Do You Have Approach Anxiety?? Here’s How To Get Over Approach Anxiety With Women

Do you have approach anxiety???  Well, guess what? So does 85% of the population, so you, my friend, are not alone.

Approach anxiety is really just anxiety of the unknown. Fears of what COULD happen and our attempts to always control an outcome. I want to tell you something. You will NEVER be able to control an outcome especially from women. You know how unpredictable we are for goodness sakes!!!  So how are you every going to control what happens when you interact with us?

You aren’t! But what you are going to control is YOU and how you feel about the approach and interaction.

I got an email today from one of my Email Coaching Clients who I’ll call H that I wanted to share with you. It’s a great email because H says every fear that I know runs through your mind when you want to approach a woman.  And what I do as his Wing Girls is help him calm all his fears. Hopefully it will do the same for you.

H’s Email with my responses in bold:

Marni, I had this question eating my head for quite some time.

Do women love being approached by random guys they don’t know. My response:  YES, as long as it’s the right guy approaching her. A creepy guy with nothing to offer NO. But an awesome guy that catches her attention YES.

Is it like an ego boost being approached? Of course! It feels awesome when someone acknowledges you as attractive. But again if it’s the wrong guy who doesn’t take the hint the ego boost goes away and it just becomes annoyance.

Does it feel nice being approached? Sometimes. Again, depends on who is approaching us.

Or is it like an invasion of privacy? Sometimes. Again, depends on who it is and how they approach. I’ve had and seen many guys who literally just lurk around and then finally approach and have nothing to say AND THEN won’t leave.  This is when things get creepy and it feels like an invasion of my space.  Other guys are too aggressive and won’t take a hint when women politely ask them to leave them alone. Of course they do it in their subtle yet feminine way so it’s not overtly rude.

Does a guy who approaches appear needy? Sometimes, if he doesn’t approach correctly and if he’s acting needy!

I am asking because this happened many times that I saw a girl I wanted to talk to but then I had other thoughts like

1) what if she doesn’t want to talk – Too bad. You do. Let her tell you she doesn’t want to talk.  At that point you may not want to talk to her. Plus how are you going to know this if you don’t approach her? Stop rejecting yourself before women even get a chance!

2) what if she has a boyfriend or husband You’re not going to figure that out from a mile away so approach. She’ll tell you if she’s taken. AND if she is, then she’s a great candidate to be your very own wing girl. Put that girl to work!

3) what if she is an introvert What IF she is an introvert?? Introvert does not mean shy or quiet. It means that she gets recharged when she is alone instead of around people.  If she’s that way then hopefully she’s had her time recharging and is now ready to talk 😉

4) what if i come across as a wimp? What if you do?? Are you a wimp???  Probably not, so then why would you come across as one.  As long as you don’t think your a wimp, then who cares. Be proud of all your actions and ALWAYS go after what you want. In my mind that does not define wimp 😉

5) what if i mess up? You won’t.  And I’m not even really sure of what messing up means. You mean what if she says No?? That doesn’t mean you messed up, it means she didn’t want what you had to offer. The real mess up happens when you miss opportunities.  Keep reading my materials and go check out my new book Get Inside Her and that will give you the tools you need so that you don’t mess up with women AND you won’t think you’ve messed up!!!

I hope you can answer these questions Marni! I hope I was able to H 😉


You know why I know that these questions are so common and why approach anxiety is so normal? Because I used to ask them to myself.  I used to have these irrational fears of the unknown and worries about being rejected.  I still do from time to time. But you know what I realized? It’s worse not going after things and it’s even worse not knowing.

What I did to get over my approach anxiety was I learned to do things in baby steps so that I did not have HUGE outcomes attached to my actions.  So I no longer thought, there is a person I want to talk to and when I talk to them they will be totally charmed by me and then want to hang out with me and give me XYZ….  That type of thinking is what can overwhelm you and stop you from taking action.

Instead I said, there’s a person I want to talk to, let’s see if they are interesting and we’ll see what comes from the conversation. Then I did just that. I approached without a desired outcome in mind and I gave myself credit for simply approaching.  Then as I got better with that, I was able to have better conversations and move the interaction forward. Then as I got better with that, I was able to get more out of my conversations and make connections.  As I got more comfortable with each step, I gained more confidence and that came across in my approaches.

And now I want you to do the same so that you can get over your approach anxiety. Break it down into little steps and at each step you complete, pat yourself on the back.

I also want you to go check out my best selling book on Amazon Get Inside Her: Dirty Tips and Secrets on How To Attract, Date, Seduce and GET Any Female You Want which has nearly 300 pages of tips, tools and advice on how to get the girl every time!!! Click here to find out more.

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  • Faux

    So just being confident isn’t enough? You should update half of your articles on here then…

    • Athirson

      Not nearly.

  • Pingback: Do You Have Approach Anxiety?? Here’s How To Get Over Approach Anxiety With Women « PUA Central()

  • KevinS

    I will make an argument here, There has been plenty of times where I thought to myself, She’s cute but I’ll watch her for a few moments…then her boyfriend/husband comes out of the bathroom at Starbucks or at the gym. Dodged a few bullets. Actually years ago I was at the store and saw this super hot girl at the register, so I grabbed some batteries I didn’t need and went to the counter. The cashiers were asking people for thier name and numbers for thier system for some reason at the store so she said “Can I get your name and number sir”? I said “Can I get yours instead? She smiled and said “No, my boyfriend is right over there”

    A couple of years past and saw her again…dancing at the strip club, as she was sitting in my lap I told her about our previous encounter she said “I remember that!!!” I knew she worked at the strip club cause I worked with her boyfriend and he remembered me from the store. He’s like “I thought you looked familar” They were already broken up when I met him.

    • Parkey

      I can relate. Coaches seem to love citing coffee shops as the place to meet single women. I would love to find one of these, because years of peoplewatching has shown me that if there’s a cute girl sat alone in a coffee shop without fail the boyfriend is on his way.

      But there are other places where as a stranger one can get talking to women.

      • Marni Wing Girl

        Hi Parkey,

        There are tons of places to get talking to women. Coffee shops seems to be a favorite as women are usually chilled, sat down and will be there for an extended time. Even if the boyfriend is on the way, there’s no harm in approaching someone. Come from a place of adding value and even a brief conversation will lighten her day.

        Marni 😀

    • Ardiana the adventurer

      That’s waht totally happens to me too! It’s as if I have this weird phychic sense of dodging taken women! I’m unable to approach some girl, due to them looking like they’re doing something or me being a little too busy, or another case I’m coworking with her and wondering if I should suggest something to her and just as I’ve gathered enough courage and I’m about to make my move her boyfriend / husband shows up! I’ve saved like 3-4 pitfalls like this in the past year for NOT acting! But then again, I’ve lost those single women I didn’t approach…

  • John

    why is it that most men never had to endure or deal with approach anxiety in their entire life when it comes to women? as i’m referring to, i’m referring to men that were instinctively born with “game”, with the social-skills, conversation-skills in order to attract women, in order to get a girlfriend, i’m talking about men who have been able to pull women since high school or earlier, ever since puberty, and yet some other men struggle, is there a gene in terms of DNA, genetics for “game” with women?

    Because it seems the overwhelming, vast majority of people experience, have their first relationship, boyfriend/girlfriend in their teenage years, and lose their virginity too, and obviously, no relationship or sex can happen without the mans initiation since women prefer to play the passive role and expect men to do the approaching, asking out, pursuing, etc.

    Hence, typically, all the jocks in high school, it’s like they were complete naturals with girls

    • Parkey

      I think the “most guys” thing is an illusion; those successful guys are a highly visible minority. Most men never really figure this stuff out, they just get by on “good enough”.

    • Athirson

      Because “naturals” have one or more of the attributes that women are attracted to, e.g. looks, status, power, $, being a sociopath and such. As a result, they have success without ever having to parse the process and think about what they need to do to improve. If you don’t have any of those attributes, the process is, obviously, more difficult and you have to work harder at it. The example you gave, “the jocks in high school were like they were complete naturals…”, is a perfect illustration of this. They had, and have, the stuff to attract women without having to think about it, and probably couldn’t tell you why they were successful.

      But, as an adult, you can increase your likelihood of success by acquiring one or more of the attributes that i mentioned above.

      That’s just the world we live in.

      • John

        so getting a girlfriend, the ability to get a girlfriend, to know how to approach women and talk to them the right way in order to make them attracted to you, is it really a skill that can be learned, gained? because i often times have self-doubts in my mind that you either have “it” or don’t, that maybe i was just destined to be alone and never get a girlfriend, hence why i’ve always been single in my 23 years of living on this Earth

        • Parkey

          I was also still single when I turned 23; it’s actually more common than you would think and it’s definitely not a death sentence. Being attractive is absolutely a learned skill, and now you know that, and if you decide to tread that path of learning, trust me you have some amazing experiences ahead of you.

          • John

            it really gets annoying, frustrating, pisses me off when people always say you have plenty of time, it is never too late, seriously, give me logical reasons, explanations why it is never too late to have a first girlfriend? reason why i like to feel it is too late is because if i ever do get a girlfriend, i will have gotten one at an age when the overwhelming, vast majority of people are dating/relationship, sexual veterans, and i hate being a late bloomer, hate being different eventhough i already am

          • Ding Chavez

            I’m not going to patronize you by telling you there is plenty of time. I guess the only time is NOW. So do what you can to get a girlfriend now, because you can’t insert one into the past.
            It sucks not being where you want to be, but there’s nothing you can do about the past.
            I agree with Parkey (to a slight degree). For some MEN, being attractive is a learned skill. Women are either attractive to you or not. I really don’t know if most man can gain this skill or not.
            Maybe you should concentrate on getting money. That’s always attractive to women.

          • John

            well to be honest I would love to have a girlfriend and get 1 as soon as possible like I want to make that my number 1 priority in life but since I’m a guy I’m not allowed to be desperateunfortunately

          • Marni Wing Girl


            Marni 😀

      • Ardiana the adventurer

        Yes, “naturals” start out great but when you look at statistics, when they’re out of high school and beyond college, their relationships become miserable wrecks. They lose those skills or regret being a jerk and try to make up for it thus turning worse than nice guys. Therefore, those who can learn this stuff from the get go are in a better position than those who “had it” but then lost it and try to claw back where they were.


        • Athirson

          Part of that, to the extent that it is so, is that they get complacent. But no one who is a jerk regrets it. Jerks have no remorse; that is part of what makes them jerks. And since jerks universally do well with women, why would they ever have anything to regret?

          • John

            yeah well I would rather have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, would rather be in a bad relationship than not be in any relationship at all

    • alexander the grey

      Because those guys started taking the chances earlier on, and developed their social skills at an early age. They weren’t born like that, they just had the luck to not get shot down 5/5 first times. They may have been shot down 2-3 out of the 5, but since it didn’t seem like every time for them they kept trying and their “skills” evolved

      • John

        I hope you are right about that and around what age do you think they started taking these chances would you say in middle school like from the moment puberty began?

  • Parkey

    I love the question asking what if she’s an introvert, because it’s something that never would have occurred to me.

    As an introvert myself I can say that it’s unlikely to be a bad thing if she is. Introverts are just differently social, they love people just as much as extroverts but they tend to have a smaller number of deeper relationships in their life. This means that if she’s introverted and single she likely wishes she knew more men. Introverts also prefer quieter, low stimulation environments and love quiet meaningful one-on-one conversation, so unless you were planning on bringing a megaphone and shouting “PARTY! PARTY! PARTY!” in her face (this is sometimes called popular culture) there’s no reason why you shouldn’t be well recieved if you just go and talk to her.

    • Marni Wing Girl

      I agree absolutely. Introverted doesn’t necessarily mean shy. It just means lower levels of stimulation is needed and different levels of energy approaches.

      Marni 😀

  • Mike

    Great post, Marni. I had the pleasure of working with you since 2009 and now I am seeing 3 women, ALL of whom I met via a Daytime Cold Approach–one at Whole Foods, another at a street fair, and another walking down the street. And for what it is worth I am as far from a “natural” as you can get.

    Here is the thing. If you go up and talk to a woman confidently and you have good tonality and body language, you’ll do fine. She won’t necessarily give you her number and she won’t necessarily be interested but she definitely won’t be creeped out either. And a certain percentage of the time, she WILL be interested and she will give you her number.

    How do you tell if she is interested? When you ask a question or make a comment, she will give you an expansive answer. What do you do in that case? You relax and realize that it’s not what you say, it’s your tonality, body language, and being relaxed. Take pressure off yourself.

    What if she isn’t interested? She will give short one word answers. End the interaction and be proud of yourself for taking a chance. What if her boyfriend or husband is around the corner? He doesn’t know if you know her from work or school or whatever.

    Anyway Marni speaks truth here.

    • Marni Wing Girl

      Hi Mike,

      Great attitude you have! I always reckon if you come from a place of value-giving more than value-taking, every interaction whether you get a number or she’s got a boyfriend, is worthwhile. You learn about yourself and you get into good social habits.

      Marni 😀

  • David L.

    Fuck fear, don’t let it fuck you…

    • ray

      Real talk

  • Wesley

    The gym, coffee shop or any other place of social interaction is the worst environment for meeting women.