Every day I have tons of people writing me asking me if they can post a blog on my site. I ask them to first provide the blog and then I will see if I think it is quality information. If you look through my posts you will see very few posts from others that are not me or my Wing Girls. That is because I think that a lot of the advice out there is incorrect or unhelpful.
BUT I recently received an article from David Black from Social Masters and I thought it was great. It was all about what he went through to get over his approach anxiety. I thought it was pretty great and it's nice to hear another mans success story. This is the exact type of exercises I endorse and use to teach men how to approach & get over approach anxiety.
Hey guys, David Black here from Social Masters. Today I am going to be explaining why you shouldn't set the bar too high when it comes to meeting and attracting women.
You can find a million and one fancy techniques and ‘pickup lines' out there on the net. Thing is, if you've ever gone out into the real world and tried to put these techniques to work, you may well have discovered that it's not as easy as so called ‘Gurus' make out.
In fact, it's downright ROCK SOLID!
You see, most guys, including myself, start learning this stuff because we are not very confident and therefore not very good with women. I remember when I first started that I learned a ton of material but didn't have the balls to put it into action. You may well be in a similar position.
Let's be honest, most guys probably find it hard to ask a hot girl a simple question such as, “Where is the nearest ATM/cash machine?”. Let alone going up to a girl and reeling off, “Hi there, me and my mate are having a discussion about a girl whose mum has been sleeping with with her best friend's boyfriend. Do you think I should say something?”.
Even if you had a 99.99% successful opening line tried-and-tested, most guys would probably still struggle because they may likely believe that they will be the 0.01% that cock it up, even if that belief wasn't grounded in reality at all.
So the real issue to deal with initially isn't: What fancy technique is right for me? It's more a case of building confidence, and getting outside of your comfort zone (probably for the first time in ages). And this can be really daunting.
So how do you get over this?
The secret, is to build up gradually. Start with easy stuff and work up from there.
It's like weight training. If you hit the gym for the first time and try to smash out the 50kg dumbbells, you're going to get injured. Well the same applies in interactions with women. If you jump in the deep end, you might be ok (if you are one of the rare lucky ones), but the likelihood is that you'll stumble, and may get emotionally injured.
Some people believe in this ‘baptism of fire' approach. But personally, I have found it to be ineffective on all but the most emotionally hard of men (and these are the guys who don't have many issues around women anyway).
As the wise quote says, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”.
Start by asking women what the time is over and over. This is a simple question and they give you a simple answer:
You: Hi, what time is it?
Her: [tells you the time / I don't have a watch / etc.]
Soon this will become easy for you. This is when it's time to move it up a level. Start asking questions that involve a more complicated answer. Something like asking for directions:
You: Where's the nearest Subway?
Her: [tells you / don't know / etc.]
Now you have to do what I consider a small interaction with the women. Keep making the questions more and more involved until you feel confident that you can ask an opinion opener or something (side note: Though I am not a huge fan of routines, I do believe they make for a good starting place when first beginning approaching women).
Word of warning!!!
Do not get stuck into the trap of ‘not progressing'. You need to make sure that as soon as you feel comfortable with a certain question, that you move on to harder and harder ones. You always need to be looking to progress, and be wary of getting stuck that all-too-familiar comfort zone.
Keep a proactive eye on exactly where you are, and what is the next logical step to improve in this area.
And above all else, don't set the bar too high. Learning how to get a girl takes time and effort. You'll get there, it won't be overnight. Don't feel bad that you aren't there yet, the process is one of the most rewarding things you will ever do in your life (no exaggeration), so enjoy it. Take your time, have patience. The results will be more than worth the wait, and the effort.
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