picture to show?

    Also don’t you think when women are traveling it’s different than when they are at their home base, people are just in a completely different frame of mind, are they not?

  • skw

    ” I found him attractive because of the way that he was acting. 

I could tell right away he was the leader of his group and he was making sure his whole group was having a great time. He didn’t focus on girls, in fact he didn’t seem concerned with anyone other than his friends.”

    But that’s obviously not true. When he asked you to walk home with him, he was obviously interested in having sex with you. which means he was interested earlier as well.

    So – the takeaway here is pretend like you’re not interested in having sex with women, in order to make them attracted to you?

    • JML

      “So – the takeaway here is pretend like you’re not interested in having sex with women, in order to make them attracted to you?”

      No.

      “…he didn’t -seem concerned- with anyone other than his friends…”

      Concern. Worry. Awkward persistence. They reek of insecurities and we don’t want to momma you. We want someone who is confident; not in an egotistical manner, but confident as in comfortable in your own skin. A lot of your feelings rub off on us: if you’re feeling concerned, we’re wondering what we should be concerned about. If you’re comfortable, then we’re comfortable.

      We know men like and want sex. And hey, women like and want sex too, but if we feel you’re insecure, we’ll be doubting the bedroom skills.

      • Marni Wing Girl

        Hey JML,

        I think a really interesting point comes through in your comments: emotions are transferrable.

        Instead of being influenced by the woman though, try to make it so that she is influenced positively by your confidence and comfort.

        Marni :)

  • Parkey

    I was completely unaware of the whole process of escalation, especially physical escalation, and that it is my role as the man to lead it.

    Amazing things started happening when I figured this one out.

  • skw

    “and that it is my role as the man to lead it.”

    is it the woman’s role to cook and clean the home and support the man in whatever endeavors he may take ?

    why do certain gender roles get to persist and others labelled sexist?

  • Mark

    Trust the Australians to come up with a “safety rule” during sex! Love it, man!

    Yep, skw, I agree that when backpacking and travelling everyone is looser, its like a rite of passage.

    Parkey – escalation and kino are key as it seems you’ve discovered now. Though you don’t need kino to succeed, it helps a lot and Gambler’s model of upping the levels of kino and escalation and “only pulling back slightly upon resistance” is one of the few things in PUA that resonates 100% for me.

  • Parkey

    Yeah, Marni’s point is, I think, that you have to lead and escalate but have the empathy to recognise when what you’re doing causes her discomfort and back off, at least for a while.

    The really funny thing is that if you don’t escalate, even if the woman hasn’t given you a green light, often the woman will think there’s something wrong with her.

    Skw, these roles are roles we have hard wired into us by evolution. In attraction a woman’s natural role is to follow and be receptive. It takes no less effort or confidence to do this, believe it or not. If you don’t get this dynamic I suggest you try taking up some kind of partner dancing, I found that really helps.

  • Al

    I just kissed a girl and I had no idea she liked it and she seem to enjoyed she said want to see me again soon.

    • Marni Wing Girl

      Sounds like she did like it Al!

      Check out her facial expression, and how close she wants to get to you, next time so you can tell how you’re getting on

      Marni :)

      • Mark

        Wow this wing girl is a genius! Hire her full time, come on!

  • skw

    “Skw, these roles are roles we have hard wired into us by evolution. In attraction a woman’s natural role is to follow and be receptive. It takes no less effort or confidence to do this, believe it or not. If you don’t get this dynamic I suggest you try taking up some kind of partner dancing, I found that really helps.”

    But one can make the argument the reason it seems so “natural” in partner dancing is that it has just been socialized over 100s if not thousands of years.

    And you might say, “well if it’s been around for that long, it must be inherent in our wiring”

    Then I lead you to the fact that in this very country white people practiced legal, sanctioned discrimination against blacks, for nearly 350 years.

    And believe me, there was loads of “science” pointing to the inferiority of the latter. people believed whites were more “evolved” genetically.

    My point is, why do some behaviors get written off as “wired into us by evolution” but others are deemed with loaded words like “racist” and “sexist” ?

    Personally, I find the suggestion that “I have to lead” as a pretty sexist one. What if I don’t enjoy leading? what if I want to have the security net of a woman actually showing her interest in me first (as so many women want) ?

    This is especially to the white women that go on and on about “reverse racism” – they seem to be fine with “reverse sexism”

  • Parkey

    By all means sit there and wait for things to change, though we’ve both experienced that as a strategy that doesn’t work very well.

    Personally I enjoy being able to step into the masculine role, to constantly get better at playing it, and to have it as the way I make the women I connect with feel amazing. When you can do that you can feel that it goes far deeper than mere societal roles.

  • skw

    “Personally I enjoy being able to step into the masculine role, to constantly get better at playing it, and to have it as the way I make the women I connect with feel amazing. When you can do that you can feel that it goes far deeper than mere societal roles.”

    again you’re calling it a “masculine role” and I say that’s a sexist designation. you might as well be saying, “I enjoy stepping into the white person role, being a responsible, leader of people”

    It’s not about waiting for things to change, its about fighting for equality, unless that’s something you don’t believe in, then I’d say you might have been better born 100 years ago when equality of people wasn’t something very important in the world.

  • Parkey

    You also seem to be saying you want payoffs without any risk. I thought you said you worked on Wall St.

  • skw

    How do you figure?

    If you contend that women also risk themselves emotionally by sitting back and waiting to be approached, then I too would be incurring that same risk by preferring that as well. wouldn’t I?

    Unless you agree women indeed undertake less , more like zero -risk?

    Can’t have it both ways.

  • skw

    the point is this:

    Are men and women equal in society?

    if you say yes, then they should contribute equally to a relationship, at all stages (not just later on after 10 yrs)

    which means they both should incur equal amount of emotional risk.

    if you say that happens now, then I’d ask you why the insistence by women that men “lead” and “approach” ?

    don’t you think such a requirement is made because it’s the harder, scarier, riskier action to take?

  • SpidahX

    skw :

    Sexual equality is a myth created during the feminist revolution. The only thing equal about the 2 sexes should be salary and power positions. Every men-woman relationship is based on double standards. The 2 individuals have complementary roles. It’s the same thing in same-sex couples. You wouldn’t want to live with a mirror image of yourself. It doesn’t have anything to do with discrimination. The mere fact that most women respond to a assertive behavior demonstrates this. You don’t see them protesting about this. But, you could have a leader woman complement a submissive man. I wouldn’t want this kind of relationship but it could work although at one point she will want to feel like a lady. Women take a lot of risks. I think you forgot that you don’t get to carry another human being in your womb during 9 months and all the side effects that come with it. You’re not emotionnally wired like they are and experience the same things. You will have to understand that the ‘equality’ mindset keeps you from seeing both sexes as DIFFERENT. That’s all

    • Marni Wing Girl

      Hey Spidah

      I enjoyed reading your discussion here about the two roles of men and women: I agree that neither is less valid than the other one, theey are just different and mostly complementary.

      I also agree that masculine/ feminine attributes can be split between both partners in the relationship: it’s about balance

      Marni :)

  • Parkey

    Nice post SpidahX. Equal, but different.

    Skw, women are attracted to people who have the physical strength to overpower, hurt and potentially kill them. Zero risk?

  • Kevin

    Who needs sexual confidence? hookers are only about $300 or so lmao

  • skw

    I think it’s just poetic we’re having this discussion on the eve of the holiday celebrating the man who gave his life to end discrimination.

    funny, Equal but different, have you heard of the Plessy V Ferguson decision, supreme court, 1894:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plessy_v._Ferguson

    ” The only thing equal about the 2 sexes should be salary and power positions. ”

    And this is arbitrarily decided by you just because? You forget the work place is not some social vacuum. the same women that we work with going home wanting their men to buy them shit and take care of them and lead and all that other socialized crap.

    If a woman can’t lead in her own personal life, how am I supposed to accept she’s capable of leading in her professional life?

    You’re just being selective to your own whim. The double standards are kept when they benefit the woman, and are challenged (or labelled sexist) when they benefit the man.

    For example, how many times have you heard women complaining that men can go have sex over and over and not be held accountable but a woman can’t because she’s labelled a “slut” ie, there’s harsher social stigma for a sexually active woman. This is challenged as sexist.

    Yet I read over and over on this board and others like it that it’s the mans role to “lead” and “Take charge” and initiate.

    And that’s not challenged as sexist? Please give me a break. And I’m not even getting into the workplace, salary, etc..

    I’ll tell you another story, my friend was in a bar, crowded, as most NYC bars are. A woman rushed by him, made him spill his ENTIRE BEER on him, and didn’t even stop to apologize, didnt’ offer to buy him a new beer, NOTHING.

    His girlfriend said, “you cant say anything to her” why? because she’s a girl? if it was a guy, he’d be expected to do all those things, and maybe even defend himself in a fight situation…

    “Women take a lot of risks. I think you forgot that you don’t get to carry another human being in your womb during 9 months and all the side effects that come with it.”

    That’s not a risk. That’s a biological truism. That’s like saying men take a lot of risks because they can get prostate cancer. they also are the only ones that have prostate glands.

    Kevin, not where I’m from, care to subsidize the difference?

  • Parkey

    Empathy. Add empathy to your “to learn” list. Do you ever pause to see the world through someone else’s eyes?

    You seem to have a deep sense of bitterness directed at women, as though they all have it all figured out and handed to them on a plate. Trust me, when (if ever) you start to get your own house in order you’ll start to realise that they don’t. They have their own set of issues to deal with.

  • Parkey

    Being able to lead a woman is a frickin’ amazing thing if you ask me. It’s the opposite of a burden, it’s a gift that I take enormous pleasure in being able to give.

    I can take a woman’s hand and dance with her, lead her around a dance floor, let her float in the moment as I guide her every step in time to the music. I can take her to other places, lead her through new experiences with the words that I write or say. I can touch her, kiss her, make love in ways that make her feel ecstasy she never knew was even possible. I can feel their joy, their passion, and share the moment with them. I did this. Me. Doing things like these have been some of the best experiences I’ve had in my life.

    Why the hell would I ever want to live in a world where these beautiful creatures didn’t want or need a man to have these experiences?

  • skw

    “You seem to have a deep sense of bitterness directed at women, as though they all have it all figured out and handed to them on a plate. ”

    No one’s saying that.

    What I am saying, just so it’s clear:

    Attractive women, living in a society where men are expected to approach, have men approach them at a very young age, so they get lots of experiences early on. That’s a position of privilege if you ask me. guys like me that haven’t had the benefit of looks at the right time, who’ve gotten continually rejected, only have those rejection experiences to look forward to.

    That’s the jist of it. It’s all facts, truth, if you call that “bitterness” then that’s your problem.

    “Being able to lead a woman is a frickin’ amazing thing if you ask me. It’s the opposite of a burden, it’s a gift that I take enormous pleasure in being able to give”

    You’re talking about something much different, being able to do something and being *obligated* to do them are two wildly different things. The crux of the unfairness is in the being OBLIGATED to do something. If relationships are mutually beneficial things, why aren’t women spending more time and energy making that happen?

    I want to do all those things, but I want to have them reciprocated back to me. I’ve went through enough rejection already, why would I welcome more?

  • Mark

    “I’ll tell you another story, my friend was in a bar, crowded, as most NYC bars are. A woman rushed by him, made him spill his ENTIRE BEER on him, and didn’t even stop to apologize, didnt’ offer to buy him a new beer, NOTHING.”

    His girlfriend said, “you cant say anything to her” why? because she’s a girl? if it was a guy, he’d be expected to do all those things, and maybe even defend himself in a fight situation…”

    Not good enough and I dare say that if the man was a 9 or 10 out of 10 he’d get treated much better in the same situation and get an apology and a beer minimum. I used to love NYC in the mid-90s but I think Ill never go back to that reverse sexist s#¤%hole again (unless I somehow become a 9 out of 10, gain some inches, get rich and want to deal with challenging irritating women). SKW please please tell me this is not happening but I recently read in Toby Young’s “How to Lose Friends and Alienate People” that if a man is alone in an elevator in NYC and a solitary woman comes along he is expected to LEAVE THE GOD D#¤N F¤%&ING ELEVATOR AS TO NOT MAKE HER UNCOMFORTABLE???!!! Well f%&k me if thats not the epitomy of emasculation. And again, if that man was a buff 9 out of 10, I reckon the women would LOOOOVE him to break that rule and be a naughty naughty boy.

    On the note of us having to lead, skw, I agree its sexist and unfair and possibly not the way biology actually made us to be – ironically some science shows woemn are hard wired to make the first moves and do the approaching and this has been lost in society. I recommend getting a subscription to Mike Patrick’s emails and possibly paying for him to take you out one night. If there is one not so good looking PUA that has evidence that certain natural instincts trump looks, it would be him. Study his stuff, it actually resonates for me and I’m thinking of meeting him. Having said that, you and I both know that looks is KEY, and we can complain about it forever and ever (which I recommend doing as its honest and open, but I also recommend taking some action) but it wont change in our lifetime, as will the fact that women expect men to lead.

    On another topic (man this post is getting long), I would say that having to work up to a certain level looks wise just to be on the same playing field is frustrating and unfair. Dont let it stop you from doing it. Yesterday I was in the gym clearly working hard and doing the exercises in the correct fashion, and in walks a young, hot 9 out of 10 who knows it and loves to flaunt it. Of course he came over and yapped to me (to be fair to him, it was in a friendly way) and I just told him Im here to work out not for a chit chat. I cant handle being around people like that full stop. If someone wants to criticise my insecurity fine, just realise many 9s out of 10s would do the same if the situation were reversed, but because theyre hot hot hot they dont fall in a position to be tested and judged on this…

    My main point though is you MUST keep at it, I walk in to the gym like I own it, if someone twice as buff and better looking then me is on a machine I want, sitting idly, Ill walk in and state that I want to do some sets. If I dont like the music on the stereo Ill change it , and if they change it back, Ill challenge them. You have to not give a f¤%&. Same in the pharmacy – if someone wants to laugh at my need to be metrosexual and use moisturiser for healthy sexier skin, then fine – when facial looks stop mattering in the world of attraction, I’ll stop spending my hard earned money on moisturiser. At the end of the day, looks matter a lot and if you are in the 60th percentile (ie just below average) there is no reason why you cant move to the 40th (ie just above average) with complete dedication to looking better over the next 3 months. So do it whether you like it or not.

  • Parkey

    Mark’s right that if you’re going to wait for someone to grant you permission to do the things you really want from life you’re going to be waiting a long time. Women find men who just go for what they want very attractive.

    Marni’s point is that women also need to know that the guy, whilst advancing, respects her comfort level.

    By the way, more often than not, women actually do make the first move. Have a look at this: http://themagneticman.com/how-to-approach-women-old-school-way/

  • Mark

    “Mark’s right that if you’re going to wait for someone to grant you permission to do the things you really want from life you’re going to be waiting a long time. Women find men who just go for what they want very attractive.”

    Yes Parkey to an extent its a universal truth but I believe it applies mostly when a man is a 7 or 8 on looks. A man who is 9 or 10 will get approached a lot by drunk and desperate women (although probably 90% of the time these are not hot classy women) and will get away without being so masculine and taking the lead provided they are also good in bed. Agree fully that when it comes to a serious relationship the man who takes the lead WINS provided they are a 7 or above and looks generally matter less as long as you reach the magic 7.

    Unfortunately, 6 and unders who take control and take their “masucline right to lead” get shot down and denied that right by repeated women who arent attracted, some who ironically are 6 and unders themselves. Possibly the good news is, while we cant all reach 9-10, the majority of us can reach 7 with the right health, care and styling.

  • Parkey

    I firmly believe that how a man’s self image comes across is the determining factor with women, not his physical looks as such.

    If you believe you’re a “6″, and you dress and act like one, women will treat you like one. People will treat you how you believe you deserve to be treated.

    If you’re still giving people numbers out of ten you really need to re-assess how you interact with other human beings.

  • skw

    “By the way, more often than not, women actually do make the first move. Have a look at this: http://themagneticman.com/how-to-approach-women-old-school-way/

    This is interesting actually. I’ve heard this before. The emotional risk incurred is still minimal. I mean that’s the whole point right ?

    I remember reading some previous PUA material about asking women, “Do you want me to kiss you?” and if a girl says, “No” then you say, “Oh, well I never said you could”

    All this mumbo jumbo is there to MINIMIZE RISK. And we live in a society (as your own story illustrates) that allows women to proceed with minimal risk.

    One may beg to ask, if women are dolling themselves up and giving all these subtle cues to invite men into their space, why not take the extra step to actually verbally invite them? State their interest – if they want to be in power positions and make the same money, why do they get the privilege of not being as responsible for their own personal happiness?

    • Mark

      All true but dancing salsa, being in a rock band or showing extra confidence and joy for life is NOT minimising risk, for if you STILL get no subtle hints, its like rejection, isn’t it?

  • Parkey

    I think what you say about women taking less risk than men is nonsense, but it’s also irrelevant.

    In the real world the men who take a little risk get rewarded. The men who are afraid to, and sit on their ass rationalising like crazy that they shouldn’t have to, get nothing.

    That’s the choice you are presented with.

  • skw

    “I think what you say about women taking less risk than men is nonsense, but it’s also irrelevant.”

    Well, you have yet to show me a convincing argument why. This seems to be a problem you have, stating opinions without a logical rationale behind it. Of course you don’t seem concerned with providing legitimate thought behind what you say, and castigate those that do.

    As for its relevance, yes I agree, that risk-taking is necessary for any kind of success. But comparisons to other things like work, career, etc.. fall short.

    I have no problem taking a risk, when the risk is me vs world, where for the most part, I’m benefiting from the interaction.
    when it’s me vs a single other person, especially when that person supposedly desires the interaction just as much, then it’s slightly unfair for me to be obligated to take that risk over and over, don’t you think?

  • Parkey

    Not really. Depends how much you feel having women in your life benefits you.

    Being bold, adventurous and taking these risks makes you attractive to women. I don’t think you get it so I will say it again. Being bold, adventurous and taking these risks makes you attractive to women. It’s something that is hard wired into them. It’s not social convention, it’s biology. The man who has traits that he leads, is valued by the people around him, and that he isn’t afraid to approach women. It is in a woman’s DNA to want to have that guy’s babies.

    Be that guy, or don’t be that guy. That’s your choice.

    Saying “It shouldn’t oughta” and pleading extenuating circumstances, however sophisticated and logically correct the argument may seem, is not being that guy.

  • skw

    “Being bold, adventurous and taking these risks makes you attractive to women.”

    that may be a component, but it’s not sufficient. I’ve approached women before, but gotten rejected, multiple times. care to explain that?

    “Be that guy, or don’t be that guy. That’s your choice.”

    its not a choice, as I’ve said before, I was born in to a setting where I wasn’t given sexual value at the right time. (namely due to cultural upbringing, and looks) so I started from a point of
    -100 rather than 0.

    ” It’s not social convention, it’s biology.”

    Well, I’d like to see your evidence on that. Many people said the same about black people being inferior, that it was biology., that they were predisposition for physical labor and needed white people to act as their organizers and owners.

    In fact, they even said when blacks tried to run away, it was a mental illness:

    http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/aia/part4/4h3106t.html

    (see, this is what’s called proof)

    I mean I don’ know you – you may agree with that assertion as well.

  • skw

    “Being bold, adventurous and taking these risks makes you attractive to women.”

    This is quite possibly the most logically unsound thing you’ve said. If it were true, or sufficiently true, people like Marni wouldn’t even exist.

    Because if it were true, every time I’ve asked a girl out she wouldve said yes, because hey, I took the risk, right? then we wouldn’t need dating coaches to tell us how and where to approach.

    Your problem is you think my complaints are evidence that I haven’t taken action.

    But my complaints are a direct RESULT of taking action and not getting the promised outcome by people like you.

  • Parkey

    No I think your complaints are evidence that you haven’t taken ENOUGH action. Or that you’re so stubborn in your own perceived intelligence you won’t try or embrace the advice of someone dumber but more experienced.

  • skw

    “No I think your complaints are evidence that you haven’t taken ENOUGH action. ”

    Wasn’t it obvious that’s what I meant? Essentially you’re saying the solution is ‘more action’ and I’ll direct you to the quote (which Einstein didn’t say, but people say he did)

    *The definition if insanity is repeating the same action but expecting different results*

    “Or that you’re so stubborn in your own perceived intelligence you won’t try or embrace the advice of someone dumber but more experienced.”

    The intelligence isn’t perceived, it’s there , of course I know it burns you to admit it, so I won’t try. And you aren’t more experienced, I mean you might be, but you likely started from a much higher starting point, as did Marni (and her being a woman, doesn’t have the same struggles that we as men have anyway).

    I did martial arts in college, I was awesome, kicked ass, I couldn’t help people that were struggling on basic moves, because I breezed through them so quickly. I had more experience, but I didn’t have THAT experience.

    See the point?

  • Mark

    Guys lets not attack each other – you both express some good points and Ill try to dissect them one by one.

    Firstly in response to Parkey’s point about numbers out of ten – in an idealistic world we are all appreciated without a number attached to it. And sometimes statistics lie – for example, Led Zeppelin didn’t have a single #1 hit yet Hearsay had at the time, the best-selling single ever. And if youre name isnt Simon Cowell or Louis Walsh, youd agree that is bloody bonkers! However, as I stated before, any individual can fancy any individual but there is a hierarchy and a league table based on what people think overall. This can be malleable to a certain extent with the right sort of attitude, I totally agree (I should be slapped for yet another sports analogy, but who’d have thought Swansea would be where they are in the Premiership…). But PUAs who dont acknowledge the role of looks in attraction actually do us a disservice. If anything, some girls go for the “I think Im an 8 and Ill act like an 8″ attitude whereas others arent fooled and actually want a bleeding 8. So once again, it comes down to both looks and character. How many times must I repeat this LOL.

    As for telling skw to repeat the same thing as if he’s not doing it enough, you are missing the point. There is an element of “hes not hot enough” going on. Now granted, he wants Brad Pitt Style attention (and so do I, Ill get to this later) and has a negative attitude (which is not entirely his fault but, yes, should be dealt with). What is the point of constant repetition if something is not working, learning needs to happen and my guess is skw needs to improve his looks to get that little extra something special early in his interactions that will spur him on to better things. It can come from within, but this is not the only road as you might believe – good on you that it worked for you but everyone is different.

    Now as for the whole idea of being masculine and leading, there is nothing that makes my sexual self go dormant worse than a pile of “looks rejections” in sequence, especially if it involved leadership, good game, not flinching, etc. A lot of people may consider that a girly attitude to have and give no sympathy but this is why so many males are emasculated. Not everyone is as tough as me and responds to this through wanting to improve both on the physical count and with better game. Rejection due to bad game is acceptable and I always take that on the chin and learn from it. Rejection due to looks can also be this way IF and only if it is something I can change that is not genetic. For example a woman recently told me to get a haircut and also said something about my clothing choice that wasnt the best. I took that on the chin and followed up – thats no problem. But to feel sexual I really need the majority of women wanting me – it shows the long hard hours spent are all worth it.

    Skw – While I see Parkey means well, heres my suggestion. Listen to me on the looks front firstly. Just do it. And you may need to fake a bit of coolness and sexiness even if you dont feel that way yourself. Keep a diary and note all the positive, neutral and negative responses and try to pinpoint if rejections are due to looks or game or money or whatever (not always easy with these creatures called females but you can improve this skill with practise). You will need to follow up on this and spend money getting the right people to improve your image. I dont think there is any other way around it. Im probably going to need to do the same, cause you and me are not into dealing with rejection full stop….

  • Parkey

    Yes. I keep giving you the answer and I keep expecting you to listen. Time to return to sanity.

  • skw

    “Being bold, adventurous and taking these risks makes you attractive to women. I don’t think you get it so I will say it again. Being bold, adventurous and taking these risks makes you attractive to women. It’s something that is hard wired into them. It’s not social convention, it’s biology. The man who has traits that he leads, is valued by the people around him, and that he isn’t afraid to approach women. It is in a woman’s DNA to want to have that guy’s babies.”

    Let’s do a quick thought experiment.

    What if on some board geared towards teaching women how to attract men existed, and on that board someone posted the message:

    “Having big tits, a nice ass and flat stomach is something that makes you attractive to men, that’s not socialized convention. It’s biology. The woman who has those traits appears attractive to men, and is valued by those around her. It’s in a man’s DNA to want to impregnate that kind of woman”

    So put away all your self-help, self-talk, believe in yourself mumbo-jumbo for a second and lets just get to reality. You’re telling me this kind of statement wouldn’t be received in todays society as a “sexist” statement?

    Don’t you think most women would be outraged by someone saying something like this?

    If a man posted these words his dick would be chopped off and fed to that guy on Lost. which means he’d never see it again, well maybe in Season 145 when we find out they’re all just sitting in a trailer dreaming the whole thing.

    I know it’s not helpful to challenge the “rules of society” because hey if society is doing it, it MUST be right! right?

  • skw

    “You will need to follow up on this and spend money getting the right people to improve your image. I dont think there is any other way around it. Im probably going to need to do the same, cause you and me are not into dealing with rejection full stop….”

    Ive been going to the gym of late. but I dont pack on muscle very well. I’m usually the smallest guy in the gym, lifting the least amount of weight.

    Also, I’ve had plastic surgery in the past, but might have to get more, because my face is still likely causing many rejections.

    Thats the best I can do on the looks front.

  • Parkey

    Who are you, as a man, going to feel animalistic desire for?

    The woman who recognises her appearance will attract men and puts in the effort to maker herself, including her body, look good.

    or

    The woman who has a well reasoned logical argument why it shouldn’t be her responsibility as a woman to keep the weight off and keep her body in shape. Men should like her anyway.

  • skw

    Do you know how to answer a clear question?

    So, I’ll take that to mean you agree that such a statement would be labelled as sexist by most if not all women.

    Of course I’d feel “animalistic” desire for the girl who makes her self look hot. But it’s labelled as sexist when a man REQUIRES it of her woman. Are you in agreement on that point? Since you’re not disputing it, Im going to assume you are.

    Yet you, Marni, and everyone else can say, “well men must do so-and-so because thats what real men do, and its a mans role to bla bla bla because that’s just the way it is..” and yet that’s not labelled sexist?

  • skw

    “Who are you, as a man, going to feel animalistic desire for?”

    Besides, in case you didn’t notice humans are slightly more evolved than animals. There’s more to a successful relationship than triggering animalistic desire.

    Otherwise, I’d go up to the hottest girl in the club, come up behind her and rub my hard cock against her ass and say, “this is me exercising my animalistic desire”

    unfortunately don’t really think that would be successful

  • skw

    “But it’s labelled as sexist when a man REQUIRES it of her woman.”

    meant to say, “requires it of his woman”

  • Parkey

    Okay, STOP.

    What a mess.

    All of those statements are laden with the presuppositions of what you THINK the people around you are thinking. It implies to me that because you care what they think, or rather what you THINK they are thinking, you are denied or excused the right to act. This cage that you are trapped in exists IN YOUR HEAD.

    You need to sort this out.

  • skw

    “All of those statements are laden with the presuppositions of what you THINK the people around you are thinking. It implies to me that because you care what they think, or rather what you THINK they are thinking, you are denied or excused the right to act. This cage that you are trapped in exists IN YOUR HEAD.”

    Parkey did you really type this or did some one out there hijack your name and type this nonsense?

    I have no idea what any of this means, you just as well may have typed:

    “Okay, STOP. Goo goo gaa gaa bla bla wombitop zafalagaboo boo chimichanga aieee iskadidla dondon bobo skaneena vada and choo, IN YOUR HEAD”

    If it is you in there, put down the corona or 5, or pipe, and maybe elaborate ?

  • skw

    sorry, that last post struck me as so humorous, the nonsensicality of it.

    and it reminded me of this song:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Ejga4kJUts

  • Mark

    “Ive been going to the gym of late. but I dont pack on muscle very well. I’m usually the smallest guy in the gym, lifting the least amount of weight.

    Also, I’ve had plastic surgery in the past, but might have to get more, because my face is still likely causing many rejections.

    Thats the best I can do on the looks front.”

    Skw – how tall are you?

    With the gym thing, you NEED to load the carbs before and the proteins after. And eat, eat, eat, dont worry so much about gaining fat as this is needed to an extent to convert to muscle, although obviously the solid proteins are better. Being “big” can be a long process so start with toning – less weight but repeated reps.

    This is possibly the most important point – the upper chest muscles and pecs are
    actually the FASTEST GROWING MUSCLES but only when youve opened them up – till then you see very little progress. So do loads of pushups and loads of low weight 20-40 rep chest and pec exercises. Bad news is it could take up to 2-3 years of this to get to that fast growing stage so best start now (you want to be smiling in 2014, not whining, trust me).

    As for your face, you NEED to consult a fashion expert who will be blunt and brutal and give you the appropriate advice. If youre only “just below average” I cant see this being unfixable. Do send me a link or an email with pics and I can give you my honest truth. From what you say about no one wanting you at speed date and stuff, I think you may be on to something, but till I see a picture I cant be sure.

  • Parkey

    I never set foot in a gym.

    No I understand skw. You stay in your cage. It is scary out here.

  • Mark

    Yeah Parkey, “out here” in what can be a cruel world is actually scary in many ways so dont knock it, I’m sure you dont approach every single hottie you ever physically want for fear of rejection at times, everyone has this reality at certain moments, even the great Matt Hussey admitted this can STILL happen to him. Agreed that with skw its close to 100% of his time, and I’m sure he’d be the first to acknowledge it. If he had anything suggesting he can go for it and succeed the way he looks and is now, he’d be doing it, rest assured. I can tell this from reading his posts so not sure why you don’t get it.

    Skw – Smashing Pumpkins rule! On this note, I was prancing around at like 4:30 this morning in the gym (in Norway we have 24/7 gyms and I go at the most insane times to AVOID other people who want to play rubbish music) to great hits by the Stones, Poison and the Cars, to name others. I also do this in bars when the right sort of the song and the moment takes me, and (don’t get too excited, Marni and Parkey, looks still matter a lot too!)when I’m out of my head doing this and loving life, girls often actually come to me – it rubs off. Sometimes even in the form of a k-close or make-out which leads to more later. My question to you skw (and this is not a rhetorical Parkey-style question, but one I actually want the amswer to LOL) is do you ever do stuff like this? Like I mean really go for it? If not I suggest you ask a DJ to play Poison’s Nothin But a Good Time and move like your Bret Michaels, man. See what happens. If they do respond, great, you’ve got an inroads. If after doing this full-on, then we can further speak about the role of looks in attraction (actually, we will anyway) but I’m interested to see if ALL girls are so shallow that they’d reject you even in such a great state.

    If you are average male height then this allows you to have a go if you sort the rest.

    Hire the trainer and get the fashion expert involved. Dont worry about the picture LOL I understand. But can you describe how you look without giving your identity away and also explain to me what plastic surgery you got done and why?

  • skw

    I had a rhinoplasty done (I love seinfelds joke about that, comparing us to a rhinoceros)

    I had breathing problems and had a septoplasty done, and paid extra to alter the outside as well.

  • skw

    “I also do this in bars when the right sort of the song and the moment takes me, and (don’t get too excited, Marni and Parkey, looks still matter a lot too!)”

    I’m a bboy also, a few times when I’ve danced in open spaces, some girls have come to dance with me, once 2 girls danced, with me when I moved close to one, the other pulled her away. So rejection was still my friend there.

  • Kevin

    SKW,

    How has that profile on Okcupid been working for you? I showed it to Marni and she said it’s amazing.

  • skw

    nada. no responses.

    I showed it to another dating “coach” and she said all the stuff acknowledging the process is not helpful.

  • Mark

    Marni also told me a picture I had (which both Kevin and Scot McKay described as weak in terms of lighting, style and the scared, nervous look on my face) was CUTE. So dont stick too much value on it.

    I’ve since taken suggestions from the more knowledgeable in the world (including Kevin) and have a good selection of 4 photos that are getting me a respectable response. In fact, working against pics of a hot model, we are almost EVEN, which does suggest 2 important possible truths: 1) That girls will reject hot men as “too pretty” in many cases as it makes them feel insecure and undeserving and 2) Women have different taste and maybe 30-50 % of girls fancying your looks is the limit, even for the hottest guys.

    Skw – with the dancing thing, thats one incident, I wouldn’t put too much value on that, womens’ friends often take them away from guys especially in a 2-set, as if you and her played tonsil tennis and got along, the mate would be left alone, not her desired outcome if she hasn’t yet hooked up or at least made inroads. ‘

    So now, after plastic surgery, can you decribe your current facial weaknesses. How about your hair , what is the deal there?

  • skw

    “Marni also told me a picture I had (which both Kevin and Scot McKay described as weak in terms of lighting, style and the scared, nervous look on my face) was CUTE. So dont stick too much value on it.”

    Yeah, I mean dude, Marni’s opinion may not be the most objective in this regard.

    “So now, after plastic surgery, can you decribe your current facial weaknesses. How about your hair , what is the deal there?”

    nose too big for face

    not sure bout “the deal” ? I have hair, its sort of curly, its fine (I think?) as long as I keep getting it cut. its not smooth or silky or anything.

    “In fact, working against pics of a hot model, we are almost EVEN, which does suggest 2 important possible truths: 1) That girls will reject hot men as “too pretty””

    I agree there, if a guy is too good looking it could work against him if hes looking for long term relationships, but if he wants to get laid, or just make out with girls, he’s got that locked down. Either way, I’d much rather have that problem than the problem I do have.

  • Mark

    Isnt rhinoplasty meaning a nose job? So as a result your nose is too big? Is the rest of your face decent on skin quality and shape and stuff?

    “I agree there, if a guy is too good looking it could work against him if hes looking for long term relationships, but if he wants to get laid, or just make out with girls, he’s got that locked down. Either way, I’d much rather have that problem than the problem I do have.”

    Yeah I think though that there are a load of girls not up for getting laid. Its only a small % (maybe 20-25% I’d guess?)of girls that are so shallow they would have a relationship with a 5-7 but make out and have sex with with ONLY 9s and 10s in the meantime while looking for that relationship. Usually girls fall into one category or another, ignore the PUA bulls¤&t regarding this “any girl can be naughty” nonsense (wow, can’t believe Im saying this, Parkey and Marni will be thinking they’ve got a convert LOL). But yeah that segment plus the shallow segment give the good lookin guys more options for easy lays but in terms of the high quality classy 8-10 girls, even the good looking guys’ road isnt fully paved with gold.

  • Parkey

    I think all women want sex, but there are some who deny it to themselves for cultural reasons, and there are some who want to feel a deep emotional connection first.

    There are some men like that. I threw a fish back last week because, whilst keen and apparently up for it, she wasn’t relationship material.

    PUA material is generally aimed at getting a one night stand with an air headed girl with a five second attention span in a Los Angeles nightclub. I’ve found that a lot of the principles hold true, but if your type is an intelligent and educated young woman in a small British university city for a deep and meaningful long term relationship it needs more than a little bit of tweaking.

    Don’t ever think the woman you’re talking to doesn’t want to have sex though, or to feel your desire to have sex with her. That holds true universally.

    She wants you to keep advancing, step by step, whilst respecting her comfort. If you don’t advance you will lose her and it will be your fault.

  • Pingback: PUA Express » How To Get Sexual Confidence

  • http://themagneticman.com John P Morgan

    Confidence is a carrot on a stick. If you chase it, you’ll never get it.

    Seek instead knowledge and experience and you’ll find a whole box of carrots arrives when you least expect it.

    • Marni Wing Girl

      Hey John

      I like how you’ve put this- feeling good about you and having self esteem is the foundation for confidence and that comes through knowledge and experience

      Marni :)

    • skw

      Easy to say when you look like you do, and likely have gotten lots of external feedback to reinforce that confidence.

      “Seek instead knowledge and experience” ? What does that mean exactly? Read books?

      I thought it takes confidence to amount experience, but you’re saying seek experience to get confidence, what if you don’t have the confidence to get that experience?

  • skw

    “Don’t ever think the woman you’re talking to doesn’t want to have sex though, or to feel your desire to have sex with her. That holds true universally.

    She wants you to keep advancing, step by step, whilst respecting her comfort. If you don’t advance you will lose her and it will be your fault.”

    And what are you basing this opinion on? Has any woman even anecdotally said this? I’ve certainly never heard it. They certainly want to have sex with men they are attracted to, but that usually means the man is good looking, has money, status, power, etc..

  • skw

    “And what are you basing this opinion on? Has any woman even anecdotally said this? I’ve certainly never heard it.”

    Not only have I not heard, it, I’ve never even seen anything to lead me to believe its true.

    In fact the only supporting evidence I have is you saying it.

  • Mark

    Agree with Parkey on this one, actually. Yes all women want sex, but as Parkey also said, some are disciplined enough to not have it unless there is the emotional connection and the trust and knowledge that he won’t “f¤%k her and never call her again”.

    Skw’s point is very true for NYC, and is true of SOME girls all over the world. Status and power are unfortunately a universal turn-on (look at the number of women not so hot looking Fidel Castro has f-closed). Sometimes so is money though this is also an exchange (“buying sex”, etc) rather than a turn-on.

    So taking all of that away its down to the broad categories of looks and personality (the second which encompasses character, game and my least favourite c-word, CONFIDENCE). And the OBVIOUS bottom line here is some girls go mainly for looks, some more for personality, some for a 50/50 combination of both, some more for one or the other depending on the time and stage in their lives, etc. Unfortunately in NYC personality is almost unimportant, so I can see Skw’s point. In addition, if a man does not reach the magic 7/10, I believe he’s not met that minimum looks requirement for the girls who put a higher emphasis on personality but obviously still want a certain level of looks as well.

    But yes in terms of SEX, all women want it and they are hard-wired to be polygamous as well (again google Mike Patrick and get on his emailing list for more on this scientific truth). Society and guilt about “feeling like a slut”, however makes many not behave this way and many to be inconsistent and confused themselves, thereby frustrating us males to no end trying to figure them out.

  • skw

    “Agree with Parkey on this one, actually. Yes all women want sex, ”

    Hmm, I thought the implication of his statement was all women want sex with ME, and it’s only up to me to “make it happen”

    If the statement if “all women want sex” then sure I agree they want to have sex with men they are attracted to.

  • Parkey

    The presupposition there is that attraction is something that is either already there or not.

    It’s a lazy assumption, because for men attraction is something we have to create, mostly through our actions. Escalation creates it too; it’s essential.

    If you have power, wealth, looks, women just give you more chances to do it. Doesn’t mean you need any of those.

  • Parkey

    It’s expectation.

    If you have looks, money, power, status, women expect you know how to create attraction. Usually correctly.

    Doesn’t stop you surprising them.

  • skw

    “If you have looks, money, power, status, women expect you know how to create attraction. Usually correctly.”

    And that expectation is itself an expression of attraction.

    Because the lookers get the benefit of the doubt, that’s my whole ()#$@ing point. And the people with these plus points get more chances, more chances means more opportunities to make mistakes, and more opportunities to “figure it out”

    Doesn’t stop you surprising them.

    Of course not, just like someone with 30% lung capacity can try to be a runner just the same. he’s just gotta work 3 times as harder.

    “Surprising them” means having a harder burden of proof to meet. Like you said, it’s about expectation and you need to keep reinforcing something that a good looking, rich, powerful guy only has to communicate ever-so-lightly (because his looks, money and status does most of the communication itself)

  • Mark

    Skw and Parkey – both spot on and well said. It sums up the two points I’ve always known – 1) Looks (and power and wealth – “groan”)) matter a lot and 2) there are other emotional attraction variables and having the looks gives you a perceived as well as a real advantage. Oh no, smack me hard, because here we go with a Premiership football analogy again but its so true. I mean, it’s tough enough to play at Old Trafford for the simple fact that the Man United starting 11 are a talented team. But then due to consistent years of this talent and positive experience, they gain a ridiculous amount of favour from the referees on their home ground. As if it’s not hard enough to beat them without the bloody referee making it even more difficult. This is basically what the likes of skw and I are up against and as human beings, not robots designed to “surprise people and make up for our weaknesses” it is naturally demoralising.

    Anyway, Im now jealous of both of you for putting it so eloquently in a way I never could – you should both be professional writers….

  • Will Jolly

    So let me get this straight: it’s the “man’s job” to approach, the “man’s job” to get the woman’s contact info, the “man’s job” to choose the location for the outing(s), and the “man’s job” to escalate the “sexual tension”. Oh, and the man also has to be practically psychic (he has to somehow be able to know exactly when to escalate, he has to exactly what’s bothering a woman when she decides to throw a temper tantrum without her actually being an adult and saying what’s on her mind).
    So, basically, what I’ve gleaned from this site (and the myriad of other similiar sites which I’ve visited) is that a woman only really has to do two things (1). Get out of the house once in a while (2). Look good doing it. Sounds like a great deal for the fairer sex, am I right?

    • Marni Wing Girl

      Hey Will

      I think you’re misunderstanding the male/ female dynamic as women just being plain difficult. Women find it attractive when guys perform that masculine role of leading and being decisive. This doens’t mean you pander to her though: just have the confidence to pick a simple date that you think you’ll both enjoy. Women will also give signs that they want you to touch them, and create some sexual tension, but will wait for the man to act on these signs. A woman will rarely pounce on a man, but if she likes a guy, she’ll give him tons of clues that she’d like him to do just that to her! But it is about responding to the woman’s cues and being ok to take action.

      Neither of these things has to be bad though…in fact it should be fun :)

  • Will Jolly

    So I ask: what precisely is the woman’s role in the whole dating/relationship paradigm (besides the aforementioned showing up and looking good?).

    • skw

      “So I ask: what precisely is the woman’s role in the whole dating/relationship paradigm (besides the aforementioned showing up and looking good?).”

      Will,

      These types of questions, while clearly rooted in logic and sensible thought may not find too much support around here. You’re expected to be one of these guys in this audience:

      http://youtu.be/OYecfV3ubP8

    • Marni Wing Girl

      Hey Will,

      I think during the initial approach women give the signals- and men respond/ act on them. This is the natural male/ female dynamic. However, later on in dating a relationship should be based on equal effort, investment and commitment from both partners.

      Marni :)

  • skw

    “I think during the initial approach women give the signals- and men respond/ act on them”

    So, you’re saying that women are required to give the signals? And if these signals aren’t “loud” enough, shouldn’t some responsibility be on them to make them loud, clear and certain?

    A fleeting glance is much less certain than a girl coming up to me and saying, “oh hi, I like you”

    Of course, this becomes more important to guys that don’t have looks, money and other such things that naturally make women open up to them.

  • Marc

    So if you mentally rehears beforehand it doesn’t matter if you don’t actually need to have experience with a woman?

  • Andrius

    What a woman is saying does not matter. She is only testing. ive had women saying to me, we are not gonna have sex tonight. I sad, if we are not gonna have sex, so why are you talking about it? the rest is the story… ;)

  • Andrius

    Also, it is good to pretend, that we are weak by agreeing to what they say. This applies to women who get reaally a lot of attention. In the end we get what they want anyway ;) So dont get upset with that they say, just let them play with it ;) ))