I wanted to share an email I got from someone recently. I'm sharing it because I know that the situation this guy is in may be something you could encounter in the future or may be dealing with right now.
I'm honestly not sure how to classify this situation other than calling it over eager. I see a lot of guys make a situation into something much bigger than it is because they are worried of either:
1. Falling into the friend zone
2. Losing a girl
3. Messing up
Which is ultimately what ends up happening because they are over eager. Funny how that works right? ha.
Read this guy's email because I know you will learn something from his situation as well as my advice for him.
I just signed up for the Winggirl program and am looking forward to learning how to be a better man. Thanks! I did have some questions regarding someone who I am currently talking to. But first a little background information:
I'm a single guy in my mid-thirties. I live in LA, but work takes me to SF (San Francisco) every other month for a week at a time. On my last trip, I met this girl and we went for drinks on a Thursday night. Everything went well and we decided to meet for dinner the next night.
Dinner the next night got off to a bad start because I was really late. She was pissed. I tried to make the best of it, but it was pretty miserable. I kept asking why she was so upset and halfway through she started opening up about herself and her past. She had abusive parents and a rough time in High School where she got into drug and alcohol use. She also mentioned a lot of bad relationships with unreliable guys. At the end of the night, we hugged, said we'd stay in touch and said goodbye.
I left for LA the next day. So a month has gone by and we're emailing each other. I'm trying to keep it light and casual while avoiding the friend zone. I'll be back in SF in January and will try to see her then.
Anyway, I know this is a lot, but hopefully you can give me your advice and thoughts.
And here are his questions, and my words of advice:
QUESTION #1: What do you make of her past? Should I be concerned. All the articles on askmen say I should run away as fast as possible.
MARNI's ANSWER: hmmm. Not sure you should run away unless you are getting huge red flags about her. Are the emails fun or are you just sending them to “stay in touch” and make sure she's still there. I would say an email every other week would be enough. You guys didn't kiss or anything when you hung out in SF so it's still not anything solid yet. I would keep it casual until you get back to SF. Plus it's holiday time so enjoy this time for yourself, send her a happy holidays message that's cute and kind of teasing and then contact her in January.
QUESTION #2: Not sure how I feel about past drug use, guys, etc. How do I bring up the topic of STDs and when?
MARNI's ANSWER: That's an individual thing. I know it's not my ideal either, but I also know I adjust if I like someone. My husband was a much bigger drinker than I ever imagined myself with and I had a hard time adjusting to it cause I wanted to change him, BUT when I stopped trying to change him and just accepted it, he actually started drinking less. I'm happy I stuck around!
QUESTION #3: She's religious. I'm not, but it doesn't bother her. Is there anything I should be concerned about?
MARNI's ANSWER: Concerned? NO. I would hold off on all these concerns for now and just really think about whether or not you like her. Seems like a lot of thought and effort going into someone.
QUESTION #4: Is this part time in SF lifestyle fair to her or to me? Is it workable? I need to know more about her before I would consider her anything more than someone I'm seeing/dating.
MARNI's ANSWER: Same response as above. Don't worry about fair. You guys are pen pals for now, so take a breath and don't take this so seriously 😉
QUESTION #5: How can I keep emailing her interesting? How do I start flirting or is that a bad idea?
MARNI's ANSWER: OF COURSE FLIRT!! Why else are you emailing!!
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