When is it okay to talk dirty to a woman?
This is an area that has been fascinating me for the past week after getting an email from one of my clients, who I will refer to as D.
Thanks for all your advice. I am having too much fun now. I wish I truly understood this side of me in my teens and twenties. Just knowing exactly what I want and what truly motivates me to pursue.
I am taking your advice on giving my dates a second chance. I didn't know that you all (women) in general could be so wild. Now, I'm finding out even the shy/boring acting ones are too. I told this one girl I was on a second date with in so many words that her perfume smelled like an edible flower that I wanted to devour and from that point 80% of our conversation was sexual (mutually).
what is up with that?;)
D has been experimenting with flirting, banter and escalating to sexual conversations with women. And I must say, he is doing very well. What he is learning is that the less he constricts himself on what he CAN say, the more attracted, excited and open women become.
Why? Because lack of rules mixed with, being attracted and feeling safe, cause a subtle rush of excitement.
I gave D my response but wanted to dive a little deeper with other women in my network. So I sent an email out to about 200 women to ask them their thoughts on when it is okay to talk dirty to a woman, do women like to talk dirty and what did they think of D's actions?
I got some mixed responses, which I have posted below. My commentary will be at the end:
J – (26). Truth. Once I have a few cocktails I am up for anything, especially if I am into the guy. Drunk translates to feeling relaxed and comfortable. Know what I mean?
A – (40) I'm sorry, this may not be very generous of me, but is this guy 15? He sounds totally ill-equipped to be dating grown women.
Ellen (59) – My response might be relative to how much i have had to drink. un-drunk, 2nd date, i find it creepy; unless that is what you want from the relationship, just sex. In a relationship, when you feel safe, you can have dirty/sexy talk, why not?
S – (28) That's a pretty good line. I think it gets a response because flowers conjure up feeling of beauty, delicate-ness, a delicious-ness that every woman wants to feel & have it related to her. Therefore it is not too threatening and very sensual. I would definitely respond to it – #1 – if I was wearing a floral scented perfume (which I usually don't, so could be viewed as a total come on line) #2 – if I was feeling some chemistry from our 1st date, I'd be open to sexually tinged conversation on the 2nd…
C – (32) – Hmmmm…. For me, I found the email to be sweet. It sounds to me like this man is exploring his natural impulses of sensuality. Rather than staying all buttoned-up tight as lots of our societal conditioning can want us to be! Personally… I'm a big fan of tapping into the more primal energies that I believe are always present… But not always accessed in our everyday modern lives. I think I would have enjoyed his question as well… IF… And this is a big IF… It came from a pure place of sensual pleasure. If it came from a creepy place, then of course it would be a different story. But I think I would have appreciated his creativity, and his risk to break outside of the dating mold. I like, what I call, a little grrrrrrrrr-rr-rr-r-rr in a conversation!
E – (30) He needs to be careful because there is a fine line between saying something to get a rise and sexual harassment. It may be rewarding if the girl is the same way.
JM – (29) If you are into him, it's hot – not if he is a nerd. That would totally creep me out.
Here are my thoughts on the topic. I truly believe that deep down inside most women crave to be released sexually BUT they want to be released in a safe and secure environment.
Let me explain. Women are more locked sexually than men because of the backlash women constantly receive for being overtly sexual. Names like whore and slut come to mind. I think for a lot of women moving past the fear of being labeled is difficult to do. I know that when I was younger I never wanted to be placed in either of those categories. Therefore I held back sexually until I was sure that the man would not take advantage of me and respected me. Sadly for me it locked me up sexually.
Fortunately I have a partner now who has been able to “unlock” me and help me really experience sex.
Now that I am more comfortable with my sexuality I would love if someone I LIKED talked to me the way D talked to his date. It's fun, it's exciting and it's out of the norm. I will say that even though I am not a big drinker, a little alcohol would help me drop my inhibitions and fears and I would gladly play along.
Just note that the creepy comment comes up several times in the responses above. There is a fine line between being sexually exciting and creepy. Be careful not to cross that line. Baby steps, feel out the women you are with. She will tell you how far you can go and how comfortable she is with talking dirty.
TAKE AWAY: Women are open to being sexual, if anything they WANT to be sexual as long as they feel comfortable.
Want to hear more honest and real opinions straight from the mouths of women on sex, attraction, being approached, connecting, dating, relationships and tons more? Then Click Here.
What are your thoughts on this topic?
I would love to hear your experiences, opinions or any questions you have.