Here are the notes…and please leave your comments below and let me know what you think of these, or if you have any others that you think are important…
Three patterns that are almost always related to serious long-term problems in forming and keeping relationships with people are defensiveness (including whining), stubbornness, and refusal to talk with your partner (the “big
Many couples find that communication is facilitated by observing the following guidelines:
1. Avoid “Gunnysacking”
Persistent feelings, whether positive or negative, need to be expressed. Gunnysacking refers to saving up feelings and complaints. These are then “dumped” during an argument or are used as ammunition in a fight. Gunnysacking is very destructive to a relationship.
2. Be Open about Feelings
Happy couples not only talk more, they convey more personal feelings and show greater sensitivity to their partners' feelings. As one expert put it, “In a healthy relationship, each partner feels free to express his likes, dislikes, wants, wishes, feelings, impulses, and the other person feels free to react with like honesty to these. In such a relationship, there will be tears, laughter, sensuality, irritation, anger, fear, baby-like behavior, and so on”
3. Don't Attack the Other Person's Character
Whenever possible, expressions of negative feelings should be given as statements of one's own feelings, not as statements of blame. It is far more constructive to say, “It makes me angry when you leave things around the house” than it is to say, “You're a slob!” Remember, too, that if you use the words “always” or “never,” you
are probably mounting a character attack.
4. Don't Try to “Win” a Fight
Constructive fights are aimed at resolving shared differences, not at establishing who is right or wrong, superior or inferior.
5. Recognize That Anger is Appropriate
Constructive and destructive fights are not distinguished by whether or not anger is expressed. A fight is a fight, and anger is appropriate. As is the case with any other emotion in a relationship, anger should be expressed. However, constructive expression of anger required that couples fight fair by sticking to the real issues and not “hitting below the belt.” Resorting the threats, such as announcing, “This relationship is over,” is especially damaging.
6. Try to See Things through Your Partner's Eyes
Marital harmony is closely related to the ability to put yourself in another person's place. When a conflict arises, always pause and try to take your partner's perspective. Seeing things through your partner's eyes can be a good reminder that no one is ever totally right or wrong in a personal dispute.
7. Don't Be a “Mind Reader”
The preceding suggestion should not be taken as an invitation to engage in “mind reading.” Assuming that you know what your partner is thinking or feeling can muddle or block communication. Hostile or accusatory mind reading, such as in the following example, can be very disruptive: “You're just looking for an excuse to criticize me, aren't you?” “You don't really want my mother to visit, or you wouldn't say that.” Rather than telling your partner what she or he thinks, ask her or him.
All of these points not only help you in your relationships with women but with people in general. They teach you patience, understanding and get you to acknowledge that others around you are people to.
I am sure at times you have been bitter towards women. The reason for this is because you don't understand them. This is a normal reactions.
Things that are difficult or confusing to understand become frustrating.
Women don't have to be frustrating for you anymore.
If you want to stop being frustrated with women and start getting with women then I can help you with that.
Here are a few things you can do right now:
1. Go back and re-read the list above with a fresh set of eyes. Understand that these notes can help you.
2. Stop putting women on pedestals. They are humans just like you. No need for you to respect them more than you respect yourself.
3. Start going out and interacting with more women. Ask them questions, try to figure them out.
Once you are done doing the 3 things above you will already see that you are getting better results.
BUT if you want to take it up a notch and really get going then work with me directly.
These coaching sessions will do wonders for you. I know I can help you…
Now get off your butt and go get women. They are not going to come to you.