Image provided by Lovemonkey.net
Ah, that moment in the evening when you and your date finally test the physical chemistry between you—a.k.a. the first kiss.
The setting is perfect, you’ve laughed and talked, maybe had a few drinks and some good food. Everything is mellow and romantic. You lean in. Further. Further. And your lips meet—air? Or, only slightly better the smooth cheek of your lady friend. You pull back in surprise. Her eyes are shuttered, her smile embarrassed.
What happened? She laughed at your exploding pig joke, came back from the bathroom rather than sneaking out the side door, and agreed with your opinion that Triple H really needs to retire.
Well, there are two explanations that ultimately lead to the same situation:
1. She did not feel an attraction to you that would warrant a kiss or
2. She did not yet feel comfortable enough with you.
In either case, you have been shut down and are unsure why, right? The most likely reason is that you missed the all important “come hither” signals that women give out to let men know they want to be wooed physically. You missed the “Kissing Code.”
Lucky for you, I'm here! Here is a breakdown of the language a woman uses when she is ready and wanting to be kissed:
- Signal #1: Her eyes are softened and slightly narrowed—this is the “dreamy” expression–and she keeps dropping her gaze to look at your mouth. This indicates that she is imagining her lips locked with yours.
- Signal #2: If she is licking or lightly biting her lips a lot (especially in combination with the first point) it means she is making sure they are soft and pliable.
- Signal #3: What your parents told you was true: if a girl hits you it’s because she likes you. Gentle slaps on the arm or leg, and seemingly casual touches to your face or hands all hint at her desire to be close.
- Signal #4: Listen to her voice as well. If it dips in tone and becomes slightly breathy the lady is inviting you into her personal space for a secret.
Now that we have covered ways to tell when a woman does want to be kissed, let’s briefly look at warning signs that tell you she doesn’t want to be kissed.
- Warning Sign #1: When a woman avoids making eye contact with you, pay attention. It could mean she is just shy and nervous. However, if she looks around the room or over your shoulder she probably wants to be elsewhere.
- Warning Sign #2: If your date purses her lips frequently—compresses them so they are very thin or even disappear—she could be displaying irritation, boredom, or impatience (none of which are harbingers of an impending lip lock).
- Warning Sign #3: Keep an eye on her overall body carriage. Is she tense and circumspect with her arms and torso? When a woman keeps her arms folded, holds her hands in her lap, or hugs herself around the chest she is attempting to make herself as small as possible to avoid contact.
- Warning Sign #4: As for her conversation, a woman is not interested in a kiss if she purposefully steers talk away from anything personal or intimate. She will speak in a normal voice and keep a fair amount of distance between her body and yours.
If you still can’t seem to decipher the Kissing Code your date is using, settle for a kiss on the cheek, but linger near her face for a moment and allow her to make the choice of taking it a step further. When all else fails, just ask her if she would mind a little lip dancing.
Here are a few extra tips for you to keep in mind before you go in for that kiss:
1. Don’t SURPRISE her: Want to know why women occasionally duck and weave away from a kiss? It’s because they didn’t see that one coming. If you’re not close to a woman, making good eye contact and speaking seductively; you’re doing nothing to communicate that a kiss is coming her way. Try to make out with her out of the blue and she will react with shock, not pleasant surprise. Plus you’ll miss out on all the fantastic anticipation we feel as women, when we know that a kiss is coming.
2. Don’t use CHEESY lines: Another great reason for communicating that you want to kiss a woman through your body language, and eye contact, is that you get to avoid those cringe worthy chat up lines. Lines like, “How would you rate yourself as a kisser?” just make my skin crawl! Kissing is natural, you don’t need to use a line to initiate it.
3. Take it SLOW: Kissing is an incredibly sensuous act for women and is amazing foreplay. It also gives us a little hint about how we might get on with you as lovers. Just like how you wouldn’t dive straight into sex, without the foreplay; you also want to take your time with a kiss. Start off slowly and gently, then gradually build up to a more passionate kiss.
Here's A Secret Move You Can Do: Before going in for the kiss, get close to her, softly stroke the side of her upper arm while making eye contact and then make a triangle with your eyes from one eye to the next and then to her lips. ** You must have built a connection with her for this to work.
4. TOUCH her: When a woman kisses a guy she’ll start to feel turned on; you want to make the most of this by gently touching her at the same time as you kiss her. Again, rather than grabbing her, or rushing things, it’s good to start slow: she’ll let you know how far she wants to go. So don’t just keep your arms glued to your sides: embrace her, stroke her arms, run your fingers through her hair and give her a super sensory experience.
5. Make her feel COMFORTABLE: After the kiss has ended take a moment to pause, smile and relax. If it’s a first kiss in a public place, you may want to switch back to ‘normal’ conversation and take some more time to get to know her. Let her know that you’re not just pushing for ‘one thing’ and that you’re into her as a person. And remember, the more relaxed and happy you are- the more she’ll feel the same.
Follow these tips and whilst you may not have an Oscar’s worthy first kiss every time; you’re going to be likely to get another one.
Want to hear more about what women want for kissing, sex and sensuality? Check out Let's Talk Sex with Darrah De Jour
It's an unedited, 1.5 hour recording of myself and Darrah talking about what we want sexually from men.
Here are just a few things we cover:
- How to avoid performance anxiety
- How to calm a woman so that she is open to doing what you want in the bedroom
- Does size matter?
- How to properly use a smaller penis
- How to touch a woman (how long, where to touch)
- How to escalate to sex
- How to talk about safe sex
- Can all women have vaginal orgasms?
- What to do after sex
- How to have 1 night stands
Get instant access to the MP3 recording of “Let's Talk Sex” call with Sexpert Darrah de jour by Clicking Here.
