99% of men who struggled to attract women and frequently end up in the friend zone make one big mistake that they need to correct immediately. My friend Patrick James explained this beautifully in our recent masterclass on how to build sexual tension.
So Patrick, if you don't know him is a world-renowned dating expert for men and he's the founder of Raw Dating Advice. A brand that helps men in over 83 countries improve their dating lives and he's a best-selling author as well. So men come to him for help and advice from all over the globe and he freaking delivers.
However, it wasn't always this way. Patrick was never a natural with women. In fact, he was really bad with women and was a virgin until he was 21 years old because girls only ever saw him as a friend. He could approach girls, he could talk to girls, and he could connect with them. But something was always missing because he could never take things to that next level to escalate things.
So lucky for him, everything when he finally made this one simple discovery that I'm about to tell you and this breakthrough he had all of a sudden transformed him into a man who was adored or is adored and chased after by hordes of beautiful women.
So what was this crazy breakthrough that he had. Well, after talking to a few of his friends in college who were incredibly good with women, the ones who always had a girl or two coming into their dorm, Patrick realized that these guys did one key thing differently than he was doing.
You see until that point, Patrick had a belief that if he liked a girl and they connected on everything, then over time, she would want to date him and that's the limiting belief that kept getting him into the friend zone. So he discovered that the guys who were getting all the girls in college, the guys who like girls wanted, guys who were hooking up with a new girl almost every night, they didn't focus a lot on connecting with a girl or getting along as he did.
Instead, they naturally created a lot of sexual tension in their interactions with women before trying to build any connection and that was the missing element from his conversations with women. That was the missing piece. He would try to find common ground, share his values, get the girl to know, get to know the girl, and basically, get along with her in every possible way without building any sexual tension.
Again, that's the single biggest mistake most guys make with women and I'm guessing you might be making that mistake too. So he realized that if he wants to date a girl he wants to, sleep with her, and make her his girlfriend, sexual tension is the most important ingredient and it has to come before connection. Because connection without sexual tension is friendship. That's not what you want.
So once he understood this fundamental truth about attraction, he changed up his whole approach towards women. Now his conversations with women were much more focused on creating sexual tension. Especially in the first 1-2 minutes of the interaction. That way, he closed the door to the friend zone early on and he quickly positioned himself as a sexual option in the eyes of the women that he talked to.
So how did he do it? How did he go from friendly chit-chat to sexual chit-chat? How did he create sexual attention in the first few minutes of the conversation? Well, first of all, he realized that he didn't need to create tension. Natural tension already exists when a man interacts with a woman. It's that slightly uncomfortable or awkward feeling that you have when you talk to a girl for the first time. So it's already there.
Now because it's uncomfortable, most guys try to get rid of it, tone it down, and avoid it. They don't want any part of it. Meaning they immediately go to a safe friendly, get-to-know-each-other type of conversation that actually lowers that natural tension and that's how they kill their chances of attracting the girl. Patrick understood that instead of lowering this natural tension, he needed to amplify it. And only then, will he be on a woman's sexual radar.
So to amplify the sexual tension, here's what he did and what you should do as well. When you talk to a woman, he used a simple strategy called Breaking Rapport. You see, most men want to build rapport and connection when they meet a woman. It's like the natural safe thing to do. As we already discussed, it doesn't work. It's not working for your goals.
However, Patrick found that doing the opposite, in other words, breaking rapport was the fastest way to spike sexual tension and create attraction. In fact, he even says that your ability to attract a woman is directly proportional to your willingness to break rapport. Like the risky, right?
Because breaking rapport with a woman shows that you're a non-needy man. You don't care about her validation or approval like most guys do. And that is a huge attraction trigger for women. So how do you do this?
Well, Patrick shared some of his go-to techniques in the masterclass that we did together. And I want to share a simple one that you can use right away. It's called the either-or opener.
This is a great way to start a conversation while spiking the tension. And it's ridiculously easy. So all you have to do is this. You go up to a woman and ask her a premeditated either or question. So for example:
“Hey, I've got a quick question. My buddy and I were debating about this earlier and maybe you can help us solve it. Who do you think is smarter? Dogs or cats?”
Like really intense deep conversations. Now no matter what she replies to you, disagrees with her, and takes the opposite stance in a playful way.
“Dogs? No way! Have you ever seen a cat? They're so good at getting what they want.”
“Cats? Hell No! They're so lazy. They barely think.”
See how it works? You just take the opposite. Two things happen when you do this. First, it shows the woman that you're okay with breaking rapport, that you're disagreeing with each other in a sort of fun playful way. Secondly, because you're breaking rapport. It makes you seem like a non-needy guy and the natural tension goes up and it builds attraction.
The best part about this is that this either-or opener works in any scenario. You could be sitting at the doctor's office and if you notice a pretty woman nearby, you could ask her something random like:
“Hey, real quick, Kobe or Lebron Winters? Summers pizzas or sandwiches?”
Whatever, like anything. Whatever she picks, you pick the opposite. And that allows you to go into a fun playful disagreement that spikes the natural tension and breaks the ice as well. Also, in case you haven't picked up on this yet, the question doesn't really matter. As long as it's something simple or silly. What matters is how you respond to her answer and you respond by taking the opposite stance.
If you start a conversation this way, you will get into her sexual radar within like 30 seconds. As attention will be rising now, your job will be to pile on that tension till you see visible signs of attraction from the girl. Signs like prolonged eye contact, frequent or lingering touches, frequent smiling, and active engagement in the conversation. These signs tell you that she's hooked and she's interested. And the more tension that you build, the faster she's going to be hooked on you.
So Patrick has actually written an entire best-selling book on proven techniques to amplify and build sexual tension. You can check it out here and it's one of the best books that I've read on the topic of attracting women. This is why I've had so many of my personal clients read it apart from simple actionable ways to spark sexual attention like the either-or question technique.
Patrick also Reveals his ace formula in the book which I think is just golden which is the three-step framework. He and thousands of his successful clients use to attract beautiful women like clockwork. It's a unique and powerful way of interacting with women and I highly recommend that you have a look at it at least once. I am very sure that you are going to love it.
And if you want to watch the full masterclass that Patrick and I did on how to build sexual tension. It's two hours, it's awesome. You can also check it out here. We go way deeper into the concepts I talked about in this article. And you'll see all of Patrick's best tension-building tactics along with word-for-word lines and scripts that you can copy and use in your own interactions.
This masterclass was a private event only for my email subscribers and past clients. But for a very limited time, I'm opening it up for anyone who is interested. So check out the Masterclass here while you have the time. It's only a two-hour class. There's no fluff, we get straight to the point.
And secondly, I guarantee that you'll find out more about creating attraction in this two-hour class than you will in some pickup gurus, $5,000 private coaching program. So click this link and see for yourself. You will be glad that you did.