#1 Most Obvious Sign She’s Flirting That Most Guys Miss

The other day I was on the phone with Alex, my awesome Wing Girl and she started telling me this story about a guy she met at a cookout, at her parents house…

And how she felt like she was throwing herself at him by doing this one thing that all women do when they want a man to notice them…. BUT this guy didn’t seem to pick up on it.

It was then that I realized…. Maybe guys don’t know how obvious this sign actually is.

So I asked Alex to share her story with you about Mr. Cookout man and tell you about this obvious sign that most men don’t notice… BUT if they did, their dating lives would be boosted through the roof.

Read her story below AND I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments section.

#1 Most Obvious Sign She’s Flirting That Most Guys Miss
By Alex

Yesterday, I met a guy. I met him once before but it was years ago and I didn’t really interact with him much, not like I did yesterday. He’s an attractive single guy, though I will admit I’ve never actually gone out with a guy like him; a country boy from my hometown. But I’m single so why not get to know different kinds of guys? I figured it’s just another way to see what I like and to be more open-minded in the dating sphere. So in the spirit of just getting to know someone I decided to flirt with him, or as best as I could flirt with my family around.

Did I mention that this was a cookout at my parent’s house? No one wants to flirt with someone in front of their parents or other family members, or at least I don’t, so I was trying to keep it subtle. As the evening went on, me and this guy developed a friendly banter between us, mostly brought on by a cornhole tossing game that was going on in the backyard.

The banter was friendly but also filled with sarcastic comments by us both. Maybe a few sexual innuendos here and there. But I still couldn’t figure out if he knew I was flirting with him. I thought he might have realized it because at one point I was in the pool alone and he joined me and we continued teasing and joking.

However, by the end of the evening he still hadn’t asked me for my number or brought up hanging out again, though he did say he looked forward to seeing me the next week (we do this washer tournament every Wednesday at a different house) so we could continue our joking which he assured me would be even more intense because he now knew me better. I thought about putting my number in his phone without him knowing, taking the first step as a woman because I know guys get frustrated with women not making the first move and I’ve had good success making the first move in the past. However, I talked myself out of it.

I wanted to see what he would do because I wasn’t quite sure if he was into me as I was into him. How confusing this dating world is! Also, I was curious to see how he would ultimately react to a girl that flirted with him. Maybe he planned on asking me out by the end of the evening? What if I ruined the whole thing by putting my number in his phone? Or perhaps, he wasn’t into me because he’s already talking to some other girl that no one knows about?

Anyways, I decided I’d give him an opportunity when he was leaving to ask me to hang out or get my number. He had to carry his ice cooler to his car and I made it a point to have me and him end up alone on the side of our house. And…nothing. He didn’t ask me out.

So I decided to share this story with you for a few reasons. First, I wanted to show you that as women we like to “plan” things. Notice how I worked all evening to flirt with him? And I did so subtly? And do you think I ended up in that pool alone? No! When my mom got out of the pool, I stayed in for a few minutes and waited to see what the guy I was interested in would do—and guess what, he got in the pool. I also “planned” for us to be alone when he left to see if he’d ask me out.

Now it may seem crazy that I or any other woman would “plan” our flirting or interactions, and as I write this I know it sounds crazy and silly, but I just wanted to show you that that is what women do. So if you are interacting with a woman, she’s flirting and you keep running into each other, it’s not always by accident—she’s might be into you! Ask her to hang out!

Secondly, I wanted to make sure that you know that flirting isn’t always obvious. I didn’t flutter my eyelashes, I didn’t put my hand on his arm, I didn’t feel his biceps, and I didn’t even compliment him. Actually, we were engaged in a sort of “mean teasing.” We dissed each other’s performance in the toss game, made jokes about the other’s intelligence, and teased each other over a number of other things.

This is not the flirting that you might expect from every woman, but as a confident woman I love challenging guys I’m interested in with a verbal exchange. I want to see if they can come back with witty responses, funny comments, or sarcastic jokes. It shows me, and women like me, that a guy can handle a conversation with us, can challenge us mentally and are on our level of intelligence. My main point: flirting is not something that can be fit into a box and it isn’t some stereotypical interaction illustrated on TV or movies. So if you experience flirting like this, know that it is flirting and the girl is into you! Ask her out!

Well, as for me and this guy, I know that I will see him next Wednesday, and possibly Friday. If he doesn’t contact me via social media by this late evening, I plan on adding him on Facebook and just see where it goes from there. See, girls sometimes make the first move. As Marni would tell you and as I know all too well, what do I really have to lose?

To learn more about the signs women give men and the hidden meanings behind everything they say and do…. get a copy of The Chick-tionary.

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Let me know what you think about Alex’s story.  Do you see how this was a flirting sign? Do you think you’ve missed this flirting sign before? If so, WHY?

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  • John

    I have to say i’ve been in similar situations as the guy in the story. I mean, I get that your parents were around so you couldn’t flirt heavier, but what would that have looked like? When I read your story, all I saw where two people having fun. Question, could this have happened if you were not interested in him? What I mean to say is, you meet someone and have fun playing games , and fun banter back and forth, is this always a sign of attraction? If so, your right, I miss it every time. It looks like you’re being nice and open, and no offense, like a guy friend. That’s not a bad thing by the way. Also if this guy knew you’re parents or knew they were there, I’m not sure I would’ve hit on you there either. But I think it will all work out. Good story.

  • Aaron Bouser

    That “mean teasing” you mentioned is a favorite of mine for a couple of reasons. First, it’s just fun. I’m a bit of a sarcastic tease anyhow, and I love picking on people. No, not in a mean sense, but more just to make them feel noticed and interact with them. Secondly, good natured teasing helps weed out people I might not be compatible with. If someone is the kind of person to get all butt-hurt at every comment, they might not be for me. Or if a person is, frankly, just too slow witted to come up with a decent come back, well that’s a bad sign. No, I like someone who’s up to the challenge, a witty and fun person.

    • bartidog

      The article wasn’t about gay guy flirting. Lol

  • relee

    Actually you do have a date with him….next Wednesday. You don’t know if he already has a G/F. He may know very well you were flirting as he was returning the same but hadn’t made a decision about you. There is no rush and he will see you next Wednesday. He may be looking for something that will last forever and finding that doesn’t happen in one day. It is a process. If you stick around and remain interested and don’t show up the next week with a new B/F he might trust you enough to take it further.

  • Mike

    It didn’t look like anything that would stand out as potential romantic interest to me until she mentioned the two “accidental” opportunities alone with him. I’m admittedly pretty clueless on the subtle stuff women do to get attention, but I definitely would have picked up on this when she made herself available at the end of the evening. The lesson here as always is you have to be very aware of the context of the situation: very few will be comfortable enough to openly flirt in that family environment *unless* they can get you alone somehow which itself is a gigantic flashing sign saying “ask me out”.

  • Stephen

    He’s letting you chase him. See how much you’ve had to think about him?

  • JLKeener77 .

    It seems that Alex gave him very clear signs. Sarcastic banter is enough for me to realize that a girl is in to me. I just don’t think the flirtations that women use are hard to pick up on at all. I can usually tell just by the way a girl is looking at me, smiling, blushing, etc., when having a conversation that it’s on. If a girl puts herself into close proximity with a guy, it is even more obvious how interested she is. I’m sure this guy knows Alex is interested. It’s possible he is still just too nervous to put into words what is going on between them. Also, maybe he is enjoying the chase and wants to extend it all out a bit till next week or later.

    • BillK

      Your “clear signs” would just be signs of friendliness to most men.

      • JLKeener77 .

        Believe me. I can tell the difference between friendliness and flirting. By the way, why do you waste your time hanging around with a girl who is flirting with you but says nothing will ever happen? She sounds like someone who likes playing games and is just using you for the attention you give her.

        • BillK

          She’s one of my female friends; when she made it clear how she felt she moved to the (for ME) friend zone, but I still enjoy her company and the fact that she has hot friends. 😉

          Remember, there’s no better recommendation to a woman than if one of her friends thinks you’re a good guy, just not for her.

  • Ken Dunson

    Alex expresses herself with a charming clarity; and, it was quite refreshing because it had the ring of truth and frankness. I think many young, single females are risk adverse in being more open about their feelings toward a man they would like to meet. Guys have to deal with it all the time. I am an older, traditional gentleman that takes pride in appropriate sartorial detail. One morning I was at a coffee shop and there was a beautiful, young 20 something lady behind me waiting to place her order. I took a seat by myself and was pleasantly surprised when she came to my table to ask if I would share the table with her. The little coffee shop was nearly empty and there were plenty of other tables available. She said I seemed to be an interesting looking person then explained that she didn’t want to dine alone. Next she established, with a disarming candor, that it was not a flirt but just in the spirit of friendship; and, she further inquired if I was cool with that. I assured her I was. She was only in town to visit some former college chums. I asked her to meet for breakfast again the next morning and she confidently agreed. We met at an even nicer little French restaurant the next morning and had another delightful breakfast. Her life was necessarily taking her far away and in fact I never saw her again. My mannerly appearance probably gave her the extra confidence to be so open and candid. But I have cherished those charming moments and wish another lady would have the courage to do the same thing again.

  • Dallas

    He’s either clueless, disinterested, or afraid to pull the trigger. Girls usually give moves bc they understand this. However, this guy seems to be enjoying the grace period.

  • Aj Scott Smith

    I was going to say that was flirting but that doesn’t mean you were attracted to him… Then I realised how stupid that sounds out loud. What I mean is, what is banter is just in your nature. I banter with female friends. I guess the way to tell would be whether the woman matches or initiates the more sexual elements of the banter. That “planning” and running into each other doesn’t seem so obvious except in hindsight but I’ll take note.

    • BillK

      I have a female friend and whenever we chat the banter is fun, light and gets very sexual very fast.

      She has NO romantic interest in me. None.

      • Aj Scott Smith

        Yeah, I have a friend like that too- so context is important. You don’t know whether someone is secure, flirtatious and friendly until you push the boundary.

      • Jamiel Cotman

        This bewilders me.

        Her responses would indicate that SHE DOES like you!

        • BillK

          She likes me only as a friend and has made that VERY clear.

          • Jamiel Cotman

            Then I don’t see how its getting sexual or is any fun as you said. If its REALLY getting sexual and you’re both REALLY having fun, SHE LIKES YOU! Either that or you’re misreading her [shes not being sexual, having fun etc].

          • BillK

            She’s been very clear on both.

            Sexual banter is the norm, and I know her preferences from penis size to position.

            But, as stated, she’s made clear several times she has no interest in me in that way, the operative phrase being “That’s NEVER going to happen.”

  • BillK

    I never would have thought ANY of this was flirting, just simple friendliness, and have been in many situations like those Alex listed above with women that had absolutely NO interest in dating me.

    The phone thing? Are there really still people who leave their phones unattended AND don;t have auto-lock enabled?

    To be clear – men need to be aware of when women are flirting, but I never would have picked up on anything above – even hanging out with Alex or being added on Facebook – I’ve seen women who didn’t mean ANYTHING do all of these things.

    Why not a straightforward “want to grab dinner sometime next week?”

    No planned opportunities, no batting of eyes or anything else that could be misconstrued.

    • bartidog

      Spot on. There is zero about that interaction that would have come off to me as flirting or an invitation in the context described. Lingered in the pool after your mother got out to see if he joined you? The whole parental context was enough go kill any opportunity. Guys aren’t going to hit on girls when their parents are around.

  • H8TheWayLifeIs

    jealous of the power women have in their youth, as in teens and 20’s, so jealous it makes me feel bitter and resentful towards them, easier for them to enjoy their youth, their 20’s without putting forth as much effort.

  • Mike

    I can relate to not wanting to flirt in front of one’s parents. As far as Alex’s friendly flirting. I feel that the guy views the banter as more as a competition (a challenge) than flirting. Remember your playing a competitive sport (corn hole tossing game). I think he knows you (Alex) like him, but he doesn’t know on what level and he too feels awkward about your parents being around when it comes to flirting. It sounds like he enjoys your company. Guys have to learn about how women think, but I also think women should learn about how guys think.

    Putting your number in a man’s phone in a secretive way is a no no, don’t do it! It makes you look too desperate and immature. Your going to have to mix in a little flirting language in the mist of your own flirting ways that a guy will pick up on. Tell him how you feel when your doing those activities. Such as, “Your so fun with these games”…I’m not sure how well you know him, but ask what other games he likes to play that is not at your parent’s cookout…:) If you know the answer already, make a comments during the night on how much fun you like playing those games. Ask other questions about him. Then add him to your facebook. You have to lay some foundation before you add him to your social network that will get him out of the competition zone, and start thinking into the dating zone…:)

  • Pascal

    I feel this article is a bit misleading. the title is about the biggest flirting sign, while its going about planning things during dates. And I believe women in a bar or internetdate don’t do this quickly.

    Also, how can you give advice to men if you don’t understand men yourself ? Women complain about men having aproach anxiety, but all your actions are about being afraid of rejection yourself. That men MIGHT have planned things for the future, and his ego might be harmed, is all an excuse. Men who are afraid of having their ego’s harmed are men you want to avoid.

    The same thing is about being afraid of being to easy. What about honesty ? Yes, I say bring this up. Men don’t communicate indirect, but direct. That is what they understand.

    “Do you want my number?” Would be fine with me. Stop making excuses, Alex.

    And next time, ask different kind of men in real life (yeah, I know you want us to respond for marketing goals).

  • José Adélson De Sena

    For men, I think that flirting interpretations are similar to dressing skills – women are taught, not us.
    As to taking action, , it may have to do with unconscious blocks.

  • Mickey

    Know why this is such crap? Women expect guys to be f**king mindreaders and be able to see the oh so subtle sings of flirting. Yet, when a woman clearly dislikes a guy, then she’s as subtle as a kick in the groin. Thanks to the man-hating feminazi universe that is the new world order, most women won’t give guys the time of day anyway. Thus, many guys have now given the middle finger to dating and approaching women. This alleged advice is just TRASH!!!

  • Jaded satyr

    No way I would construe this as flirting. My take on this is that she is at her parents’ house which would put her in a safe, comfortable place to her liking. When he was leaving, she said she was alone with him at the side of the house. Big deal, again it was a totally safe environment for her. I wouldn’t read anything into that at all. I wouldn’t interpret all of the joking and other banter as anything other than being a polite hostess wanting to put the guests at ease. As far as this “being a confident woman” business, if I knew that the conversation was to see if the guy can handle a conversation, challenge you mentally, and are up to your intelligence level I would consider this behavior as narcissistic, condescending and insulting. I think that most every man has a modicum of intelligence. I mean, Jesus christ, we did produce most everything that comprises civilization.

    • John Smith

      The “polite hostess” would never use teasing and sarcasm, regardless of how she thought the man would react. It’s just not good manners.
      When women tease you, they’re flirting. End of story. Pretty obvious.
      Even men tease women to see if they can handle a bit of harsh wit. Not rocket science.