Found a great article I wanted to share with you on teasing a girl the right way. The guy who wrote the article highlights the clear distinction between Teasing A Woman Competitively vs. Cooperatively.
Really interesting concept and I am happy Chase (the writer) has made the distinction.
I have cut and paste the article for you below:
Teasing a Girl… the Right Way
There are as many ways to tease women playfully as there are stars in the sky, but only a handful of ways to do it right, without offending and without pushing those women away. What I'll share with you here is what I've found to work, consistently and reliably, and what I've seen work for other guys I've known and trained.
- Put yourself on the same level. This is part of the “cooperativeness” of the teasing; you don't let a girl get cast into the tease alone. You go with her.We can do this by rewriting the example from above:
“What's with the word mix ups, are you mildly retarded?”
“What's with the word mix ups, are you just trying to confuse me and throw me off the trail?”
and voila, now instead of imply that she's retarded — and you aren't — you're implying that she's mixing up words to try and confuse you. She's subtle and sneaky, but you're onto her. It's cooperative, fun, and most definitely not insulting.
- Avoid commenting on sensitive topics. These include physical features, style and fashion, intelligence, social skills, family, anything like that, in anything that might be remotely construed as insulting about a girl herself. Instead, comment on people at large — and make sure you reassure the girl you don't mean her.So, you wouldn't say to a girl:
“I love your hair… it looks like a bunch of small animals made their nest on your head. Creative.”
but you might say:
“I love how people dress in this city. Not you, you're fine — you're fashionable and you look good. But I'm not sure I get the whole leggings-meet-tutus thing they've got going on here. Scary.”
- Keep it critique-free. Don't like how a girl does something? That's fine — but don't tease her about it. That's called passive-aggressiveness, and it stings. I did it plenty when I was young and angry and had a bone to pick with the world. Stay away from it and play nice — nobody likes being told they suck.Instead of saying:
“You're pretty awful at thinking logically, aren't you? Maybe you should stick to emotions.”
you might instead remark:
“Let me go see if I can find an intermediary to resolve this debate. No, I'm kidding, how about we leave the ideological wars until Date #4? I'd rather get to know you than sit here and tell you you're horrible because you like Bach and I'm a Beethoven guy.”
Note that when you go this route, you always want to pick some very silly topic rather than the one at hand to defuse the argument (e.g., maybe the two of you were beginning to debate politics or religion, when you disarmed this by joking about her liking Bach and you liking Beethoven… a harmless contrast, and one that can let you switch back to lighter topics with ease).
- Suggest instead of veto. This one is giant, not just for teasing, but for all forms of deciding what you're going to do or where you're going to go. For the purpose of teasing though, remember that you always want to suggest an alternative rather than veto something outright with a flat negative.You'd replace:
“Hey, you know what would be a really good idea? Not that one you just had.”
“Or we could just go play skee ball. Or maybe go back to your place and put on sexy movies and… talk, or something.”
This is a much better response to a girl suggesting something you don't like the sound of. So, if she suggests you go hit some club and you don't feel like managing a party date, you can tease her this way instead.
- Be absurd in place of mildly against. This one's kind of fun, but basically, whenever you might otherwise suggest you don't like something, instead go over the top and let her know you really don't like something. This takes the edge off your not liking it and changes it from something awkward to something amusing. Like so:
“What kind of music do you like? I hope it's not Britney Spears.”
“What kind of music do you like? If it's Britney Spears, I'm jumping out the window and landing on a samurai sword.”
When you're teasing a girl the right way, you'll know it. She'll be smiling, laughing, enjoying herself, and getting warmer and warmer and closer and closer to you. Her attraction tells you your teasing is good — and her closeness tells you she's feeling cooperated with, not competed against.
Bring women close to you and attracted with your teasing, and it becomes an extraordinarily powerful tool in your arsenal.
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