Signs She Wants To Be Kissed and Signs She Doesn’t

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The setting is perfect, you’ve laughed and talked, maybe had a few drinks and some good food. Everything is mellow and romantic. You lean in. Further. Further. And your lips meet—air? Or slightly better, the smooth cheek of your lady friend. You pull back in surprise. Her eyes are shuttered, her smile embarrassed.

What happened?!

The most common reason is that you missed the all important “come hither” signals that women give out to let men know they want to be wooed physically.

You missed the “Kissing Code.”

Lucky for you, I’m here! First, let’s breakdown the language a woman who DOES NOT want to be kissed to save yourself the time, confusion, and embarrassment from NOT knowing:

  • Warning Sign #1: When a woman avoids making eye contact with you, pay attention. It could mean she is just shy and nervous. However, if she looks around the room or over your shoulder she probably wants to be elsewhere.
  • Warning Sign #2: If your date purses her lips frequently—compresses them so they are very thin or even disappear—she could be displaying irritation, boredom, or impatience (none of which are harbingers of an impending lip lock).
  • Warning Sign #3: Keep an eye on her overall body carriage. Is she tense and circumspect with her arms and torso? When a woman keeps her arms folded, holds her hands in her lap, or hugs herself around the chest she is attempting to make herself as small as possible to avoid contact.
  • Warning Sign #4: As for her conversation, a woman is not interested in a kiss if she purposefully steers talk away from anything personal or intimate. She will speak in a normal voice and keep a fair amount of distance between her body and yours.

Ok now that we’ve got THOSE signals out of the way, here are a list of signals that are gonna be your GREEN LIGHT to go in for the kiss…because once you see these I can guarantee you she’s waiting for it:

  • Signal #1: Her eyes are softened and slightly narrowed—this is the “dreamy” expression–and she keeps dropping her gaze to look at your mouth.  This indicates that she is imagining her lips locked with yours.
  • Signal #2: If she is licking or lightly biting her lips a lot (especially in combination with the first point) it means she is making sure they are soft and pliable.
  • Signal #3: What your parents told you was true: if a girl hits you it’s because she likes you. Gentle slaps on the arm or leg, and seemingly casual touches to your face or hands all hint at her desire to be close.
  • Signal #4: Listen to her voice as well. If it dips in tone and becomes slightly breathy the lady is inviting you into her personal space for a secret.

If you still can’t seem to decipher the Kissing Code your date is using, settle for a kiss on the cheek, but linger near her face for a moment and allow her to make the choice of taking it a step further. When all else fails, just ask her if she would mind a little lip dancing.


Here are some bonus tips for you to keep in mind before you go in for that kiss:

1. Don’t SURPRISE her: If you’re not close to a woman, making good eye contact and speaking seductively; you’re doing nothing to communicate that a kiss is coming her way. If you try to make out with her out of the blue, she will react with shock because it is not a pleasant surprise. Plus, you’ll miss out on all the fantastic anticipation we feel as women when we know that a kiss is coming.

2. Don’t use CHEESY lines: Another great reason for communicating that you want to kiss a woman through your body language, and eye contact, is that you get to avoid those cringe worthy chat up lines. Lines like, “How would you rate yourself as a kisser?” just makes my skin crawl! Kissing is natural, you don’t need to use a line to initiate it.

3. Take it SLOW: Start off slowly and gently, then gradually build up to a more passionate kiss.  Kissing is an incredibly sensuous act for women and it is amazing foreplay. It also gives us a little hint about how we might continue on with you as lovers. Just like how you wouldn’t dive straight into sex, without the foreplay; you also want to take your time with a kiss.

Follow these tips and whilst you may not have an Oscar’s worthy first kiss every time; you’ll still be more likely to receive another.

Kissing is only the first step when it comes to seducing a woman…and sadly a lot of guys don’t get past the initial kiss.

If you wanna know how you can take things even further once you guys have already gotten past the hot and heavy make-out sessions, then I have just the thing for you…

I had an amazingly interesting (and highly sexual) talk with a girlfriend of mine about exactly what women want when it comes to “taking things a step further”

You can check out my Let’s Talk Sex with Darrah De Jour here and get everything you need in order to get (and keep things) super hot between you and your lady all throughout the night.

It’s an unedited recording of myself and Darrah talking about what all women want sexually from men.

Here are just a few things we cover:

– How to avoid performance anxiety

– How to calm a woman so that she is open to doing what you want in the bedroom

– Does size matter?

– How to properly use a smaller penis

– How to touch a woman (how long, where to touch)

– How to escalate to sex

– How to talk about safe sex

– Can all women have vaginal orgasms?

– What to do after sex

– How to have 1 night stands

First impressions are everything…so make sure you give her a lasting one and listen to the MP3 recording of “Let’s Talk Sex” call with Sexpert Darrah de jour by Clicking Here. 

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  • Chao

    This is some great information. Make sure you’re not trying to spring it by surprise or something like Marni said. It shouldn’t be some sudden thing, let them know it’s coming, but also, like she kind of touched on, don’t wait too long to decide you’re going to do it if it feels right, women probably feel like they’re being turned down if you see the signs she’s ready and don’t react fairly soon.

    Also, Marni, I’d love your opinion on something else I heard. It was about making a girl’s first kiss with you memorable, which I’ve heard every woman loves. It was something along the lines of brushing a strand of hair out of her face after you look her in the eye for a moment a few seconds before you go in for the kiss. Sound like something you’d appreciate?

    • Marni Wing Girl

      Hey Chao

      I actually think it’s really nice whena guy goes into kiss you gently at first, then pulls away a little, makes yee contact, smiles and then you have a more passionate kiss.

      I guess the key is taking your time!

      Marni 🙂

  • skw

    “Let her know that you’re not just pushing for ‘one thing’ and that you’re into her as a person.”

    What if that’s not true? There are many women that are more or less just nice looking, but not really into them as people.

    • Chao

      This is just me personally, but if all you’re into is their physical appearance it might be better to just go your separate ways. If you really find nothing about her attractive besides her looks, it should be pretty easy to just end your interactions.

      If you’re really just trying to have sex with her and nothing else, I’m not sure what to tell you, I don’t really intentionally ever do that. The only advice I can give is to make it clear that you’re not going to be in a long term relationship with her.

  • skw

    “If you really find nothing about her attractive besides her looks, it should be pretty easy to just end your interactions.”

    Well of course it’s easy, but it I am physically attracted to her, that’s my authentic position. I thought that’s what it’s all about, being honest, authentic, direct, all that wonderful stuff that’s supposed to make us attractive?

  • Raj

    “When all else fails, just ask her if she would mind a little lip dancing.” I would rather not ask her but tell her! I don’t think asking her ever works (It didn’t work for me in the past).

    I would tell her how amazingly soft her lips are and how wild I am becoming just by looking at them! And then I will say I am going to kiss you now! And then kiss her.

  • Benson

    Great stuff,Marni..but i thot u ladies lykd d element of surprise.Gess it doesnt work with kissing,huh?
    Luvd the tips,will definitely try them!

    • Marni Wing Girl

      Hey Benson

      if we’ve already been dating someone for a while then an element of surprise is great! However, especially before the first kiss communicating to a woman that a kiss is on the cards is very important: otherwise you may not get the response you want

      Marni 🙂

  • Sam

    Last night I had a date, I invited her for dinner in a restaurant, I offered to have a drink at my place, when we get in my place, we got the drink talked a bit but nothing happened, no sex, I tried to approach her twice but she took a step away, she also was avoiding to look me in the eye, I did not feel comfortable to impose my self or approach more than this, after she finished her drink she just asked to leave, it all took like 15 minutes in my place, she even refused to sit down … what do you think, should I have taken more step and impose myself ?

    • ForrestGump

      The issue is that you didn’t kissed her before to come back to your place, the kiss is the first step of sexual escalation.
      Also a dinner isn’t the best idea for a first date, for many reasons.
      One of them is that it rarely allows to initiate physical contact, it’s key to make her comfortable with your touches and then the kiss.
      And if she accepts to come back to your home, serve the drinks, but don’t talk, immediately come closer to her and start to kiss her (again) but more passionately.
      Do it, and the next time, you will succeed 😉

    • Bjoern

      Don’t ever impose on someone.
      Create a situation where they are compelled to come to you. Flirt. Look into their eyes. Make them laugh. Touch them in a way that is comfortable and safe for them.

  • Abi

    Hi…marni…great work..very refreshing…real

  • Micah Taylor

    What if a girl asks you multiple times, “Do I have something on my lips?” Or “Do my lips look dry?”

    • ForrestGump

      that’s obvious, kiss her…

  • Osiris

    Ok, so, what should I do if she does one of the actions of the first list?