Best Online Dating Profile Ever
19. Nov, 2010 
26 Comments
Want to see the best online dating profile ever?? It’s freakin’ awesome.
It’s unique, shows leadership, oozes confidences and made me laugh out loud, twice.
Check out THE best online dating profile ever:
I’m an ***hole. I won’t open doors for you, in fact be careful as I will likely trip you as you go through the door for laughs and giggles. I expect you to cook for me and clean up my mess after I eat. And by the way, I’m a really messy eater. Food everywhere, on the floor, in my lap, but these are the least of your worries.
I leave my socks on the floor in the bedroom, and yes they stink. I will not do laundry, and insist that you do it. Not just insist, you must LOVE to do my laundry and look forward to it. Look forward to it like you look forward to water in the desert. Look forward to it like you look forward to seeing your family after years of separation. I think you get the picture.
Also I don’t do romance, I expect action on the first date, big time action, and I won’t sleep over (yes this will be at your place because I don’t want you to know where I live).
POF (Plenty of Fish) says that I should also talk about these four points so as I don’t waste my time and be successful here, so let me address each one:
1. Talk about your hobbies. – kicking puppies
2. Talk about your goals/aspirations – finding a rich woman to take care of me
3. Talk about yourself and what makes you unique – I’m not unique in the least bit
4. Your taste in music – The Cranberries, Enya, Mazzy Star, ****cat Dolls, Indigo Girls
OK girls, waiting for your emails…go
So now it’s my turn to answer the question that is running through your head. “WHY?? What is it about this profile that works? Isn’t this guy being a jerk?”
No. Not at all. He is having fun, doing what he wants and is making his own rules. Super sexy and very attractive. When I read this profile, I instantly felt attraction towards the guy writing it. Truth is the first sentence kind of threw me off, but as I continued reading, my attraction began to grew.
What this profile says to me, as a woman, is:
- This guy is fun and exciting
- He is open to taking risks and is okay with failing.
- He doesn’t NEED my approval
I see so many guys make the mistake of writing their profiles FOR women, rather than FOR themselves. This guy wrote his profile for himself knowing, that if a girl didn’t like this profile, he probably wouldn’t have liked the girl.
The feeling I got when I read his profile was, This guy is okay with our without me and he will not attempt to impress me by being someone he’s not. AMAZING!!
Again, the best online dating profile ever.
I was so intrigued by this guy that I contacted him and asked him what made him write a profile like this.
His response was:
“haha yea at first i wrote a regular profile, then i read it over and i was like ‘this is so freaking boring’. So i thought i’d try something different. Something I wanted to write that would make me laugh. And it worked. I got a TON of emails from cool women.”
He and I talked a little more and I immediately got a sense of his full character. It was great to see that he was much more than just a funny, goof, who only knew how to banter. He was also genuine, intelligent and overall well rounded, good man with plenty to offer.
Had he just been a goof ball with nothing else to offer it would have been really disappointing. It’s very similar to meeting a guy, that can only banter but has no idea how to make a real connection. That behavior is exciting for a night and maybe even a week, but longer term it’s a huge turn off. So not everyone could pull off this profile. In order to effectively pull off this kind of profile, you have to have the goods to back up with.
A profile like this one requires confidence, comfort and balance. As I said above, this guy wasn’t a clown. He actually had an amazing character to offer once the joking was set aside.
So here’s a challenge for you…give a profile like this a try. Have fun with it, be loose and casual…and watch as the emails come rolling in from girls wanting to know more, and from girls telling you that you made them laugh. If you aren’t a member anywhere, go use plentyoffish.com, it’s free and very popular…what do you have to lose?
My beginners, online dating course can then really help you take your online game to the next level. From helping you reply to emails, to asking for the date, to meeting in real life, it covers everything to help you succeed with women you meet online…it’s all here:
As a bonus you will also receive an assessment from me on your current profile. Find out exactly how women are responding to your profile and get directions on how to make it more appealing to women. Go get it now:
More and more people are meeting through online dating sites. In fact a recent statistic showed that nearly 30%, of all new couples in the United States, meet ONLINE. Realistically the number is way higher, because 50% of all people who use online dating don’t admit it 
So get online and make sure you are doing it correctly
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Great article Marni, the guy definitely has the Tucker Max thing going and based on what you say, the confidence to back it up. Like the way you break it down why this appeals to you as a woman instead of just saying something like, this is a great profile. It’s a good reminder for us guys of how things are…
And by the way, like the new website design and your pic up on the header instead of that funky cartoon drawing!
Well said. BTW – looks great on my iPhone, but on the Blackberry Pearl’s browser your site comes out a little funky.
good to know. Thanks for letting me know
Absolutely… most guys are afraid of “offending” people, especially women. Then they act like a Mister Rogers clone and bore the crap out of them.
You won’t find this guy at Kingdom Hall…
Just bookmarked this site with my jumptags account .. thanks
Love you, Marni. Wouldn’t recommend this as an online profile, however. While he certainly doesn’t seek approval, his edgy attempts at sarcasm will easily alienate even more women than he attracts. You can write something compelling, confident and funny without going as far as this guy did. Credit to him for breaking the mold, but I would not want your readers to think that this is an effective paradigm to be copied. It’s not.
Thanks for listening.
Evan
Yea shoot me a email when you can please, so I can give you the info on what I did. I just done it a couple hours ago, so I should have some feedback by the time you get back with me. I really want you to see it and would love your personnal opion on it.ty
Looks like a gamble with dating but I can see why it would appeal to some women. He’s basically weeding out those that take themselves too seriously, because he’s clearly a down to earth guy, so women matching his character will probably see through his clever profile disguise. But it seems so…wrong, like swimming upstream. Funny how life works
Great article Marni, had a good laugh.
On principle I agree with your commentary on this individual’s profile. I agree that there is a group of women who have an appreciation for this type of wit, humor, and sarcasm. Indeed when I first jumped on the online dating train I created my profile as a narrative that took the form of a story. I was attempting a differential approach and I found some success with it. However, what was missing there and what is missing here are two important factors: the profile as an invitation to discourse and the profile that transcends social stratification and social boundaries. Here this individual has created a profile that will inevitably speak to some women as it spoke to you. However, titling it the ‘best profile’ is misleading and does a great disservice those individuals who take online dating seriously because for every woman this profile attracts it will inevitably detract one.
There are no laws that govern attraction and purporting that one might find success through any one model is merely rhetoric.
Hi Brian
Thanks for taking the time to write such a detailed comment. I do agree that there is no ‘magic bullet’ profile that will guarantee success with every woman; as we’re all different individuals and different women have different tastes. However, there are some principles here that are universally great for guys to incorporate into their dating website profiles:
> Writing a profile that is for you and about you- not pandering to her
> Writing a profile that shows that you are a fun guy who sees the fun in life
> Showing that you are fine to take risks, don’t feel the need to have everyone’s approval… because you’re happy being you.
Indeed online dating has become so popular these days that everyone does it. I actually spend a good half of my day yesterday on some top rated dating sites and I can’t say I was bored or disgusted by what I saw there.
I’ve been getting so fed up trying to write a good OKCupid profile,Since trying to write like the “Adam Gilard way” wasn’t working for me,one woman I asked online to review my profile for me and she said “it’s unoriginal” Which really bothered me,So I actually wrote a profile that made me laugh my ass off.
Here it is, I wrote it when I was “kind out of it”
My self-summary
If you’re here because I sent you a message then..Congratulations! You’ve been selected! Now continue reading since I know I only have another 5 seconds to hold your attention. I’m extremely wealthy, I own a mansion up on a cliff that over looks the Pacific Ocean on the West Coast of California that has the most incredible sunset you’d ever lay eyes upon….Pffffttt!! Come on now,You don’t wanna hear what I have or don’t have!
I know what you want…you just want me to say how much I like pets,that I have a passion for life and holding deep stimulating conversations that challenge and intrigue you. of course none of those qualities matter or hold much weight if you don’t find me attractive, so you’ll just browse through the pics and won’t even read this cause let’s face it, hardly anyone reads profiles which is why I’m checking to make sure you are, If you got this far AND have looked at the pics…High Five!
You’re looking for that “spark” that “connection” that “Mr. Holy Shit I want him!” Funny, how you can feel all or any of those things by reading a profile…online…on a 2D computer screen…with the person not in front of you…if you can, then teach me that skill, I’m open to learning!
I just woke up about an hour ago and took a long smelly dump in the bathroom and now here I typing out this profile…gotta be honest right? Yes, I washed my hands. I have no idea where I plan on going with this profile, I’m basically just typing out what comes to mind while I sit in my living room of my apt at 2:30pm in the afternoon on a Sunday.
Christmas is almost here,I should get myself something. What are you going to get yourself this year? You did remember to buy yourself something this year right? Rather than sending me hate mail about my profile, send me an email and tell me what it is you got yourself for Christmas, Let’s face facts, You take care of everyone all year long but who takes care of you?
What I’m doing with my life
Living it actually, I guess this question is supposed to mean “What ambitions you have? I don’t know why they just don’t come right out and say it rather than being general or beating around the bush. I like comics and stuff, and I want to self publish this murder thriller graphic novel I have in the back of my head. I already have my “career” So it’s not like I’m going to spice this up and say “I’m going for my PH.D In Rocket Science!!!” just to try and impress people on here, But I’m not fake, I’m real. I don’t exaggerate, especially on my OKCupid dating profie.
I’m really good at
Sticking my head in refrigerator as if something is going to appear from the last time I opened the door 5 minutes ago. I’m good at a bunch of other stuff, but I’ll leave you in suspense and let you find that out on your own,Why spoil the mystery?
I like to go saltwater fishing but I haven’t gone in a long time ever since I caught Moby Dick, I want to go and fish up Jaws next, but I’m going to need a bigger boat.
The first things people usually notice about me
How much plastic surgery I’ve had done…Not bad for a guy who has survived a grizzy bear attack 4 times, been swallowed by an Anaconda twice ( I fought my way out) Been shot in the face 79 times by an M-16 machine gun and fought off an entire city police department with my bare hands all because I ripped off a mattress tag and they wanted to arrest me for it.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I don’t read books, I read comic books, since comic books are non-fiction, Who wants to read something that’s made up? For example, Spider-Man lives in New York,That’s a fact…you can look that up and find the answer.
Music : Bruce Springsteen is pretty much all I listen too, I’ve been to 3 of his concerts and at all 3 concerts, he pulled me up on stage and we danced to “Dancing In The Dark” like I was Courtney Cox, after the show he wrote me a big check and said that I can write a better online dating profile on OKCupid.com than he can.
TV Shows: I really miss the show “The Wonder Years” and Married w/Children. Family Guy and The Simpsons are great too since they are pretty much what my sense of humor is all about…not the joke this profile is turning out to be.
Food: I’m a guy, I’ll eat what you put in front of me.
The six things I could never do without
I’m not going to bore you tears listing a bunch of stuff that only I care about…I mean really…Do you really care that I could never do without my toilet bowl?
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How much time I wasted writing this profile and If I’m wasting your time as well….another high five if you’ve gotten this far, you’re doing great! Keep up the good work! You’re almost done!
On a typical Friday night I am
I’m usually out fighting crime between the hours of 12am and 4am, running across rooftops, swinging through the city, chasing down bad guys and dodging gun fire and taking down crime bosses since I’m such a do-gooder. I’m rescuing cats out of trees, helping old ladies cross the street, and give my hard earned cash to the poor.
I drag race on Sundays. I race for pink slips, Therefore, I’m always having to buy a new car.
When I’m alone on Friday nights
I like to take walks but I can’t walk too far since I’ll fall off the face of the Earth, cause everyone knows the world is flat.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have cooties….I’m taking a prescription for it and am doing quite well for myself…gotta think positive!
I’m looking for
Girls who like guys
Ages 22-36
Near me
Who are single
For long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
Send me a message if you want too and you don’t take everything so seriously and can take banter as well as dish it out.
You have exactly the right idea but it’s WAY too long. Cut out two thirds of it.
Ive put it to the test on oasis active one almost the same as your one Mani, you should check it out people smallimporters, it about looks its got nufing to do with Wat you say as long as you make yr point and not be a dickhead, its not Wat you say, if your not her type its always a no fk off u know that or they want even stop and talk lol,,,,, 2 the profile was unsuccessful that means all along i was right, yr methods don’t work…………. really if i went up to you and said all that shit would you fk me Marni,,,, go sell something that actually works rather then crap, you should be teaching how to get numbers fast and how to date a girl fast you dont know nufing yr ok looking so all this shit may work for you and yr rich and successful so that’s why it might work for you and guys are easy then girls to get cuss girls are more fussy, i got the first bit all sorted but the second is pretty difficult to figure out, if you want a number in 30 to 60 seconds, but then it takes a month of taking to go out with her, say something like this it works, for a girl who walks down the street walking to work, you would say excuse me, it makes them think you want directions???? shock them by say wow you look so amazing, after that say Wat you like to do, they might say i like to smoke the shisha, after that ask them Wat flavor they like, they may say lime,, say you like that exact same shit,,, wow me to, after that say hey i goto go but i get yr number really fast and we will go for a shisha next week take care cya, get there number and go for a shisha maybe you need 8 fun visits before you get her its a month or 2 of hard work you might need 3 before one will date you,,, it will get you maybe 2 girls a year to 3 it will take 50 to 100 girls to get a girl friend we are looking at a hard 30 years to find a compatible chick its a fucking nightmare but thats a wogs life for ya try be one off uss,,,, but anyway u getting the number is 50% successful if yr OK looking ugly maybe one in every 5 if ye hot 90% success rate to getting a number with this proven to work method but the problem is my methos only mostly works with girls from over sees and im not the best at talking so half way through the dates or trying to get a dat from the numbers is pretty heard so i only get about 2 a year then a week later there gone. pure honesty the only way yopu can pick up is if you fit the right look that means being of English Irish or from the pacific islands background,s the southern Europeans Greeks Turks Italian’s and the Indians have it the worst wen it comes to trying to pick up chicks im on oasais active i’m not ugly i am maybe a 6ish in looks and it takes 100s off adds b4 one excepts to talk all my auzzi mates its like 1 in 5 1 in 10 ……. ….
i love you Marni
i love you Marni your the best ever.
Thanks Tony
Much appreciated!!! I will check out your blog.
You are awesome! Thanks for doing that.
yr awesome to.
that would be good.