How many times have things started off well with a woman you’re talking to, and then, later in the evening you get shut down with the dreaded “Not having sex with you tonight” comment? Read on and I’ll show you EXACTLY how to deal with that!
You ever met a woman… flirted for a few hours… things are going great… head back to your place… And then she drops this on you: “Just so you know, I’m not having sex with you tonight”.
This was the exact situation that one of my coaching students faced the other night. He met this woman at a party, they connected and the conversation was sexual, and he drove her back to his place. But in the car outside his house, she said she didn’t want to have sex tonight, and it threw him off his game.
He didn’t know how to respond, and gave up on the idea of getting physical with her. So there was no attempt to kiss her or invite her inside.
Then a few days later he runs into her again, and noticed that she was less responsive and didn’t seem as interested. So what he wanted to know is did he screw up by not kissing her, and was she testing him when she said she didn’t want sex?
Here’s my non-politically correct answer for you:
Sometimes (but not always) when a woman says she’s not going to sleep with you that night, the truth is she desperately wants to. This is different from when you’re actually getting sexual with a girl already and she tells you no. In that situation, no means no, and you should back off. But when you’re just talking, and she drops a line about not wanting sex, it means she’s at least thinking about the idea of having sex with you.
One reason she might say that is she doesn’t want to appear to easy. She doesn’t want you to think she’s the type of girl who just hooks up with every random guy she meets. But another reason is often that she wants to see how you deal with adversity.
When things don’t go exactly your way, do you pout and sulk? Or do you handle it like a man and not let it affect you?
As soon as you get upset about it, and start trying to logically convince us that we should have sex with you, it’s a huge turn off for us. It shows that you’re not in control and don’t have much confidence in yourself in that situation.
Instead, you can just accept what she says and treat it like it’s no big deal. One way to do that is to agree with her and add some playful humor to the mix.
For example, after she says you won’t be having sex, you could say something like, “I would never. I’m not that kind of girl” with a playful smirk. “But that doesn’t mean I’m going to stay away from you completely” and then pull her in and kiss her.
This is attractive. It shows you’re not fazed when confronted with a challenge, and you still go for what you want. Now, sometimes this will be enough to move things forward all the way to sex. She’ll forget about what she said and just act on what she now feels in that moment. But not all the time. Every woman is different, and every situation is different.
Sometimes she genuinely won’t be ready to sleep with you that night, and you need to respect that. You can kiss her and try to escalate things, but she might make it clear that it’s not happening tonight. If that happens, cool. It’s no big deal.
You’ve still acted attractively, and she’ll likely be even more into you now. And the next time she sees you, she’ll usually be ready for something more to happen.
This idea of being able to handle challenges and not react is just one part of being the man that we’re hardwired to be attracted to.
There are actually a number of things — that when you do them correctly — trigger us to feel sexually attracted to you on an unconscious level.
This is the reason why guys who aren’t super good looking, or rich, or tall, or whatever, can date and sleep with women who look outta their league.
The last female friend you’ll ever need,