Marni's Wing Girl Method > Blog > Dating Tips > Marni's Mailbag – Right & Wrong Way To Express Intentions

Marni's Mailbag – Right & Wrong Way To Express Intentions

 May 14, 2012

I get a couple of hundred emails a day from men all over the world, asking me questions about women.  Everything from attraction to dating to sex to relationship and marriage.  Wanted to share one with you:

Hi Marni,

There are so many times I’m out speed dating or on a 2nd date and I’d like to be open and honest about what I want, yet I’m socially aware there is a right and wrong way to express that intention.

My Question is what is the correct way to express your desires and intention in the correct way that turns her on ?

Peter

_______________________

Peter,

I always say be honest with tact and DO NOT emotionally throw up on a woman.  For the first date, or the first speed dating round, you definitely want to keep it fun and light. BUT if you do want to get into the more nitty gritty topics and put it all out there, here is how to do it:

Instead of saying this:

“I’ve been to a million of these speed dating events and I just want to find someone.  I really want to get married and have kids.  I’m ready and I’m hoping to find that girl here tonight. So how about you?”

This is tooooooooo much.  Too emotional, too needy and too yucky.

You can say the same thing but with a little more respect for yourself and a little more tact.

Say something like this:

“My life is pretty full right now. I enjoy my job, have a great group of friends. I’m happy. I’m in a space where I am looking explore and meet someone great and see where it goes.”

#2 is much stronger and shows that you still respect your life but looking to enhance it with the right person. Honest and classy!

WHAT DO YOU THINK?  In the comment section below, tell me what you think is the right and wrong way to express your intentions to a woman? Looking forward to hearing what you have to say.

  • Jamiel Cotman

    My general rule of thumb is: Don’t lie. Do omit.

    If I want to do something with a woman, its fine telling her but she doesn’t need ALL of the details. In this equation is timing, environment and of course the woman herself.

    For instance, if she is a conservative chick, ‘Don’t lie. Do omit’ REALLY applies. I don’t need to tell her about the fantasy sex position I’d love to get her in. I’d just say, “I’d like to be alone with you.” On the other hand if it’s a more liberal woman and we’re [let’s say] at a club or bar, details may be necessary.

    One thing I do is keep a men’s journal [not a diary to keep it masculine.]. My rule of thumb for the journal is: Don’t lie. Don’t omit. When I put it ALL on paper [every friggin he-motion I have] I can better decide what is appropriate to share with a woman and what is not.

    • Marni Wing Girl

      Hey Jamiel

      Agree with you that you need to adjust what you tell a woman based on how open minded she is, and what kidn of scenario you’re in. BUT if you’re in a relationship with someone don’t omit on important details (like that girl you keep texting is someone you used to hook up with) these omissions will catch up with you and you then run the risk of the woman not thinking you’re a genuine person. Not good!

      So in short, think about how you phrase things depending on who you’re speaking too but don’t omit if it means you’re moving away from the truth or witholding.

      Good luck

      Marni :-)

      • Jamiel Cotman

        Right.

        Thanks Marni!

  • Wolfgang

    Great stuff Marni. Really enjoying everything you’ve written.

    Wanted to ask you a question though. I’ve had this relationship with this girl which has been up and down for most part of the time. We had a fight and things went sour after that. I tried talking to her immediately after but it didn’t work out. We started talking again recently but I still feel that she still has not come clean with me about the misunderstanding and neither of us have gotten closure. I know this because I asked her (maybe my first mistake, should have made a plan and told her I wanted to see her and made it happen regardless) to meet me and she didn’t. I want to set things straight regardless of what the outcome is. So the question is how do I go about talking to her and set the situation straight. (if meeting up does not suit me as I work in another city now…email, phone?)

    • Marni Wing Girl

      Wow Wolfgang it sounds like she’s really got her guard up- so I imagine the fight was a pretty nasty one.

      I would say that I don’t think she’s ever going to want to meet up to discuss why she hasn’t ‘come clean’ that’s a lot of pressure to put on her! Instead work on rebuilding your connection & friendship. Once you’ve got some of that trust back she should be a lot more open to talking to you about what happened in the past

      Marni :)