Getting ghosted after a date is something that is happening more and more frequently in our modern age. There is one main reason women ghost men, but fortunately there are many ways that a man can deal with it. Read on to learn how…
One of the questions men are asking me more often is what to do when they get ‘ghosted’. If you’re not familiar with the term, ghosting is when someone you’re dating stops all contact with you… Essentially, they disappear from your life, as if they died and became a ghost.
What makes ghosting so hurtful is the person you care about suddenly acts like you don’t exist… and you don’t get the chance for closure and to move on. At least when someone breaks up with you, then you can discuss things and find out why they’re ending it. But with ghosting, you don’t get your questions answered. And you’re left wondering what exactly went wrong and why they don’t want to see you anymore. Men and women are both equally guilty of this, by the way. I think it’s a horrible thing to do someone, and wish people could be more mature in ending things.
But the fact is ghosting is a part of the modern dating reality, and it doesn’t make sense to simply ignore it. So when guys ask me why they got ghosted and what to do about it, here’s what it usually boils down to:
She wasn’t attracted to you any longer and didn’t know how to tell you. 90% of the time, that’s all there is to it. It could be that you were being too needy… or didn’t confidently get physical when you had the chance… or were boring and predictable… or acted too negative and gloomy… or any number of things that could have killed her attraction for you. Whatever the reason, you’re now in a weak position.
So how do you turn things around?
As always, the best solution is to avoid getting into that situation in the first place. (For more info on how best to do that, you’ll want to check this out.)
But assuming it’s too late for that, the first step is to resist the temptation to reach out in a needy way. For example, texting her: “Why won’t you talk to me? What did I do wrong?” That comes across as desperate and unattractive, and will only push her away further. And especially if she ghosted you because you were too needy and weak, this is the worst thing you can do. Instead, take some time to let your emotions settle before doing anything. Think things through. Realize that somewhere along the way you did — or didn’t do — something that changed how she feels about you. Ideally you’ll be able to realize where you messed up so you can figure out what to do differently.
But if you’re really at a loss, it’s probably a sign you need to work on your understanding of what women find attractive in men.
Then, take some time before you get in touch with her… To let whatever recent negative feelings she has towards you die down a little. If she’s still friends with you on Facebook or following you on Instagram, you can post some photos showing you’re having fun and enjoying your life… And it’ll at least show her you’re not at home crying into your pillow every night because you miss her. Best case scenario is she reaches out to you first and you can take things from there. Otherwise you can send her a text or social media message. Keep it light, fun and don’t get into the negative stuff of her disappearing on you. If she responds, great. Keep the messages fun, flirt a little, and suggest meeting for a drink when the time feels right. If she doesn’t respond, it’s best to accept that it’s over and move on. You can’t always control how another person feels and not every situation is fixable.
However, it’s worth thinking about if she’s someone you’d like to be with anyway. Because if she’s already ghosted you once, there’s a chance she may do it again. It’s a pretty reliable sign she’s not great at communication within a relationship, and it could lead to problems further down the road. Just something to think about. And remember, there are PLENTY of other single and attractive women out there.
Often it’s better to start fresh with someone new rather than trying to make something work when it’s just not a good fit. And when you have a lot more choice in the women you date, you’ll naturally end up in better relationships.
The last female friend you’ll ever need,