Going through a break-up is so tough. Especially when you still have feelings for that person, and maybe even want them back. Sometimes, there's no chance of that happening. It ended for a reason and that will never change. But sometimes there is a chance. You just have to make a few things happen before you can get back together. Follow my guidelines below to rekindle the spark…
One of the most painful experiences any of us can have is for our partner to leave us. When it’s someone you really love, it can feel like you’ll never recover because you can’t imagine your life without them in it. So if you feel compelled to do whatever it takes to get them to come back to you, I totally understand. It’s completely natural.
I get a ton of questions from guys who are in this exact situation… And they desperately want to know what steps they can take to get her back ASAP. That’s why I want to share my thoughts on this topic here, because it’s relevant to so many guys.
The first thing I want to point out is that there’s no “magic bullet” trick or technique that’ll get your ex running back into your arms. Despite what some male dating coaches might try and sell you on, it simply doesn’t work that way. And that’s because it’s impossible to come up with a one-size-fits-all technique that’ll work for everyone.
Every relationship is different, including the history between the people involved and the reason why the relationship ended. For example, if a woman left you because you cheated on her, that’s completely different to if she left you because she no longer feels attracted to you.
So you need to forget about tactics and quick-fix gimmicks.
Instead, you’ve got to identify the real root cause of the relationship failure and work to address that. This is the step that most people miss.
They plead with their ex to give them another chance, promising to change. But it comes across as just saying what they want to hear, with no credibility to back it up.
And with women, we’ve usually given it a lot of thought before we break up with a guy. So by the time we leave you, we’re basically convinced that things aren’t going to change and it’s better for us to move on.
We don’t want to get back together with the exact same person and have to deal with the exact same problems all over again. And simply telling us that you’ve changed doesn’t carry any weight. So the key is to put yourself in the shoes of your ex. Really try to see and feel things from her point of view and understand why she left.
Even if you don’t think she’s right, what’s important is that SHE FEELS that she’s right. So you want to empathize with her experience of being in the relationship.
Once you’ve identified and understood the issue(s) that drove her away, it’s time for some honest self-reflection. Is it something you can change? Do you even want to change? Do you think you and your ex are a good match, considering everything that happened?
This is important. Because the last thing you want is to get back together, only to be in the same situation a few years down the track. The truth is not every relationship is destined to work out. And sometimes you’re both better off moving on and finding someone you’ll be more compatible with.
But assuming you DO want to get your ex back, you’ll need to relay to her that you get it.
You get what you did wrong. You get how it made her feel. You get why she decided to leave. And you get why she’d be reluctant to give you another shot.
And coming to these types of realizations takes some time.
It’s not something you’ll accomplish in a few days. So you shouldn’t reach out to her immediately after the break up to try and plead your case. Give it some time to let the emotions settle a little and gain some perspective on things.
When you do get back in touch with her, don’t let your emotions get the better of you. Don’t play the blame game and point out all the reasons you think she was wrong.
Keep things light and friendly to start with. When it comes to talking about the relationship, let her know you’ve been reflecting on where things went wrong. Put your ego aside and admit that you made some mistakes and you’re aware of how it would’ve made her feel.
And as much as possible, demonstrate that you’ve changed. For example, if the issue was you were obsessed with your career and you never had time for her, show her that you’ve reorganized your work schedule so as to have more free time. If she had a problem with your drinking, it could be letting her know that your joined AA.
If the issue was that you became too boring and predictable, show her that you’ve taken up a couple of exciting new hobbies. If it was anger management issues, maybe you’ve enrolled in a meditation or yoga class. Whatever the reason, the point is you’re showing that you’ve already taken steps to change, rather than just talking about it.
And from there, you can tell her that you’d like to give the relationship another chance, but you understand if she’s not willing. Don’t pressure her or try to manipulate her. Give her the freedom to choose you as well as the freedom to walk away if that’s what she really wants.
Whether you rekindle the relationship with her, or end up starting over with someone else… It’s obviously important you don’t make similar mistakes to end up in the same position again.
And the best way to prevent that from happening is to understand what we naturally want in a man. When you know this, you can have a relationship that lasts as long as you want.
The last female friend you’ll ever need,