How Women Use The Shit Test

How Women Use The Shit Test

BY: Orit Arfa

There is no scientific definition for the “shit test,” but it is generally defined as follows: “the test a woman gives a man in the early stages of dating, usually through curious and sly questions or comments.”

Here are some example and their categories (they vary in shittiness):

A) Some deal with your courtship rituals such as: “I can’t talk with a man until he buys me a drink”
B) Some deal with her sex appeal, like “that bartender (woman) is so hot? Don’t you think?”
C) Some deal with your dating habits, like “so you’re quite the player, aren’t you?”
D) Some deal with your intellectual prowess. She’ll may tell a joke (it could be unintelligble) and say, “You’re a little slow, aren’t you?”

Women do this, sometimes consciously, sometimes not. If we do it—embrace it. It means we’re interested. It means we’re stimulated—or want to be. It means we’re setting up sexual tension. It means we want to dance, rather than just sit around bored, twittling our thumbs, waiting for some cuter guy to come along. But it also means we’re setting up a protective layer—because you might just be the one to make us happy, and hence hurt us.

The shit test is often interpreted as the test a woman gives to see if he is worthy of her. It is her way of weeding out the pussies from the men. She’s so great and perfect and she has the pick of the litter, so she has the luxury of choosing the smartest, the best, and the fittest. That’s only half the story. Here’s the other (female) half: the shit test doesn’t only test your confidence, it is designed to raise hers!

Even the smart and beautiful woman have many insecurities. (Is he only after my body? Will he still like me without make-up on and when I have morning breath? Will he continue to pursue me when I start needing or pursuing him?) She knows she’s the prettiest woman at the party, but she also knows she’s a little girl seeking love. So she sets up small pitfalls, knowing that some ditches are in store when you get past the first drink and actually get to know each other.

The questions/comments are designed to (referring to the earlier examples, respectively):

A) Get what is due her as a desirable lady being courted by a man
B) Confirm your attraction to her above others
C) Differentiate you from the jerks
D) Know that you’ll seek to understand her and be a better man for her

But the desirable woman doesn’t want to broadcast her insecurities, so she hides them through wit and challenge. The man must show he’s not fazed by or even cognizant of her insecurities, so he should respond with wit and challenge in kind, while also boosting her up. Some PUA’s advise the man to ignore the shit test (by changing the subject)—and that’s good advice if you only want to get into her pants. But if you actually want to date her, you should step up and use the shit test as an opportunity to prove that you can handle her–when she’s up on that pedestal as a goddess, and when she’s a plain woman taking a poop on a different kind of pedestal.

Here are some examples of answers to the sample questions above. (If the chemistry’s right, your intuition should guide you.)

A) I was about to get you a drink, but I didn’t want you to think I wanted to get you drunk
B) She’s okay (then look at her like with desire), but you’re the hottest girl here (watch her blush)
C) Of course I’m a player, just looking for the right woman to reform me (wink)
D) What can I say, I’m no match for your wit, but I can drive a pretty fast Ferrari, can you?

Ultimately, the shit test is not only testing yours, but hers. And when the shit hits the fan, she wants to know that you can laugh about it together. She’s human too.

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