Interview: ‘From awkward interview to natural flow: Richard La Ruina on how to talk to women'
MP3 Download of The Interview Below
‘Just be yourself'
I'd bet my bottom dollar that you've been given this advice before. Whether it was from a well meaning friend, nosy bystander, or a relative that cares about you: it is the easiest advice to say and often the hardest to implement.
But I'm not like your average female friend. I understand that it's not that easy: when an attractive woman is right there in front of you, the pressure can be overwhelming and you can end up acting completely out of character. Suddenly you go from being that confident, outgoing guy, your friends love to someone who comes across as shy and insecure. It's just not you- and so frustrating.
Earlier this week I decided to pick the brains of a man who understands exactly how that feels; and who has spent his life learning how to just be his natural self in front of women.
Richard La Ruina, is a self confessed former geek turned ‘natural' PUA.
Richard believes a guy could become a ‘natural' with women: that's right, start out awkward and end up developing skills with women that are smooth- but gimmick free.
I say ‘skills' because, as you guys know, I am not a ‘pick up artist‘. I don't believe in using lines, routines, and gimmicks to get the girl. All this does is screw things up as it stops you from being yourself, and makes women defensive of being ‘played', which then makes it harder for the genuine guys to get a chance. I want men to be sincere, open and direct- and, yes, use their ‘natural' self to attract women.
Despite Richard being a ‘pick up artist' I could see that we shared some perspectives on how to engage with women naturally.
Richard explained he doesn't see ‘pua' as something that has to be robotic (which I hate!) but it can be a skill set built in experiences. He said getting great at interacting with women naturally can be a little like playing the piano. As you first hit those keys it feels unnatural- and sounds awful. Fast forward a few months though and things start to come together.
He believes that some guys who are exposed to lots of female company, and great experiences with women early on, can have this ‘natural' sensation when talking to a woman: because it's all they've known. However, that also means that if you haven't had those experiences with women you can recreate this development process- by kick-starting your socializing with women.
I like to call this your ‘research stage'. When you first start to really interact with women, it's not about how many phone numbers you get: it's about learning the perimeters of what works for you.
Yes, this takes time and this takes effort: but I agree you can become a lot more natural with women. You can ‘be yourself'.
To get you started with ‘being yourself' around women though, Richard shared one key idea about how to talk to women.
He pointed out that there was one big difference between the way girls speak naturally to their friends, boyfriends, and the way a guy who isn't used to speaking to women will try speaking to them. This isn't about using lines or routines. It's about knowing the right structure the conversation should have to make it feel natural.
So what is the big difference? How can you make both you, and the woman you're speaking to, feel way more comfortable, far more like ‘yourselves' in an interaction?
It's simple: ask less questions, make more statements. Something I have been telling you guys for years 🙂
As a woman I can also tell you it is frustrating when you feel a guy isn't listening to you: which is exactly what happens if a guy doesn't respond properly and simply shoots another question out there.
Being ‘yourself' and being ‘natural' around women is not about saying the smartest line in the moment: it's about relaxing, and letting the conversation have the same natural structure, as if you had known the woman a lot longer.
Speaking in statements will allow you to both feel more relaxed, give her a chance to express herself, and for you to really connect with her. And that is how I love men to talk to women.
Check out the full 30 minute conversation between Richard and I. Where we discuss why pick up lines don't work and how in order to become natural with women you have to do a little work.
I highly suggest you go check out Richard's new book that just came out today on Amazon. Even though he is a Pick Up Artist, there is a lot of valuable material in both his books and his teachings. I leave it up to you to decipher whether or not his teachings resonate with you. Check out his book on Amazon now by clicking here or the book to the right. ‘