Tips For Meeting Women and Combating Rejection: Get The Mentality of a Salesman

I always say that you have to have the mentality of a strong, confident, successful sales man to survive in the world of dating.

Why? Because dating and meeting women require you to have the ability to laugh in the face of rejection and realize that rejection is not a bad thing, it’s a great thing.  Seriously.

A couple of month’s back I spoke at the Global Pick Up Conference with about 25 other men.  Each of those men had a very similar story about how they rose to be a top expert in dating and meeting women. They attributed their success to their acceptance of rejection.

Their stories all went something like this:  “I used to be the horrible with women.  I didn’t get dates, I didn’t have sex and the only women whose attention I could get were a 6 or lower.  So I started practicing.  I went out every night, I approached trying a bunch of different styles and I figured out what worked for me.  I got rejected over and over and OVER again and then suddenly things started clicking.  Women started responding more favorably.  I was still getting rejected but I was also getting accepted.”

And their stories build from there.  They reveal how they didn’t learn to beat rejection but they learned to accept it, move past it and try again.  Very similar to what successful salesmen do.  Always remember the best of the best have all had failures.

I subscribe to several different online newspapers and I stumbled upon a great article this morning on Inc.com that talks about the psychology of successful people in sales.  It labels them as Happy Losers. I loved this idea and it sparked this post.

I suggest you go read this article cause it has some great points about how to handle rejection. To read the full article go to: Inc.com

How To Talk To Women

The most common questions I receive from men all over the world are about How To Talk To Women? And it got me thinking why is this question so common? Why are men so confused on how to talk to women and then I realized it was because the way that men talk to one another and the way women talk are totally different.

When women talk, they look for connectors, emotional connectors. So men that understand this about women, have an upper hand over other males.

So what I am going to do, with the help of my friend Bill, from PUA Forums, is teach you a few tools to use so that you can connect to women in conversation and will never again have to ask me how to talk to women.

Bill discusses what he uses to remember to connect with women when talking with them. He remembers to  Listen, Confirm and Affirm which I thought was genius and as a woman I can say these actions are definitely appreciated and rewarded at any stage, be it attracting, dating, relationship or marriage.  Connecting to women does not stop once you get her number.

Here is a brief summary of Listen ,Confirm and Affirm

Learn – Learn something about a woman by asking a question or by having her tell you something about herself

Confirm – Confirm you have heard her by talking about the topic at hand for example giving your own take on the topic either by sharing a story or expanding on hers

Affirm – Affirm that because of this “thing” she has told you makes you like her more

Listen to the full audio (16 minutes) that gives a much longer description with exact examples on how to talk to women and how to connect to them through conversation.  After you are done listening to the video, Click Here to see another one of Bill’s famous moves called The Whiskey Kiss!

To watch a video on how to perform the Whiskey Kiss Click Here!

When Should I Call Her?… Text Game, Phone Game, Email Game

When Should I Call Her?

There’s that cliché in the movies where the girl is sitting by the phone, waiting for it to ring, picking it up to make sure there’s still a dial tone.

It’s the perfect depiction of the anxiety and near-obsession us girls start to feel when we don’t hear from you within the first few weeks of dating. And now with all these other means of contact—text, email, Facebook post—it’s even more confusing. We’re sitting there thinking, “does he not like me? Did I do something wrong? Has he moved on?”

What we fail to consider is that it may be none of the above. It may just be that you have no idea how often or when you should contact us, which is something plenty of my guy pals have expressed to me.

So here’s a few quick pointers to answer the question “When Should I Call Her?”  just to get you started:

#1: If it feels too often…

It probably is.
Once I met a guy on a Sunday. He asked me out for Friday. He called or texted me everyday until then.
I didn’t mind so much, since I was really into him too, but by the following Wednesday the whole thing was over. How much contact you have is a component of the relationship that needs to build with time, unfolding at a steady pace. If you’re already talking everyday from the start, where do you go from there? And in the event that you do decide to take a “day off” and not drop us a line, we may start questioning ourselves yet again. Not a good tone to set in a relationship, especially in the beginning.

Lesson for you – Don’t POUNCE on her! Never attractive and never, ever works! Trust me.

#2: If it’s her birthday…

CALL HER.
Don’t text, don’t join her 50 co-workers and high school acquaintances with a generic “happy birthday!” on Facebook. Pick up the phone ala 1985. Knowing that you took that extra step that is rarely taken anymore will let us know you care. Granted, there’s the question of when gifts should come into play, but that’s for another blog.

#3: If you’re on vacation…

This all depends on how much you care, and how much you want to show it and how far into “dating” you are. If you’re on a weekend getaway with your buds and still have cell service, even just a quick text can make our day. The fact that you have all these other fun distractions, but we’re still on your mind and you took the time to make it known? That’s sure to get some butterflies going in our tummies.

***But if you’re not pursuing something a little more serious, let it be. Enjoy your vacation on your own and get in touch when you’re back.

#4: If you’re “really busy”…

I don’t care. Find the time. Because guess what? If this turns into a full-blown relationship, there’s bound to be plenty of more times when you’ll be overwhelmed at work or helping a buddy move. But you’re not gonna go two weeks without talking to your girlfriend, are you? I didn’t think so. So if you’re into this new chick enough that you think you might want her to become a girlfriend—and you’re also getting that vibe back from her!—act accordingly. Do a little check in or send a quick note via text or email.  But keep it short, 2 min max. Let her know you are super busy but just wanted to check in and say.  This shows you care about her but that you still respect your work and your future.

***But if you’re not pursuing something a little more serious, then wait till you are free to call. Only touch in if you want to show her you really want to connect.

#5: If you said you would call her…

I can’t believe I actually have to address this. If you say you’re gonna do something, do it! Don’t leave her hanging. Please.

The most important overall note when it comes to answering the question “When Should I Call Her?” is that in dating there must be respect. Respect for yourself, respect for her, respect for your current life and respect for hers.  In the beginning is when you get to establish boundaries, set parameters in which you would like the rest of your relationship to follow.

One Night Stand: Women Tell All

(**To listen to me and my friend Amy discuss when women want a One Night Stand go to the bottom of this entry!)

A few weeks back I posted a blog about when women want a One Night Stand. I got a ton of emails both from my newsletter members and from blog readers like you- wanting to know more!

I didn’t realize this was such a hot topic!

As always, I dug deep and asked every single one of the women in my network about their thoughts on a One Night Stand. Girlfriends, sisters, mother, Wing Girls, on facebook, through twitter… Every female I could find and I pretty much got the same responses from all.

Out of all the women, maybe 2 had never had a one night stand BUT said they had considered it and attempted it a few times.

From the other women, each of them used the words “I decided…” when describing their one night stands. I thought this was really interesting. I mean I must have talked to at least 200 women about this and each said something along the lines of I decided.

This was interesting to me, cause what I think I discovered from my questioning was that most one night stands for women are PRE MEDITATED!!! Or at least women like to think so.

The one time I had a one night stand, it was pre meditated. I was coming off a broken heart, insecure and wanted to just DO IT cause I thought it would shake my sad feelings. Never a good idea.

I have however had multiple one night fool arounds and loved every second of it!

Why? Because it was fun, exciting, went with the night and felt really, really good!!!!

These were guys I met while I was out and there was an instant, fun and exciting connection. They weren’t guys who asked me about my job or my family during our meeting. They were guys who were light, bantery and just plain old fun! Ones who pulled me into a world of excitment and enjoyment. It almost seemed fitting to make out with them and be part of a fantasy world.

Sometimes, that is all women are looking for! A great guy to blow off steam with!

I wanted to dive deeper into this discussion of a One Night Stand so I asked my friend Amy if she would be open to a recorded discussion and she said YES!!!!

Here is just 2 minutes of our 20 minute discussion on our experiences with a one night stand, why we had a one night stand and what makes us want to have a one night stand!

Click Here To Listen To The Full 20 Minutes of our discussion of A One Night Stand!

Full version includes 2 FREE days of Virtual Wing Girl Subscription!

One Night Stand: When Are Women Open To A One Night Stand?

One Night Only: When Are Women Open To A One night Stand?

My Wing Girl Zoey tells you exactly when a woman is open to a one night stand!

I could have a one night stand, and I’m the kind of girl who looks over in the morning and is like, ‘Do you really have to be here?’ I don’t need to cuddle and do all that stuff because I know what it is and I don’t try to make it more… I feel like a lot of women try to make it into more, so they don’t feel so bad about just wanting to have sex. I don’t really have a problem with just wanting sex. Never have… I just wanted to see what it was like to be with different people. I don’t think a girl’s a slut if she enjoys sex. – Jessica Alba in “Cosmo”

There’s a common misconception that only a wanton slut, a Desperate Housewife, or DeDe the Dogfaced Girl would be the kind of woman open to a one-night stand.  But many desirable women, Jessica Alba included, aren’t afraid to satisfy their needs with no strings attached.  Truth be told, a vast majority of women have enjoyed a single night of passionate, no rules, no meaning, simple satisfying sex.  In the past we may not have admitted, even to our girlfriends, that we’d indulged in a one night stand for fear of being labeled and judged.  But more and more women are embracing their own empowerment and sense of fun and adventure, while choosing to leave the judgments and labels in the dark ages where they belong.

We’re all aware of the stereotypes of a weepy woman waiting by the phone for her one night stand wonder to fulfill his empty promise of “I’ll call you…” or the wannabe-wife who believes a night of sex translates into choosing a caterer and color theme for the wedding.  While these stereotypes are often the antithesis of real women, their desires and intentions, more than a few of us have had her feelings squashed by that troglodyte who wrote a check his ass couldn’t (and never meant to) cash.

After a couple of these disappointments, some women determine to not be let down again by any man.  She starts calling the shots, deciding with whom and when she wants to get laid; she becomes the architect of her own experience.  Rather than finding herself panicked and lonely, the woman unafraid to love ‘em and leave ‘em indulges in a night of passion and then simply goes on leading her full life.  Presented with the choice, she turns a one night stand into an experience instead of a disappointment.

For other women, spontaneity is simply a way of life.  This type of girl grabs opportunity by the balls and rides it for all its worth.  This type of adventure-girl believes life is too short to let an exciting opportunity pass her by.  The right guy, the right place, and the chance to regale her girlfriends with another fantastic story, is too irresistible.  This is her moment to enjoy her body and her sexuality with the right person to satisfy her needs at that time.  Waiting around for a one night stand to take her out to breakfast is not her style.  For the adventure-girl, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.  Even when she’s in Detroit.

Women are open to a one night stand on innumerable occasions, each with her own reason or for no reason at all.  She might be too busy to be tied down by a long-term commitment or maybe obligations make her feel trapped.  Perhaps she’s living out a lifelong fantasy of going home with a sexy stranger.  She might be on the rebound, unready for all the banal complications that come with dating someone new, but eager to sample some fresh flavors of men.  Or maybe she just wants what Erica Jong termed a “zipless fuck”: Unapologetic sex with no stings attached, pure and free of ulterior motives and power plays.  With no emotions involved, she’s able to get out of her head and truly enjoy the chance to leave behind all the contrived rules about romantic encounters and just have wild, hot, meaningless sex.  In between searching for our soul-mate and getting our hearts broken, who couldn’t use zipless screw now and then?

Here is your chance to listen to 2 women talk about their experiences with a one night stand, why we had a one night stand and what makes us want to have a one night stand!  Listen to the audio below:

Click Here To Listen To The Full 20 Minutes of our discussion of A One Night Stand!

Jennifer Love Hewitt Wants Me…

Do Women Want Bad Boys? A Female Perspective

I have been digging deeper into the question of Do Women Want Bad Boys and I have been getting tons of responses from men and women.  I got a really interesting response from a woman named Sarah from the UK that I wanted to share with you.

Bad Boys vs. Chemistry

I wish I could say that chemistry is something that is a frequent visitor in my life. It’s not. It has arrived, maybe half a dozen times, and it is becoming more rare as I grow older. Each time the man was highly desired by more than a few women.

The chemistry was always hot, and, fortunately, mutual. It happened within minutes of our meeting or observing each other. And it never went away – on my side, at least. Yet, none of these fledgling ‘relationships’ ever lasted beyond a few days, weeks, or months.

Were they bad boys? As I look back now, I realize none of them were particularly honest, and all of them had a flock of females vying for their affections. These men were hot, and it had to do with their good looks, their smile, and their charisma. They were polished, sophisticated, and charming. It never occurred to me that they were bad, but then I’m not sure what people mean when they say women succumb to bad boys. I most certainly don’t!

If they were bad, I didn’t know it. How would I classify bad? For me, personally, it would mean someone who stole, was violent, broke the law, was perpetually drunk, abused people, and who sported all the other negative behavior patterns there are. But the term could also cover behavior that wasn’t necessarily criminal, so much as socially dysfunctional and deceitful. For instance, would I consider a bad boy a man who simultaneously took out three women at the same time, pretended he was faithful to all of them, and increasingly messed them around by not pitching for dates or letting them down in other ways? Yes, I think I would.

Would I continue to date someone like this if there was no chemistry? The first time it happened would be the last time. Would I continue to date someone like this if there was heavy chemistry involved? Probably – but not for long. Would I continue to find them attractive despite dumping them? I am ashamed to say yes. But get this straight! I did not find them attractive because of their bad behavior! I didn’t know about their bad behavior. I found them attractive as a result of their movie star good looks and their charismatic charm. Men who offend me upfront, regardless of good looks and chemistry, never get past hello.

This post was written by Sarah Lane from UK online dating site WeLoveDates.com. For more of Sarah’s writing please visit the WeLoveDates blog.

How To Use The Law Of Attraction To Get More Women

One of The Wing Girl Method users sent me this article that I think is awesome about positive thinking, tweaking thoughts and the Law Of Attraction!

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ARTICLE BY: Tom Venuto, NSCA-CPT, CSCS, Author, Burn The Fat, Feed The Muscle

On a recent special edition of CNN’s Larry King Live, Mr. King interviewed a panel of “mind experts” about how the thoughts you think literally turn into the events you experience, the material things you possess… AND even the health of your body.

For years, “positive thinking” and goal-setting were often criticized as “pollyanna” and “the law of attraction” was relegated into the category of “new age” fluff

On the recent show, panel experts Bob Proctor, John Assaraf and others who were featured in the movie ‘The Secret’ explained that recent breakthroughs in neuroscience along with understanding mental laws, reveals why goal setting, the “law of attraction” and “positive thinking” all work, regardless of whether you look at them from a metaphysical or a scientific perspective.

Scientists have even identified specific parts of the brain, such as the reticular activating system (RAS), which works with the visual parts of our brain to call our conscious attention to things that are important to reaching our goals and to filter out those things that are unimportant.

The RAS is activated by “programming” goals into our sub-conscious minds. Our sub concscious mind is the “power center” and THIS is the mechanism that explains why goal setting and positive thinking are now being accepted as scientific methods for change.

We are discovering that our brain is cybernetic in nature, which means that it is literally like a computer, waiting for a program to be installed.

Here’s the kicker – the subconcsious is completely neutral and impartial – it will carry out any instructions you give it.

Unfortunately, many of us are still running negative programs we picked up from others as children when our non-conscious minds were totally open and impressionable, or which we developed over the years as a result of repetition of our own negative thinking.

As it turns out, our own thoughts, repeated daily, are one of the primary ways that our “mental computer” is programmed on a sub-conscious level, which is the level of beliefs, habits and automatic behavior.

To change your results, you must overwrite old negative programming and install positive new programming into your subconscious.

This can be achived through such techniques as written goal setting, positive self-talk (affirmations), and mental imagery (visualization).

In the 1970′s, the Soviets and East Germans were the first to formally use structured mental rehearsal, and at that time, they dominated in several olympic sports. Today, virtually all elite athletes use visualization extensively, as we now know that the brain cannot differentiate between real practice and practice that is vividly imagined.

If you are getting more of the same negative results in your life – such as the same health problems, or the same body fat continues to return even after you lose it, then you have probably been un-consciously running old negative programs and re-inforcing them with negative thought patterns.

You can begin the positive mental reprogramming process by writing down your goals, changing your internal dialogue and taking a few minutes to relax, quiet your mind and perform a session of visualization or mental rehearsal every day (seeing yourself in your “mind’s eye” not as you currently are, but as you ideally would like to be).

These methods, repeated often enough, will begin to program the non-conscious portion of the mind, which is the same part of the mind that controls your heart beat, digestion and new cell production, all on “automatic pilot.”

In the last decade, neuroscientists discovered that you have the capacity to create an almost infinite number of new neural connections in your brain when you run new thought patterns.

The Old neural pathways are like grooves in a record, and if you are struggling with your health related behaviors or behaviors in any other area of your life, you have been playing the “old records” over and over again.

If you were to carve a new groove into that record, it would never play the same way again. the old pattern would weaken and the new one would take over. Brand new, positive thoughts, feelings and images begin to create new
neural patterns.

Psychologists estimate that it takes 21 to 30 days to establish a new pattern in your brain. During this time, the focus on sticking with your practice and repeating your new thought patterns is critical.

Is this easy? For most people, no it’s not. In fact, controlling your thinking and keeping it constructive may be one of the most difficult challenges you have ever faced. Fortunately, writing goals and reading affirmations can help get you started.

You can take some of the pressure off yourself by simply accepting that negative thoughts and self criticisms will pop up from time to time. Just observe them, without mulling over them or adding to them, and change the polarity of the thought by quickly repeating one of your positive affirmations or by changing your mental pictures.

So is there something to this whole “positive thinking” thing?

The philosophers and theologians have been saying yes for the entire span of recorded history:  “As you think, so shall you be.” Variations on this proverb can be found in every spiritual and philosophical tradition.

But… if you are the left-brained, “prove-it-to-me” type, you dont have to go on faith anymore. Scientists are beginning to prove more and more convincingly that thoughts are powerful things. Even Larry King seemed impressed with what his panel of “mind mentors” had to say. In fact, I just found out that larry will be airing part two of this “Power of positive thinking” show next week.

So how soon are you going to begin your mental training right alongside your physical training? When are you going to learn how to harness this power locked up inside your mind?

Guess what? You’re already using this force every day because you cannot turn it off. Whatever you are thinking and picturing in your mind repeatedly on a daily basis is on it’s way to you already, so it’s simply a matter of HOW you are using it, not IF you are using it.

What do you say to yourself every day? Do you say, “I am becoming leaner, healthier and more muscular every day?”… or do you say “I am a fat person – Ive tried everything, nothing ever works?”

The fact is – you can think yourself thin and healthy or you can think yourself obese and ill. Maybe not in the literal sense…but most certainly as the critical part in the chain of causation…

You see, there’s a lot of talk these days in the personal improvement world about law of attraction, manifesting, intention, visualization and of course, positive thinking

Without understanding that there is an orderly, scientific basis underneath all of this, many people will simply remain skeptics, while on the opposite extreme, others may get the idea that you can sit around meditating and visualizing, then expect a mystical “law of attraction” to kick in and then “poof!” a great body materializes out of thin air… along with the perfect relationship, a nice bank account and career success.

What really happens is “Positive thinking” and related methods quite literally re-program your brain, which in turn creates new behaviors that move you physically toward whatever you have been thinking about and focusing on.

So success is achieved through positive thinking + positive doing… attraction + action. There are two sides to the coin. Without paying attention to both, you may continue to struggle… often against nothing but yourself.

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I loved this article mainly because it really speaks to what I believe and what I teach others to understand.  It really is all in your control.  All that is required of you is to use your strength to think positively and change your story, rather than speak negatively.  It takes work but it can be done!

Positive thinking leads to positive outcomes. Meaning positive thinking leads to greater success with women. I guarantee.

If you want a helpful push from me to jump start your positive thinking check out How To Become The Man Women Want.  The only program that gives you the exact steps you need to create positive outcomes with women by building up the positives in you.  Check it out: http://www.winggirlmethod.com/products/become-the-man-women-want/

Do Bad Boy Jerks Really Get The Girl?

There are still so many men out there that believe women want to be with the Bad Boy.  I am here to tell you that this statement is entirely false.

WOMEN DO NOT WANT TO BE WITH THE BAD BOY!!!!!!!  They want to be with a good man who does possess some of the qualities the bad boy pretends to have.

Just to be clear when I use the term bad boy I mean a guy who is mysterious, is not reliable, a player, a jerk, secretly insecure, has no respect for anyone but himself and manipulates and uses women.  I want to be sure we are on the same page.

I wanted to share a small outtake from the audio interview I did with Carlos Xuma from Dating Dynamics. The interview is part of his new program called “The Bad Boy Formula” which teaches men how to be strong and respect themselves WITHOUT being a BAD BOY JERK.  A program, as you know, I am full support of.

Listen and let me know what you think.

To check out the full Bad Boy Formula and listen to the full hour interview plus hours more of audio and video content click here!

How To Have Real Confidence

As you know, The Wing Girl Method believes that for a man to be truly attractive to women he has to have real confidence! But what exactly does that mean?

Well for me, as a woman, I think that a man has real confidence when he presents himself in a comfortable manner. Meaning he is just fine with who he is and proud to show it off.  He realizes that he is a top of line model, the MVP of the team, the brightest star in the sky BUT he doesn’t feel the need to tell me about it. He just knows it.  That is confidence that women want! The real confidence.

Lyle, one of my newest clients, has been working with  me for just a little over a month.  In the beginning he did not understand how to have real confidence and then he watched one of The Wing Girl Method programs How To Become The Man Women Want and it just clicked for him.  As a thank you to me, he  sent me an email that explains the type of confidence I have been speaking about.

Read Lyle’s definition of real confidence men must have to attract all women:

Confidence is a funny old thing. You think you have enough of it to take that next step, and all of a sudden the wrong glance in a mirror, a flashed look by that girl, a comment by some girls douche bag boyfriend, and it all comes tumbling down. Its like that game of trust you play as a kid: “fall backwards and I’ll catch you”. If you let that person drop, after they’ve recovered from their concussion and tried to kill you, see how willing they are to play that game again. In much the same way, confidence is playing a game of trust with yourself. Trust me I’ve had a whole bunch of concussions. The only difference is when you ask yourself to play again you forget about the last time, suck it up and know that this time you’ll be caught.

Now I know it sounds rather contradictory to give yourself a concussion and then like a naive little puppy start chasing the semi-trailer wheels down the road into what will only end as disaster, but the key to all of this is in your head.  Confidence comes from peace of mind, and how do you achieve peace of mind? By not worrying, thinking positively and always feeling good about where you’re going.

Now don’t get this confused like that hippy guy over there is; “heeeey man, you gotta think positively, it makes the world go round, yeeeeeeeaaay”, that’s bullshit. He’s probably taken too much acid, and hey, good for him.  The positivity I’m talking about is in your thoughts, nobody has to see it, nobody can judge it, it’s your own.

That’s an excellent point right there. Your thoughts are, and allow me to be fairly general here, the only private thing you may have. Nobody else gets to hear whats going on in there but you. If you start with positive thoughts, it emulates through your everyday movements and you start to exude what people call confidence. Your smiling at things, your laughing to yourself, people will hate you “who is this happy jerk, what an arse hole”, and you’ll make a funny joke with them because your feeling content and probably make that persons day. It’s amazing how far a bit of positivity goes.

Depending on how you feel about yourself relates to the general aura that you let off. If you are relaxed in yourself, people don’t notice things. For example, my palms are ridiculously sweaty, like I’m talking, the cracks in my hands sometimes make the Nile river look like a stream. When I was younger I hated it, I was so embarrassed about it I wouldn’t shake peoples hands, or at best avoid them at all costs. Then recently, I figured that probably 9 out of 10 people wouldn’t have noticed if I wasn’t so uncomfortable with it. So every time I’d be in that situation, I’d think to myself and really emphasize “stop being a dick, nobody even notices that your hands are sweaty, move on”.

Now you’d probably expect me to tell you that this worked. Well, it did, but it has taken some time. Because it wasn’t just hand shakes that were affected. Think about all of the things you can do with your hands. For example, I’d dread haven’t to stand up in a crowded bus because the sweat from my hands would drip down the pole. Getting busy with the ladies was also sometimes a little awkward for me, but I adapted, I made do.

Again, I think that one of the first steps to becoming more confident and having real confidence is realizing that 99% of people won’t or don’t notice the things you are most insecure about. And for that 1%, either who gives a damn, or get creative. If I’m having a bad “hand” day, and I know a sweaty shake is imminent, I keep a clean piece of cotton available to wipe my hand or a cold drink in my hand and blame the condensation. Its not perfect but neither am I. Nobody is. And if you think I’m the only one with insecurities and hang ups! Your crazy! There isn’t a person on the planet who isn’t feeling a little insecure, or a little unhappy about something.

Thank you Marni for all your help in making me realize that I can have real confidence.

Lyle

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