The Introverts' Guide To Dating
Introvert dating differs from being shy and dating. What is the difference between being shy vs. being introverted?
Tons of people believe that being introverted is the exact same thing as being shy. This is a common myth, since being introverted does not equal shyness or vice-versa.
People often conflate these two traits. Blaming their introversion for the reason they are not meeting women, getting dates or progressing in their success with women.
There is a real difference between being introverted and being shy. The two don’t have as much to do with one another as you think. I'm going to get to that in just a moment.
About a year ago I started getting emails from a guy named Richard.
Richard is an introvert and became really fascinated with how his introversion would affect his interactions with women.
Fueled by one question, and something he was challenged with…
How do I keep the conversation going?
His fascination led him to research. Then he wrote an article on the difference between being introverted and being shy and how to date as an introvert.
He sent it to me and I asked if I could share the article. I thought it would be really interesting and extremely motivating to those that are introverts. Especially, those who don’t know how to use this quality as a super power.
I’m going to share his article now but it’s also up on my website for you to read. Just go to winggirlmethod.com/introvertboom
I would love to hear your thoughts on this article. So, if you have a thought an opinion or question please post it below in the comments section.
The Difference Between Being Introverted and Being Shy – By Richard
There is a common complaint that dating coaches hear. For example, “The advice you give is all very well for outgoing, extroverted people but it doesn’t work for a shy, introverted person like me!”
There is a world of difference between being shy and being introverted. One of these things you were born with, the other you learned; one you can change, the other you cannot.
Learning about this has made a massive positive impact on my life and my self image. It is this that I would like to share here with you.
Let’s talk about introversion first;
What does it mean to be an introvert?
Introverts are a group that make up approximately 25% of the population, believe it or not. These folks are most “at home” in low stimulation environments.
If you are an introvert you will gravitate naturally toward quieter places and activities. More over, you will find that you spend a lot of time inside your own head, and it is very easy for you to become completely absorbed by a solitary pursuit such as reading, playing computer games or doing something creative.
Being around large groups of people, or in loud, crowded environments will wear you down very quickly and you will soon feel the need to withdraw to somewhere more quiet.
On a genetic level your brain is, from birth, fundamentally wired up differently to an extrovert's.
It is as much an inherent part of who you are as your height, your eye color, or your sexual orientation.
For the most part if you are an introvert you are always going to be an introvert, which isn't a bad thing. Being introverted doesn't mean that you are also shy. Shyness, as I define it, is firmly rooted in social anxiety.
It is the manifestation of fear, that is to say, acting the way you do for fear that something bad might happen.
Shyness actually gets in the way of the..
Use of conversational threading
Which allows us to bridge conversations together and keep them going. This is where shy people get stuck.
Maybe you are afraid of being embarrassed in front of others, worried what others might think of you, afraid you won’t be accepted by them, or maybe just trapped by the thought that you might not get what you want.
Those of us who suffer from shyness were not born with our shyness; we learned it from experiences during early life.
The reason that shyness often comes bundled up with introversion is that people who are introverted, because of their natural preferences for how to spend their time, tend to find learning and exercising those all important social skills more difficult.
I believe it is vitally important to drive a wedge between being shy and being introverted. Introverted men can be very attractive to women but as a man being shy is, frankly, a death sentence to your dating life.
How do you do this in introvert dating?
The first thing you have to do is accept it. Accept that you are always going to need that time away inside your own head to keep yourself in balance.
Do not punish yourself for not being able to go out and socialize every night of the week. As well, if the relentless nightlife that the PUA movement is obsessed with is too much for you to cope with – if you don’t enjoy it then don't do it.
There are other ways to be sociable and meet women.
This comes with an exception. Don't use being introverted as an excuse for not acting on the things that you do want. There is no such thing as “I am too introverted to go and talk to her.”
If you find that shyness is a problem you just need to look at yourself, figure out where you have skills missing and apply yourself to doing the things that will help you learn them.
Conversationally you can start by learning how to…
Pick a thread
When I say pick a thread I'm referring to conversationally. This requires you to have confidence in “what” you want to talk about. Marni has taught 10’s of thousands of men how to overcome shyness and have confidence with women.
You should do things like taking a dance class, joining a public speaking society. I even went through a phase of learning card tricks and practicing them on the nearest attractive woman whenever I caught the train.
Anything that makes the pit of your stomach twitch when you first think of it.
Learn to be just a little bit bold all the time, so that you are constantly growing your comfort zone.
As for your social life, having an active and vibrant social life makes meeting and attracting women a thousand times easier.
It can seem overwhelming and awkward at first if you aren’t used to meeting new people, but it is something you can get used to if you strike a healthy balance with your need for quiet time.
Many introverts believe that the only way to succeed socially is to beat the extroverts at their own game, but that is not the right approach.
Don’t make the mistake and think that constantly and loudly talking at people is the only way to be accepted and valued as part of a group. Instead, as an introvert dating it is important to play to your strengths.
Introverts dating strengths are attention span and focus, the ability to plan and organize, being able to listen and connect deeply in one-on-one conversation.
Let the extroverts be the extroverts! Love them for their energy, and give them the chance to appreciate you for your unique set of gifts.
The most valuable piece of advice I can offer to the social introvert is this: connect people.
Connect people habitually, relentlessly, and always positively.
Be the one who always introduces people to each other when you’re with friends. Or the one who gets everybody’s photos together and shares them after any event.
Be the one who books the restaurant, plans the holiday and brings people together that way.
If you take the lead in doing these things, others will not hesitate to jump on board with limitless energy. They'll do all the talking, and at the end of the day they will connect it all to you!
It takes minimal effort to do these things. If you keep at it, there is a cumulative effect over the months and years. It unfolds as a wide and generous social network with you at the very center.
I do genuinely believe that introverted men make the best lovers. At our best we have drive, focus, loyalty and empathy. As well, we are great leaders and listeners.
We are also by our nature very deep and mysterious, such that nobody can ever truly know all there is to know about us.
These are all qualities that women long for in a partner. So if you are an introvert dating – you owe it to them, and to yourself, to leave your shyness behind and share your gifts with the world.
I love this article and to be honest, it helped me get become more clear on the difference between being an introvert dating and being shy.
The take away from what Richard has written is that being an introvert dating is not a negative. It is just opposite to being an extrovert.
Both Introverts and Extroverts have their own unique qualities and when used correctly, can truly be a man’s super powers.
Introverts when dating are truly masters of creating deep connections and…
Creating a strong connection is what fuels attraction
I would love to hear what you think about Richard’s article. You can share your thoughts below OR on my website by going to winggirlmethod.com/introvertboom
If after reading you are thinking to yourself “wow, being shy is a huge problem for me and I want to change that.” I can help. Just go to winggirlmethod.com and check out the program how to become a man women want.
This system breaks through shyness to reveal the man underneath who is naturally, sexy and appealing to women. The kind of man women want – the one you can tap into without having to pretend to be someone you're not.
If you are an introvert dating this program shows you how to play up your in born strengths that women adore.
Go to winggirlmethod.com and check out how to become a man women want now!
Let me be your wing girl.