The question that I get all the time is “Marni, how to start a conversation with a woman? What is the best way to start a conversation with a woman? What is the best line I can use?”
And it's a good question. Because if you have no idea what to say to a woman before you approach her, you're likely to overthink and get nervous and not say anything at all.
And that can be heartbreaking if you really liked the girl that you saw, you were attracted to her.
I want to give you seven tried and true ways to start a conversation with a woman that you find attractive. So just pick and choose any of these seven easy openers and you are good to go.
You'd never miss a chance to talk to a woman you like ever again. Because you're going to have a line. So pay attention, take notes and read this article till the end, because these seven openers are going to come in very handy.
Here are the seven tried and true ways to start a conversation with a woman you like. And I took these from a lot of people out there, and things that have worked on me too.
This is where you ask a very simple question, just to get the ball rolling. Something anyone can answer without hesitation, or just say, I don't know.
So for example, if you're out on the streets and you spot a pretty girl walking by, you could go up to her and ask:
“Hey, excuse me. Do you know where the nearest Starbucks is?”
Right, simple question anybody can ask. Disarming question. If you're at a networking event or a party or some social gathering and you see somebody you're attracted to, you could ask a very simple question.
“Hey, do you know where the restroom is?”
“Where's the bar?”
“Do you know where we're going next?”
“Do you know what to find something to eat? I'm absolutely starving.”
The simple stuff anybody can answer. It's just the icebreaker. Now, the real secret to making this method work is the follow-up.
You can't just ask the simple question, get an answer, and then walk away. Or expect her to carry on the conversation.
You need to change topics and follow them up in a very relaxed and casual manner. So if you're out and you break the conversation, you're asking for directions, then after she gives you her answer, you can say:
“Thanks, where are you from by the way?”
That's like a segway bridge. Let's say she says:
“I'm from Toronto.”
You reply with:
“Oh, that's nice. I'm from Texas. My name is John, by the way. Nice to meet you.”
And just like that, you're in a conversation with a woman. It started, it's on. They can drive it forward in any direction you like and get to know her better. Ask for her number, all that good stuff. It is ridiculously simple but it can work like a charm every time.
The Prop-Based Opener
This is where you comment on something a girl is holding or wearing like a prop. Or something in your shared environment.
What you say could be a question or even just like a statement. So for example, if you're at an art gallery and you see a beautiful woman looking at a painting, you could walk up next to her and say:
“Wow, that painting is amazing.”
Given that you're close to her and loud enough, she'll definitely look at you and say something like,
“Yeah, it is.”
And that's your opportunity to start a conversation and get the conversation going. You can turn to her and introduce herself afterward.
“Hey, I'm so-and-so, nice to meet you.”
You see how easy it is. Another example could be if you notice a woman holding a drink at the bar, right? You could ask her:
“So what are you drinking? Is it good?”
Okay, do you see how easy this is? It's just talking. There's no need to be clever or quick on your feet. Just notice a prop, make a comment, like spit it out of your mouth and then you're good. And that should be enough to break the ice.
The Situational Opener
This is quite similar to the prop-based opener. With the situational opener, all you need to do is comment on something that is happening around you both at that moment.
These are all observations. So if you're at a bar and a rock band is playing, say something about it to her. It could be a question or a statement, your opinion. For example:
“Have you heard these guys play before? It's a bit loud in here, isn't it?”
Another example could be if you're in a college classroom and the professor is giving a boring lecture, which happens quite often, you could talk to the girl right next to you and make a comment about how bored you are and what you wish you can do instead of attending class.
Once again, it's such simple stuff and I wish it was more simple. Any guy can do this. All you have to do is be observant and then open your mouth, speak up.
The Opinion Opener
And this is a classic, a trick, I guess, or a way of starting a conversation. It's a clever one. With an opinion opener, what you do is you go up to a woman and ask for her opinion or advice on something, which actually I find very engaging.
So for example, if you're standing in line at a coffee shop and you see somebody that you're attracted to, you could ask her:
“Hey, I'm new to this coffee shop. What are your recommendations on what I should order? What's your opinion?”
If you're at a clothing store, you could pick up a shirt or something and go to the girl and say:
“Hey, can I get your honest opinion? Would this look weird on me? Would I look weird in this shirt?”
Very similarly. You could also put on two different colognes and on each of your wrists and ask a girl which one smells better, right?
That gets you touching and getting close. I mean, the sky's the limit with opinion openers. You can ask anything that you like.
“Hey, have you ever watched the show Friends? Well, who do you like better, Joey or Chandler?”
“Listen, I want your honest opinion on something. What do women really like? Do they like a bad boy or do they like a gentleman?”
And I'm sure you can think of some yourself. And I encourage you to think of some yourself. Remember the point is to ask for advice before an opinion, and once you break the ice with that and get the girl talking, you can then introduce yourself, switch topics, and move on to other things.
Okay. It's just breaking in.
The Cold Read
This is a great one to start a conversation with a woman. A cold read is where you make a general statement about a woman's personality background or emotional state. You're reading her.
The key phrase is a general statement. You don't want to get too specific because that's really creepy. But general.
So let me show you how it works. So let's say there was a cute girl at your gym and you could walk up to her and make a generic guess about her background and say:
“You don't look like you're from this neighborhood.”
Okay. So it's very simple. Similarly, if you find a beautiful woman in a social event, you could walk up to her and make a cold read about her personality. You could say something like:
“You seem like a creative girl, you definitely have an artistic vibe.”
If you see a cute girl sitting alone at the bar, you could sit beside her, and say something like:
“Wow, you look really bored. What happened?”
That's a cold read about her emotional state, about who she is. Do you see how easy this is? You can use this on like every woman. It's a guessing game basically.
All you have to do is make a generic guess about the girl's personality, background, or emotional state. And that's it.
Now, the reason it works like magic is threefold. First, it's different. It stands out. Hardly any people start a conversation with a cold read about somebody. Secondly, it's highly personal and whatever is personalized, it gets people's attention. The third, sparks curiosity. If someone makes a random guess about you, you can't help but wonder what made that other person think that way. Whether you're right or wrong, doesn't matter,
The very act of making the guess and telling it to her is going to grab her attention and pique her curiosity. And if you're right, she'll confirm it and probably ask how can you know that about her, right?
Or she'll expand on your guess and share stuff about her:
“Oh my God. I'm not from this neighborhood.”
If you're wrong, she'll correct you and ask you what made you think that about her?
“I am from this neighborhood. Why did you say that?”
Either way, she'll be pulled into the conversation and you can drive it from there to work ever you want.
The Social Opener
Someone told me about this recently, and I'm not really sure who came up with it, so I can't give them credit right now, but it's absolutely amazing and I love it.
In any social environment, like networking events, parties, bars, clubs, college campuses, and so on, this opener works like magic. And all you have to do is walk up to the girl you like and say one easy line.
“Hey, I don't think I've met you. My name is John”
Now I know that sounds ridiculously simple, but here's why it's so brilliant. When you say I don't think I've met you, you're basically communicating that you're a social and popular guy who would've met everybody.
You're someone who other people know, and it builds up your perceived status in front of this woman. Plus saying that you haven't met her yet also sub communicates that you're about to meet her now.
As in you're about to have a conversation right now and it removes all awkwardness and primes the girl for the conversation that is about to follow. So try it and you'll see that it works wonderfully.
The Direct Opener… Great Opener To Start A Conversation With A Woman
This one is really powerful and I absolutely love it. A lot of guys can't pull this off, but this is perhaps the only one on the list, which can help really spark attraction from the get-go. So here's how it works. And it's very simple. You just walk up to a girl you like, you stop her and say:
“Hey, I know this is completely random, but I think you're really cute. And I wanted to meet you.”
Direct, that's it, sexy. You can use it literally in any situation. And it's perhaps the best opening line of all time because it shows so much confidence and boldness. That's a hard thing to say and is incredibly sexy.
You're clearly letting the girl know that you're interested in her, stating your intent. There's no playing around. You're clear about your wants. You're being direct and most guys would be terrified to do that.
But you are different, right? You're courageous and confident enough to take a risk. So trust me, even if the woman is unavailable to date, she's going to respect you immensely for saying that to her.
And if the woman is single, nine times out of 10, this one line will actually turn her on a little bit. Just because it exudes so much confidence, how could it not?
Plus the part where you say, Hey, this is completely random. Also shows that you're socially aware. You're strangers so yeah, of course, it's random. You're addressing the elephant in the room and removing all awkwardness like you're taking a lot of ownership and that is perfection.
She is not going to stand there and wonder:
“Why is this guy here? What does he want?”
She'll know exactly where you stand. And this means it's very unlikely that she will ever put you in the friend zone. You're not acting friendly because you've introduced a romantic frame. You've told her you find her cute. She knows you're not there to be friends.
The only caveat for this opener is the delivery. Your delivery needs to be strong. And I don't know, I just like my eyes. They want to have it strong. You have to fully commit to it. That means projecting your voice. Open body language and a smile on your face. You get the delivery right, and you'll lay the foundation for a great conversation to follow.
These seven conversation starters should be more than enough to give you ideas and help you start a conversation with a woman anytime, anywhere, and with any girl you want.
If you're interested in knowing more about how to start a conversation with a woman, not run out of things to say, and build attraction as you go, I highly recommend you to check out the Banter Guide.
The Banter Guide is a one-of-a-kind program, reloaded with the most effective little tips, tricks, lines, whatever to think on your feet, make a girl smile or laugh, make anything you say sound fun and interesting.
It teaches you how to quickly come up with these things. So you come up with comebacks and teasing lines on the fly and continue conversations for as long as you want without being boring.
Plus a thumb rule. So basically, if you're serious about dating gorgeous high-quality women and want to talk to women in a naturally attractive way without being awkward, nervous, or creepy and come across as fun and playful and cool, it is worth checking out the Banter Guide.
I'm confident that you'll absolutely love it because all of my students do. I've had over 36,000 of them use this guide.
Click here and have a look at the Banter Guide.