Bad Boy vs. Nice Guy
Do Women Want To Be With The Bad Boy or The Nice Guy?
Contrary to popular belief women DO NOT want to be with the Bad Boy. They want the Nice Guy. I know you are probably cringing right now because everything you have learned up until now has provided evidence that makes you believe the opposite.
So again I am going to tell you, women DO NOT want to be with the Bad Boy. They want to be with the Nice Guy.
Listen to the audio below. It tells you how I know this to be true, why it’s true and how you can use this information to get any woman you want!
Want to know other secrets about what women want? Click Here to Find Out.
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Hi
When are you going to put this book on DVD or something like DVD.
Frank
Being a true gentleman got me my first wife. She appreciated the fact that I didn’t try to get into her pants on the first date. However, she turned into a total bitch because I was trying too hard to be nice to her. I let her steal the pants off me. Even my grandmother noticed it and told me not to let her steal my manhood with her hen pecking!
I hope I am being clear in saying that you can be a nice guy but still have a strong back bone. If you are nice it does not mean you have to be a wimp.
Why women become bitchy or naggy is a totally different issue that stems from miscommunication and big differences between men and women. I will be writing a book all about it.
Thanks Mike for your input!
In all honesty, I didn’t realize at the time just how much having diabetes can affect a woman’s moods.
I still believe that nice guys finsh last.
Marni,
This was a good audio. It kind of felt like you just had to put this out due to someone going thru a crisis or something. The whole audio seemed very immediate.
I for one do not believe that women grow up aspiring to find a jerk or bad boy. And I do not believe women when sitting around will tell each other that they want a jerk or bad boy. But…..if one goes by the addict of “attraction is not a choice” then one can see that once the sparks go off, women will fall for a jerk or a bad boy real fast. If he is a tall, dreamy kind of bad boy jerk then its even faster. I have seen this my WHOLE LIFE.
The reason that guys will ask you how to be a bad boy is quite simple. Bad boys on the whole in real life (and supported a bit outlandishly by the media) do get the girl. Its a fact. Women are intrigued by bad boys and they will open pandoras box to see what is inside (no pun intended).
Sex in the City and just about any other show about single women reinforces this. Are you going to tell me that women will day dream about some nice guy that sells insurance or Mr. Big? Mr. Big of course.
When men are young they see bad boys getting girls often. They see it first on the playground, then when the girls fall for the dumb jock, then when women go off with the motorcycle dude in leather, then for the bad boy corporate trader – it just turns them on. They go with these guys until its too late to either break it or turn away. Women have fallen for bad dudes at every turn in history – Charles Manson, Ted Bundy, Jim Jones – charismatic bad boys.
So women are there own worst enemies.
As far as PR goes – actually women really do need to do that. But it would be half-hearted. Women will always be attracted to bad boys for the rush and excitement.
Thanks!
Yes I believe that nice guys most of the time finish last. Absolutely. Women will walk all over men. My father used to tell me to treat a woman well, open doors, be considerate. Not wimpy or like a milquetoast. Be firm but polite and cordial and you will find a good woman. As of 40 years this has not happened. I have to tell you as soon as I went out into the dating world it was totally the opposite. When I lived in NYC (per 9/11) when used to give me the finger if I opened a door for them say at a Deli or 7-11. I would be out having drinks with a woman and she would start to flirt right in front of me with guys. I even had a young lady steal money from me.
Lets face it. A good looking woman can find sex anywhere. She can have sex with just about anyone she wants to (if they are not married and sometimes that is not even the case). An average guy like me, that is not the case. So women have all the power. They are the choosers. The funny thing is that they are not really good at choosing.
Marni, Interesting subject your talking about. For me in my experiences the bad boy image came not from nice guys being cocky and all of sudden and getting attention from girls or guy’s just knowing that women are dating jerks. It came more out what comes out of a woman’s mouth. Women have a tendency to complain about thier bf’s behind there backs in group settings and when men hear all this negativity all the time, its like why are these women putting up with all of this stuff and still sticking it out with their bf. Its gets to the point where guy’s start thinking, well they must like jerks so maybe thats what I have to do.
Of course no woman wants to be with an a-hole. But a lot of spoiled brats feel attracted to men that show them the way how to be treated. Some messed up girl has a crush on me even though i don’t give a crap about her and treated her lets say not gentlemen-like… kissed her best friend in front of her eyes and so on… and she’s still into me…
Explain me that!
How To Be A Nice Guy And STILL Get The Girl!
Ooops, got ahead of myself…
Marni,
I listened to your audio and have no problem with the message at all. For sure, lot’s of guys will be dazed and some will be confused because the party line for the last decade has been nice guys become just friends and bad boys get the girls.
But as you say in the audio, you’re not telling guys to be wimpy pushovers, but to be fully masculine males with strong character who are willing to lead and yet are not afraid to be the good guys with boundaries that they probably wanna be anyways.
Sure, jerks and bad-boys do attract some women, mostly because they’re willing to step up to the plate and the stereotypical nice-guys don’t. But a good-guy with backbone, character, and confidence can hold his own and let’s face it, how many potentially good relationships does the nice-guy trying to act like a bad-boy wanna trash just because he wants to be the playa?
Looking forward to your book, Marni! And can’t wait to hear the controversy you’re gonna cause when you make the rounds with THIS message! Things are going to get interesting…
Hmmmmmmm…………….Nice? Good?
How about being ‘Masculine!’ and You made a comment that was spot on.
Women need to also work on themselves and what it is to be ‘Feminine!’
There is far to much political correctness around these days that is screwing
with peoples Minds.
Both Men and Women.
And in the work I do, studying, researching. There is a word that is hardly ever mentioned.
And yet it is something that both Men and Women seek to share at a deep emotional level.
Love!
I Teach, Inspire, Encourage and Empower others to Live lives they LOVE!
Because there is a simple Truth.
If You do not Love who You are and love the life You live. Have Passion!
You are not going to get it with another.
That cuts with both Men and Women!
Ange Fonce
i agree with this, i am one who has always been a nice, sensitive guy, and i thought that i had to be mean to attract women, i always hated that women are with guys that are trouble, but the truth is that they want to with someone who is like me, someone who cares and who will never hurt their emotions, guys who are just in it for sex to me have a problem, i just want to have someone to love and feel the same way about me as i do them, trust me there is a greater chance they would cheat on me before i would cheat on them, they just dont want to be with a wus.
Marni – great audio.
I like what Bill wrote. He is absolutely right. I heard this last night at a local bar and wow it was nothing but complaint after complaint. Then two of the boyfriends showed up and the air did change. They were still losers but they were treated like kings. One seemed like he was out of a Judd Apatow movie (scruffy, overweight, dressed like a slob, clueless and putting down most of the people in the bar) and the other was like “f this and f that” real loser bad boy type. Both of the two young ladies (both very attractive I might ad) hugged and kissed these guys to death. Bought the guys drinks and it was like they were the greatest things on earth. I bet if I had a DUI, was unemployed, sloppily overweight and smelled that I would have been able to go home with one of those young ladies it seems (and both were very attractive).
My question is what is the deal with women and these loser types? I have so many single male friends that have good careers, cool lifestyles, attractive, fit and like me most are pretty much dateless. Yet I see all these attractive young ladies with losers.
The community preaches about leadership. I do not see it. Women are the leaders for these guys. Is it a power trip thing? Female ego?
Please do an audio about that one. This is something that has been bugging me for a long time.
Ok there is a big big differnce between having low self esteem and liking bad boys, sounds like that was the case with those two “attractive’ ladies, ladies that have no clue about having self respect. women like men with BALLS, lets say that again BALLS. not a man that gives his power to comfort the woman, i speak from my life, my soon to be ex let me wear the pants and i got resentful and angry that he could not take the power from me. and if you were a alpha man those women would not appeal to you. you would want a woman with self repsect and head on her shoulders just my thoughts ….
chivalry is dead, that’s why. i don’t personally know the world of females ’cause i’m not very girly-girlish, and i’m fairly young, too, but get this: despite what Marni says, girls like bad boys, end of story. so maybe not ALL girls like bad boys, but majority does. read and understand what i’m saying: it doesn’t matter if fat or thin or rich or poor. we like bad-boy-attitudes. and don’t ever call anyone a loser, because you know what? that makes YOU a loser. thanks for reading!
~Serenity~
Thanks Karl, what I was getting at though was the guy’s who are inexperienced in the dating and with women, most coming out of high school. At first you don’t know that women complaining about there bf’s is just something for some unknown reason they do. Its normal female behavior when they are around other women but it doesnt mean that they’re being treated badly, its just what they do and if don’t have much experience with women then you will come to the conclusion that they like guy’s who don’t treat them so well. Karl what Marni says is true, I was trying explain to her from a guy’s point of view. As you can see from Karl’s post Marni, my pointed was proven.
ok i haven’t read or listened to the series or books. But I have been known as the nice guy from preschool to this day. I have few friends, and as Masculine,fit, and kind as I am, the truth so soar that I have found is nice guys truly do finish last. No matter what I do, nothing works, i have more then enough confidence and still nothing, I refuse to give up, I will find a girl, but what is it with the girls these days? i mean you be a gentleman and others around you treat you like junk, and then by the end of the day/week/or even month no one gives a care. if guys who are just being themselves around women aren’t being accepted, then what are we doing wrong? cause seriously i’m 5’8, athletic build, average weight, and I am according to most the nicest guy you’ll ever meet. so why aren’t more girls chasing after me asking me for an email address or phone number? It just doesn’t make sense, my parents taught me from the a young chivalry, i carried it all my life, and as old fashion as is may sound no girls that i know bother to even notice. i guess i’m old fashion?
I think you honestly kind of answered your own question, im sure you have heard many times before when someone dies, everyone tells people oh ” he was the nicest guy you would ever meet” when in reality he could have been a real jerk. So please save that quote for your funeral, the problem with being called ” the nicest guy you could ever meet” is it really stereotypes you into the category of being almost like a pushover, suckup or general people pleaser, and tells the outside world, if your just agreeing with everoyne all the time then you mustnot have a backbone or your own opinions.
Now PLEASE do not take that as a cue to be a jerk cus frankly the world has enough insecure afraid of commitment bleeding heart “Bad Boys’ ( yes thats all they are, drama queens who cant get over their issues)
dont belive me watch the film “Ghosts of girlfriends past” to better understand, the difference of why these bleeding hearts are getting women is very similiar to a puppy with sad eyes, they arent afraid to go after what they want, they see women not as you would see them as a companion but simply as a challenge, much like a game and once they have the girl in bed, the game is over for them. Honestly ask yourself while it seems cool
is that who YOU ARE, do you really want to just use people.
i think the reason nice guys finish last
isnt they cant get girls
its just they see losers all around them with insecure girls
and they start to lose focus on being who they are
and in term lose out on finding the girls who are actualy WORTH YOUR TIME
your better than all of these bad boys
remember that
if a girl likes them
it just shows you that she obviously is too immature for you
think about it
find a woman who has goals in life
I’ve been on both sides of this (i.e. being both the bad boy and good guy, and not being both the guy and the girl… that’d just be plain bizarre… although maybe for one day it’d be interesting…)
Anyway, before I contemplate that for to long, thought I’d give my opinion on this.
From the posts made so far, it would seem most of you are referencing couples/partners/people that are already IN some kind of relationship.
How that relationship occured likely had NOTHING DIRECTLY to do with the guy being a “bad boy”.
Rather it is to do with certain attributes the guy showed he had that consciously and unconsciously are attractive to women.
It may sound bizarre, but it was the positive aspects of that guy that caused the intial attraction, such that the woman puts up with, blinds herself to or quickly forgets his negative aspects (which are the ones that we tend to pick up on and wonder in frustration why she’s with him).
You probably see an over-opinionated, agressive, arrogant and ignorant narcissist.
She probably sees a self assertive, self reliant, confident and genuine guy.
Other things to bear in mind are:
* Unless you stalk these guys and take notes on their every action, admit to yourself that you dont really know what they’re like. All you are seeing is their social personality; their private personality could be very different for all you know.
* There are thousands of good guys in great relationships with attractive women! Trouble is, you are often so fixated by those relationships or people that stand out or strike you as totally illogical, you dont take note of all the others.
* Remember that guys can be just as illogical when it comes to attraction, dating and relationships – how many guys do you know that put up with huge tantrums, selfish behaviour, coldness and criticism 24/7 from their girlfriends just because the girl is beautiful?
OK, no idea where I’m going with this now, so I’ll stop typing
I think this is the best response so far. I am in a relationship (for lack of a better word), with someone others perceive as a bad boy. Openly, he is rude and calloused. With me, he is sweet and considerate and humble, and mostly respectful (moments of disrespect have gone both ways). Always, he is opinionated–lol. I didn’t think I was ready for this relationship, but he was too adorable when wooing me, even showing doubts in his ability to do so, but still very confident. Some things that have occurred between us and things that have occurred outside of our relationship have stricken both of our self-confidence and confidence within our relationship. He does have confidence issues, though. I think my ex could more fit the description of the “bad boy” than my current boyfriend, as my ex is more narcissistic, but tries to portray himself as the “perfect husband.” If my boyfriend makes some comment about a good aspect of himself, he does so by selling himself short. “Well, you know I AT LEAST…”
He does have some “bad boy” characteristics, and some that only appear to be so. The ones that are solidly “bad boy” I am watching for, to make sure they don’t damage our relationship. But if we can work these things out, he’ll be a nice “bad boy” and he WON’T finish last. I am way more attracted to him than any other man I’ve been with.
I think the worst times with him, though, are when he doubts me. I’m as faithful as they come, and when he shows this doubt, it is the time I find him least attractive. Some concern is fine, feeling a “little” possessive is a compliment, being some degree of self-deprecating is more attractive than over-confidence bordering narcissism. Any of these to an extreme is not attractive and can be insulting, embarrassing, or even dangerous. Quiet confidence with instrospection (because it takes confidence to be introspective) is the most attractive and appealing, to me.
And btw, a girl doesn’t have to be a “B” to “tame” a bad boy. I think men are men, and want to be loved and respected as much as anyone else. But for me, I HAVE to be respected and considered in order for the other to receive such admiration. I told my boyfriend to be himself and let me decide if I can handle it. If I decide I can’t handle it, I see no point in nagging. I’ll express myself, and let him decide what to do. If he can’t adjust or I can’t adjust, we’ll go our separate ways. If we can’t make it as ourselves, it would be better to let go than try to make each other change, or we’ll be miserable anyway, and I’ve had my fill of misery.
But yeah, if your goal is to max out your “sex card” nice guys (as opposed to weenies) probably have fewer dates (although maybe more sex, ;p).
Hi Marni,
I appreciate your efforts to explain and differentiate between “Nice” and “Wimpy”…that said, my 40+ years of dating and marriage suggest strongly that attraction is NOT a choice and women are hardwired to see the “Bad Boy” type as better able to protect them and their offspring. Of course this is rubbish, but emotions trump reason in matters of attraction. This is a clever marketing device however, and I congratulate you on trying a different approach!! After all, what percentage of the male population is tall, dark, handsome and a world class jerk? The average “Joe” who is balding, has manners and is consistently ignored by women as “boring”, is a much more fertile market! It’s similar to all the PUA’s copy which tries to convince men that they can get all the women they want in spite of the face that they aren’t good looking….ah…right….sure. Good looking bad boys will ALWAYS get (and keep, if they choose) the girl.
Wow, i must say for 40+ years of dating you still obviously havent lost your ablitity to be a complete TOOL, whatever text book you recieved your information on is pretty bad, yes obviously it has been stated that attraction isnt a choice it is a chemical reaction, but you honestly are going to say that women see bad boys as a better guardian for their offspring. Wow you really probably are a PUA all talk no brains, studies by actual SCIENTISTS all over the world have shown that women are attracted to nice and bad boys for different reasons, generaly it is their hormones that control whom they are pulled in toward, but it has been known time and time again that when it comes to quick flings and meaningless sex women chase after bad boys for just that the chase, while for serious long term relationshpis they go to nice well rounded (actualy have their life together) guys.
And for the fact of your answer, WHO THE HELL ARE YOU to tell this guy he is hopeless and hey thanks for trying but all girls will just go for insecure bad boys in the end, im sorry i guess i didnt know you know all women, ya guess what Mr Mid life crisis express (probably why your 40 married and coming on here to put down younger decent guys) While its easy to know women are attracted to bad boys, 9/10 its because they think they can change him and guess what (still surprising considering your in your 40′s and havent realized this)
women eventualy grow out of this phase, ya the loser here you are insulting telling him he is hopeless
guess what HE is one day going to be some womans husband because he is a real MAN.
You just have to love how you all say “nice guys are wusses” well guess what everyone has their own stuff in thier lives to deal with we all arent perfect, and at least nice guys admit that, they dont just use people and string them along but in the end hide that they are just afraid of commitment and relatonships like your pathetic bad boys
BAD BOYS
YOU GUYS ARE THE REAL LOSERS
Marni,
Women do instinctively want a “bad boy” type. Why? They give them emotional spikes. Women crave the emotional spikes. Plus many good looking types can get away with being a bad boy because women chase after those kids of guys.
You are looking at this from a logical point of view. Women are not logical in attraction, far from it. So asking your friends is not going to work. Of course they are not going to say they want a jerk for a partner, but deep down they will choose that type 9 out of 10 times. I am in my 40′s and have been around and am not blind. Women instinctively crave the bad boy type.
Sorry but I think you are dead wrong in your conclusions here.
Yeah I agree that women do like bad boys. No question there. Asking a group of women this question is not going to get one anywhere. They will most likely so “no way” to be civil but then go home and go out with a bad boy type. They cannot help themselves. Lets just be honest here and admit it.
OMG, this is funny. My ex is not great looking. He has some nice features, but he is dumpy and balding. Still, he has an ego the size of North Montana (movie reference for the enlightened. ;p). Why was I attracted to him? Initially, I wasn’t, but he was funny and I got along with his family. The conclusion of this story is that he is an abusive, selfish prick, who ended up living with me for 3 years with no sex, because he assaulted me. I don’t want to misrepresent myself, as I don’t have so much confidence in my looks, but given his looks, I think he saw me as a trophy, and a man as “worthy” as he is can’t lose. He tried to hold onto me for 3 years, but I made it clear from the moment I left that it was over, and it never changed for me.
My current, uh, boyfriend (we’re taking it very slowly), is good looking enough to be the stereotypical bad boy and is outwardly so, but he won me with confidence AND politeness (um, there’s more to this, but he is a complex person, who also comes across as genuine), before I ever even saw that side of him, which he doesn’t direct at me (yeah, I’m looking out for it–lol). I’ve had enough of the other BS. Add to that that I am faithful. It is the respectful sort that wins my heart, and I have never dated a “cad” type. Even my ex doesn’t quite fit the category. Also, I don’t sleep around, and have no desire to. A man who would disrespect my relationship status is no friend to me, and it doesn’t matter how attractive he is to other women.
I’m pretty sure I’m rare, but like they say: A lady in public; a whore in the bedroom. Well, a gentleman in public and to his lady (or just to his lady and to certain public), a cad in the bedroom. ;p
Most women do want the nice guy, but after reading on the interweb that they do, im not so sure… Let me explain.
With the bad boy image, you get this brash, over confident, way over the boundary of self esteem, and people that are beyond cocky
With the nice guy, you get this kind, generous, calm, genuine person… Which im one of… but then, apparently we are wimps, feeble, over the top with emotions, over the top with everything that annoys/hurts us… the bad guy has no emotions, and only really concentrates on themself
Marni: Just found your “WGM” site… very interesting! The wing girl thing has worked for me during the past six months in my own situation. I’ve learned (the hard way) recently that the Nice Guy/Bad Boy scenario is perhaps, more accurate when described as “Great Man/Idiot Jerk scenario. Sure, many women often are fooled by the BB/IJ approach at first… but it never lasts over time. Often what happens is that a “Nice Guy” comes along and the woman’s attraction for the nice guy is ‘enough’ ~ for awhile. Over time though, the nice guy routine becomes boring, predictable and no longer attractive. The hot passion and that wonderful new relationship energy begins to fade. I’ve learned that as soon as your woman is no longer ATTRACTED to you as a MAN, the love affair becomes a downward spiral. At that point most “nice guys” begin to do all the things that destroy intimacy & attraction while wondering “what went wrong”. We begin to act as boys rather than guys; certainly not as men.
Becoming a Great Man is the antidote to the Nice Guy syndrome.
Marni, you are 100% right: confidence, masculine energy, positive focus, respect, honesty, dominance & vision are what make up the real aspects of being a real MAN. The style of the Nice Guy is to suck up, give up and beg for a womans approval ~ all of which destroys her attraction.
Often, as men in our culture, we’re not taught the difference between being bad Boys and great Men. We end up in the Nice Guy category with all the frustration and heartache this causes.
Thanks for your work & insight.
Bruce you are very welcome and thanks for that comment. I love how you explained it!
Hey, all! Well I just came across this site, and I think I know whats going on out there. Believe it or not, women DO prefer the bad boy type. The only exception to this, is maybe a woman seeking a long term marriage relationship (settling down, kids n stuff). But to all you overly nice guys out there, there is hope for you yet. You really don’t have to be a bad boy at all. Just stop being a wuss! You can be nice, but not be so soft and indecisive. It’s kinda long to explain here, but if any of you guys here have a problem with getting a date (or laid), I think I can help. There was a time when I too was wimp like, as I had no one to show me the ropes.
Hi I am 46 years old man and i have been told by my friends and family that i’m a nice guy with a great personality and i’ve also been told that i am cute, attractive and good looking although i never thought i was was that good maybe low self esteem. Well my point is i have just came out of a marriage of 10 years and am single now and getting back on the dating scene. I have loads of confidence to join in and dance with loads of pretty and hot girls with no problems at all and me and the girls have fun however i feel wrong inside to approach and talk to women especially young ones for possible dates. Would attraction still work for me at my age or am i ready for the bin. I mean is it possible to attract younger women?
Thanks for reading
OF COURSE!!!! Attraction works at every age. But the trick is that you have to be able to Turn Yourself on before you can turn anyone else on. If you are unsure, or low confidence about what you are doing then others, especially women, will be even more insecure about it. Meaning, if you don’t support it, no one else will.