A new friend and wing girl of mine, Duana C. Welch, Ph.D. is going to explain the scientific reason behind why women love jerks!
Read her article below and I would love to hear what you think!
Why Women Love Jerks~and what you can do about it
Do women truly prefer jerks~men who treat them rudely, who act like they could take ‘em or leave ‘em, or who actually do take them… then leave them?
I myself prefer good, true, honest, loving, kind, faithful men—most especially the nice guy I married. I’d choose him again and again.
And yet we all know women who can’t seem to get excited about or stay with anyone but a jerk. So yes, it’s true: Some women want jerks. The bigger question is why.
Think back to your high school days. Now shudder. Now remember the guy who got all the girls. Yeah, him. I’ll bet he was a jerk.
Chicks dig status. In high school, status comes from having the quickest wit or the most athletic prowess, or both. All humor is pain redefined. The funniest guy in high school is typically hilarious at others’ expense. And jocks are not always known for throwing their weight around in the kindest possible ways.
The reason girls love status is the same one women do: In study after study, it’s associated with a man’s ability to provide and protect. Just as the toughest jock would have made a great protector in the ancient past—where all human mating psychology comes from—women today are drawn to whoever gets them and their kids/genes to survive. In today’s terms, that means money.
And jerks have money. Across a series of studies, the “jerk perk” is worth about $10k a year on average, or 18% more than more agreeable male peers. They aren’t better employees, but they have no hesitations about putting themselves or their interests forward. And that leads to ka-ching.
There’s an industry directed at teaching men to be jerks—to alternately fake long-term interest, feign indifference, and/or pretend they’ve got more money (or degrees, cars, houses) than they really do. The idea is that women find jerks exciting in a moist-panties kinda way, giving jerks sex they’d never lavish on nice guys.
There’s probably something to it if a quick lay is all you’re after.
In extensive research, some women who’ve already secured a husband will pick up some on the side based at least partly on the fling’s resources. This desire for a guy with goods—even if he’s not a good guy—may also inspire the occasional unpartnered woman to have casual sex. A cocky attitude may of itself tell a woman a guy has the resources, and lying can cover the rest.
And now we get to the part where I’m supposed to tell you what to do about all this. So here it is:
Keep being a nice guy.
If you’re reading all this, you’re probably a nice guy. Maybe you’re tired of being friend-zoned, or watching how easy it is for other guys to get sex. You might have been hurt one too many times.
Here’s the deal, though. Being rejected is part of your job description—jerk or not. Nothing is going to save you from that. Men are the pursuers, and by definition, most women aren’t going to be into most guys who approach, regardless of strategy.
Jerks probably do get laid more easily in casual sex scenarios. But they don’t get or stay married more easily; they aren’t loved more, or longer. Factually, their lives and loves are crappier—not happier.
In numerous studies, jerks are, by their own admission, less relationship-oriented, friendly, forgiving, trusting, helpful, warm, caring, cooperative, and sympathetic than non-jerks—precisely the opposite of the kind, loving, loyal heart women in 37 cultures and countries say they absolutely require in a mate. Jerks are less well-liked, they have more stress, and they have suckier lives, other than the money.
Plus, even the nicest guys make more money per year, on average, than women of any personality description. So nice guys are still competitive financially.
And money isn’t everything. In many decades of science, it’s clear that once you have enough money for the basics, you won’t be substantially happier with more.
No, everything is actually the way two people in love relate to one another.
Jerks aren’t into relating. But nice guys tend to show a woman that they genuinely like and care about her. They take the brave risks of saying that they’re in love, and backing it up with their behavior. I can’t overstate this: In studies, the most attractive thing you can do is to openly admire the person you’re with. Liking leads to liking.
Basically, women are attracted to jerks because they believe jerks command resources; the qualities jerks have that lead to that assumption are self-confidence; the ability to walk away from anything that does not meet their standards (i.e. self-confidence); and the ability to risk themselves in flirting with a woman even if she does not at first seem interested (also self-confidence). There's never been a cologne called Desperation–and there never will be. Self-confidence is the sexiest thing on the planet, and women are drawn to it. Nurture your self-worth and you can get the girl without being, or even faking being, a jerk.
So, nice guys, keep being nice. If you’re going to change something, change your idea that somehow, being a jerk will give you a better life or love, or guaranteed success with women. It won’t.
In reviewing 40+ years of solid science on long-term love, here’s what I know for sure: If you can find and be someone kind and respectful, your relationship will work well, and if you can’t it won’t. Getting together with a woman who needs you to be a jerk so she’ll be into you is a guarantee of misery.
Upshot? Your character counts. Nice guys finish first in every way that matters. Be one, openly.
And good riddance to anyone who wanted you to be a jerk.
By: Duana C. Welch, Ph.D., is the author of Love Factually: 10 Proven Steps from I Wish to I Do, releasing on January 7, 2015. See more at https://www.lovefactually.co