In this article, I'm going to share the difficulties faced by those with ADHD when it comes to relationships and dating. I'm also going to share 7 steps for success for ADHD and Relationships.
I've been a Wing Girl for almost 15 years now and have seen and heard everything. So it takes a lot to shock me. BUT one of my recent clients (and success stories) did. He enlightened me on the challenges those with ADHD experience when it comes to women and dating. I didn't realize all the extra challenges and hurdles those with ADHD face when entering the dating world.
Because I want to be sure EVERY MAN gets the dating advice he needs, I asked this amazing client of mine to write an article about ADHD and Relationships & dating. Which I now want to share with you because he delivers amazing insight into the issues you may face in your dating life and how to fix these issues.
Even if you don't have ADHD or know if you have ADHD, some of what he wrote may help you navigate through the dating world a little easier.
So without further ado here is the amazing article that Michael McNulty wrote for me and you on how to date women when you have ADHD:
ADHD and Relationships & Dating
By: Michael McNulty
The World of Dating and Relationships is hard enough these days for guys don’t you think??
Approaching someone, wondering what to say to get her attention or just keeping the ball rolling once you do is hard enough when you are feeling fully functional, alert and cognizant with all of your pistons firing right??
Well, what if your mind wasn’t running on all cylinders with one of them lagging just enough to make that Engine that is your Brain sputter and knock and feeling like it just might crash??
Welcome to the world of having ADHD…….” Attention-Deficit/Hyperactive Disorder” to be lengthy about it.
And the symptoms are as wide as the number of people that have it but to summarize, they can range from absent-mindedness, difficulty focusing, forgetfulness, problem paying attention, or short attention span to aggression, excitability, fidgeting, hyperactivity, impulsivity, irritability, lack of restraint, or persistent repetition of words or actions. Don’t even mention how Tunnel Vision feels like a permanent Prison you can’t escape from that you have built to protect you??
Now do you think that living any of those as a daily way of life might just be a speed bump when approaching a Woman just to say Hi as a start?? If you said absolutely and even DUH, then you definitely win that Special Prize!!
Hey, we all experience some of the above Symptoms every once in a while, Yes??? Forgot where you put your Keys……Wallet or something important??
There isn’t a person alive whose Clarity of thinking at time can be a little Foggy or perhaps we don’t have the attention span for something because the volume of stuff in Life going on for us??
Well, Try living it the majority of every day as a Habitual lifestyle not knowing why you are the way you are and just drifting one day to the next in your own private Fog trying to work on yourself to get better but just feeling that you are spinning your wheels like a parked car in a Minnesota winter after a 2 foot snowfall.
We often think of children having ADHD and that they will just grow out of it but the truth is it just follows you throughout your life if it isn’t diagnosed.
I am 64 right now and was diagnosed as a fluke 2 years ago by a Girlfriend at the time who just happened to be a Psychologist in that area for Children and she got me on a daily Adderall regime to exist truly as a normal person and living to whatever my Potential can be, finally just like anyone else. It was a blessing to get diagnosed and I haven’t looked back since then and enjoying making up for lost time in so many areas that never existed for me!!
But hey……. this isn’t my Pity party I want to tell you about, but rather what Dating and having Relationships, both Romantic and Platonic, are like when you have ADHD and some ways to work with it.
The Most Devastating Part of Dating With ADHD (ADHD and Relationships)
The most devastating part of having this Genetic mutation in a DNA strand restricting production of your natural Dopamine, is seeing the world around you function better than you and feeling helpless to catch up, so you think there is something wrong with you. That Mindset follows you like a drizzly Fog constantly raining on your Confidence Parade until a self-belief manifests that you eventually and innately believe who you are is Truly Your Fault! And believe me there is line-up to the left of those that will confirm it based on the situational behaviors that are shown to the World.
Well guess what???
“IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT”.
It never has been…….EVER!! But until you finally are introduced to that reality, that Self-Belief you have developed over a lifetime toxically oozes from your Personality and guess which Gender picks it up Big Time when you try to Magically mingle with someone you want to get to know??
Add to that mix the other pre-mentioned symptoms?? Even if you do get to the stage of a Relationship happening you are still fighting this internal War against what seems an invisible Enemy who undermines the mechanics of great interactions by your learned and instinctual Behavior.
So, with that Optimistic viewpoint………what’s an ADHD guy supposed to do in this Dating World which is Brutal enough already at times for normal guys???? How I will I ever have a solid relationship if I have ADHD?
Well, you could sit in your Gaming chair and disappear for days and weeks playing online, never wanting to interact with another Human Being giving excuses about why things with Women just aren’t happening??
Or you could just keep approaching Women hoping the greatest tips and lines you heard on YouTube from the latest and greatest Guru will work if you really try because they guaranteed it or your Money back???
Or, and here is THE Key move………Get smart and Read articles and Blogs about your symptoms, even if you don’t even know what ADHD stands for, that are shared by so many which will lead you to at least a direction of diagnosis for you to follow, or just talk to your Doctor and ask for help. It is the first step towards the Light we have never seen that is the Key here.
But even if you are diagnosed and put on a Therapy program trust me this affliction can be insipidus none the less. So, getting help or not, there are some essential things that one needs to know when Dating when you have ADHD.
The first thing you need to do is……………
1. SLOW DOWN YOUR WORLD!!!
One of the major symptoms of ADHD is that our minds just move too fast like a Run-Away train not sure of the destination and we keep getting off at each stop for a few seconds to see if this the one we want. And it just compounds the confusion that already exists and trust me, in the middle of a Date or a first encounter that kind of speed leaves the other person behind.
But just think of it though………don’t THE most confident people slow down the world to the speed that they dictate, not speed up to what is dictated to them?? Even having major ADHD, slowing it to a pace that I can actually admire the scenery has been Magical even before I knew I had it. Knowing I have it under control now has just let me be even more confident and methodical when I approach someone. And the encounters have been so Amazing. And not just Dating interest Amazing, but encounters in general…………Even with Elderly’s I help in Ralph’s or Goodwill. It’s like a Pay-It-Forward Bonanza……………you always end up winning!! Because when you do Slow down the Pace as an ADHD??
And this is the side benefit………. You begin to care a lot less about the outcome and more about the moment. Because it is a moment for us where there is a controlled Calm which is like a Panacea to the usual confusion and speed.
So slow down your ADHD World and enjoy the Peace by enjoying the moment and not the final Outcome and let that person that you either have just approached or are actually involved in get to know the YOU at your core unaffected by the Foggy confusion because you are in control of who you are in that moment.
It sounds soooo simple yet for us, it is almost impossible at times because our minds are just not there in that moment because they are looking far beyond it with our lack of immediate focus. Sound familiar??? When you utilize Step #1 then Step #2 allows you to observe and absorb so much more about that person and who she is in the moment than you would ever have imagined.
3. Look into her Eyes!!
Having trouble with the first two??? This will bring both of them together in such an Amazing way and it will also let her know that you are with her in your moment together and not drifting off to the places that we go to with our ADHD.
We ADHD people have to be the most “In constant motion” people on the planet. Because our minds are racing, our bodies usually follow and when we are stressed, as in first interactions, that can wind up into almost a frenzy inside of us. So, when doing Steps 1,2,3? Assume a relaxed body posture that exudes being comfortable and Wanting to be there, not fidgeting like you need to rush off to some appointment.
5. Don’t Rush!!!
One of the symptoms of ADHD is to have something that we desire NOW!!! Not even 5 mins from now………but NOW!!! Not only is that having a potential to Freak her out with the increase in speed but it also robs you of valuable slow time for her to get to know you. Allow yourself to read each page of the book of your interaction, not skip to the Synopsis you have in your mind.
We as ADHD people will always say that the major pet peeve of having this is the lack of Remembering!! Names….Places……Lol, and yes car keys!!! But the worst one on a Date is forgetting what she just said 5 mins ago, or Heaven forbid her name? Because at the rate of speed our minds go on our Run-Away train, it was just a blur to us. So, when we Slow our Roll, we will remember trust me!!
7. Listen to Marni……… Seriously, I mean it.
Listen to her over and over and over again!!! There is so much about what she teaches that mentions all of the above that I have suggested in various shapes and forms. Once you Slow down that Train of yours, even not knowing that you have ADHD, her words and emotional techniques will start to trickle into each synapse one by one until you actually slow down to almost a crawl to absorb every meaning until one day?? You will hear that Clicking sound in your confused Head that says………I Get It!!
My Roller Coaster Ride in my ADHD mind over my lifetime has been such a trip, but I now know that my symptoms and difficulties with Women because of it has never been my Fault. It is only your Fault if you don’t recognize and try intelligently to make it work for you!!
Hope this helps you guys out there who are struggling with ADHD and Relationships.
I honestly didn't realize that ADHD had such a strong impact on relationships and dating. I really just thought that the person with ADHD in a relationship would just be hyper. I'm so glad Michael wanted to share this information with me and now with you.
IF you think you may have symptoms of ADHD and are undiagnosed, I highly suggest going and getting evaluated. Never hurts!
And if you want to start listening to me, as #7 suggests, then continue reading my blogs, watching my videos, listening to my podcasts to get excellent information on what women want 😉 You can also sign up for my newsletters by going to the home page and clicking WATCH THE VIDEO NOW!