How To Have Real Confidence

As you know, The Wing Girl Method believes that for a man to be truly attractive to women he has to have real confidence! But what exactly does that mean?

Well for me, as a woman, I think that a man has real confidence when he presents himself in a comfortable manner. Meaning he is just fine with who he is and proud to show it off.  He realizes that he is a top of line model, the MVP of the team, the brightest star in the sky BUT he doesn’t feel the need to tell me about it. He just knows it.  That is confidence that women want! The real confidence.

Lyle, one of my newest clients, has been working with  me for just a little over a month.  In the beginning he did not understand how to have real confidence and then he watched one of The Wing Girl Method programs How To Become The Man Women Want and it just clicked for him.  As a thank you to me, he  sent me an email that explains the type of confidence I have been speaking about.

Read Lyle’s definition of real confidence men must have to attract all women:

Confidence is a funny old thing. You think you have enough of it to take that next step, and all of a sudden the wrong glance in a mirror, a flashed look by that girl, a comment by some girls douche bag boyfriend, and it all comes tumbling down. Its like that game of trust you play as a kid: “fall backwards and I’ll catch you”. If you let that person drop, after they’ve recovered from their concussion and tried to kill you, see how willing they are to play that game again. In much the same way, confidence is playing a game of trust with yourself. Trust me I’ve had a whole bunch of concussions. The only difference is when you ask yourself to play again you forget about the last time, suck it up and know that this time you’ll be caught.

Now I know it sounds rather contradictory to give yourself a concussion and then like a naive little puppy start chasing the semi-trailer wheels down the road into what will only end as disaster, but the key to all of this is in your head.  Confidence comes from peace of mind, and how do you achieve peace of mind? By not worrying, thinking positively and always feeling good about where you’re going.

Now don’t get this confused like that hippy guy over there is; “heeeey man, you gotta think positively, it makes the world go round, yeeeeeeeaaay”, that’s bullshit. He’s probably taken too much acid, and hey, good for him.  The positivity I’m talking about is in your thoughts, nobody has to see it, nobody can judge it, it’s your own.

That’s an excellent point right there. Your thoughts are, and allow me to be fairly general here, the only private thing you may have. Nobody else gets to hear whats going on in there but you. If you start with positive thoughts, it emulates through your everyday movements and you start to exude what people call confidence. Your smiling at things, your laughing to yourself, people will hate you “who is this happy jerk, what an arse hole”, and you’ll make a funny joke with them because your feeling content and probably make that persons day. It’s amazing how far a bit of positivity goes.

Depending on how you feel about yourself relates to the general aura that you let off. If you are relaxed in yourself, people don’t notice things. For example, my palms are ridiculously sweaty, like I’m talking, the cracks in my hands sometimes make the Nile river look like a stream. When I was younger I hated it, I was so embarrassed about it I wouldn’t shake peoples hands, or at best avoid them at all costs. Then recently, I figured that probably 9 out of 10 people wouldn’t have noticed if I wasn’t so uncomfortable with it. So every time I’d be in that situation, I’d think to myself and really emphasize “stop being a dick, nobody even notices that your hands are sweaty, move on”.

Now you’d probably expect me to tell you that this worked. Well, it did, but it has taken some time. Because it wasn’t just hand shakes that were affected. Think about all of the things you can do with your hands. For example, I’d dread haven’t to stand up in a crowded bus because the sweat from my hands would drip down the pole. Getting busy with the ladies was also sometimes a little awkward for me, but I adapted, I made do.

Again, I think that one of the first steps to becoming more confident and having real confidence is realizing that 99% of people won’t or don’t notice the things you are most insecure about. And for that 1%, either who gives a damn, or get creative. If I’m having a bad “hand” day, and I know a sweaty shake is imminent, I keep a clean piece of cotton available to wipe my hand or a cold drink in my hand and blame the condensation. Its not perfect but neither am I. Nobody is. And if you think I’m the only one with insecurities and hang ups! Your crazy! There isn’t a person on the planet who isn’t feeling a little insecure, or a little unhappy about something.

Thank you Marni for all your help in making me realize that I can have real confidence.


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  • Great post Marni. I agree wholeheartedly with the sentiment that blind positive thinking will get you knowhere. Genuine confidence is earned through action taken just beyond your comfort zone, exactly what Lyle is describing himself doing.

  • Pingback: Having Real Confidence Is Where It’s At | David Black Social Masters Blog()

  • Great site,

    There’s a lot of interesting stuff here and to get a different perspective.

    I will be back for more.

    Please keep it up

  • Rob

    Positivity, peace of mind and feeling confident about it, is fair enough. But I just hope men don’t become overly confident and egotistic, that they end up in a state of delusion, or not facing to reality honestly. Self confidence is one thing, to be pure free hearted is a greater step.

  • The solution is to gradually become free of societal rewards and learn how to substitute for them rewards that are under one’s own powers. This is not to say that we should abandon every goal endorsed by society; rather, it means that, in addition to or instead of the goals others use to bribe us with, we develop a set of our own.

  • Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.