Dear Mr. Nice Guy. You’ll Always Finish First

OMG, I love the article I’ve posted below. Believe it or not, my dad sent it to me. YES, big reveal. I have a father 😉    He’s definitely a Nice Guy and I’m glad he is.

Read the article below because it’s awesome and I agree with everything Laura, the writer, says:

An Open Letter To All The Nice Guys Out There:
Don’t Stop Trying

Dear Mr. Nice Guy,

Contrary to popular belief that you might finish last in this world, you absolutely come first for me. And not just for me, for a lot of other girls, too.

We want you, Mr. Nice Guy. We want the honorable man who is motivated by the kindness of his heart, not by what he can wager in return. The guy who doesn’t expect a reward for being a good person. Who especially doesn’t see himself as a woman’s means to an end.

So stop reading here if you think being the nice guy is as surface-level as paying for dinner or walking her home or telling her she looks beautiful. These gestures don’t automatically make you kind, especially if they’re backed by ulterior motives. You can pay for the meal, but still be cruel company. You can ensure she makes it home safely and simultaneously make her feel uncomfortable. It’s less about your actions and more about the quality of your intentions.

Most guys who are convinced they are nice, aren’t. Girls can smell the difference. Truly nice guys have honest, pure objectives. They won’t be angry if you don’t sleep with them afterwards, or put that kind of pressure on you in the first place. They want to be in your company simply because they enjoy being in your presence. And yes, that’s enough for us, too.

Because being nice doesn’t mean you are weaker. And this is where the confusion happens. You can be masculine, tough and assertive while at the same time good-hearted and well-intentioned. It’s kind of like having a rough or intimidating exterior, but being a total sweetheart on the inside.

That’s the kind of mystery and excitement we women are attracted to — not this notion of a bad boy who brings drama and pain. We don’t want the unavailable bad boy who has burned us countless times. We’re smart girls and we know better than that. We know the good ones when we spot them.

And to that point, there’s a difference between nice guys who get taken advantage of and nice guys who take advantage. One showers a woman with superficial displays of affection like free food and drinks, while the other showers a woman with passion and curiosity. Guess which guy sticks around?

It’s not that we don’t want you, Mr. Nice Guy. It’s that it’s really hard to find you. So, in the meantime, we date a bunch of not-as-nice-guys in hopes that maybe we’ll find you when we least expect it. We’re holding out for you though, so don’t give up on us Nice Girls because you think being an assh*le is better.

After all this waiting around and failed relationships, we want the good guys who are uncomplicated and sweet. The girls who say they do but don’t or who can’t appreciate these men aren’t good girls, either.

These are the girls who discourage Mr. Nice Guys like yourself from pursuing more women. These girls aren’t ready for a relationship like the one we have been preparing all these years for.

Nice guys are the ones who don’t have to question their actions. Who are smart enough to know that when it didn’t work out with an ex that it wasn’t because they were too nice. Both good and bad people experience terrible things and failed relationships, which is independent of their character. One has no bearing on the other.

We recognize that it’s harder to play the kind, loving man than it is to play the hardened bad boy. It’s harder to live every day with integrity and morality than it is to cut corners and cheat. But that sense of self and respect is way sexier than any liar or cheater. We appreciate you.

So, Mr. Nice Guy, what’s it going to be? Are you going to give up being nice and toughen yourself from love, as you’re so tempted to do? If you want to prove you’re not as weak as you may think you come across, you’ll keep putting yourself out there for us. Because we nice girls haven’t given up on you.

I know one day we’ll cross paths. I know it might not be head-over-heels or drama or fireworks. I know it will be heart-warming and genuine.

And to me, that sounds nice.

– Laura

Article from:

Marni’s Comments:  I love everything that Laura said and she’s so right.  Hopefully, this article gave you a clear cut description of the type of man women want and respect all at the same time. It’s the kind of guy we pray for and hope we meet.  The kind of guy that we want to be with. The kind of man we women want!!!!

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  • suziehotrod

    I heard two teen age girls ask another one what kind of guys she was attracted to.
    She replied by saying, ‘the ones that aren’t good for me’

  • ennis

    Ms. Laura – Thank you for trying to “educate” Ms. Laura about nice guys, who respect women, think family is important and just do NOT believe in approaching women.Melissa Kirk (Psychology Today) wrote an article about these men, saying that they are NOT going to invade ANYONE’s personal space, as a sign of respect, not in any way cowardice. She said they make GREAT boyfriends and husbands, BUT women will
    have to approach them first, and show THEIR interest. They may be the BEST guys out there!

  • Jacques

    Marni, you’ve always been helpful and I own all your products been an avid student of yours for several years and I have a few quick questions, if a guy likes introverted women, how does he date them? They seem very introverted feeling and if they are already naturally introverted to begin with, and tend to with draw more so similar to men when emotionally overwhelmed and in need of decompressing. Would it be a good strategy to treat them as men when they act that way. i.e. A man is need of space maybe he needs a day maybe he needs 3 months, if what he is focused on is intense and stressful enough it maybe longer. Would I apply the things taught to women in an effort to open a line of communication with them?

    So if I said, Honey, I see that something’s bothering you and it’s really

    difficult. If it’s because of something I’ve done or said, you can

    always say anything to me, honestly, without worrying that I’ll

    take it negatively.

    If it’s anything else, I hope you’ll find a solution soon. In the

    meantime, I’ll leave you alone, knowing things will get better

    soon. Just know that I’m around anytime you need or want me

    for anything.

    My point here is to show strength of character, and not be reactive to withdraw. You mentioned once that when you were in a funk you husband would reply in a similar manner and later you’d return.
    Does what I want to say convey, my point? I’m used to dating women that are a bit more extroverted, and the quiet ones, are more interesting to me. Her Myers Briggs personality type is INFP, not sure you are familiar with it, yet she’s classic text book for this personality. I haven’t found anything in searches around your blog that describes introverted women, so I’m asking directly. Thank you

    • Ike Milligan

      Be sure she’s just introverted, whatever introverted means, and not just saving up grudges to punish you for things that were done to her by someone in the past. Silence can be a weapon to draw you out and then shoot you down.

    • Jacques

      Actually introversion for her is based on her feelings, she keeps it inside. For several reasons, which include not being judged, approval seeking, attention, and fear of rejection to name a few. Silence for her is more trust based, she doesn’t know or can’t see possible positive outcomes so she reserves her voice to see what will happen, unfortunately this usually results in irritation of others and further irritation of herself resulting in a negative outcome, or her making an outburst. Often times there will be assumptions made by her in error, this is due to her intuition being undeveloped and her not being able to accurately read people, which is her primary source of information gathering. She’s more on the turbulent side or her personality not so much the assertive side. She’s not much for name calling or putdowns, she usually does the control thing where as she breaks things off as in her thinking I’m doing something wrong, for example: She told me to not come see her to help her find her dog, she would come see me. After I sent her a Valentine’s day package she blew up, claiming that her Dad opened it and was upset and threw everything away, later that year in summer she was wearing the t-shirt and leggings I sent her and displayed the boxing gloves and hand wraps I sent her in a heart shape. She’s going on 28 BTW. Yes she lives at home as is common in Italy for her age and being unwed. Basically I could see where as I’m supposed to be a mind reader and had to just come there to basically curb her insecurities and make her feel better. The other thing about her Dad, seems far fetched, yet she does worry what he thinks about her as in terms of image. I think basically that she blew things out of proportion and jumped from point A to point D, and thinking that points B and C are common sense and I should of known what they were, even though if I’m not privileged to a conversation or an event in her life, she with this particular personality type has a tendency to be highly sensitive and imagine things as in worst possible outcome, to later find out it wasn’t a big deal and she wasted a bunch of time, worrying about nothing.

  • Mickey


    • Queen Bishop

      me neither

  • Mickey

    An outhouse doesn’t have as much s**t as this letter does!!!

  • Mickey

    Stop it; this is such crap. Women today demand that guys respect them, but turn around and treat every guy who comes across their path like trash. So tell me Ms. Marni, why should any guy believe this???