A lot of men are constantly asking me “How do can I escalate from friends to sexual attraction?”. Escalating is easier than one might think. All it really involves is believing that you are sexual and stating your intentions. The difficult part is actually believing you are sexual and having the confidence and comfort in yourself to actually display your intentions. 
Quick lesson: If you want to be seen as a sexual option stop presenting yourself as a friend or a suck. Be straight, direct and confident in the way you present yourself.
I have written you a piece that will help you show a woman you want her sexually without being aggressive or an a**hole.
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Article
What can be said about sexual chemistry between men and women? Is it just a myth or is it a magic bullet aimed straight at the heart (or elsewhere…)? Some couples say when they met they had “instant chemistry.” So what exactly does this mean? Is sexual chemistry a simple biological process or something more complex, a layering of mental and physical attraction, body language, and ancient love juju?
Ancient love juju aside, sexual chemistry is actually based on a kind of unconscious perception and interpretation of someone's appearance and behavior. Huh? Simply put, we are constantly scanning the opposite sex for signs of interest and compatibility. When we project the right signals, we are able to attract the objects of our desire.
For example, if a man projects a vibe of independence, seems to be happy, and appears to know what he wants, this triggers arousal in women. “At first sight” he is providing enough evidence for a woman's desire to be stoked. Suddenly she sees him in a more sexual way, based entirely on her perception of him as strong and independent. It also doesn't hurt that when a guy appears sexually exuberant, he gives a woman the impression she'll have a satisfying experience with him.
Men so often suppress their sexual strength and assertiveness as a result of past rejection; they get caught up in their own fears, trying to second-guess what women want. These guys appear weak and inhibited, and, on an unconscious level, women see them as being “too feminine.” Who wants to share in a guy's weakness or have to fix it? Either way, the sexual chemistry is ruined.
So, how can a guy amp up his ability to create hot sexual chemistry with a woman without having it blow up in his face like a bad science project?
- Be aware of the kind of vibe you are projecting. Are you coming off as confident, carefree, and fun or an emotional drag?
- Pay attention to the subtle signals she's sending you. Is she leaning into you and smiling or sitting back with her arms crossed over her chest? It takes two to make chemistry happen, so be responsive to her vibe. A little attentiveness can go a long way.
- Don't second-guess yourself. Retreating inside your brain to battle your insecurities takes you out of the moment and is a sure way to kill chemistry.
- Be direct and confident. Looking into her eyes and smiling while you talk will make you appear assertive, enthusiastic, and sexy.
- Don't fear rejection. Relax! Remember we are constantly projecting signals. If she picks up on how tense you are, she's likely to tense up, too.
- Make her laugh. Light sexual innuendo is a great way to lighten the mood and convey your attraction.
- Don't be afraid to let her know you're interested. Women can sense it, anyway. It's chemistry, stupid!
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The important notes to take away this article is to be proud and confident in what you want. If you want to sleep with a woman don't try to hide it, show it. Not in a sleezy, gropey way but in a sexually strong way. The way that gets women turned on in 2 seconds by presenting them with a man that knows what he wants and can lead. How sexy is that??!!!
Answer: SO SEXY. Trust me.
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Thanks for the compliments, Marni! Right back atcha. 🙂 Last night I had an opportunity to witness sexual chemistry at work. I was at a book signing and, when a girlfriend went to buy her book from the cute guy behind the counter, the chemistry was palpable. It was like there was an electric current running between the two of them that EVERYONE in the vicinity was aware of! He even offered to “carry her purchase to her car for her” — seizing the opportunity and appearing chivalrous in one fell swoop. I have yet to talk to my friend… Read more »
Would love to hear the outcome from that situation. Did it look like your friend was bubbly and attracted?
She was definitely energized by his attention and subsequent actions. And she basically melted before my eyes when he offered to carry her purchase for her. Any man can make googly eyes at a woman, but this guy took the initiative to take the obvious sexual chemistry between them to the next level. I’ll definitely let you know the outcome — I’m as curious as you are!
What you should ask is What made HER attracted to him? “The vibe” goes both ways. Obviously it’s easier once the chemistry is there, but how to spark the woman’s attraction? Ah!
Zoe let me know her friend is coming over so we will get first hand interpretation. Wanted to post for Jordan from Art of Charm. For some reason he can’t post on this site. Here is what he had to say. Let me pre-empt the classic argument that the guy was being ‘supplicative’ by offering to carry the bag(s) back to the car. Chivalry is only approval-seeking if it’s done to curry favor with a woman. If it’s done because the guy actually ENJOYS being masculine and being a masculine presence in her world, then it’s actually quite a different… Read more »
Hmm great question, Greg. My friend’s popping by for lunch this afternoon, I’ll ask her your question on your behalf. She’s a little shy but I’ll find out if she’s even willing to answer you personally on this talkback section. To be continued…
LOVE what Jordan said about chivalry and I LOVE men who view their masculinity this way. SO SEXY.
He offered the 1950’s equivalent of ‘carrying her books home from school’ ??? haha Big Daddy PS Hope she agreed to go with him for a malt at Arnold’s Drive-In next Saturday after chores! lol For the record, guys like Big Daddy who have learned to CONSISTENTLY TRIGGER sexual arousal in TONS of women, (not all, that’s a MYTH, but LOTS & LOTS) the palpable ‘ electric current’ you’ve described is a virtual everyday occurrence. We DON’T therefore supplicate w/some ridiculous offer to help her carry a couple 2lb books to the parking lot! To the contrary, we put the… Read more »
Is the big daddy method about confusion because I am completely stumped on this one. I really have no idea what you said for men to do.
Not sure how “big” you can be, Big Daddy, if you consider carrying a book to be “heavy lifting”! 😉 But I agree with Marni here – your method is really confusing. First you said hot girls are the worst at picking up on guys since they never have to, but then you said you just wait around for girls to do all the work of hitting on you, relying primarily on fine girls sine they’ll be the only ones willing to do that. Must get pretty boring waiting around for something that, according to you, never happens to happen!… Read more »
advice in article is too generic
particulars on techniques of escalation would have been more useful
work backwards from the outcome & show the person multiple techniques
ppl need to see the end result, flex their mental muscles then master a couple techiques otherwise a man gets confused & doesn’t build heuristics of successful behavior
Joe, I think you are asking for a real life example. I was spoke at Vince Kelvin’s Seminar the other day on this very topic and was able to help an average guy find his inner sexy and turn me on. I swear, one little tweak and he was able to turn me on and cause butterfly’s in my stomach. He was able to do this because he finally stopped thinking about HOW to make a situation attractive and focused on how attractive he was by LEADING me to attraction. I told him to own his body and own what… Read more »
I think I’d have to write a book, Joe Mamma, in order to cover all possible scenarios and outcomes. While I agree that each scenario has its own particulars, that’s what Marni’s one-on-one sessions are for! My article is meant to give an overview of how sexual chemistry works along with seven basic suggestions to keep in mind to make it work for you. I wanted to keep things simple; when we’re in the heat of the moment, it’s easier to recall one of seven touchstones to keep us self-aware and projecting the appropriate signals to receive the responses we… Read more »
You’ll get used to Big Daddy and his trademarked ASSembly line…
hahaha!!
Who is Big Daddy?
No one really knows….Internet troll…but truth be told, he can be rather amusing at times…
Once again, Big Daddy’s novel unique and revolutionary approach have stirred up excitement on the blog of someone attempting to teach pick up. Well, before i’m branded a Troll for DARING to disagree with the posters sentiments (and I can already hear the countdown 10…9….8…7… haha) allow Big Daddy to Break.It.Down! Not sure how “big” you can be, Big Daddy, if you consider carrying a book to be “heavy lifting”! Notice her VERY first instinct was to make a cheap shot personal attack. And not only that – a not-too-thinly-veiled small penis joke. (which I’m sure she’ll deny) Wow, it… Read more »
Big Daddy. I still have no idea what you are saying. Not sure if this tactic for attraction. I mean you are getting my attention and zoe’s and now Liz’s but none of us are turned on by you at all. We are biting yes but not in an intrigued, sexual way but in a “what the hell is he saying kind of way”.
Still very baffled! EXTREMELY CONFUSED
Uhmm, Big Daddy seems to be what we call in England, a “tosser”.. a legend in his own lunchbox.
An individual so in love with his own reflection that he is convinced all others are also so affected by his countenance.
The defensive tone is a dead giveaway that he would be an absolute nightmare in logical debate.
No, his “teachings” are very muddled & unclear..
Dull dull dull.
Ending with “You should try it” is a massively passive-aggressive tone.
This man lacks self-awareness.
Wow, and then he answered my question…I think…still confused but I’m pretty sure underneath the filler BD is posting on Marni’s blog that his technique is better than Marni’s, to which I ask, Dude, are you always this tacky? How’s that working out for you? 🙂 Anyway, thanks for posting this Zoe! I have so many guy friends and clients that are stuck in the friend zone and when I ask them to break down their interaction with the woman, it always goes something like this… “Well, we had lunch/dinner/coffee/some other activity and I was waiting and trying to see… Read more »
and I can vouch for that. Liz is speaking the truth. Be the ALPHA, be respectful but be the ALPHA.
Liz actually said to me last week, and I agreed, that in our friendships with males over the years we would have totally shifted from friend to sex/relationship if our “friends” would have just ALPHAED up and took charge.
Amen sistah! Being the alpha is HOW the masculine respects the feminine. 🙂
Liz, you’re my new hero!
I have a few “friends” who need to be thrown up against something and kissed! And, ya know what ..? I’m going to do exactly that!! Let the consequences be damned! lol
ya’ll are great. I’ll let you know how it works out. But I already know. It’s gonna be GREAT.
FANTASTIC topic, and great info!
TA
Who is this guy? Big Daddy?
You just lost me…I gave up reading your posts. Are you sure you belong here? Why would anyone sign off as:
Big Daddy
Yeah, I’m THAT good…
One word for you…You’re a TOOL
Sorry Marni had to say it!
Rey
You are awesome Rey. I stopped reading his mile long post 1 sentence in and then got completely confused.
me 2.
I can attract all women in a place by just my energy alone. The thing I am struggling with is knowing what to do. do I just say “hey lets f***”” when she approaches me? How do I lead her from wherever we are, lets say we’re both working, to another place to do that? and can i possibly stretch it out so her anticipation rises and so I dont feel used? I heard that there is some kind of window of opportunity I have to get into? Like she is flirty with me without any words. We are vibing… Read more »
Seth,
I love that you are initiating conversation and obviously getting a flirty good response with women but it sounds like the energy is ending there. You have to continue leading the conversation after the intro and not just jump into want to bang?? Some girls may respond well to this but they are usually a certain type also looking for just sex that night. Totally fine if that is what you are looking for.
Are you looking for sex, make out session at a club or a date with a girl that is potential dating material?
Seth YOUR COMMENT: Like she is flirty with me without any words. We are vibing sexual energy back and forth, again no one’s said anything yet. And then she bumps into me. IS that my cue to finally say something to her or she’s moving on? The way you describe this interaction sounds like she is into you, most girls who want a one night stand are ready to be taken, they don’t say much but they display themselves to you by being more flirtatious, touching, huge hints of sexual energy. This is where you have to take the LEAD…lead… Read more »
The First Chapter: They Meet I heard there are a lot of questions about my latest read (pun intended). I shall call my bookstore guy “Boris”. When I got to the counter I immediately noticed Boris’ demeanor. He was very personable and outgoing. As he rang up my purchases he kept me in conversation about the reading and he filled me in on some upcoming events at the store that he was sure I would like. He seemed really enthused to get me back to the store and whether it was for business or pleasure, I just didn’t know. But… Read more »
“I stopped reading his mile long post 1 sentence in!!” “Who is this guy???” “Not sure how “big” you can be, Big Daddy!” “Your method is really confusing!!” “Must get pretty boring waiting around for something that…never happens! ” “Did you READ the article???” “Are you sure you belong here?”” “Dude, are you always this tacky?????” “What the hell is he saying???” “NONE of us are turned on by you at all!!!!!” “One word for you…You’re a TOOL!!!” //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Wow! Big Daddy sure seems to have inspired a whole lot of …er…pleasant thought from…ahem…secure…people? haha Big Daddy Striking with a… Read more »
You showed us Big Daddy!!
Oh! so you changed your sign off name?…Better than the last one. You’re improving lil grasshopper!
YOUR COMMENT:
Wow!
Big Daddy sure seems to have inspired a whole lot of …er…pleasant thought from…ahem…secure…people? haha
No Dude! It’s hilarious! You’re actually entertaining us!….we need a CLOWN like you to make a complete ASS of himself when he doesn’t make sense at all.
Great article!
This whole debate as to whether he should have ‘helped her carry her books’ seems to me to be pointless minutia. What he was really doing was creating a situation where it would be socially appropriate for him to get her # (without him risking getting fired). I’m betting that he didn’t even carry anything, except his phone to get her #.
Sometimes the girl will make the next move, often she will not, expecting the guy to do so. Waiting like that is risky.
“Waiting like that is risky.”
Yup. It is….
Whooooooo!!
Big Daddy
Now, you’re starting to get it!
Big Daddy I think I really like now. I have no idea what you are saying but it’s funny.
This post is fantastic! It’s been said repeatedly, but when we lead, assuming the woman will follow, and take what we want because we want to, bam- attraction. Love this shit… Your new wing girl kicks ass! Now… you said she’s hot too. I’d like to see a picture.
My new Wing Girl is awesome!! Glad you liked the post Dwizzite!
Yeah Dwizzite, LEAD!
Yeah Marni what’s up with that?! LoL 🙂 Where is a picture of your crew? Zoe welcome!! Looking forward to your post and interacting and being a part of it. Thanks Marni you’re awesome too! You’ve gone so far w/ your blog and I love it!
Big daddy you are saying a lot and I am not sure I agree or know what you are talking about why don’t you present some videos. All you are doing right now is interupting a great thread.
Marni love the thread there are somethings I would love to say but I want to articulate it properly so I will think of how to do that.
Zoe welcome to the community. If you keep posts like this up I am sure you will definatly help us go far. I look forward to hearing more.
Big Daddy is the truth. nice advice my dude
Surely, what we can take from Big Daddy is that the best way to spark attraction is to speak in the third person. Have you considered starting your own pick-up community, sir?
Great article Zoe and Marni thanks.
This article was written by Ana!
Are u sure?
You know what you are right. I thought you were commenting on another post. My bad 🙂
it’s cool.
Great work, Zoe and Marni! its a classic but simple article, just gets down to the point. I had a question though about my situation, Well it’s a long story but if you are willing to hand out your opinion, would be great =) It involves me, my friend Mary and a guy who was also my friend named Bob. Well we knew each other through high school. Me and Bob were more familiar with each other than either one of us with Mary. ANyways high school ended and before colelge began Bob offered me rides to college because i… Read more »
Hello Marni,
How can a man build chemistry with his partner of 8 years, when chemistry really wasn’t there from the beginning? Is it still possible?
Of course. It takes time, cooperation and communication.
If you want further assistance and step by step directions on how/what to do, Email me at marni@Audie Brown.com.
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she some time refuse me & some time she want more it
i girl called me daddy and i fucked her up her ass
Load of constantly contradicting crap