How To Banter and Flirt (video example included)

**Video example from the Adjustment Bureau is at the bottom of this post

Do you know how flirt and banter? I’m asking this because knowing how to flirt and banter are essentials in today’s dating world.

Almost all the women I interview and talk to, when asked WHY they liked one guy over another said it was because of the banter they had before the date.

But I know that banter can be tough for you. Especially when there is a pretty girl on the other end of the banter and your mind has gone blank.

That’s why when I got this email from Nate, I knew I had to share my response to him with you:


I simply don’t know how to say the flirty things, in a genuine\authentic, playful way. Or even in an awkward or creepy way (which I obviously don’t want). No words come to me during chit-chat that resemble flirting or bantering. Nor do I try to make them come.

Flirting and banter doesn’t come naturally, and thinking about it doesn’t work. Using canned lines isn’t a way I’d like to go (i.e. not genuine).

Get step by step instructions on how to flirt and banter like a master here.

I realize this is important, but I don’t know how to start without it being awkward or accidentally creepy. I don’t expect to be a natural with the flick of a finger, as nice as that’d be.

If you have any suggestions on how to get better at flirting and bantering I would really appreciate it. – Nate

Of course I have a quick and easy way to find your flirt and learn how to banter without coming across as creepy.

But first I want to give you a mini lesson on banter so that you get a full understanding of what it is and WHY it’s so important to women.

Bantering is defined as: “The playful and friendly exchange of teasing remarks”.

In many ways, it’s a verbal back-and-forth; where the goal is for both parties to enjoy themselves rather than one person or the other wounding or insulting the other.

What bantering is not is being coarse, rude or insulting. These are huge no no’s and not at all sexy. At least not to the women you want be with.

Bantering is a way to showcase you, your personality, your wit and your level of intelligence. Which is WHY it’s so important to women. It lets us know who you are and what you are capable of in a short amount of time.

The key to being a great banterer is being a great association maker. The process of connecting YOU and what you know or have experienced to something else in front of you and then making it witty.

The better you get at making quick associations, which you can totally train your brain to do, the better your bantering skills will become…Think of associations like your ammo…AND the more intelligent or wittier your associations are, the sexier you look!

Which is why, first I want to teach you how to practice making associations because that’s what I think is missing for you. That and the knowledge that ruffling a few feathers with women is totally acceptable.

The exercise I’m about to give you is going to help you work your association muscle so that banter comes to you faster and more easily.

It’s an exercise I used to do back in the day when I would do in person bootcamps.

I would partner everyone up and for 3 minutes, 1 of the guys would select random words and say them to the other guy and the other guy would have to talk about that word for 1 whole minute.

Anything that this 1 word conjured up for him, he would have to spit out of his mouth. Stories, opinions A.K.A associations.

If you have a friend, you guys can definitely do this together but if not then you can certainly practice this on your own by getting a deck of flash cards from the dollar store and going through them 1 by 1 and giving yourself 2 minutes per card to make as many associations as possible.

Do this for 30 minutes each night for 2 weeks and it will get your association muscle sparked and you’ll start to see how much knowledge you have to contribute and things you have to share.

THIS alone can give you the confidence you need to banter and flirt cause it will alleviate all that pressure you put onto yourself. Your natural wit may shine through.

BUT if your wit still needs some fine tuning, I highly suggest you do 2 things. 1 is sign up for an improvisation class.

Improv is where I discovered my sense of humor and I got to do it in a safe place where I could fail and I would not be judged for it.

The 2nd thing you can do is to start watching old vaudeville movies. These guys had to learn how to be really witty and totally PG 13. Watch people like the Marx brothers. Their timing and wit and twist on associations are amazing.

I wanted to show you one of my favorite flirting and banter clips from a movie called the Adjustment Bureau. I didn’t really like the movie but I loved the banter dialogue in one specific scene.

Being able to banter as well as Matt Damon and Emily Blunt may not happen for you right away.  BUT if you start fine tuning your association muscle, I promise that banter will start to come to you more easily and your head will no longer go “ummmmm….” when talking to girls.

Once you can eliminate the mind freeze and let your natural conversation flow, banter and wit will come.  If not, then find your funny through an improv class, old movies and watching comedy specials.  I promise the combo of everything I’ve listed will make you a master with banter and you will be unstoppable.

Want my help in finding your flirty side and help you flirting easily, authentically and naturally?   Then check out The F Formula: Your Wing Girl-Guided Blueprint For Effortless Flirting, Attraction & Escalation With Any Woman. Read more about it by clicking here 😉

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  • david 56387

    I am not particularly happy thinking men according to you should try to be nice and learn how to flirt with females. I do not have approach anxiety. I do find females interesting in the same way humans are attracted to train wrecks. I am doing my best in this latter portion of my life time, to convince other males to avoid the minds of females as if they were repositories for the plague. I am reminded of a movie starring Gary Cooper as Melody Jones in Along Came Jones, 1945. There is a short quote from the movie which reads: “Pa gave me a piece of advice that ain’t never failed me yet. Son, he says, if you ever fool around with a woman, always hide a dollar in the toe of your boot and you’ll come out a dollar to the good. That is, Pa says, if you keep your boots on.” I believe this to be true of women, and good advice for any man to heed. The other thing is to look long and hard at what is the reward. When what is likely to be the outcome for a man who pursues a woman is pain, bankruptcy and heart ache. I admit it takes two to tango and tangle and men can also be their own worst enemies.
    I cannot heal another. I can heal myself. Any of us who are willing to commit to the time and effort can. I would enjoy meeting a healthy, active, trustworthy, non-dismissive, HWP, woman, somewhere around my age. Someone who doesn’t take her personal hurts and crazies out on her others, someone who doesn’t have approach anxiety, someone, who is a beautiful lady inside and out; just as I am a kind, attentive, conscious gentleman. I’m not looking for a spring chicken, I’m no spring rooster, but I am not a blustering Foghorn Leghorn either. I’m not mentally or emotionally dead, I’m not struggling with still being physically alive, I am still plugging away, still thinking I can, still dreaming, still wanting to hold someone in my arms, still knowing what love is, knowing it isn’t out there, any more or less than it is inside of me. I don’t desire to hurt anyone, or be hurt. I don’t want to feel like love is a battlefield strewn with broken trust and wounded hearts; that collateral damage is inevitable and unavoidable, because the female in the relationship is illogical, irrational and unreasonable, if that is so, I’d rather stay home.David

  • David

    I don’t understand this. Did he spill the coffee on her skirt by accident or on purpose? I assume it was an accident. If he did it on purpose, what a jerk. But for her to dump a $1000 cellphone into his coffee on purpose is totally juvenile and emotionally retarded tit-for-tat. I’d go to her house and do $2000 worth of damage on her property. Is that flirting? is that banter? Ummmm, no.

  • BishopKnight5

    Do you post real life examples, not just movie inserts? Please realise, we are not idiots, in movies it’s all by the script not in life.