How To Handle A Man Eater (Female Tests)

“You couldn’t handle me.”

I bet most of you guys reading this blog will have, at one stage or another, had a girl turn around and throw that one at you.

It’s tough to handle as it’s the woman “testing” your masculinity. Or as I like to think of it, it is the girl you’re speaking to putting herself beyond you, and challenging you to come get her.

You think she must be super confident, and kind of a bitch, right? Well, maybe. But she could also just feel very insecure about letting her vulnerability show. She is also trying to see if you are man enough to overcome this curve ball she’s just thrown at you.

So how do you handle a man eater and pass “female tests”?

Well, I had this exact question on Facebook last week, when a guy wrote to me, after a girl had said this classic line to him:

“You’re too nice, I’d eat you up and spit you out”

Can you see how she’s challenging him here? If he doesn’t respond at all he is of no use to her: if he shows how he’s been insulted by her, he’s a weak guy. It could be lose-lose: but not if you follow these 3 super simple steps:

1. Take a second to pause, instead of leaping into an emotional reaction.

2. Give her a smirk to show that you’re emotionally grounded, and that you think her challenging you is kinda cute.

3. Be extremely confident and daring in return: you’ve got to show her that you can handle whatever she throws at you.

Next I want you to make a call as to whether or not she’s already into you. If you’ve been having lots of banter, and you’ve already formed a really good connection to her, then try something sexy, to take your conversation to the next level:

“Well let’s go into the bathroom for 5 minutes and I’ll show you how nice I am…”

Use that carefully though, as it only works if things are already getting sexy. Most times you’ll want to come across as confident, but maybe not make such a direct come on, so a line like this will work great:

“Well the eating up part sounds nice, but the spitting out is a little gross: you’re a lot feistier than I thought you were when we first met”

What you’ve got to remember is to show her that not only can you handle her, but you’re not emotionally set off balance by her. That is the most important part!

In short: yes you are more than man enough to deal with her.

Remember, a man who understands women will win the attention of any woman he wants. Become that man today!

Over 50 Females, Fully Exposed In My Uncensored, Recorded Interview

There are 1000′s of little things that men don’t know about women. But I guarantee if you knew them, it would put you in the top 1% of men that have their choice of women they want. I can tell every little thing you need to know about women. Including the things that women would never want you to know. Read More…

 

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  • skw

    “She is also trying to see if you are man enough to overcome this curve ball she’s just thrown at you.”

    Marni I had a girl I dated come late repeatedly only to say “sorry” and bat her eyes and use her femininity to try and diffuse any displeasure I had.

    Is this a test? How do I deal with it?

  • christofer

    I think that we as men need to stop jumping through hoop after hoop and dancing like little monkeys and serving as entertainment for women,catering
    to their every whim but the gender as a whole is too weak to do that. What
    I appreciate about women is their dismissive attitudes towards men and their
    refusal to compromise/yield (“Take me as I am”);whereas men are quite the
    opposite.

    Marni,is there such a thing as a woman who is just a disagreeable/unpleasant
    person or can everything be boiled down to “tests” and her being insecure & wanting to protect herself ?

    “You’re too nice, I’d eat you up and spit you out”…A woman will only say
    that to man that she is not interested in.I don’t even she this as a test
    she just wanted to get rid of the guy…. If a woman is approached by a man who is her physical/intellectual ideal and who she perceives as having a high income/status…such words will never leave her lips.

    • Parkey

      Over the weekend I socially met a very pretty woman who, when I made conversation with her, not only pushed me away rudely but then went out of her way with the rest of the group to try to make me feel bad for having even tried. This is the difference between the bitch shield and just being a bitch. If a woman engages you and pushes you back it’s a test. If she disengages and then tries to push you down, wishes you ill, you can be more or less certain that she’s got self esteem problems and is best pitied and avoided.

      Pretty isn’t beautiful.

      • Marty

        Excellent point, Parkey.

    • Marni Wing Girl

      Hi Christofer

      I think that there are, of course, quite negative people out there: but they will have a reason for that negativity. You can choose not to engage with them, but understand few people are just through and through born mean!

      And women do often compromise too for a guy that they love, in fact women often see it as their duty to ‘stand by their man’ even when the going gets tough: so it works both way

      Marni :)

    • http://twitter.com/ryankeely ryankeely

      I would only say something like that to a man I totally wanted to bang. It’s a ‘cocky-confident’ comment. I’m pretty intimidating so he can’t deal with me sassing him a little in the bar there is NO WAY he could handle me in the bedroom.

      • MarathonMan

        This is nothing in opposition to what-you-said here, Ryankeely; but, the thing about this discussion that bothers me is the underlying assumption(s) throughout that the man would even want to handle her. If a woman said this to me I would honestly say to her….
        “Possibly true. But, you are assume I would WANT to handle you.” It’s a major assumption. Don’t fall for it. A woman has to pass my tests, not the other way around.

  • skw

    “I appreciate about women is their dismissive attitudes towards men and their refusal to compromise/yield (“Take me as I am”);whereas men are quite the opposite.”

    Hi Christofer, I agree with this 100%. But I think it’s all pent up. I think they want to be submissive to one guy, and all the dissmissiveness they show towards the 1000′s of guys they approach all get’s released. I knew a very attractive girl in nyc, she was an actress/model etc.. tons of guys were after her, she told them all to piss off.

    She met a guy in spain, who barely spoke english! after 6 months of traveling back and forth, she moved in there with him! a different country! she doesnt speak a lick of spanish! she (is most likely) now throwing away her career.

    ” If a woman is approached by a man who is her physical/intellectual ideal and who she perceives as having a high income/status…such words will never leave her lips.”

    Agreed.

  • Mark

    It depends on the woman. The actress, skw, is either dating this Spanish guy because he is HOT or because he has that something special or both. While I agree looks COULD play a main factor, this is not a definite.

    Some woman do say that to men they don’t fancy. However, some do it to ones they do fancy but aren’t sure of how MAN they really are. If you ARE their physical type and then you fail this test, you LOSE, as there are many others who are ALSO their physical type.

    Again, though, its an abundance/abundance mentality thing. Having the looks create situations where you are used to handling this kind of stuff.

  • Mark

    And also you are right, women have got the upper hand because men as a whole are pussified in 2012. Only solution is to be you no holds barred. I walked off on a hot lithuanian girl today during a date for having an attitude about money and how the man should pay for “the right to be with her”. She phoned repeatedly after I left her to foot the bill. She may even want to see me again but I sure won’t be bringing my wallet.

    You cant blame women for this, its not their fault society has put them on a pedestal. ITs up to us few real men to carry the torch and do our best. Wont always work, but have a go.

  • christofer

    I walked off on a hot lithuanian girl today during a date for having an attitude about money and how the man should pay for “the right to be with her”

    Good.Great move on your part,Mark.I applaud you. However,you have to give
    her credit for being honest…a lot of women feel exactly the same way she
    does but would never dare admit it.May I ask how did you meet her ?

    I have to correct you on one point though.You said that society has put
    women on a pedestal…I disagree slightly;it is YOUNG ATTRACTIVE women
    that are revered.Those past are certain age are not given the same
    reverence/admiration as younger ones.I think that is one of the main
    reasons SOME woman panic at the thought of turning 30;its ludicrous
    how some consider women “washed up” at the age of 25 +.

    We as a gender need to stop yielding and acquiescing to women.
    We need to stop excusing their disagreeable behaviour as just
    being a sign of their vulnerability & way to see if you’re
    man enough to protect her,etc..Can you imagine women accepting
    such behaviour ? Being tested ? Please….

  • skw

    “I walked off on a hot lithuanian girl today during a date for having an attitude about money and how the man should pay for “the right to be with her””

    A lot of women from the eastern block do this.

    “Can you imagine women accepting such behaviour ? Being tested ? Please….”

    Agreed, but we live in a world of female privilege.

  • Marty

    How do we live in a world of female privilege?

    The idea that women hold all the power in society these days is a frothing at the mouth Men’s Rights inspired fantasy.

    This is just my experience but I’ve not really met too many women who are actively dismissive of or disagreeable towards men. Sure, women have their types, likes, wants, fetishes, desires etc….but I’ve seen no evidence amongst the women I’ve met, known, befriended, slept with and been in relationships with that there is any great conspiracy to be dismissive of or disagreeable towards men.

    Women are people. They have stuff going on in their lives. Sometimes the stuff going on in their lives influences how they react to and behave towards other people. Exactly the same as you get with men.

    Sometimes women test men. So what? If I were looking for someone to be with then I’d sure as heck test them from time to time to see if we’re compatible or not. I welcome the challenge to show the kind of man I can be…the kind of man I am.

    I read another dating advice blog yesterday that talked about how much you can tell from a man (or anyone really) by how they handle rejection. I have to admit that I’ve flunked that test more than once. I reacted in stupid ways just because I got hurt. Understanding that lesson has and will make me a much stronger man.

    I certainly don’t think all men are pussies in this day and age. You’re not a pussy if you learn to stand up to and react well to people’s tests. You’re not a pussy if you take a long hard look at your life, accept help and feedback from others and use it to make a better life for yourself. Plus, there are plenty of guys out there who are assertive…even aggressive in terms of how they approach and interact with women.

    On the topic of the blog post: I do love strong women who think I can’t handle them. :)

  • Mark

    Christofer is correct yes others are defensive and less honest about it.

    Met her through a friend during Euro 2012 watching the match in town.

    And yes it is young attractive women who are put on a pedestal. It will take generations to fight this and we can only do our best as individuals. Some women are so used to being revered they wont change and will just move on to the chump who pays their way. But some will and those are the ones we should focus on.

  • Marty

    “And yes it is young attractive women who are put on a pedestal.”

    You could equally say that young, “attractive” guys are also put on a pedestal by society. The media (one of the mouth pieces of society) features reams and reams of stuff that basically says to men and women: “you don’t look like these people look and that’s a bad thing!”. Lot of pressure out there on both men and women.

    “It will take generations to fight this”

    Fight what? How one woman behaves in one situation is not automatically a reflection of her personality as a whole. A great many factors can influence a person’s behaviour.

    “and we can only do our best as individuals. Some women are so used to being revered they wont change and will just move on to the chump who pays their way. But some will and those are the ones we should focus on.”

    First of all, women are individuals. A great many factors influence how they behave in different situations. So, if a woman behaves “badly” in one situation, that is not automatically proof of some global outbreak of women being disagreeable towards or dismissive of men in general. It may simply mean there’s something going on with that particular woman.

    Secondly, even if women somehow did behave en masse in certain ways, what would be the purpose of trying to change the behaviour of such a large group of people? How those women think, feel and behave is going to change naturally anyway because how we all feel, think, behave changes naturally over time.

    Wouldn’t attempting to change an entire group of people’s behaviour just because it doesn’t fit with what some guys like or want be little more than a huge exercise in worshipping the ego?

    What right do we, as guys, have to demand that women behave in certain ways towards us? Each woman is a unique, individual life form. Her attitudes, her beliefs, her behaviours etc are largely her own business unless they contravene some sort of already present societal code (for example: breaking social norms or doing stuff that is illegal).

    There is a huge difference between leading and controlling. We have no need to control women and leading does not require that we control women or how they behave.

    If a woman I date has an “attitude about money”, it’s not up to me to “re-educate her” or change how she thinks or feels. That’s her business. It’s up to me to decide whether I’m happy being around someone like that or not.

  • Mark

    Marty, while I appreciate your honesty and tend to agree we cant change the world, I dotn believe in beign a sheep and will stand up for my beliefs.

    Having said that, yes, women can behave in different ways in different situations. And I have the right as you say to judge it how I want.

    If you read above, yes I do choose to avoid women who have attitudes about money.

    • Marty

      “Marty, while I appreciate your honesty and tend to agree we cant change the world, I dotn believe in beign a sheep and will stand up for my beliefs.”

      I certainly agree with the whole not being a sheep and standing up for your beliefs thing. I think that’s very important. I’ve read a lot of what you have to say on this blog and appreciate your perspective on things. The way I look at things tends to be to see people as individuals who vary. So, if a woman behaves in a certain way, I see it as evidence that there’s something going on with her as an individual. That or I’ve done something to prompt such a behaviour in her. I don’t automatically assume that her behaviour is proof that there are all these women out there who are automatically dismissive of or disagreeable to men.

      “Having said that, yes, women can behave in different ways in different situations. And I have the right as you say to judge it how I want.”

      I agree. You have the right to decide how you respond to the way a woman is behaving. Honestly, and this is just my perspective, I don’t know whether it’s right to judge people based on one or two instances where their behaviour didn’t come up to scratch. Not saying you’re doing that. Just thinking aloud here. I think you can uphold and protect your boundaries whilst also not judging the other person who may have accidentally or deliberately violated those boundaries.

      “If you read above, yes I do choose to avoid women who have attitudes about money.”

      Perfectly understandable if women having “attitudes about money” violates your values or your boundaries.

      People are going to let us down at some point. They have to be allowed to do that or they can’t be people. Doesn’t mean we can’t respond to it how we might wish to respond to it. Doesn’t mean we can’t have a problem with their behaviour and vocalise that we have a problem with their behaviour. Just means that we accept that people will, sometimes, let us down. Sometimes we’re going to let others down even when we don’t mean to. Part of human nature.

      I used to avoid having any kind of conflict with people. Mostly because I wasn’t exactly fond of the person I became when I had conflict with people. I’d raise myself up to my fullest height and chuck my moods at people. It was a ridiculously powerful thing to do but it ended up being largely unattractive to women. There was no “being grounded” involved in it. It was just an explosion of emotional energy. I stopped doing that and went the opposite way. I retreated into myself. Women then started saying they couldn’t “feel me” and very little ever got resolved.

      There is a balance to be hand. A halfway house between upholding and protecting your boundaries and letting another person be the human being they were born to be…warts and all (as they say).

  • skw

    “ITs up to us few real men to carry the torch and do our best. Wont always work, but have a go.”

    a russian woman (we werent even on a date) once said to me, do you have a lighter, and when I said no, she said, “a gentleman always has a lighter” and I got flustered, but wanted to say back, “a lady never goes around saying what a ‘gentleman’ is”

  • skw

    “Sometimes women test men. So what? If I were looking for someone to be with then I’d sure as heck test them from time to time to see if we’re compatible or not. I welcome the challenge to show the kind of man I can be…the kind of man I am.”

    but when we test them, it’s considered sexist. When they test us, it’s considered them making sure we are “being men”

    • Marty

      “but when we test them, it’s considered sexist. When they test us, it’s considered them making sure we are “being men””

      Testing women/men is not automatically sexist. Testing for compatibility is not automatically sexist. You’re not saying: “all women/men should be like this….” when you “test” someone. You’re simply finding out whether you and the other person are compatible.

      A woman is going to want to find out whether you’re the type of guy she wants, desires, likes etc. And, as a guy, you’re going to want to find out whether she’s the type of woman you desire, like, want etc.

  • Mark

    a russian woman (we werent even on a date) once said to me, do you have a lighter, and when I said no, she said, “a gentleman always has a lighter” and I got flustered, but wanted to say back, “a lady never goes around saying what a ‘gentleman’ is”

    Skw, I had to laugh. You should have said it back if thats how you felt, although humour would have been the best response there.

    Curious if she would have said this to a HOT looking man without a lighter. If she was being playful she would have. If she was just being a bitch, she probably wouldnt to the hot man. In my opinion the word “gentleman” only comes out when they are not physically attracted, but Im nowhere near 100% sure on this… (and watch Marty pounce with something abstract here lol)

  • Mark

    Also interesting that Parkey above admits a good looking girl was rude to him for even daring attempt to talk to her. Not a usual Parkey-type entry. Looksism is rife.

    • Parkey

      I suspect it was more that I was in a situation where I felt quite socially awkward Mark.

  • skw

    “You’re not saying: “all women/men should be like this….” when you “test” someone. You’re simply finding out whether you and the other person are compatible.”

    Its a fine line, because they are saying, “all women/men should be like this.. if they want to be with me” for example I cornered this girl because she was first saying, “all men should chase me, but thats just my opinion, not saying it’s for everyone” but finally I got her to admit that it wasn’t just a “preference” rather it was a belief about how the world works, as in “men must chase women” many times someones personal compatibility is ROOTED in a belief about what people “should” do

    For example, I believe that it’s best for me to cross the street at a red light, everyone else can do whatever the #$@ they want, but I’m going to make a personal choice to cross at the red. Of course, this is rooted in a knowledge that there’s a law that requires drivers to stop their cars at red lights. so my personal “compatibility” is rooted in an objective measurement that everyone “should” stop at the red.

    “In my opinion the word “gentleman” only comes out when they are not physically attracted, but Im nowhere near 100% sure on this… ”

    I completely, 100% agree with you. “gentleman” basically means, I’m not attracted, so Im going to put you through the ringer.

    • Marty

      “Its a fine line, because they are saying, “all women/men should be like this.. if they want to be with me”

      If that’s what they are saying then that’s fine. People are allowed to have standards, desires, wants etc.

      “for example I cornered this girl because she was first saying, “all men should chase me, but thats just my opinion, not saying it’s for everyone” but finally I got her to admit that it wasn’t just a “preference” rather it was a belief about how the world works, as in “men must chase women” many times someones personal compatibility is ROOTED in a belief about what people “should” do”

      Why did you corner some random girl?

      If someone has a belief about what people “should do”, that’s their business. Doesn’t mean they can’t or won’t go beyond that belief. Beliefs get updated and new beliefs get created at various points in our lives and we can even begin the updating process ourselves.

      “For example, I believe that it’s best for me to cross the street at a red light, everyone else can do whatever the #$@ they want, but I’m going to make a personal choice to cross at the red. Of course, this is rooted in a knowledge that there’s a law that requires drivers to stop their cars at red lights. so my personal “compatibility” is rooted in an objective measurement that everyone “should” stop at the red.”

      It’s not entirely rooted in an objective measurement because you’re a human being who can’t make entirely objective measurements.

      The beliefs you have about the world do not necessarily intrude upon how you test to see whether you and someone else are compatible. They may intrude or they may not. People are not math problems or science puzzles to solve. They are people testing to see who other people are so they can find a partner they find attractive and might end up loving.

  • skw

    “If that’s what they are saying then that’s fine. People are allowed to have standards, desires, wants etc.”

    of course they are, but in most cases it’s also in line with what they believe about how the world “should work”

    • Marty

      Sometimes it is in line with that and sometimes it’s not.

      If a woman believes that men should chase women and she tests a guy to see if he will chase her or not…so what? She wants a guy who will chase her. That’s her preference as a woman.

  • skw

    ” Doesn’t mean they can’t or won’t go beyond that belief. Beliefs get updated and new beliefs get created at various points in our lives and we can even begin the updating process ourselves.”

    In my experience, beliefs rarely every get “updated” or “created” unless there’s a huge external event that is simply unexplainable under the old belief system. it takes something that strong to even make a dent, and even then it’s not guaranteed. I have no idea how you arbitrarily claim “beliefs get updated” with such certainty. they may, but the chances are infinitesimally small.

    • Marty

      “In my experience, beliefs rarely every get “updated” or “created” unless there’s a huge external event that is simply unexplainable under the old belief system.”

      I used to believe in Santa. Then my parents told me Santa wasn’t real. I rationalised that experience and stopped believing in Santa. Wasn’t a huge external event.

      “it takes something that strong to even make a dent, and even then it’s not guaranteed.”

      I respect your personal experience. But it doesn’t necessarily need something that strong even to make a dent. As I said, I used to believe in Santa. My parents said he wasn’t real. I rationalised the experience and stopped believing in Santa. Not a huge life changing event.

      “I have no idea how you arbitrarily claim “beliefs get updated” with such certainty. they may, but the chances are infinitesimally small.”

      No, the chances are not infinitesimally small. Current research in neuroscience and brain plasticity points towards the fact that beliefs get updated (or can be updated) at various points in our life.

      Many people have switched from being believers in a religion to being atheists. That switch involved either an update in beliefs or the abandoning of old beliefs and the creation of new ones. This may have happened gradually over time or it may have happened as a result of the rationalisation of a sudden event in their lives. Either way people went from one set of beliefs to a new set of beliefs. People do it quite often in life.

  • skw

    “I used to believe in Santa. Then my parents told me Santa wasn’t real. I rationalised that experience and stopped believing in Santa. Wasn’t a huge external event.”

    Somehow I had a feeling you would use this silly counter-argument. No, the “huge” external event was actually very huge;

    1. Your friends likely stopped believing in Santa, acceptance among your peers is a huge driver of many things in life, especially at that age.
    2. You had no evidence to support Santa actually existed, other than people telling you it existed, and at some point those people stopped.

    Actually, in my experience no one really believes Santa exists, even kids as young as 7 or 8, even they play along with the fantasy.

    Secondly this discussion is limited to beliefs about ONESSELF.

    “Many people have switched from being believers in a religion to being atheists.”

    In all cases I know it’s accompanied by a large external event, in one particular case it was the death of a family member.

    “This may have happened gradually over time or it may have happened as a result of the rationalisation of a sudden event in their lives.”

    It happens due to sudden events that make the old belief system no longer possible. It rarely happens, and when it does it takes something of very large external consequences.

    • Marty

      “Somehow I had a feeling you would use this silly counter-argument.”

      It’s not a silly counter argument. We’ve had this discussion before: stop insulting people who disagree with you on things. It’s not polite to do so.

      “No, the “huge” external event was actually very huge;”

      How do you know that?

      “1. Your friends likely stopped believing in Santa, acceptance among your peers is a huge driver of many things in life, especially at that age.”

      Actually, quite a lot of my friends at that age still believed in Santa at that time.

      “2. You had no evidence to support Santa actually existed, other than people telling you it existed, and at some point those people stopped.”

      Actually, I did have “evidence” that Santa actually existed. People told me he did, someone drank the milk we left out for Santa on Christmas Eve, huge sections of the media and culture within society would not stop promoting the whole idea of Santa coming down the chimney on Christmas Eve.

      Those people didn’t suddenly stop telling me Santa existed. The media and society as a whole didn’t suddenly stop promoting the existence of Santa. My parents told me he wasn’t real and it was just my Dad bringing the sack of presents into our rooms on Christmas Eve. I rationalised what my parents told me and I trusted me parents.

      That’s not, at least in my life, a huge life event. It’s certainly not a huge life event when you compare it to other events such as the time I broke my left elbow.

      “Actually, in my experience no one really believes Santa exists, even kids as young as 7 or 8, even they play along with the fantasy.”

      I respect your experience. Some kids do believe in Santa and are not simply playing along with the fantasy.

      “Secondly this discussion is limited to beliefs about ONESSELF.”

      No it’s not limited to that. We were talking about beliefs, beliefs getting updated over time etc. That’s not limiting it to beliefs about oneself.

      “In all cases I know it’s accompanied by a large external event, in one particular case it was the death of a family member.”

      I’ve already agreed that external events can cause the updating of beliefs just as it can cause old beliefs to be abandoned and new beliefs to be forged. However, external events are not the only cause.

      In the cases I know of where people have gone from believing in a religion to having no faith, some of them changed their beliefs over time, some changed their beliefs as the result of sudden, extremely traumatic and or powerful events and some were simply convinced out of their faith by reading The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins.

      “It happens due to sudden events that make the old belief system no longer possible.”

      Sudden events can make it happen. Other things can make it happen. We have to remember that human beings are not entirely objective. We don’t just look at the evidence available to us, rationalise it objectively and then come up with what we believe based on that objective analysis. We’re largely subjective beings not computers.

      Beliefs can change as the result of sudden events. Beliefs can change gradually over time. Beliefs can change as the result of learning a new skill or even within the process of learning a new skill. Beliefs can change naturally as we grow and, if someone’s really good at influence, beliefs can be changed just by talking to someone.

      “It rarely happens, and when it does it takes something of very large external consequences.”

      It can happen quite often. If it couldn’t happen quite often in our lives then, in all likelihood, we’d be still wandering around with all or most of the beliefs we had when we were, say for example, 5.

      Right now, I can’t drive. I do not believe that I can drive a car. I could go off, have some lessons, learn to drive and then pass my test. At that point I’d probably rationalise my experiences and believe that I can drive a car. I wouldn’t need a sudden, life changing event to go from believing I can’t drive a car to believing I can. All I’d need would be a gradual process of learning a new skill and a willingness to rationalise my progress with learning that new skill in ways that served me.

      I’d also need to not be in a mindset where I dismissed my progress learning to drive.

  • skw

    “If a woman believes that men should chase women and she tests a guy to see if he will chase her or not…so what? She wants a guy who will chase her. That’s her preference as a woman.”

    Agreed, but that preference in this particular case is usually motivated by her belief in “thats the way it should be” I would ask anyone woman that says “it’s my preference”

    It’s actually my preference, I wish I could just show up and have women chase me all around too, but i understand we live in a female-privileged society and if Im adamant about my preference of being chased, I’ll get no where, just the same if I’m adamant about my “preference” to cross the street when the light is green, and not red, then I’m gonna get smacked by a car eventually.

    Preference is strongly linked to an understanding of “that’s the way it is supposed to be” Where else would this “preference” come from? I prefer that i just sit on my ass all day long and get paid by companies to do nothing, of course that’s never going to happen because according to most, that’s not the way it “should be”

    • Marty

      “Agreed, but that preference in this particular case is usually motivated by her belief in “thats the way it should be” I would ask anyone woman that says “it’s my preference””.

      Wow, did we just agree on something? :)

      “It’s actually my preference, I wish I could just show up and have women chase me all around too, but i understand we live in a female-privileged society and if Im adamant about my preference of being chased, I’ll get no where, just the same if I’m adamant about my “preference” to cross the street when the light is green, and not red, then I’m gonna get smacked by a car eventually.”

      No, we don’t automatically live in a female-privileged society. We are very far from living in such a society. If you want to be chased by women then that’s your preference and you’re free to have that preference.

      “Preference is strongly linked to an understanding of “that’s the way it is supposed to be” Where else would this “preference” come from? I prefer that i just sit on my ass all day long and get paid by companies to do nothing, of course that’s never going to happen because according to most, that’s not the way it “should be”

      Preference is not necessarily linked to an understanding of “that’s the way it is supposed to be”.

      I have a preference that goes like this: I would like a woman I’m with to have a passion in her life.

      I don’t believe that’s how the world should be. I don’t believe all women should have passions in their lives. I’d just rather like a woman I’m with to have a passion in her life.

  • skw

    “No, we don’t automatically live in a female-privileged society. We are very far from living in such a society. If you want to be chased by women then that’s your preference and you’re free to have that preference.”

    Exactly, I’m also free to walk across the street when the light is green. Problem is, I’m 100x more likely to get hit by a car that way.

    “Preference is not necessarily linked to an understanding of “that’s the way it is supposed to be”.”

    In most cases it is. especially in cases where the “preference” is a statement about what someone (or some group) should do or act towards us.

    (ie. I’m a woman, a man should chase me, because ‘men chase women’ and that’s just how it is)

    • Marty

      “Exactly, I’m also free to walk across the street when the light is green. Problem is, I’m 100x more likely to get hit by a car that way.”

      Not really the same thing. If you commit a traffic related violation then there’s going to be certain consequences to that action and people are going to care: drivers, other pedestrians, the police etc.

      If you simply have a preference that you want women to chase you then very few people are likely to be bothered by that.

      “In most cases it is. especially in cases where the “preference” is a statement about what someone (or some group) should do or act towards us.

      (ie. I’m a woman, a man should chase me, because ‘men chase women’ and that’s just how it is)”

      Not in most cases. In some cases. As I pointed out, preferences vary. I have a preference that a woman have a passion in her life. That’s not rooted in a belief about how the world is or should be. That’s rooted in the fact that I happen to find women who have a passion in their life sexy.

  • skw

    “Not really the same thing. If you commit a traffic related violation then there’s going to be certain consequences to that action and people are going to care: drivers, other pedestrians, the police etc.”

    wow. you really don’t know how to read do you. you really know how to push the limit of decent people. what does what you said have anything to do what what I said?

    understand the spirit of the analogy will you, Im talking about making individual choices that go against the “rules” of a society, now with traffic lights, there are ACTUAL laws on the books (but to hear some women talk about how they have to be chased, you’d think they’d want such rules written into laws as well) But what are laws ultimately? it’s when a society collectively agrees a certain behavior, course of action, convention, protocol is for the good of the society and transgressions against it are penalized (ie by fines, jail, or in this case, getting hit by a F’ng car)

    “If you simply have a preference that you want women to chase you then very few people are likely to be bothered by that.”

    That’s not the point, the point is its effect on YOU. who said anything about whether people are bothered by it. Of course no one will be bothered by it, EXCEPT YOU! Namely, you won’t get any f’ing chicks! Marni has posts ad nauseum about teaching men to approach. not one of them says, “don’t approach and wait for the girl to approach you.” not a single one.

    “As I pointed out, preferences vary. I have a preference that a woman have a passion in her life.”

    and as I pointed out that preference is not a preference about how a certain group should act TOWARDS YOU. For example, I have a preference people don’t break into my house and steal my shit, I also believe this is the way most people should behave, ie. not stealing shit.

  • Marty

    “wow. you really don’t know how to read do you?”

    And we’re back to this again…I know how to read and I can read. I am an equal to your intelligence too.

    “you really know how to push the limit of decent people. what does what you said have anything to do what what I said?”

    I am making the entirely fair point that crossing the road when you’re not supposed to is not the same thing as having a preference with regard to women chasing you. It’s a fair point.

    “understand the spirit of the analogy will you,”

    Traffic violations and preferences with regard to women are not the same thing. Pointing that out is an entirely fair point. If I said: “having a preference with regard to women is like getting on a spaceship to Mars”, you’d be the first to pick me up on that analogy and examine it.

    “I’m talking about making individual choices that go against the “rules” of a society,”

    As you point out later on, traffic violation: actual rules set down by society. Preferences for women: no such rules set down by society. Nobody is going to arrest you for wanting women to chase you.

    “now with traffic lights, there are ACTUAL laws on the books (but to hear some women talk about how they have to be chased, you’d think they’d want such rules written into laws as well)”

    With respect, that’s you interpreting what some women say and not necessarily what those women want.

    “But what are laws ultimately? it’s when a society collectively agrees a certain behavior, course of action, convention, protocol is for the good of the society and transgressions against it are penalized (ie by fines, jail, or in this case, getting hit by a F’ng car)”

    Not quite. You’d be hit by a car by some unsuspecting driver and not necessarily as a penalty for crossing when you’re not meant to. Plus, laws tend to be set by the governments of society rather than directly by the citizens of that society. And one could spend an age arguing whether governments march to the will of the people or the other way around. My point with picking you up on your analogy is that there is a huge difference between breaking actual laws and having a preference with regard to women. The situations do not equate.

    Women are not a government of society. They haven’t set down laws regarding the preferences that men can have.

    “That’s not the point, the point is its effect on YOU. who said anything about whether people are bothered by it.”

    You were attempting to equate violating an actual law with having a preference with regard to women. When you violate an actual law, people are bothered by it. Therefore, if you’re connecting the violation of an actual law with having a preference for women it’s fair for someone to assume you’re implying that having a preference for women would bother some people too.

    “Of course no one will be bothered by it, EXCEPT YOU!”

    Why would you be bothered by it? Is not having a preference for women simply an assertion of your desires, your wants, your likes etc? I mean, if you’re bothered by the preference you have then surely you’d just drop that preference since you’re the one in control of it?

    “Namely, you won’t get any f’ing chicks! Marni has posts ad nauseum about teaching men to approach. not one of them says, “don’t approach and wait for the girl to approach you.” not a single one.”

    It’s certainly not set in stone that you’d not get any “F’ing chicks!” But we’re talking about you wanting women to chase you. Not you waiting for them to approach you. You can approach them and still have them chasing you. Marni can, of course, correct me on this one but I think a lot of Marni’s advice is geared around you becoming the type of guy that women really want and would be prepared to “chase” whether you approach them or not.

  • Marty

    “and as I pointed out that preference is not a preference about how a certain group should act TOWARDS YOU. For example, I have a preference people don’t break into my house and steal my shit, I also believe this is the way most people should behave, ie. not stealing shit.”

    Actually it is a preference about how a certain group of people act towards me. I want women to have a passion and I’d like them show that they have a passion.

    If you want women to chase you: become a guy they’d want to chase. It’s that simple.

    • skw

      “Actually it is a preference about how a certain group of people act towards me. I want women to have a passion and I’d like them show that they have a passion.”

      Umm, by that logic everything is “how a certain group acts towards you” if acting towards you was simply “showing” something. Of course, that’s a ridiculous way to define something, if it includes everything.

      preferences regarding how a certain group acts towards you means you have specific requirements about actions, statements, that people must do specifically when dealing with you. so:

      “showing me they have a passion” is not specifically towards you, it’s having a trait that you recognize

      “buying me dinner on valentines day” is specifically towards you, not just showing a trait.

  • Mark

    The best way to become that guy is to improve your appearance. Skw,check out Mark Belmont’s material – you might find it more realistic,interesting and helpful than this jibber jabber

  • skw

    “You were attempting to equate violating an actual law with having a preference with regard to women. When you violate an actual law, people are bothered by it. Therefore, if you’re connecting the violation of an actual law with having a preference for women it’s fair for someone to assume you’re implying that having a preference for women would bother some people too.”

    I wasn’t equating it, I was drawing a similarity. and like I said, what is “law” basically? it’s where certain “preferences” are so much agreed upon, a group of people (lawmakers) decide the preference is worth writing down, and penalizing people if they don’t follow it. and like I said, most women act as if “the guy must initiate” is basically a law.

    “The best way to become that guy is to improve your appearance. Skw,check out Mark Belmont’s material – you might find it more realistic,interesting and helpful than this jibber jabber”

    Yea, Marty has a pathological inability to read, digest and understand things, he talks around the point and misconstrues what you say more strongly than I’ve ever seen by anyone. Jibber jabber is putting it lightly.

  • Marty

    You know what, SKW. I have better things to do with my time than talking with a rude person like you.

    I have respectfully addressed your points in great detail. Don’t tell me I talk around the point when you’re the one musing on the nature of the law in a discussion that is supposed to be about the preferences men and women have.

    Time and time again I have respectfully shown you where your arguments are flawed and where you have no substantiated proof for what you’re saying. I’ve also shown you where you’re being illogical in your thinking.

    I did all that in a respectful manner. I disagreed with you and I showed you the respect I would show any other human being.

    And you choose to repeatedly spit that respect back in my face by insulting me. No man of logic or science would choose to attack the arguer instead of the argument. Your own behaviour speaks volumes.

    You’re not smarter than the people here. Show people some respect.

    Until you apologise for insulting me, I have nothing more to say to you.

  • skw

    “You know what, SKW. I have better things to do with my time than talking with a rude person like you.”

    Good. go do them.

    “Time and time again I have respectfully shown you where your arguments are flawed and where you have no substantiated proof for what you’re saying. I’ve also shown you where you’re being illogical in your thinking.”

    No, you actually haven’t, you haven’t counteracted a single logical point of mine, all you’ve done is misconstrue what I say, and challenge the most basic and obvious facts of the world (for example, that girls in their teens are have physical appearance as their primary attraction motivator – notice how not a single other person challenges this assertion – doesn’t that tell you something?)

    and the amount of effort I’ve had to spend continually hammering the same point over and over into what I erroneously assumed was a brain within your skull, is tantamount to 100x any disrespect I’ve shown you.

    “I have nothing more to say to you.”

    And remind where what’s the down side of this again?

    “You’re not smarter than the people here.”

    No, but I am smarter than you.

  • Boydnar

    Marty, don’t waste your time. The last time skw actually went out and talked to a girl was 1979. Since then he has spent ALL of his time leaving comments on here saying women are shallow and Marni is wrong.

  • LR

    It’s awful that guys don’t know how to deal with a maneating woman. Once they get involved with her, they abuse her to regain control. Men will do anything to protect their masculinity and themselves from getting hurt by doing this. And they do get intimidated by confident women.

  • John

    If a guy can stay calm the best response to “I’d chew you up and spit you out ” is So you spit instead of swallow. Good to know.