How to Act like a Bad Boy but Actually Be Good
(Or what I like to call: Learning from Fifty Shades of Grey*)
So, is there an art to shedding the “nice guy” moniker in a woman’s eyes? Absolutely!
What the Bad Boy Isn’t
Let me start by saying that a bad boy is not creepy or mean! EVER! Abusive and hurtful behavior will NEVER be acceptable to anyone, and you will end up with a restraining order instead of a date.
So how do you act like a bad boy? Well, I have already established that our friend Mr. Nice Guy can be a doormat, and not very interesting to women (see the article on that by clicking here). However, don’t lose that guy altogether because you will need him for balance.
The Unattainable Media Standards
Every woman between the ages of 16 and 90 has read Fifty Shades of Grey, so right now most women have what I like to call Christian Grey syndrome. They somehow manage to compare the men they date to him. They find this type of bad boy appealing because he is a tortured soul who is not beyond redemption. He is also an amazingly hot billionaire, who flies his own helicopter and owns half of the world.
To begin, I have to tell you, you are not in his “league” or however you want to phrase it. No one is. Nevertheless, he is (almost) the perfect balance of bad boy and good boy. There are things you can learn from his character.
If you haven’t read the book or a girlfriend didn’t drag you to the movie, don’t worry, I'll give you the down low on what the takeaways are.
Take the Lead!
A bad boy is a leader in all situations. Christian Grey runs the show from the very beginning and lays out exactly how a relationship is going to be. He doesn’t do this with brute force but with brutal honesty. He lets the woman know what he is upfront and lets her decide. (In this case, he provides her with a contract, which states that she will be his love slave, but REALLY guys, I can tell you this much – not happening for you unless you DO fly your own helicopter and own a skyscraper.)
My takeaway: be truthful about what you want and expect. If a woman doesn’t like it, she can walk away, and you don’t have to waste anyone’s time.
A bad boy is independent and rules his world. OK, the comparison case is not apples to apples. The guy is also super rich, but you don’t have to be. You just cannot have your mother doing your laundry or cooking for you. Women love to nurture men, but we definitely do not want to be washing your boxers or packing you a lunch!
Establish yourself by doing something that makes you happy and BE dedicated to the things you love. It’s not specifically the rich part that women love; it is the personal success. So, if you are passionate about what you do, you are rich in many ways and women see that side as independent and prosperous.
Another important thing to say here is that you should not give up your favorite pastime or hobby. If you enjoy watching football on Sundays, invite her to be part of it, or tell her you will see her Monday. Going back to our Fifty Shades analogy, I thought the best thing about our friend Mr. Grey was that he took his woman gliding in a plane, played piano for her and showed her his other interests. (Besides the “secret room”)
My takeaway: Here is where some guys become doormats. DON’T DO IT!!! Don’t give in. If a woman is not impressed by your successes (income or profession) or interested in your life run – don’t walk.
I can tell you that a woman who is worth having will respect what you do for a living and for fun. She doesn’t have to always be a part of it, but SHE MUST respect it.
Show Your Strength
If you think a bad boy is made of muscles and willing to fight off everyone. You are wrong.
I’m not going to lie to you. If you have a rockin’ body that you work hard to attain, show it off – Woman love to look at a rock-hard body! However, you do not need to be Channing Tatum to rock a woman’s world.
Listen up — This is the Balance Part!
Confidence along with emotional balance is key. Strength starts inside and works its way to the outside. Men do not need rock hard abs to make a woman happy. (A Homer Simpson gut however, is not appealing.) What we want is a man who makes us feel safe and secure.
This is why Christian Grey is a bad boy all women WANT. He will do his own thing, be his own man and stand up for his convictions, all while he is flirting with us, talking dirty to us and challenging us to be adventurous and spontaneous in and out of bed.
My Takeaway: Deep down inside I know women really do want the Christian Grey guy who will defend them, hold their hair back while they are throwing up from too many shots of tequila, and carry them off to bed to teach them things they never even knew they wanted.
I told you that you could learn from this guy. Carry yourself with his confidence. Show your strength. Be interesting and use his blend of seduction and nice guy.
However, there is a moral to our Fifty Shades comparison. Mr. Grey is emotionally empty, and a bit disturbed. At the end of the story, his woman walked out on him. (To be continued!)
Don’t be that man. If you have emotional issues – get help first.
My BIGGEST takeaway: Tell and show a woman you care OR don’t waste your time or hers.