What Women Find Attractive and Unattractive? The answer revealed!
Last night I was partaking in my usual Monday night, guilty pleasure of watching the Bachelor Pad. In case you don’t know the Bachelor Pad is a spin off of the Bachelor series where they take ex contestants, put them in a house and have them compete for $250,000. During the competition they are also interacting with the opposite sex and attempting to possibly find love.
Every week I say to myself, I have to show that clip to you. And every week, I forget to do it but this week is different. This weeks clip was too good to forget about.
I have titled the video clip below: Looks Only Go So Far, What Women Find Attractive and Unattractive. Many men never believe me when I say that, women will choose personality over looks every time. Looks can get you in the door, but it’s personality that will keep you there.
My commentary is sprinkled throughout the video.
Watch as Jesse B, who is a total cutie, can INSTANTLY lose Peyton’s attraction and become repulsive.
Marni’s Commentary: So I am pretty sure some of you are going to say to me “What a bit*h. She should give him a chance. He made 1 mistake…..” I have heard this from people before and my answer is always the same. I tell you how women DO react, not how they SHOULD react. Based on that theory, Jesse SHOULD have not made these stupid mistakes, but he did. AND what he did, in case it was not clear, was hurt her feelings because he took away an amazing romantic moment that she thought he was feeling as well.
As a woman, I could feel Peyton’s disappointment because I constantly experience this in my own relationship. When I am in a romantic mood and turned on by my man and then he does something “dudeish” I get sad. Sad that the moment wasn’t reciprocated. The thing is that I understand it from the guys POV as well. I know that when I am with my man and we are really connecting, he gets comfortable with me and when he gets comfortable he lets out his real self. Sometimes his real self wants to pick my nose or fart. As much as I should take it as a compliment, I don’t.
Same thing happened with Jesse. Jesse got super comfortable and showed his true self, which is great. BUT there is a difference between being yourself with the guys and a being yourself with a woman you are on a second date with and trying to date/sleep with/be with. This was Jesse and Peyton’s 2nd date not their 6th year of a relationship. Therefore Peyton only has the 1st date and this experience to form her opinion of him. And sadly for Jesse, her opinion is NOT FOR ME.
Let me know what you think. Post your comment and share your thoughts.
Want to know how Jesse could have saved himself from making these crucial mistakes with women? Or how he could have made these mistakes and STILL got the girl? Click Here
I just believe this is totally staged. Most women would swoon for a guy like that. I really find this episode hard to believe. She is not going to break off with him over a burp and some teasing. Its just not going to happen. Sorry but I have a hard time believing this is real. Its staged for drama.
Listen, this was an example on tv so I have no idea what producers have done. BUT had this been real life, I can 100% confirm that any woman would have been turned off instantly. Looks can only get you in the door, to stay inside you need a lot more than a pretty face.
I agree that looks only get you so far, but the sad truth that I’ve observed is that the good looking guys act as a mask (or detraction) from the 99% of other guys (who don’t realize that they have other tools to get in the door just as easily). So girls sometimes do go for the cutie first, unless a real man comes in with some serious personality traits (hint to all the other normal guys like me out there).
Also, I think a good distinction to make is the difference between appearance and looks (at least how I interpret it), looks are like the paper, appearance is the combination of the paper and what you put on it, and appearance will get you much much further than looks alone (wouldn’t you get board with fancy paper that had nothing on it?).
I do have one differing opinion (kind of), though this may be colored by the fact that I’ve been in a relationship (thanks to Marni) for over two years now. I’ve found that all I do now is just be myself and it seems that I can do no wrong (well I guess technically I could if I genuinely wanted to be a _______), it seems to me that there is a point that can be reached when all the most annoying things you can do just don’t kill the mood, they just turn up funny and become good jokes for later on, maybe that’s a sign that I should just get married and get it over with already.
This is really kind of ridiculous. To totally drop somebody after a simple mistake is incredibly shallow. It wasn’t like he did something so egregious it couldn’t be forgiven. What makes this so bad is that genuine people make genuine mistakes.
The ONLY guys who don’t make mistakes like these are the players and pimps that women like this end up dating in droves. And then later on end up spilling their guts about to anyone who will listen on the great wrongs done to them. Women like this are why Oprah is a multi-billionaire.
That said if you’re not attracted to somebody FOR WHATEVER REASON then you’re not attracted and that’s that. This guy will most likely never be able to recover from this in Peyton’s eyes. It’s sad because on a previous show he’d said he had a crush on her for a long time.
Staged or not, I’ve seen this scenario a million times.
These shows are great for learning what works(and what doesn’t work) with the opposite sex. That’s what I like about the Bachelor and the Bachelorette, each season is like a big sociology experiment.
I’ll admit that I watched this last night and thought Jesse was being an idiot. What was he thinking? No fantasy suite for you, pal. (I think he got too drunk.) I felt bad for him when he had to go back to the house and all his guy friends knew he blew it somehow and wasn’t getting any love. Talk about “the walk of shame”. (The woman were more insightful, they knew what had happened right away.)
Interesting to see how differently they behave on this show vs. the bachelor. Everyone tends to hook up in the fantasy suite at the drop of a hat. Seems to be a lot of sex going on in that pad. I wish I was there.
she never recovered from the corn dog and funnel cake ,country girl comment LOL! neg city she was taking herself way too seriously . watch her eyes he was toast 5 seconds in! the burp was just a preview. She wanted romance she was getting reality,,LOL! he was at least himself she was like trying to be some kind of cornfed princess??
Sorry Marni maybe you need to coach the girls!!
I agree that the events you said happened is what actually occurred as I’ve seen this scenario many times. She wanted something specific from him and was turned off by what she actually got instead. I agree that it’s perfectly fine to send him home with his tail between his legs on THAT NIGHT.
However, he obviously made a mistake. He was not trying to disrespect her. He appeared to me to be clearly clueless and simply misreading the situation. The only people who NEVER misread a situation anymore are people who’ve had a LOT of practice. Therefore what I would do in such a situation is express my disapproval assertively (far more than she did), end the date after a proper interval, and speak with my date at a time where we can sit down and discuss things without alcohol muddling our thoughts to make known what I would and would not put up with. If the behavior continues afterward then that is a sign of an inconsiderate person. However barring such a realization, I would certainly give a lady I was interested in a CHANCE to make things right. You say down below that a burp “Doesn’t mean I would not have seen him again” which apparently means you agree.
Other than the fact that she did not assert herself enough I’m not disagreeing with her reaction on this particular date. I disagree with the likely outcome that you can see coming a mile away from her response and her monologues. Apparently, you see it too because you state in your annotations in the video the her attraction is “lost forever” after he teases her. Did you not say that or did I misread your notes.
Also, if I’m not mistaken he said he’s had a crush on her for a while. These people know each other already so it’s not like they just met on that date. It seems to me you would afford someone you know a little more latitude than someone you just met. My whole point is looking at this woman from my perspective she is the type of person that will look poorly on him from now on in perpetuity. He will NEVER recover from this in her eyes. There is simply NOTHING he can do. She will be polite and friendly (perhaps genuinely so) on future interactions, but he is officially in the friend zone. I could be wrong but that’s the way I see it.
Marni
This guy what a loser! If a girl burped in my face, picked my nose………. well nothing else would have happened. I would have walked away. I thought the girl handled herself with restraint and dignity.
The way I was raised was that you need to be able to suppress a burp and a fart when you are in society.
Maybe the girl had some basic understanding about respect which the guy doesn’t share. Not a good start for a night full of romance.
I know from experience that women don’t like to have sex with drunk men at least when:
1) it is the first time
2) you have not been a couple for some time and she can’t be sure you won’t freak out in the bedroom
3) she is sober
I totally support Marni and her explaination.
Which gentlemen gets drunk on a date and relaxes so much that he is not able to understand the romantic feeling of the woman?
If you don’t get real, you wont get laid. It’s that simple.
So the bottom-line is don’t burp or fart in front of your date.
Not like something I wouldn’t have figured out myself already. It’s so obvious even a WBAFC would know this.
Hey marni thanks for the break down info i been in a lot of dates and been in different relationships and every one is a learning experience but is true about been your self to much in a too early situation been there and done that and right away the body language changes as for touching the face and hair is a nono touch places too soon but my question could of he recover later on not on the same night cause he screw up but like if they where to hang out some other days or something.Thanks again and im thinking of your program wink wink.
Guys, here is something that helped me out a lot when tryign to get better with women. From the time they are …i dont know… born…. parents entertain young girls by putting them infront of a TV and pop in the “Cinderella” vhs or dvds, if you get time by yourself when no one is around…download it, netflix it, buy it, steal it from your sister ( im sure she has a copy still, most women do) …. and watch it….really get the meaning of what that movie portrays. Because thats how the majority of women grow up…fantasizing that their life will be just like cindarella’s is. And when they get older, they still belive life “should be” like that… It made it much easier for me to understand why women get turned off… it usually stems from their check list consiting of prince charmings qualities, and especially when your on date #1 or #2 or even #3… she is only putting check marks by those qualities or a big red “X” depending on what you do… now, do i think thats a bit shallow, yea…its not REAL reality, but for a woman, that is reality…she is looking for that prince charming in EVERY shape,way or form…and since they have way more room to be picky and choosy..they will…and a burp, or a fart, or trying to pick her nose on the first few dates, unless your on a date with a really cool woman, will be OVER you right then an there…. i think this girl is wound tight, and probably a real “square” not a girl i would be into what so ever…ive never seen the show,….but you could imagine what life would be like with some one that uptight….that said…ive been with my lady for 2yrs now…. ive never burped or farted in front of my lady because ….thats just bad maners period, i dont do those things around anyone, young, old, male, female,..ect.. unless im with my buddies or in private, if its an ccident…it gets explained right away… not “what?, it just came out”….obviously this guy cant handle his booze…and if thats how he acted when cameras were on him..imagine what he is like when he goes over his drinking limit when the cameras are off??,…ive picked my ladys nose..but thats way into the relationship…not in the first few months or days for that matter… girls even women still believe life should be like cindarellas…its laughable cause life cerntainly is not even close…but they dream…and if you can understand that, it makes navigating a woman… so much easier….its like if you were at war for oil, and you new exactly what to do and say to get the enemy to give you the oil and take their wepons off and let you capture them! mans game!
I totally agree with Erik. Well except for one part. I do not consider myself shallow or uptight. I am actually pretty open and empathetic and if I was on a date with a guy who started doing that I would totally get turned off. Doesn’t mean I would not have seen him again, depending on what our other interactions were like BUT I would definitely not be in the mood to make out with Mr. Burpy. I literally wanted to throw up when I was watching that. My husband does that in front of me and I cringe every time. I accept it and sometimes I even laugh at it but I still cringe.
This guy’s behavior is unbelievable to me. I wonder what chapter of “Tappa Kegga Day” he belongs to. I don’t behave this way in front of other guys (maybe I consider myself evolved) and surely wouldn’t carry it over to a date with someone. There’s a time and a place for this stuff and he hasn’t put in the time to develop anything with her to have the “right” to behave like this. The only thing wrong with this girl is that she put up with too much before cutting it off.
For me personally, as a guy, if i’m attracted to someone they’d have to do a lot more than burb and try to pick my nose for me to lose interest. (They’d probably have to pee on my carpet or something worse.) I can definitely see how a woman could go from hot to cold over this kind of behavoir…especially in the early stages of courtship. I thought it was weird that he didn’t even try to recover from it. If that was me, I would have tried my hardest to turn on the charm….just because the plane is spiraling toward the ground, doesn’t mean you can’t pull it out and recover. He seemed pretty clueless about the whole thing.
Wow David. What is it about sitting with an attractive women that causes this nervousness?
I can tell you certain social situations used to freak me out as well. If anything they caused EXTREME panic. When I was 20 I had a minor STROKE due to this emotional anxiety and after that I promised myself I would work through this anxiety so that I NEVER experienced panic again. It was not worth it.
It takes time, pushing yourself to do baby steps, but it’s worth it.
Here’s something to consider….A lot of guys who are saying this girl should have overlooked the mistakes are now saying this girl is ‘shallow, uptight, a b!tch’ whatever and now say she’s not something they would go after. So if her reaction to this is something that turns you off, and not something you can overlook, technically that is just the same as her not overlooking what he did. Because if she did not react the way she did, or if he had not messed up the way he did and the date went on and everything worked out, everyone would say she is a sweetheart and a beautiful girl. Because ultimately she seemed to be a sweetheart and was an attractive women.
Another thought…why does anyone think she should have to overlook this? Because he ‘made a mistake by being himself’, she should overlook that and understand? Maybe he should strive to be someone who does not burp in front of a woman and put her finger up his dates nose. Is that really the type of person we are striving to be? And a girl that does not appreciate that is not cool? I think it’s great to be yourself, and get these things out right away so it’s not years down the road when we feel comfortable enough to let our guard down that this type of thing come out. But perhaps we should strive to be a better self. So when we let the guard down there’s still not this type of thing to worry about. Maybe its just because I do not understand how fun it can be because I have never stuck my finger up a girls nose, but that is not necessarily a trait I feel important enough about adding to my identity that I would think less about a girl who does not like me sticking my finger up there.
I think her reaction makes her more attractive. She has a fairytale idea of a perfect partner for her and will not settle for less. She does not go to the suite with a guy that is not up to her standards. There are a ton of guys out there that will act immature and not have the awareness to keep a romantic evening romantic. There are far fewer guys that have the knowledge of the right thing to do in situation and the ability to do it. Good for her for holding out for prince charming. The Cinderella story may not seem like reality to a lot of people, and it would not be reality to her if she hooked up with every nose picking burper that came along. No one should settle for less than the best idea they can conceive. I am not saying to shun that person completely and not be friends because they made that mistake. But if a guy does something that a girls idea of prince charming would not do, the simple fact is that this particular guy is not her prince charming. It goes the other way to. Do not settle, and do not expect the girl to settle either.
Thanks!! There is also a lesson in flattery that can be had right there. The ability to make a stranger smile with a couple words and an emoticon is not a bad skill to have!!
Here’s something I don’t fully understand, though I have an idea or two.
It seems that every time I date a girl/woman when I start being myself (at any point) if she reacts negatively to me being me, the relationship inevitably ends, and this goes two ways, women can turn men off too (one girl I dated a long time ago had a fetish for putting her tongue in my ear during our ….. sessions, mood kill)!
Yet in my most successful relationships, the kind where I’m still good friends with them, they never really had a problem with me being myself.
So does it have to do with changing who you are to suit what someone else likes? Or just overlooking someone’s behavior that turns you off (the blond in the video turned me off, shes cute, even hot, but not what I’m after). Or is it just easier to see incidents like the burp (which by itself might not kill a date depending on who it is) as indicators that this person isn’t going to like the real you and then save both of you the time and trouble and look elsewhere?
Somehow whenever I go on a date and try to impress someone or pretend to be someone I’m not I just end up making an incredible ___ of myself, yet whenever I be myself I tend to get more favorable results, and if they don’t like me for me I move on, if they do hey, I’ve found someone I could probably live with hassle free. I mean really, if someone has a problem with me why waste my time and theirs?
On a side note, he did pick her nose, and I don’t even do that to my SO, ever, that’s just freaking gross! (unless to you its not, in which case the law of relativity strikes again).
And as for the Cinderella story brought up by Erik, brilliant, and I can’t thank you enough emphatically enough for pointing that out. Wouldn’t it be nice for us guys if we could find a girl who understood the “IT” factor enough to understand that herself and just be real too? If you want to see real true love in real life, go find a couple who’ve been married for 30+ years (40 years old at LEAST), people who’ve spent their whole lives together, watch how they sit with each other, observe, if you catch even a glimpse of it, remember that, its what this whole game is really about.
I’ll put in my two cents on your questions. Keep in mind I am not actually a professional in this area so my two cents may only be worth a penny.
If the question is being yourself or not being yourself, the answer is always be yourself. Who you are will come out sooner or later, and it’s best for you, her, and ultimately the women out there that will appreciate you for you, if you are yourself up front.
That being said if there is something you notice that can be changed, something someone reacts negatively toward or you yourself notice, that might be an actual improvement…by all means consider changing it. But only change it if YOU want to change it. If upon reflecting YOU decide that you would be better of for it. It very well may have the side benefit of being what the particular girl who inspired the situation wants. But do not let that be a deterrent from making a change. Just make sure you are the judge and jury. That you are only changing who you are because you think it will make you better, not because you think its what any particular girl wants. Because if you take the opposite mindset, you will change yourself for one girl, and then when she’s gone you’ll have to change yourself for another, and another…and in the process you never figure out who you are. And do not ‘pretend’ to be something you are not. If it is something worth changing, make it who you are. You can definitely fake it til you make it, but by all means at some point plan to make it.
Sometimes I write too much so sorry if this gets too long…but there were a couple more things you mentioned provoked a few thoughts.
You mention the burp in the video not being a big deal, and I agree it probably would not have been. We all have to burp at times. But in a setting like that should you happen to have to burp, it’s not that difficult to turn your head, cover your mouth, keep it as quiet as possible, say excuse me and move on. The way he went about it and getting even more and more inappropriate became unacceptable. And even if this was scripted or edited, I am told this type of thing happens a lot in real life. If a situation in real life comes up…think of the best reaction you can come up with at that moment, do that and move on. If later on you think of something better you could have done, make note and do that next time.
One final thought your questions inspired. The question about if a girl does not like you for who you are should you move on. It does seem like you have a pretty good handle on the idea already. And from what you wrote previously it appears you are very aware that women can bring enrichment into our lives, and vice versa, even if it does not work on a romantic level. I like how you use the word ‘success’ when referring to past relationships. Because technically if they are past relationships, they did not work out, and many would look at that as a failure. However if not looked at from the context of a relationship, and looked at instead from the context of a human interaction, it was in fact a great success.
I would think we can take that perspective into any interaction with another person. So if this ‘not liking you for who you are’ is strictly on a romantic level, and it is a genuine person that you think is worth spending time with, developing a friendship with…by all means do that. You never know what can be learned from this person or who you may meet through this person. Just do not use this person only because they may have friends to introduce you to, and do not put up with this person if they genuinely do not like who you are and do not allow you to be who you are. Again YOU make that decision, whether you think this person can bring something good into your life and whether you can return that favor to them while allowing them to be who they are. I just like to warn people who look at every woman with tunnel vision looking for the main character in their movie that they may be overlooking a lot of others that would make for a wonderful supporting cast.
Sorry again for the length of this, but hopefully somewhere in that you can find something worth considering.
I’ll admit the question was rhetorical to a certain extent. I was trying to get at the point that if someone doesn’t like you don’t waste time on it.
I agree, the burp by it self probably could have been salvaged but it was his handling of the situation that killed it, and on a nice dinner date I’d never belch in my dates face and then try to play off of it, I’d try to be far more polite about it. Now if I were 2 years into the relationship eating pizza and watching TV with her (aka my current setting) I’d let it out and likely end up in a belching contest, but even now I wouldn’t do that at a nice restaurant, manners matter.
I just hate to see people waste time and energy on hopeless causes, the most common being arguments, but women who aren’t really into them or who they aren’t really into except for the ***.
I had a thought, do you think guys have some form of the “Cinderella story” as well? I think we do, there are a lot of TV shows and romantic comedy films out there that I’m willing to bet lots of guys get ideas about relationships from the same way women get ideas about love from our good friend “sarcasm here” Walt Disney. It seems that truth is a three edged sword (if you know where I got that do me a favor and shut up ), in this case women’s idea of love, men’s idea of love, and reality.
Jeez, look what you made me do!! I went on that long of a rant on a rhetorical question!! Based on some of the things you wrote I had this feeling you had it figured out mostly already, but not being in person I couldn’t quite tell for sure. Oh well, i will play the role of fool in this particular interaction. Perhaps someone will stumble across those posts and they will be just what they need…OR the moderator could delete them and save a ton of space on this page!!
As far as your last thought, which I am once again assuming is NOT rhetorical so will through out a few ideas…I am going to say absolutely. At least I know I do, and I believe all men should. And I do not think it really matters where the ‘Cinderella’ story idea comes from. I guess I am more like the females from that perspective in that I take it more from Disney. If I were in Cinderella, I want Cinderella. If my reality were Aladdin, I want Jasmine. I want the Snow White, the Sleeping Beauty, the Belle, of this world. My idea has gone so far I guess I am looking for all of them combined, with some Megan Fox and Little Debbie thrown in.
Unfortunately I do not think a lot of men set their standards high enough, as seems to be made apparent by the commentary so far on the initial video, most of us want a hot girl that we can burp in front of and will still sleep with us. What girl is going to want to play that role when they can be the Cinderella of another man’s world? I do not know where the 3 edged sword reference is from, but I will find out and I will expose you!! But I do think such a thing can exist. That a woman can have her idea of love, a man can have his idea of love, and neither one has to change those ideas. And that it in turn will become the reality of love for that particular couple.
Here is my thought.
In order for a man to attract and date a quality woman who in his mind is a “10″ (my apology’s), then he should choose and behave as a “10″ himself. It is up to the MAN to lead the interaction….and to make her to feel totally feminine….. we’re the one’s with the balls btw. lol.
Dave
Cheers Marni. With all the conflicting views and information overload on how to attract women, sometimes we forget the basics. There’s a time and a place for everything, this was not the time nor the place for Jessie’s behavior. I actually found his shift in personality bizarre so I guess it could be either staged or a failed attempt at being fun and playful… in either case he came off acting like a douche.
Oh and regarding her supposed shallow behavior… well I’ve turned down a few average looking women with great personalities in my time. I guess we’re all ‘shallow’ in some respects.
Great video and comments. Thank you for making the “buddy” observation at the end of the video. I sense sometimes I’ve missed romantic or sexual cues from women because I’ve been too into the friendship side of things. I’ve never burped in a woman’s face, or picked her nose, or dumped vodka into champagne, but I’ve looked back at some moments in my dating life and wondered “did I miss the chance because I didn’t try for something or recognize what she wanted?” Putting myself in her shoes makes a big difference, I’ve found.
“Listen, this was an example on tv so I have no idea what producers have done. BUT had this been real life, I can 100% confirm that any woman would have been turned off instantly. Looks can only get you in the door, to stay inside you need a lot more than a pretty face.”
But looks DO get you in the door, and what’s the use of having what’s necessary to stay inside if you can’t get in the door?
Also, this was an ABC TV edit. I’ve worked in post production, for every 5 minute scene, there’s 90 minutes of raw footage. we have no way of knowing what transpired then. I think using a “reality” show isn’t really instructive.
Marni, I get your underlying premise that “looks isn’t enough” and I completely agree with you. A great looking guy won’t last long without anything else (although i dont think this clip is instructive in showing it) However, looks gets you so much more than if you weren’t -
if it was a lesser looking guy that didn’t burp and tease…, chances are they wouldn’t be going to the “fantasy” room either.
Also, I just have a general negative reaction to women saying they want to be “feminine” . Sure, you want that when it’s in your favor (ie you sit there and wait for the guy to approach, escalate, basically take all the risk) if I had a chance to be completely passive and let the other person take all the risk, I’d do it just the same. Don’t you think it’s just a bit unfair?
It most certainly is. But as I have always said “I tell it like it is, not how it SHOULD be”.
I approached my husband, asked him for his phone number. So it does happen that women make the first move. But most women will not take this “plunge”. Sad or maybe not sad, they still want this knight in shining armor to make the first move.
“Sad or maybe not sad, they still want this knight in shining armor to make the first move.”
Well, thank you for not pussy-footing around that question.
I personally have no problem with women wanting, that as along as they are willing to play their part as well, if they want a “knight in shining armor” and “chivalry” then be prepared to perform the female role of medieval times as well. It’s not so much to ask for women to be non-hypocritical , right?
oh I agree, but I want to go after a woman because I want her (and feel that I have a reasonable chance of getting her)–not because she expects me to approach, or thinks it’s the man’s “job” to – unless of course she’s willing to do the traditional female “job” as well. You went after something you wanted – if you can do it, why can’t other women?
For example, nothing turns me off more than a woman who sits there expecting me to “do” certain things just because Im the man and she wants to “feel” feminine. How would it sound if I said “I want to feel masculine, go and make me dinner” ? Why is that “sexist” yet this girl can say “We’re on a date, I want to feel feminine and romantic …”
I see what you are getting at but I don’t think women consciously think “No damn way I’m going up to him and giving up my femininity”. When we are in our most feminine state is when we are the most sensual. We want what we expect as do you. You want what you expect.
“Why is it anyone else’s responsibility to give you what you want? If you want something go get it yourself.”
Why doesn’t this statement apply to women as well? Women go after jobs, careers, they’re proactive in that? when it comes to men, they are afforded by society the chance to kick their feet up and wait for everything to happen.
Ok, so maybe I should preface my comments, I live in NYC, home of the “I’m a free thinking independent woman and don’t need any man to da-da-da-da” type women.
To answer your question: Honesty, Integrity and Non-hypocrisy.
I can’t tell you how many women i’ve been out with that bark all day long about how this patriarchial male-dominant society has F’d them over and not given them a fare shot, yet be totally inviting to the same patriarchal society that gives rise to romance and all that “femininity” crap.
I mean the woman in the clip here was a rural person, so maybe she’s fine with playing a feminine role, in all aspects, relationships included.
I thought about starting a dating website “nonhypocritialwomen.com”
by the way, have you heard chris rocks joke “if you’re on a date with a woman, you can have her pay, but just know nothing dries a woman’s p*ssy faster than her reaching for her wallet”…?
If you dont mind indulging me, Im just curious how can these two positions be held simultaneously? Do you personally believe men and women are equals?
Wow big question. Equal what? Humans? YES. Do I think women are different? YES. Have different expectations, beliefs, wants and ways of doing things? Then YES to those as well.
I think you have to understand that if a woman is attracted to you she is going to do her darn best to show you that in HER OWN WAY. It may not be the way you want but it’s a way. She may not pay, or open doors for you BUT she will cook you a dinner, take care of you and snuggle up beside you. This the way we woman know how to show we are attracted. If you want something else from a woman all you have to do is ask and vice versa. We will not perform the way you expect us to perform naturally. BUT if we care about you, we will do our best to meet your expectations once you let us know what they are. HONESTY and BEING DIRECT will get you what you want every time.
I expect women would be more clear and forthright in showing attraction to me, if they are indeed attracted. The same way they expect me to show I’m attracted to them.
“Wow big question. Equal what? Humans? YES. Do I think women are different? YES. Have different expectations, beliefs, wants and ways of doing things? Then YES to those as well.”
Ok, so for all intents and purposes, you believe in inherent differences between men and women. What else is there to human existence other than beliefs, expectations, and “ways of doing things” ?
“I think you have to understand that if a woman is attracted to you she is going to do her darn best to show you that in HER OWN WAY.”
Hmm, ok interesting point. But that way is usually indetectable to most guys. Now for some guys who are used to having more success (because they’re rich, look good, etc…) might be able to pick up on those, but some of us guys require the same level of “directness” and “irrefutable proof” the woman is attracted. Some of us have been rejected a LOT more times than we’d like to have experienced, and so we feel frightened to initiate because what is the purpose of racking up another rejection- right?
Also, things you mentioned – cooking dinner, snuggling, etc.. they’re well into relationships, Im talking about initial stages, and approach vectors.
I’m curious what motivates women like yourself to do what you do ? 99 out of 100 women don’t spend a second thought thinking what it must be like for a guy, all the hardships and unfairness we deal with in this regard. You’ve freely admitted this unfairness. While most women would completely agree that the system is rigged against us (or at least rigged against guys like myself without the benefit of looks and money) the 99 out of 100 are perfectly happy with that system. Im just curious what motivated you to be the 1 out of 100. That’s just a curiosity on my part though.
Of course, there’s no easier target in this world than a needy guy looking to get better with women and “get laid” so you’ll excuse me if I have a little skepticism.
Consider the effects of alcohol here! I’m not prohibitionist and I like a drink, but people should realize that alcohol affects your nervous system (duh!). This couple drank champagne and then martinis (he gulped his down) and then, no surprise, their behavior changed! He got sloppy and she got sad. Drinking is fun but it’s a mixed bag, and it destroys relationships in the long run….sometimes in the short run too!
I’ve certainly screwed up some dates by drinking too much, and I have had dates where the woman drank too much and ruined the date. Marni, what are your experiences here? I think the community could use some awareness.
Some of these reality shows are most “interesting” when the people drink the most, and the producers know that!
Dude, it’s TV, you saw what they wanted you to see.
A second after she said “lets call it a night” he could have said “oh Im sorry, I wont do it again” *puppy dog smile* and they could have went upstairs and f***cked like minks. or maybe not. we just don’t know.
Also if you watch the part where he was teasing, the cuts were total jumpcuts, there was a lot missing in there. Secondly, and this is maybe a question more for Marni – but doesn’t “date” and “romance” trigger the long term attractive mechanisms in the women? According to David D, if a guy is totally playing the “medeival gentlemanly role” a woman classifies him as a good long term mate and withholds sex until she’s sure she’s “provided” for.
not to say that burping and farting is the only other option there. Of course any kind of bodily function like that would take a woman cleanly out of any kind of sexual element – that much is obvious.
What the FLOCK??? EVERYTHING Jesse did following “The Burp” was rude, unsophisticated, churlish, and hick. And did I mention UNSOPHISTICATED ? ? ? Hey, the word I’m looking for is “ungentlemanly.” Yeah, that’s it. Reasonably socialized and cultured women want a reasonably socialized and cultured GENTLEMAN . . . who’s going to behave in a gentlemanly fashion. ALL of Jesse’s behavior following “The Burp” was low-class, unsophisticated and ungentlemanly. That women expect a man to be a GENTLEMAN doesn’t mean that he has to live up to all of the completely unrealistic ideals of a Disney hero (unrivaled square-jawed good looks, world-class inverted-pyramid physique, single-handedly defeating the enemy’s army of thousands) — that is, women aren’t asking for something that’s unreasonable. All a man has to do is be a considerate, polite gentleman . . . and Jesse is NO GENTLEMAN. I gotta tellya . . . it doesn’t matter HOW drunk I get, I’M NOT BURPING OR FARTING IF THERE’S ANY CHANCE OF ANYONE — MAN OR WOMAN — WITNESSING IT. PERIOD. It’s just how I was raised. And that’s certainly not too much for a woman to ask of her fricking DATE. Or boyfriend. Or husband. If you’re a man who thinks that it’s OK to start burping and farting out loud once you get to know a woman . . . you’re wrong and you need to figure out that you’re wrong.
And to skwadim: Dude. There are costs and perks of being a man just as there are costs and perks of being a WO-man. Yes, we men are socially required to initiate the social interaction with women, WE have to take the first risk of rejection, but that’s just one of the costs of being men. On the other hand, one of the perks that we get to enjoy is the rush of throwing our women around in bed, of flipping them over (and over) and instructing them on where we want them and just generally having our way with them. Women, likewise, have their own list of costs and perks of being a woman. (OK, one perk would be having 10 to 20 orgasms per session because her gentlemanly lover practices the techniques of David Shade’s Masterful Lover wisdom.) The “takeaway” here, as Marni would say, is that if you don’t like the mix of costs and perks of being a man, then your dispute is with NATURE, not with WOMEN.
That said, I DO understand your complaint about a lot of New York women. The only reasonable and sane ways of dealing with that problem are 1) to screen your women very carefully and reject those who’ve been indoctrinated with the very UNnatural “I am woman, hear me roar, I don’t need a man” bullshit feminist attitude, and 2) move to a place where the great majority of women don’t have that stupid and relationally destructive attitude — which means you could move just about anywhere else in America.
And I’m tellin’ ya, skwadim, about the not-having-looks thing . . . women are far more attracted to and turned-on by a man who has a confident, masculine presence in the room than they are by a good-looking guy with an amorphous, androgynous and emasculated presence in the room. Remember, WOMEN ARE JUST PEOPLE. There’s NO REASON to cower or be nervous around women, not even beautiful women. They’re just people. Yes, they’re different from us men, but they’re still just people. As David Shade says, truth is found in reality. And the reality is that women generally LIKE men, want to be around us, and really like a man who is both confident and emotionally independent and who won’t genuflect in passive, unmanly submission to women. Even beautiful women. The “takeaway” from this paragraph: eschew your own bogus social programming (whatever it is) and realize that women are fundamentally feminine in nature and they want us to be masculine – and our masculinity is FAR more important than our looks.
The bottom line . . . develop MANLY confidence and MANLY self-assuredness, and women will hang all over you regardless of your looks. I’m sure Marni will corroborate my assertion that when a man has confidence, it’s like catnip to women and they simply can’t resist it.
And for Pete’s sake, don’t forget to be a gentleman. A masculine, assertive gentleman.
I agree that it was all staged and as soon as the cameras were turned off the banging began.
Now as for Herbertificus’ post regarding confidence. Women want a confident, masculine, assertive gentleman, really? Only if it comes with looks, A Man who has confidence with women has this trait because he was great looking as a teenager and had girls throwing themselves at him boosting his confidence immeasurably. which of course continues when he became a man and had women throwing themselves at him, again boosting his confidence greatly. If you are not the type of man of which I speak you will always fail with women because that is the only type of confidence they will ever accept in a man. I know that which I speak of. Going back to my teenage years and twenties I had a very good looking friend who through his looks was a magnet. He and I could simply be talking and they would come up to him, throw themselves at him and take him away. Leaving me in the dust without so much as a concious notice that I existed. My friend suggested I talk to them. I replied hell no they can respond to me in the same manner as you or to hell with them. I refuse to make any further effort than you had to and I will not cater to their shallowness. They never did nor did I back down all the way through our twenties. We then went our seperate ways. I have had quite a few great female friends from then on. but nothing serious ever occured. What I am trying to say is that all the stuff we unsuccessful men can read on sites like this is just to assuage our feelings and keep us believing when in reality there is no chance at all. For example I love reading things like ignore women and they will come to you. As you can see from my writing this doesn’t work does it? I know what women think when they see me weaving my way through crowds to do photography or grave rubbings or just enjoy a day outside. They see me alone and surmise ignorantly that because I am not out with friends (I don’t have any anymore because they went their seperate ways and/or moved away. But I will always be grateful for the friendship those ladies showed me.) so I must be a loser, stalker, or something like that. I am nothing like that all. But because of my lack of attractive facial features they refuse to try get to know the real me and so they look away. Their loss and I still refuse to cater to women’s shallowness which by the way all women possess but to varying degrees. It must be nice to be able to have the special intuition that allows women to categorize a man without knowing who he truly is and without concerning herself that she may be completely wrong in her assumption and then b***h about how they are no good men available. Talk about misguided arrogance. Of course my female friends were the exception to this majority rule because the took the time to get to know me and they liked what they found.
The other thing I notice when out and about is how my great looking guys have a woman on their arm and how many unattractive guys do not. It is quite a skewed ratio in favor of the great looking guy. Sorry for the length of this missive but as a jaded single man nearing 42 and never having a girlfriend I felt I just had to say a few words.
Wow, after reading what I wrote I come off sounding like a complete dick. This was not my intent and not who I am at all. My female friends were the best and I will never forget them. One of them tried to teach me about confidence. I really didn’t believe or listen to her on this subject. I should have. Maybe my life would have turned out differently. I wonder if I could learn to build confidence in myself at my age? It would be nice.
Forgive my earlier rant.
No worries. Truth, that is what this site is most used for. BUT thank you for coming back and acknowledging it. What you just did is very attractive, very masculine and extremely strong. Very impressed.
Send me an email to marni@winggirlmethod.com and reference this “comment” and I am going to help you
He didn’t handle the burp well but this girl its about a 2 as a person and that may be generous. It’s all about her. There is nothing attractive about her as a soul.
He should have kept his poise, hit it, and moved on.
Wow Marni I hope you helped that GRP guy see the light on the reality of looks not meaning shit. And that confident guys “without looks” do and can get lots of hot women. I have one ugly short friend who used ot get a ton of hot women when he was single and now in a realtionship with one. Dont give up and think its impossible to get a girl unless you “have good looks and women throwing themselves at you to get that confidence” who told you its the only way? The reality is these good looking guys alreayd had confidence which is why the women wanted them not their looks. Im nto sure where guys come up with conclusions thinking its impossible just ebcause when they were young they got none and thought you have tyo be good looking when really its not the looks that do it for women. Ask women. watch how they respond. Ive never seen a good looking guy who has no confidence get a woman. The good looking ones who do have a shit load of confidence get women but you mistakenly assume its the looks that did it. An honest woman who knows herself will tell you it was the character that did it to her not the looks. Looks make her curious. Ive never heared of a woman play with herself to a mans face , or have an orgasm to a an ab muscle. Ive also never heared of a woman looking at a naked man and get all exited by thinking “wow look at the scortum on that guy” they just dont. they arnt as visual as us men. So get over your looks excuses. Grow a pair and go and talk to the hottest women you know because they are waiting for a real man not some pussy worrying about his looks
Im not here to judge but simply to tell it like it is. Comments like “What I am trying to say is that all the stuff we unsuccessful men can read on sites like this is just to assuage our feelings and keep us believing when in reality there is no chance at all”
That mentality right there is why women dont want you. And here you are thinking its your genetics. Look if women didnt mate with “ugly” men then there would only be a race of men who look like male models. As you can see thats not true a matter of fact theres way less good looking guys around. Looks mattering started like 30 years ago. It started as an excuse for men who werent masculine enough to attract a woman.
Marni seems like an honest woman so for guys who need proof. Marni… does seeing a model looking guy with a perfect face sexually make you want to just jump the guy or does it just make you think “O hes nice to look at I wonder if eh can turn me on” … it’s the attitude/ demeanour of the man which can come on either a good looking shell or “not good looking” shell. I have good looking friends, average looking and ugly. Doesn’t make a difference.
And thats another funny thing I here about guys who are unsuccessful. They seem to think they are mind readers and know exactly what the women are “thinking about them” they all seem to think women are turned off by their looks. Maybe its because you project no confidence. I wonder how they know what the woman is thinking without even talking to her. they just assume the woman dislikes them. Again its the self hate that women pick up on and dont even give you a chance. Communication is way deeper than your body/face. Women dont fuck good looking dead guys.
When I see a good looking guy I may think ‘he’s good looking’ but it certainly won’t want to make me persue him romantically unless he has attractive characteristics, and a demeanour that connects with me.
Great communication skills, being confident in yourself and taking the time to get to know me definitely counts a lot more than hours spent in the gym
31. Aug, 2010 
64 Comments
I just believe this is totally staged. Most women would swoon for a guy like that. I really find this episode hard to believe. She is not going to break off with him over a burp and some teasing. Its just not going to happen. Sorry but I have a hard time believing this is real. Its staged for drama.
Listen, this was an example on tv so I have no idea what producers have done. BUT had this been real life, I can 100% confirm that any woman would have been turned off instantly. Looks can only get you in the door, to stay inside you need a lot more than a pretty face.
I agree that looks only get you so far, but the sad truth that I’ve observed is that the good looking guys act as a mask (or detraction) from the 99% of other guys (who don’t realize that they have other tools to get in the door just as easily). So girls sometimes do go for the cutie first, unless a real man comes in with some serious personality traits (hint to all the other normal guys like me out there).
Also, I think a good distinction to make is the difference between appearance and looks (at least how I interpret it), looks are like the paper, appearance is the combination of the paper and what you put on it, and appearance will get you much much further than looks alone (wouldn’t you get board with fancy paper that had nothing on it?).
I do have one differing opinion (kind of), though this may be colored by the fact that I’ve been in a relationship (thanks to Marni) for over two years now. I’ve found that all I do now is just be myself and it seems that I can do no wrong (well I guess technically I could if I genuinely wanted to be a _______), it seems to me that there is a point that can be reached when all the most annoying things you can do just don’t kill the mood, they just turn up funny and become good jokes for later on, maybe that’s a sign that I should just get married and get it over with already.
I could not have said it better myself Shaun!!
This is really kind of ridiculous. To totally drop somebody after a simple mistake is incredibly shallow. It wasn’t like he did something so egregious it couldn’t be forgiven. What makes this so bad is that genuine people make genuine mistakes.
The ONLY guys who don’t make mistakes like these are the players and pimps that women like this end up dating in droves. And then later on end up spilling their guts about to anyone who will listen on the great wrongs done to them. Women like this are why Oprah is a multi-billionaire.
That said if you’re not attracted to somebody FOR WHATEVER REASON then you’re not attracted and that’s that. This guy will most likely never be able to recover from this in Peyton’s eyes. It’s sad because on a previous show he’d said he had a crush on her for a long time.
Staged or not, I’ve seen this scenario a million times.
And here come the doubters……..
These shows are great for learning what works(and what doesn’t work) with the opposite sex. That’s what I like about the Bachelor and the Bachelorette, each season is like a big sociology experiment.
I’ll admit that I watched this last night and thought Jesse was being an idiot. What was he thinking? No fantasy suite for you, pal. (I think he got too drunk.) I felt bad for him when he had to go back to the house and all his guy friends knew he blew it somehow and wasn’t getting any love. Talk about “the walk of shame”. (The woman were more insightful, they knew what had happened right away.)
Interesting to see how differently they behave on this show vs. the bachelor. Everyone tends to hook up in the fantasy suite at the drop of a hat. Seems to be a lot of sex going on in that pad. I wish I was there.
This chick sucks anyway so everything else is moot
she never recovered from the corn dog and funnel cake ,country girl comment LOL! neg city she was taking herself way too seriously . watch her eyes he was toast 5 seconds in! the burp was just a preview. She wanted romance she was getting reality,,LOL! he was at least himself she was like trying to be some kind of cornfed princess??
Sorry Marni maybe you need to coach the girls!!
Are you seriously saying that you would burp in a woman’s face on one of your dates and still expect her to be turned on by you?
I would love to see a situation and reverse and hear your response.
Sometimes I wish you guys would let your defenses down and REALLY pay attention to what is being said. This comment is directed towards Quincy.
Pimp, player or nice guy. This behavior would never be accepted and definitely the reason for a woman’s arousal.
You totally misunderstood my post.
I agree that the events you said happened is what actually occurred as I’ve seen this scenario many times. She wanted something specific from him and was turned off by what she actually got instead. I agree that it’s perfectly fine to send him home with his tail between his legs on THAT NIGHT.
However, he obviously made a mistake. He was not trying to disrespect her. He appeared to me to be clearly clueless and simply misreading the situation. The only people who NEVER misread a situation anymore are people who’ve had a LOT of practice. Therefore what I would do in such a situation is express my disapproval assertively (far more than she did), end the date after a proper interval, and speak with my date at a time where we can sit down and discuss things without alcohol muddling our thoughts to make known what I would and would not put up with. If the behavior continues afterward then that is a sign of an inconsiderate person. However barring such a realization, I would certainly give a lady I was interested in a CHANCE to make things right. You say down below that a burp “Doesn’t mean I would not have seen him again” which apparently means you agree.
Other than the fact that she did not assert herself enough I’m not disagreeing with her reaction on this particular date. I disagree with the likely outcome that you can see coming a mile away from her response and her monologues. Apparently, you see it too because you state in your annotations in the video the her attraction is “lost forever” after he teases her. Did you not say that or did I misread your notes.
Also, if I’m not mistaken he said he’s had a crush on her for a while. These people know each other already so it’s not like they just met on that date. It seems to me you would afford someone you know a little more latitude than someone you just met. My whole point is looking at this woman from my perspective she is the type of person that will look poorly on him from now on in perpetuity. He will NEVER recover from this in her eyes. There is simply NOTHING he can do. She will be polite and friendly (perhaps genuinely so) on future interactions, but he is officially in the friend zone. I could be wrong but that’s the way I see it.
The first date burp means that only THAT date was a waste of time.
What about a forth or fifth date faux-pas?
O.K. ladies, let’s get this out of the way before either of us wastes any time going out on a date together.
UUUUUUUURRRRRRPPPPP!
There. That’s better. Now go find your dream guy. Run!
Marni
This guy what a loser! If a girl burped in my face, picked my nose………. well nothing else would have happened. I would have walked away. I thought the girl handled herself with restraint and dignity.
The way I was raised was that you need to be able to suppress a burp and a fart when you are in society.
Maybe the girl had some basic understanding about respect which the guy doesn’t share. Not a good start for a night full of romance.
I know from experience that women don’t like to have sex with drunk men at least when:
1) it is the first time
2) you have not been a couple for some time and she can’t be sure you won’t freak out in the bedroom
3) she is sober
I totally support Marni and her explaination.
Which gentlemen gets drunk on a date and relaxes so much that he is not able to understand the romantic feeling of the woman?
If you don’t get real, you wont get laid. It’s that simple.
I love that last line. Thanks Marc
So the bottom-line is don’t burp or fart in front of your date.
Not like something I wouldn’t have figured out myself already. It’s so obvious even a WBAFC would know this.
Hey marni thanks for the break down info i been in a lot of dates and been in different relationships and every one is a learning experience but is true about been your self to much in a too early situation been there and done that and right away the body language changes as for touching the face and hair is a nono touch places too soon but my question could of he recover later on not on the same night cause he screw up but like if they where to hang out some other days or something.Thanks again and im thinking of your program wink wink.
Guys, here is something that helped me out a lot when tryign to get better with women. From the time they are …i dont know… born…. parents entertain young girls by putting them infront of a TV and pop in the “Cinderella” vhs or dvds, if you get time by yourself when no one is around…download it, netflix it, buy it, steal it from your sister ( im sure she has a copy still, most women do) …. and watch it….really get the meaning of what that movie portrays. Because thats how the majority of women grow up…fantasizing that their life will be just like cindarella’s is. And when they get older, they still belive life “should be” like that… It made it much easier for me to understand why women get turned off… it usually stems from their check list consiting of prince charmings qualities, and especially when your on date #1 or #2 or even #3… she is only putting check marks by those qualities or a big red “X” depending on what you do… now, do i think thats a bit shallow, yea…its not REAL reality, but for a woman, that is reality…she is looking for that prince charming in EVERY shape,way or form…and since they have way more room to be picky and choosy..they will…and a burp, or a fart, or trying to pick her nose on the first few dates, unless your on a date with a really cool woman, will be OVER you right then an there…. i think this girl is wound tight, and probably a real “square” not a girl i would be into what so ever…ive never seen the show,….but you could imagine what life would be like with some one that uptight….that said…ive been with my lady for 2yrs now…. ive never burped or farted in front of my lady because ….thats just bad maners period, i dont do those things around anyone, young, old, male, female,..ect.. unless im with my buddies or in private, if its an ccident…it gets explained right away… not “what?, it just came out”….obviously this guy cant handle his booze…and if thats how he acted when cameras were on him..imagine what he is like when he goes over his drinking limit when the cameras are off??,…ive picked my ladys nose..but thats way into the relationship…not in the first few months or days for that matter… girls even women still believe life should be like cindarellas…its laughable cause life cerntainly is not even close…but they dream…and if you can understand that, it makes navigating a woman… so much easier….its like if you were at war for oil, and you new exactly what to do and say to get the enemy to give you the oil and take their wepons off and let you capture them! mans game!
I totally agree with Erik. Well except for one part. I do not consider myself shallow or uptight. I am actually pretty open and empathetic and if I was on a date with a guy who started doing that I would totally get turned off. Doesn’t mean I would not have seen him again, depending on what our other interactions were like BUT I would definitely not be in the mood to make out with Mr. Burpy. I literally wanted to throw up when I was watching that. My husband does that in front of me and I cringe every time. I accept it and sometimes I even laugh at it but I still cringe.
This guy’s behavior is unbelievable to me. I wonder what chapter of “Tappa Kegga Day” he belongs to. I don’t behave this way in front of other guys (maybe I consider myself evolved) and surely wouldn’t carry it over to a date with someone. There’s a time and a place for this stuff and he hasn’t put in the time to develop anything with her to have the “right” to behave like this. The only thing wrong with this girl is that she put up with too much before cutting it off.
For me personally, as a guy, if i’m attracted to someone they’d have to do a lot more than burb and try to pick my nose for me to lose interest. (They’d probably have to pee on my carpet or something worse.) I can definitely see how a woman could go from hot to cold over this kind of behavoir…especially in the early stages of courtship. I thought it was weird that he didn’t even try to recover from it. If that was me, I would have tried my hardest to turn on the charm….just because the plane is spiraling toward the ground, doesn’t mean you can’t pull it out and recover. He seemed pretty clueless about the whole thing.
Just seeing them sit down together on the couch made me cringe and feel nervous. I’ve got a long way to go.
Wow David. What is it about sitting with an attractive women that causes this nervousness?
I can tell you certain social situations used to freak me out as well. If anything they caused EXTREME panic. When I was 20 I had a minor STROKE due to this emotional anxiety and after that I promised myself I would work through this anxiety so that I NEVER experienced panic again. It was not worth it.
It takes time, pushing yourself to do baby steps, but it’s worth it.
Here’s something to consider….A lot of guys who are saying this girl should have overlooked the mistakes are now saying this girl is ‘shallow, uptight, a b!tch’ whatever and now say she’s not something they would go after. So if her reaction to this is something that turns you off, and not something you can overlook, technically that is just the same as her not overlooking what he did. Because if she did not react the way she did, or if he had not messed up the way he did and the date went on and everything worked out, everyone would say she is a sweetheart and a beautiful girl. Because ultimately she seemed to be a sweetheart and was an attractive women.
Another thought…why does anyone think she should have to overlook this? Because he ‘made a mistake by being himself’, she should overlook that and understand? Maybe he should strive to be someone who does not burp in front of a woman and put her finger up his dates nose. Is that really the type of person we are striving to be? And a girl that does not appreciate that is not cool? I think it’s great to be yourself, and get these things out right away so it’s not years down the road when we feel comfortable enough to let our guard down that this type of thing come out. But perhaps we should strive to be a better self. So when we let the guard down there’s still not this type of thing to worry about. Maybe its just because I do not understand how fun it can be because I have never stuck my finger up a girls nose, but that is not necessarily a trait I feel important enough about adding to my identity that I would think less about a girl who does not like me sticking my finger up there.
I think her reaction makes her more attractive. She has a fairytale idea of a perfect partner for her and will not settle for less. She does not go to the suite with a guy that is not up to her standards. There are a ton of guys out there that will act immature and not have the awareness to keep a romantic evening romantic. There are far fewer guys that have the knowledge of the right thing to do in situation and the ability to do it. Good for her for holding out for prince charming. The Cinderella story may not seem like reality to a lot of people, and it would not be reality to her if she hooked up with every nose picking burper that came along. No one should settle for less than the best idea they can conceive. I am not saying to shun that person completely and not be friends because they made that mistake. But if a guy does something that a girls idea of prince charming would not do, the simple fact is that this particular guy is not her prince charming. It goes the other way to. Do not settle, and do not expect the girl to settle either.
I have a new crush
See guys, comments like get me every time.
Here’s something I don’t fully understand, though I have an idea or two.
It seems that every time I date a girl/woman when I start being myself (at any point) if she reacts negatively to me being me, the relationship inevitably ends, and this goes two ways, women can turn men off too (one girl I dated a long time ago had a fetish for putting her tongue in my ear during our ….. sessions, mood kill)!
Yet in my most successful relationships, the kind where I’m still good friends with them, they never really had a problem with me being myself.
So does it have to do with changing who you are to suit what someone else likes? Or just overlooking someone’s behavior that turns you off (the blond in the video turned me off, shes cute, even hot, but not what I’m after). Or is it just easier to see incidents like the burp (which by itself might not kill a date depending on who it is) as indicators that this person isn’t going to like the real you and then save both of you the time and trouble and look elsewhere?
Somehow whenever I go on a date and try to impress someone or pretend to be someone I’m not I just end up making an incredible ___ of myself, yet whenever I be myself I tend to get more favorable results, and if they don’t like me for me I move on, if they do hey, I’ve found someone I could probably live with hassle free. I mean really, if someone has a problem with me why waste my time and theirs?
On a side note, he did pick her nose, and I don’t even do that to my SO, ever, that’s just freaking gross! (unless to you its not, in which case the law of relativity strikes again).
And as for the Cinderella story brought up by Erik, brilliant, and I can’t thank you enough emphatically enough for pointing that out. Wouldn’t it be nice for us guys if we could find a girl who understood the “IT” factor enough to understand that herself and just be real too? If you want to see real true love in real life, go find a couple who’ve been married for 30+ years (40 years old at LEAST), people who’ve spent their whole lives together, watch how they sit with each other, observe, if you catch even a glimpse of it, remember that, its what this whole game is really about.
I’ll put in my two cents on your questions. Keep in mind I am not actually a professional in this area so my two cents may only be worth a penny.
If the question is being yourself or not being yourself, the answer is always be yourself. Who you are will come out sooner or later, and it’s best for you, her, and ultimately the women out there that will appreciate you for you, if you are yourself up front.
That being said if there is something you notice that can be changed, something someone reacts negatively toward or you yourself notice, that might be an actual improvement…by all means consider changing it. But only change it if YOU want to change it. If upon reflecting YOU decide that you would be better of for it. It very well may have the side benefit of being what the particular girl who inspired the situation wants. But do not let that be a deterrent from making a change. Just make sure you are the judge and jury. That you are only changing who you are because you think it will make you better, not because you think its what any particular girl wants. Because if you take the opposite mindset, you will change yourself for one girl, and then when she’s gone you’ll have to change yourself for another, and another…and in the process you never figure out who you are. And do not ‘pretend’ to be something you are not. If it is something worth changing, make it who you are. You can definitely fake it til you make it, but by all means at some point plan to make it.
Sometimes I write too much so sorry if this gets too long…but there were a couple more things you mentioned provoked a few thoughts.
You mention the burp in the video not being a big deal, and I agree it probably would not have been. We all have to burp at times. But in a setting like that should you happen to have to burp, it’s not that difficult to turn your head, cover your mouth, keep it as quiet as possible, say excuse me and move on. The way he went about it and getting even more and more inappropriate became unacceptable. And even if this was scripted or edited, I am told this type of thing happens a lot in real life. If a situation in real life comes up…think of the best reaction you can come up with at that moment, do that and move on. If later on you think of something better you could have done, make note and do that next time.
One final thought your questions inspired. The question about if a girl does not like you for who you are should you move on. It does seem like you have a pretty good handle on the idea already. And from what you wrote previously it appears you are very aware that women can bring enrichment into our lives, and vice versa, even if it does not work on a romantic level. I like how you use the word ‘success’ when referring to past relationships. Because technically if they are past relationships, they did not work out, and many would look at that as a failure. However if not looked at from the context of a relationship, and looked at instead from the context of a human interaction, it was in fact a great success.
I would think we can take that perspective into any interaction with another person. So if this ‘not liking you for who you are’ is strictly on a romantic level, and it is a genuine person that you think is worth spending time with, developing a friendship with…by all means do that. You never know what can be learned from this person or who you may meet through this person. Just do not use this person only because they may have friends to introduce you to, and do not put up with this person if they genuinely do not like who you are and do not allow you to be who you are. Again YOU make that decision, whether you think this person can bring something good into your life and whether you can return that favor to them while allowing them to be who they are. I just like to warn people who look at every woman with tunnel vision looking for the main character in their movie that they may be overlooking a lot of others that would make for a wonderful supporting cast.
Sorry again for the length of this, but hopefully somewhere in that you can find something worth considering.
I’ll admit the question was rhetorical to a certain extent. I was trying to get at the point that if someone doesn’t like you don’t waste time on it.
I agree, the burp by it self probably could have been salvaged but it was his handling of the situation that killed it, and on a nice dinner date I’d never belch in my dates face and then try to play off of it, I’d try to be far more polite about it. Now if I were 2 years into the relationship eating pizza and watching TV with her (aka my current setting) I’d let it out and likely end up in a belching contest, but even now I wouldn’t do that at a nice restaurant, manners matter.
I just hate to see people waste time and energy on hopeless causes, the most common being arguments, but women who aren’t really into them or who they aren’t really into except for the ***.
I had a thought, do you think guys have some form of the “Cinderella story” as well? I think we do, there are a lot of TV shows and romantic comedy films out there that I’m willing to bet lots of guys get ideas about relationships from the same way women get ideas about love from our good friend “sarcasm here” Walt Disney. It seems that truth is a three edged sword (if you know where I got that do me a favor and shut up
), in this case women’s idea of love, men’s idea of love, and reality.
Jeez, look what you made me do!! I went on that long of a rant on a rhetorical question!! Based on some of the things you wrote I had this feeling you had it figured out mostly already, but not being in person I couldn’t quite tell for sure. Oh well, i will play the role of fool in this particular interaction. Perhaps someone will stumble across those posts and they will be just what they need…OR the moderator could delete them and save a ton of space on this page!!
As far as your last thought, which I am once again assuming is NOT rhetorical so will through out a few ideas…I am going to say absolutely. At least I know I do, and I believe all men should. And I do not think it really matters where the ‘Cinderella’ story idea comes from. I guess I am more like the females from that perspective in that I take it more from Disney. If I were in Cinderella, I want Cinderella. If my reality were Aladdin, I want Jasmine. I want the Snow White, the Sleeping Beauty, the Belle, of this world. My idea has gone so far I guess I am looking for all of them combined, with some Megan Fox and Little Debbie thrown in.
Unfortunately I do not think a lot of men set their standards high enough, as seems to be made apparent by the commentary so far on the initial video, most of us want a hot girl that we can burp in front of and will still sleep with us. What girl is going to want to play that role when they can be the Cinderella of another man’s world? I do not know where the 3 edged sword reference is from, but I will find out and I will expose you!! But I do think such a thing can exist. That a woman can have her idea of love, a man can have his idea of love, and neither one has to change those ideas. And that it in turn will become the reality of love for that particular couple.
Here is my thought.
In order for a man to attract and date a quality woman who in his mind is a “10″ (my apology’s), then he should choose and behave as a “10″ himself. It is up to the MAN to lead the interaction….and to make her to feel totally feminine….. we’re the one’s with the balls btw. lol.
Dave
Damn dave!! Love it. Exactly what I am talking about. Very sexy.
Cheers Marni. With all the conflicting views and information overload on how to attract women, sometimes we forget the basics. There’s a time and a place for everything, this was not the time nor the place for Jessie’s behavior. I actually found his shift in personality bizarre so I guess it could be either staged or a failed attempt at being fun and playful… in either case he came off acting like a douche.
Oh and regarding her supposed shallow behavior… well I’ve turned down a few average looking women with great personalities in my time. I guess we’re all ‘shallow’ in some respects.
Marni,
Great video and comments. Thank you for making the “buddy” observation at the end of the video. I sense sometimes I’ve missed romantic or sexual cues from women because I’ve been too into the friendship side of things. I’ve never burped in a woman’s face, or picked her nose, or dumped vodka into champagne, but I’ve looked back at some moments in my dating life and wondered “did I miss the chance because I didn’t try for something or recognize what she wanted?” Putting myself in her shoes makes a big difference, I’ve found.
Keep up the great work.
“Listen, this was an example on tv so I have no idea what producers have done. BUT had this been real life, I can 100% confirm that any woman would have been turned off instantly. Looks can only get you in the door, to stay inside you need a lot more than a pretty face.”
But looks DO get you in the door, and what’s the use of having what’s necessary to stay inside if you can’t get in the door?
Also, this was an ABC TV edit. I’ve worked in post production, for every 5 minute scene, there’s 90 minutes of raw footage. we have no way of knowing what transpired then. I think using a “reality” show isn’t really instructive.
Marni, I get your underlying premise that “looks isn’t enough” and I completely agree with you. A great looking guy won’t last long without anything else (although i dont think this clip is instructive in showing it) However, looks gets you so much more than if you weren’t -
if it was a lesser looking guy that didn’t burp and tease…, chances are they wouldn’t be going to the “fantasy” room either.
Also, I just have a general negative reaction to women saying they want to be “feminine” . Sure, you want that when it’s in your favor (ie you sit there and wait for the guy to approach, escalate, basically take all the risk) if I had a chance to be completely passive and let the other person take all the risk, I’d do it just the same. Don’t you think it’s just a bit unfair?
It most certainly is. But as I have always said “I tell it like it is, not how it SHOULD be”.
I approached my husband, asked him for his phone number. So it does happen that women make the first move. But most women will not take this “plunge”. Sad or maybe not sad, they still want this knight in shining armor to make the first move.
“Sad or maybe not sad, they still want this knight in shining armor to make the first move.”
Well, thank you for not pussy-footing around that question.
I personally have no problem with women wanting, that as along as they are willing to play their part as well, if they want a “knight in shining armor” and “chivalry” then be prepared to perform the female role of medieval times as well. It’s not so much to ask for women to be non-hypocritical , right?
of course not but how does that statement apply here? What is it that you want women to do for YOU?
Why is it anyone else’s responsibility to give you what you want? If you want something go get it yourself.
oh I agree, but I want to go after a woman because I want her (and feel that I have a reasonable chance of getting her)–not because she expects me to approach, or thinks it’s the man’s “job” to – unless of course she’s willing to do the traditional female “job” as well. You went after something you wanted – if you can do it, why can’t other women?
For example, nothing turns me off more than a woman who sits there expecting me to “do” certain things just because Im the man and she wants to “feel” feminine. How would it sound if I said “I want to feel masculine, go and make me dinner” ? Why is that “sexist” yet this girl can say “We’re on a date, I want to feel feminine and romantic …”
I see what you are getting at but I don’t think women consciously think “No damn way I’m going up to him and giving up my femininity”. When we are in our most feminine state is when we are the most sensual. We want what we expect as do you. You want what you expect.
What do you expect from a woman?
“Why is it anyone else’s responsibility to give you what you want? If you want something go get it yourself.”
Why doesn’t this statement apply to women as well? Women go after jobs, careers, they’re proactive in that? when it comes to men, they are afforded by society the chance to kick their feet up and wait for everything to happen.
I am still confused. If a woman wants a man she goes after it in her own way. The way that she is comfortable going after it.
You gotta give me specific examples of what it is that you expect or want women to do that they are not doing.
“What do you expect from a woman?”
Ok, so maybe I should preface my comments, I live in NYC, home of the “I’m a free thinking independent woman and don’t need any man to da-da-da-da” type women.
To answer your question: Honesty, Integrity and Non-hypocrisy.
I can’t tell you how many women i’ve been out with that bark all day long about how this patriarchial male-dominant society has F’d them over and not given them a fare shot, yet be totally inviting to the same patriarchal society that gives rise to romance and all that “femininity” crap.
I mean the woman in the clip here was a rural person, so maybe she’s fine with playing a feminine role, in all aspects, relationships included.
I thought about starting a dating website “nonhypocritialwomen.com”
by the way, have you heard chris rocks joke “if you’re on a date with a woman, you can have her pay, but just know nothing dries a woman’s p*ssy faster than her reaching for her wallet”…?
If you dont mind indulging me, Im just curious how can these two positions be held simultaneously? Do you personally believe men and women are equals?
Wow big question. Equal what? Humans? YES. Do I think women are different? YES. Have different expectations, beliefs, wants and ways of doing things? Then YES to those as well.
I think you have to understand that if a woman is attracted to you she is going to do her darn best to show you that in HER OWN WAY. It may not be the way you want but it’s a way. She may not pay, or open doors for you BUT she will cook you a dinner, take care of you and snuggle up beside you. This the way we woman know how to show we are attracted. If you want something else from a woman all you have to do is ask and vice versa. We will not perform the way you expect us to perform naturally. BUT if we care about you, we will do our best to meet your expectations once you let us know what they are. HONESTY and BEING DIRECT will get you what you want every time.
I expect women would be more clear and forthright in showing attraction to me, if they are indeed attracted. The same way they expect me to show I’m attracted to them.
“Wow big question. Equal what? Humans? YES. Do I think women are different? YES. Have different expectations, beliefs, wants and ways of doing things? Then YES to those as well.”
Ok, so for all intents and purposes, you believe in inherent differences between men and women. What else is there to human existence other than beliefs, expectations, and “ways of doing things” ?
“I think you have to understand that if a woman is attracted to you she is going to do her darn best to show you that in HER OWN WAY.”
Hmm, ok interesting point. But that way is usually indetectable to most guys. Now for some guys who are used to having more success (because they’re rich, look good, etc…) might be able to pick up on those, but some of us guys require the same level of “directness” and “irrefutable proof” the woman is attracted. Some of us have been rejected a LOT more times than we’d like to have experienced, and so we feel frightened to initiate because what is the purpose of racking up another rejection- right?
Also, things you mentioned – cooking dinner, snuggling, etc.. they’re well into relationships, Im talking about initial stages, and approach vectors.
I’m curious what motivates women like yourself to do what you do ? 99 out of 100 women don’t spend a second thought thinking what it must be like for a guy, all the hardships and unfairness we deal with in this regard. You’ve freely admitted this unfairness. While most women would completely agree that the system is rigged against us (or at least rigged against guys like myself without the benefit of looks and money) the 99 out of 100 are perfectly happy with that system. Im just curious what motivated you to be the 1 out of 100. That’s just a curiosity on my part though.
Of course, there’s no easier target in this world than a needy guy looking to get better with women and “get laid” so you’ll excuse me if I have a little skepticism.
Consider the effects of alcohol here! I’m not prohibitionist and I like a drink, but people should realize that alcohol affects your nervous system (duh!). This couple drank champagne and then martinis (he gulped his down) and then, no surprise, their behavior changed! He got sloppy and she got sad. Drinking is fun but it’s a mixed bag, and it destroys relationships in the long run….sometimes in the short run too!
I’ve certainly screwed up some dates by drinking too much, and I have had dates where the woman drank too much and ruined the date. Marni, what are your experiences here? I think the community could use some awareness.
Some of these reality shows are most “interesting” when the people drink the most, and the producers know that!
Dude, it’s TV, you saw what they wanted you to see.
A second after she said “lets call it a night” he could have said “oh Im sorry, I wont do it again” *puppy dog smile* and they could have went upstairs and f***cked like minks. or maybe not. we just don’t know.
Also if you watch the part where he was teasing, the cuts were total jumpcuts, there was a lot missing in there. Secondly, and this is maybe a question more for Marni – but doesn’t “date” and “romance” trigger the long term attractive mechanisms in the women? According to David D, if a guy is totally playing the “medeival gentlemanly role” a woman classifies him as a good long term mate and withholds sex until she’s sure she’s “provided” for.
not to say that burping and farting is the only other option there. Of course any kind of bodily function like that would take a woman cleanly out of any kind of sexual element – that much is obvious.
What the FLOCK??? EVERYTHING Jesse did following “The Burp” was rude, unsophisticated, churlish, and hick. And did I mention UNSOPHISTICATED ? ? ? Hey, the word I’m looking for is “ungentlemanly.” Yeah, that’s it. Reasonably socialized and cultured women want a reasonably socialized and cultured GENTLEMAN . . . who’s going to behave in a gentlemanly fashion. ALL of Jesse’s behavior following “The Burp” was low-class, unsophisticated and ungentlemanly. That women expect a man to be a GENTLEMAN doesn’t mean that he has to live up to all of the completely unrealistic ideals of a Disney hero (unrivaled square-jawed good looks, world-class inverted-pyramid physique, single-handedly defeating the enemy’s army of thousands) — that is, women aren’t asking for something that’s unreasonable. All a man has to do is be a considerate, polite gentleman . . . and Jesse is NO GENTLEMAN. I gotta tellya . . . it doesn’t matter HOW drunk I get, I’M NOT BURPING OR FARTING IF THERE’S ANY CHANCE OF ANYONE — MAN OR WOMAN — WITNESSING IT. PERIOD. It’s just how I was raised. And that’s certainly not too much for a woman to ask of her fricking DATE. Or boyfriend. Or husband. If you’re a man who thinks that it’s OK to start burping and farting out loud once you get to know a woman . . . you’re wrong and you need to figure out that you’re wrong.
And to skwadim: Dude. There are costs and perks of being a man just as there are costs and perks of being a WO-man. Yes, we men are socially required to initiate the social interaction with women, WE have to take the first risk of rejection, but that’s just one of the costs of being men. On the other hand, one of the perks that we get to enjoy is the rush of throwing our women around in bed, of flipping them over (and over) and instructing them on where we want them and just generally having our way with them. Women, likewise, have their own list of costs and perks of being a woman. (OK, one perk would be having 10 to 20 orgasms per session because her gentlemanly lover practices the techniques of David Shade’s Masterful Lover wisdom.) The “takeaway” here, as Marni would say, is that if you don’t like the mix of costs and perks of being a man, then your dispute is with NATURE, not with WOMEN.
That said, I DO understand your complaint about a lot of New York women. The only reasonable and sane ways of dealing with that problem are 1) to screen your women very carefully and reject those who’ve been indoctrinated with the very UNnatural “I am woman, hear me roar, I don’t need a man” bullshit feminist attitude, and 2) move to a place where the great majority of women don’t have that stupid and relationally destructive attitude — which means you could move just about anywhere else in America.
And I’m tellin’ ya, skwadim, about the not-having-looks thing . . . women are far more attracted to and turned-on by a man who has a confident, masculine presence in the room than they are by a good-looking guy with an amorphous, androgynous and emasculated presence in the room. Remember, WOMEN ARE JUST PEOPLE. There’s NO REASON to cower or be nervous around women, not even beautiful women. They’re just people. Yes, they’re different from us men, but they’re still just people. As David Shade says, truth is found in reality. And the reality is that women generally LIKE men, want to be around us, and really like a man who is both confident and emotionally independent and who won’t genuflect in passive, unmanly submission to women. Even beautiful women. The “takeaway” from this paragraph: eschew your own bogus social programming (whatever it is) and realize that women are fundamentally feminine in nature and they want us to be masculine – and our masculinity is FAR more important than our looks.
The bottom line . . . develop MANLY confidence and MANLY self-assuredness, and women will hang all over you regardless of your looks. I’m sure Marni will corroborate my assertion that when a man has confidence, it’s like catnip to women and they simply can’t resist it.
And for Pete’s sake, don’t forget to be a gentleman. A masculine, assertive gentleman.
I agree that it was all staged and as soon as the cameras were turned off the banging began.
Now as for Herbertificus’ post regarding confidence. Women want a confident, masculine, assertive gentleman, really? Only if it comes with looks, A Man who has confidence with women has this trait because he was great looking as a teenager and had girls throwing themselves at him boosting his confidence immeasurably. which of course continues when he became a man and had women throwing themselves at him, again boosting his confidence greatly. If you are not the type of man of which I speak you will always fail with women because that is the only type of confidence they will ever accept in a man. I know that which I speak of. Going back to my teenage years and twenties I had a very good looking friend who through his looks was a magnet. He and I could simply be talking and they would come up to him, throw themselves at him and take him away. Leaving me in the dust without so much as a concious notice that I existed. My friend suggested I talk to them. I replied hell no they can respond to me in the same manner as you or to hell with them. I refuse to make any further effort than you had to and I will not cater to their shallowness. They never did nor did I back down all the way through our twenties. We then went our seperate ways. I have had quite a few great female friends from then on. but nothing serious ever occured. What I am trying to say is that all the stuff we unsuccessful men can read on sites like this is just to assuage our feelings and keep us believing when in reality there is no chance at all. For example I love reading things like ignore women and they will come to you. As you can see from my writing this doesn’t work does it? I know what women think when they see me weaving my way through crowds to do photography or grave rubbings or just enjoy a day outside. They see me alone and surmise ignorantly that because I am not out with friends (I don’t have any anymore because they went their seperate ways and/or moved away. But I will always be grateful for the friendship those ladies showed me.) so I must be a loser, stalker, or something like that. I am nothing like that all. But because of my lack of attractive facial features they refuse to try get to know the real me and so they look away. Their loss and I still refuse to cater to women’s shallowness which by the way all women possess but to varying degrees. It must be nice to be able to have the special intuition that allows women to categorize a man without knowing who he truly is and without concerning herself that she may be completely wrong in her assumption and then b***h about how they are no good men available. Talk about misguided arrogance. Of course my female friends were the exception to this majority rule because the took the time to get to know me and they liked what they found.
The other thing I notice when out and about is how my great looking guys have a woman on their arm and how many unattractive guys do not. It is quite a skewed ratio in favor of the great looking guy. Sorry for the length of this missive but as a jaded single man nearing 42 and never having a girlfriend I felt I just had to say a few words.
Sorry the last line should have read: I felt I just had to say a few words in defensive and support of us wrongly convicted by women as losers, etc..
Wow, after reading what I wrote I come off sounding like a complete dick. This was not my intent and not who I am at all. My female friends were the best and I will never forget them. One of them tried to teach me about confidence. I really didn’t believe or listen to her on this subject. I should have. Maybe my life would have turned out differently. I wonder if I could learn to build confidence in myself at my age? It would be nice.
Forgive my earlier rant.
No worries. Truth, that is what this site is most used for. BUT thank you for coming back and acknowledging it. What you just did is very attractive, very masculine and extremely strong. Very impressed.
Send me an email to marni@winggirlmethod.com and reference this “comment” and I am going to help you
I did e-mail you. just curious if you recieved it or not.
I did not. Send to marni@winggirlmethod.com
I just tried e-mailing again.
Have you recieved my e-mail yet ?
Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.
He didn’t handle the burp well but this girl its about a 2 as a person and that may be generous. It’s all about her. There is nothing attractive about her as a soul.
He should have kept his poise, hit it, and moved on.
Wow Marni I hope you helped that GRP guy see the light on the reality of looks not meaning shit. And that confident guys “without looks” do and can get lots of hot women. I have one ugly short friend who used ot get a ton of hot women when he was single and now in a realtionship with one. Dont give up and think its impossible to get a girl unless you “have good looks and women throwing themselves at you to get that confidence” who told you its the only way? The reality is these good looking guys alreayd had confidence which is why the women wanted them not their looks. Im nto sure where guys come up with conclusions thinking its impossible just ebcause when they were young they got none and thought you have tyo be good looking when really its not the looks that do it for women. Ask women. watch how they respond. Ive never seen a good looking guy who has no confidence get a woman. The good looking ones who do have a shit load of confidence get women but you mistakenly assume its the looks that did it. An honest woman who knows herself will tell you it was the character that did it to her not the looks. Looks make her curious. Ive never heared of a woman play with herself to a mans face , or have an orgasm to a an ab muscle. Ive also never heared of a woman looking at a naked man and get all exited by thinking “wow look at the scortum on that guy” they just dont. they arnt as visual as us men. So get over your looks excuses. Grow a pair and go and talk to the hottest women you know because they are waiting for a real man not some pussy worrying about his looks
AMEN!!!
Im not here to judge but simply to tell it like it is. Comments like “What I am trying to say is that all the stuff we unsuccessful men can read on sites like this is just to assuage our feelings and keep us believing when in reality there is no chance at all”
That mentality right there is why women dont want you. And here you are thinking its your genetics. Look if women didnt mate with “ugly” men then there would only be a race of men who look like male models. As you can see thats not true a matter of fact theres way less good looking guys around. Looks mattering started like 30 years ago. It started as an excuse for men who werent masculine enough to attract a woman.
Marni seems like an honest woman so for guys who need proof. Marni… does seeing a model looking guy with a perfect face sexually make you want to just jump the guy or does it just make you think “O hes nice to look at I wonder if eh can turn me on” … it’s the attitude/ demeanour of the man which can come on either a good looking shell or “not good looking” shell. I have good looking friends, average looking and ugly. Doesn’t make a difference.
And thats another funny thing I here about guys who are unsuccessful. They seem to think they are mind readers and know exactly what the women are “thinking about them” they all seem to think women are turned off by their looks. Maybe its because you project no confidence. I wonder how they know what the woman is thinking without even talking to her. they just assume the woman dislikes them. Again its the self hate that women pick up on and dont even give you a chance. Communication is way deeper than your body/face. Women dont fuck good looking dead guys.
Hey Lou
I actually agree with a lot of points you say.
When I see a good looking guy I may think ‘he’s good looking’ but it certainly won’t want to make me persue him romantically unless he has attractive characteristics, and a demeanour that connects with me.
Great communication skills, being confident in yourself and taking the time to get to know me definitely counts a lot more than hours spent in the gym
Marni