When Should I Call Her?
There's that cliché in the movies where the girl is sitting by the phone, waiting for it to ring, picking it up to make sure there's still a dial tone.
It's the perfect depiction of the anxiety and near-obsession us girls start to feel when we don't hear from you within the first few weeks of dating. And now with all these other means of contact—text, email, Facebook post—it's even more confusing. We're sitting there thinking, “does he not like me? Did I do something wrong? Has he moved on?”
What we fail to consider is that it may be none of the above. It may just be that you have no idea how often or when you should contact us, which is something plenty of my guy pals have expressed to me.
So here's a few quick pointers to answer the question “When Should I Call Her?” just to get you started:
#1: If it feels too often…
It probably is.
Once I met a guy on a Sunday. He asked me out for Friday. He called or texted me everyday until then.
I didn't mind so much, since I was really into him too, but by the following Wednesday the whole thing was over. How much contact you have is a component of the relationship that needs to build with time, unfolding at a steady pace. If you're already talking everyday from the start, where do you go from there? And in the event that you do decide to take a “day off” and not drop us a line, we may start questioning ourselves yet again. Not a good tone to set in a relationship, especially in the beginning.
Lesson for you – Don't POUNCE on her! Never attractive and never, ever works! Trust me.
#2: If it's her birthday…
Don't text, don't join her 50 co-workers and high school acquaintances with a generic “happy birthday!” on Facebook. Pick up the phone ala 1985. Knowing that you took that extra step that is rarely taken anymore will let us know you care. Granted, there's the question of when gifts should come into play, but that's for another blog.
#3: If you're on vacation…
This all depends on how much you care, and how much you want to show it and how far into “dating” you are. If you're on a weekend getaway with your buds and still have cell service, even just a quick text can make our day. The fact that you have all these other fun distractions, but we're still on your mind and you took the time to make it known? That's sure to get some butterflies going in our tummies.
***But if you're not pursuing something a little more serious, let it be. Enjoy your vacation on your own and get in touch when you're back.
#4: If you're “really busy”…
I don't care. Find the time. Because guess what? If this turns into a full-blown relationship, there's bound to be plenty of more times when you'll be overwhelmed at work or helping a buddy move. But you're not gonna go two weeks without talking to your girlfriend, are you? I didn't think so. So if you're into this new chick enough that you think you might want her to become a girlfriend—and you're also getting that vibe back from her!—act accordingly. Do a little check in or send a quick note via text or email. But keep it short, 2 min max. Let her know you are super busy but just wanted to check in and say. This shows you care about her but that you still respect your work and your future.
***But if you're not pursuing something a little more serious, then wait till you are free to call. Only touch in if you want to show her you really want to connect.
#5: If you said you would call her…
I can't believe I actually have to address this. If you say you're gonna do something, do it! Don't leave her hanging. Please.
The most important overall note when it comes to answering the question “When Should I Call Her?” is that in dating there must be respect. Respect for yourself, respect for her, respect for your current life and respect for hers. In the beginning is when you get to establish boundaries, set parameters in which you would like the rest of your relationship to follow.