She's Just Not that Into You: Don't mistake Emotional Banter for Flirtatious Banter
Women give guys loads of signs when they're interested in them (in fact you can learn more about these on my Signs She's Into You list) but want to know one sign she's not interested?
When she complains about her boyfriend.
Even if she tells you “I would love to date you if I didn't have a boyfriend”: she's not looking for a date, but for an emotional crutch.
She doesn't want to cheat on her boyfriend, or ditch him, in the long run; instead she's just looking for a short term quick fix of attention.
The woman you like probably isn't doing this harmfully, or even fully consciously. All she is aware of is that her boyfriend isn't giving her all of the validation, attention and security that she needs: so she's spreading her wings and seeing if she can plug that gap elsewhere.
She may have just had a fight with him over his boys' night out, be pissed that he hasn't text her back that evening or be feeling insecure after she found out that her guy's ex was a swimwear model. It really could be any number of reasons, small or large, but it is far more about her relationship with him, than her attraction to you. I know this isn't what you want to hear but you may just have just been in the right bar, at the right time, to be on the receiving end of her fishing for attention.
She wants to feel appreciated; however, at the moment, you're not the person she truly wants to feel appreciated by. So your flirting with her will act like an emotional band aid for now: but as soon as her boyfriend heals the rift, she won't need your attention, dates, or flirtation anymore. She may even feel guilty for having looked to you to fill this emotional void: and will back off completely.
So even if she is:
- Smiling at you
- Touching your arm and leaning in
- Telling you that she thinks you are handsome
If it all comes with her sighing, “I would love to stay in touch if I didn't have a boyfriend,” don't take her signs seriously.
It's very easy when a girl is giving you these huge signals to ignore the fact that she has a man, and hope that she'll cheat on him with you tonight.
While I'm not going to pass judgment on any of you guys for thinking that: even if she did cheat it would create a messy and complicated situation that you wouldn't want to find yourself in! So get out and move on!
You can enjoy the flirting in return but don't get invested. Don't spend hours hanging out with her, listening to her, and pursuing her with endless texts and emails as this is one clear route straight to the ‘friend zone'.
So next time you get a girl ‘flirting' with you, while telling you she's unavailable, I want you to enjoy the brief flirtation and then move on.
Unless you want to be her friend, move on!
There will be loads of other (single) women who will want to flirt with you for real. So ditch the emotional banter with taken women, and have flirtatious banter, with single women instead.
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