How To Tell A Woman Likes You

Lots of men can’t seem to pick up on subtle female signals.

I do not want this to be you.

Not being able to pick up on subtle signals translate in missing out on great opportunities.

For example, I have worked with a lot of clients and have many male friends who are totally oblivious to women’s “I like you” signals.

Tons of my clients and friends will tell me about women they encounter that they are interested in but fear the woman does not feel the same way.

Most of the time it turns out that these women are equally just as in to them. However,  my client was unable to pick up on her subtle female signals.

The audio below gives you a woman’s opinion on ways to know when a woman likes you while giving you the exact signals to look for.

Are you ready to take it up a notch and not just notice when a woman likes, but also do something about it

Check out WGM’s program called What’s Inside A Woman’s Mind.

Learn Step-by-step How To Approach, Meet, Attract, Date and Keep any woman you want!!! This program has been rated by top experts and users as one of the most informational, helpful and easy-to-follow programs to assist men in being super successful with women.

You don’t want to miss your next opportunity when you see her!  See what it can do for you!

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  1. Paul // April 24, 2009 at 4:34 am

    Hi Marni. The audio ends after about a minute…. I’m sure you had some good things to say. I always look for light hand touch (or a touch on the arm, knee or leg if we are sitting) while talking to a woman (I will try to reciprocate back within 3 minutes), how she is smiling or laughing during the conversation, her body language, and length of her answers to my questions. Some people say look at the pupil size in her eyes but I’ve found that one a difficult one to really notice!

    I would love to hear what you have to say if you get the audio fixed!

  2. Joel // April 27, 2009 at 12:45 pm

    Marni, could you please elaborate more about female signals that say something like “I want you to come talk to me”. In nightclubs, bars..anywhere.

  3. Karl // April 27, 2009 at 9:28 pm

    I basically know all the signals but the funny thing is I am not good at detecting those signals. I think its due to not having much success and alot of frustration so in the back of my mind I do not think that women would be attracted to me in the first place. In the past I would think a woman was attracted but then I would find out they were just being friendly and platonic so that has really screwed up my mind. Women can be very cruel and misleading when they want be. That’s my current reality and why I am here to try and find some help.


  4. Karl // April 27, 2009 at 10:58 pm

    Hey Marni,

    I would say at least 50% of the time I have been direct and told them what I wanted out of it. I understand what you are saying, but I have been very direct. I remember you telling me to go after what I want. Well I have and it has not been happening. I just went a good example of this with someone who I really liked back in Feb. She told me that eventhough she loved spending time with me and that I made her laugh and she felt great being around me, I was not her physical type (she likes to date taller men) and that I was to “old” – I am 43 (even though I look 35) and she is 31. I guess she wants tall babies with a younger guy. Women today are very picky (maybe more picky then men?) and looking for the perfect man it seems. They do have the power to do so. She is now dating a lawyer friend of mine (I ran into them two weeks ago at a party) who is a tall, dark and handsome type and has the personality of a brick (about 6’3 – looks like Gavin Newsom the Mayor of San Fran). So much for women not going for looks….

    • Ilia // January 19, 2011 at 7:15 pm

      Hey dude. She was doing something like bitch testing you. I hope you know that by now. Women naturally say some shit to you, to see if you react like a man or a girl.

  5. Karl // April 30, 2009 at 8:06 pm

    So how does a guy get dates? I have to say that over the last two years I have had maybe a handful and most with women I really was not that attracted too. If I find someone I find attractive I approach them and start good conversation, make them laugh, use some light teasing, cocky & funny but it rarely goes anywhere. There is always “boyfriend”, “I have taken a break from dating”, “I do not give out my number” I have heard it all. So I just expect that every weekend or during the day women are going to say “no” in some fashion. I do think that some women are attracted to me but for some reason they are not “attracted.” I have listened to all of the audios in this program and I have done everything right that women say they want – but why does it not work? If I was 6ft tall and good looking, then I would not be here…so I really wonder… seems impossible to get women to even give you their number or emails – I mean what does a guy have to really do? I have not had a date in months and honestly it just seems impossible and its pathetic….

  6. Marni // April 30, 2009 at 9:32 pm


    I hate that you are saying this right now but I totally understand how constant rejection can feel. I also know what it can do to a person internally

    Believe it or not you have a big wall up. I have seen it so I know that it is there.

    The first time we spoke I told you that I thought you were great but had no connection to you whatsoever. You did not give me any of yourself.

    You had great banter, a fun personality but there was nothing for me to latch onto. In fact I believe I told you that I probably would not remember you the next day. This was not meant to be a harsh comment but one that I had hoped would hit home.

    Now I have not seen you when you interact with others but I have seen you interact with me so i can only comment on this interaction.

    You are not connecting. Point and blank. I get that you want women to be attracted to you but you really need to take a step back and start connecting to you.

    You can watch all the video’s you want but if you are not able to get this one thing down then you are going to be stuck in this position for a very long time.

    Again, please know that these comments are to help not to offend 🙂

  7. Karl // April 30, 2009 at 9:49 pm


    I dont know….I think I make a pretty good connection with a number of women (not all) but a good number….I have friends see me in action and they shake their heads asking me what happened. Lately I have been taking some attractive female friends out with me as “winggirls” and they have been as confounded as I am. One tells me I am just in a bad streak, another tells me that I am too aggressive while another tells me that I am not aggressive enough so I am really confused. On top of the only avenue that has really worked at all for me was online dating and lately that has been really dry. I have found that with each passing year that women contact me less. When I was in my late 30’s I would do pretty well with emails and connections but with every year past 40 it gets dryer and dryer. I cannot get a woman under 35 to respond back at all and the only responses I get are honestly from either 50 year old women or women that are grossly out of shape, social misfits or have more than three kids. Its really frustrating. I mean is not dating supposed to be fun? Yes I guess for the genetically or financially fortunate. For me its not, its a drag. I have more fun doing my taxes. Maybe I should buy a Russian bride….lol..

    • Ilia // January 19, 2011 at 7:26 pm

      Hey again.
      So the quick impression I get, is that you have a lower and lower self esteem of yourself as you are getting older. Why? You are not disabled are you or missing any body parts with each year? you are not living on the streets are you?
      I’m guessing you are normal, maybe too normal and bland. Excuse my bluntness, that’s part of my personality, and I like it :’)
      So, the things that come to mind, for you to try are; get into wild things like playing lots of different sports and martial arts and other wild stuff.
      Also share with women your problems and what’s on your mind, but do it with balls.
      I believe that will help you a lot.
      Chiao amigo 🙂

      • lou // June 9, 2016 at 11:37 am

        i been see i girl a lot younger then me. she says I love you for who you are , always says that when i say i love you to her , is she backing away from the word i love you or am i taking it all wrong ,

    • Ardiana the adventurer // February 1, 2013 at 11:12 pm

      When you do a profile on you put your real age and set the slider +5 years -10 years to not appear pedo if you’re really into 20 year olds. Then however when you meet one you just make things happen, “hey you’re not what I look for but we seem to click pretty well”. You don’t pretend to be younger in any way, honesty with age is the key.
      Internet dating is very complicated. Basically, you have to stand out of the crowd and bust her balls consistently while being funny at the same time. I’ve never got it.

  8. EasyEC // May 1, 2009 at 12:21 am

    Think of numbers and e-mail addresses as bridges. (And what is so special about bridges?) They link different land masses together. If you start talking with a woman and end the conversation (one side of a bridge), but have no where to go, the bridge is non-functional. Wrong numbers, flakiness, and not picking up are symptoms of non-functional bridges.

    The other side of the bridge is the conclusions of a number of unresolved, open-ended conversations with her. In the process, you must also convey your individuality–state your personal opinions/objections during conversation (this is crucial) so that you cross the bridge together. Alternatively, the bridge could lead to an activity that apparently both of you would enjoy doing together.

    Perhaps your problem is you are entertaining without bonding. I don’t watch TV much, but when I do, I don’t remember much of a sitcom I watched the next day. Laughter can be a misleading indicator of attraction. Laughing basically means someone wants to share in some feeling. Incidentally, this is why people don’t always laugh at things they find humorous (such as when in bad moods) and why laughter itself can be “contagious.” If your jokes do not include her with you, her laughter will be directed at the objects of the jokes, but not at you.

    How to get someone to be attracted to you? My general definition of attraction is–you want something, can’t get it, and want it more.

    You walk into a coffee shop and directly look into the eyes of a woman (without fear) and then take a seat with your book. You turn your shoulders toward her without making eye contact. She wants you (a little bit) because of your apparent confidence and partial attention given to her. After a minute, you turn your body away from her so that you cannot see you. She feels a little “can’t get it.” She wants you a little more. That’s attraction.

    You converse with a girl, perhaps tell her an interesting story and then talk about something important to her. From that partial bonding, she wants you a little bit. She makes a comment and you voice your unwillingness (with some logical basis) to agree. She feels a little “can’t get it.” She wants you a little more and might even act on it (e.g. try toy to win you over). That’s also attraction.

    How to pick up on a woman’s signals:
    The most consistent method I’ve come up with is to make comparisons between her previous and present/beginning state. Is she more fidgety? Does she look hotter (temperature-wise)? Does she start playing with her hair or touching her neck? Does she shift her shoulders to face you? Do you see her head turn toward you periodically from your peripheral vision? Posture changes? Look for the differences.

  9. EasyEC // May 1, 2009 at 6:47 pm


    glad you liked it.

  10. Karl // May 2, 2009 at 12:22 pm


    I appreciate your insights. Perhaps I am not making a connection. I almost feel like if I try to make connections that I am coming off needy. Perhaps that is wrong. I went out the last two nights and did 12 approaches between both nights and things seemed to go well but again no numbers, emails,ect. I really feel powerless. There is no opinion opener or what ever that really seems to work. I really dont think women really care unless they perceive you to be “worthy” of them. Particularly the more attractive women. They will date to gain status.

    I have figured that over the last year I have done well over 1000 approaches between night and day. I have friends that meet a couple of women and they are dating 3 out of say 5. Why? Is it the connections – perhaps but I think there is more than that involved. I do make good connections with alot of the women I meet. I guess those connections are not looked upon on a sexual level. So what does one do next? To much rapport puts you in friendzone – too little puts you in dancing monkey area. The right balance is what is needed to be found and I can tell you these guys just coast thru life so if there is a sense of balance its either good karma or its because most are I hate to say it physically good looking guys – tall, well built,ect. I know this site keeps on saying that looks are a minor factor but I am telling you women love taller men (or the perceived confidence or security that comes from them) and if you are a taller guy you have a much better chance just coasting then if you are like me who has to basically pull teeth to get women to reciprocate.

    • kosygin // April 28, 2012 at 12:50 pm

      Hey Karl, this may be a long shot. But have you ever been tested for Asperger’s Syndrome?
      There’s really something going on here–and everyone is just dancing. (Marni is giving you the same BS that we Aspie’s get all of the time.)
      You seem to be very logical and analytic in your thinking–which is a common trait among Aspie’s and view things from a cause and effect perspective.
      Asperger’s is a autism spectrum disorder that develops from early childhood. For the most part Aspie’s do quite well and they can excel career-wise. But we just don’t click socially–something about how our brains got wired at an early age.
      Sad to say, if you are an Aspie, you’re pretty much screwed when it comes to women–even if you look like Brad Pitt. They may act friendly toward you, but they will never accept you–and will only regard you as eccentric, a misfit or someone to be wary of.
      Unfortunately, if you are an Aspie, be prepared to spend most of your adult life alone.

    • Ardiana the adventurer // February 1, 2013 at 11:28 pm

      “I went out the last two nights and did 12 approaches between both nights and things seemed to go well but again no numbers, emails,ect. I really feel powerless. There is no opinion opener or what ever that really seems to work.”
      You’re trying too hard. Don’t you have a hobby or a job. Even if you have energy your mind is already fixed on failure after that many approaches. Take a break and do something you’re good at to feel success for a change.

      “I have figured that over the last year I have done well over 1000 approaches between night and day. I have friends that meet a couple of women and they are dating 3 out of say 5. Why?”
      Gee, I dunno maybe its because they’re not MEETING A THOUSAND WOMEN expecting results on each one.

      “The right balance is what is needed to be found and I can tell you these guys just coast thru life”
      Exactly. Like you said, have some balance and take a breath, enuff said. Or consult a physician for your apparent overdosing of women. You may have a problem if you can’t stop it.

  11. TruConfidence // May 2, 2009 at 4:08 pm

    Hey everyone, to be honest I have only seen a little of the WGM. I am old school been in the community for almost 7 years and always thought to never take advice from a woman. I have to say to WGM’s credit I do believe they can help. Enough about that.

    Karl I would have to get to know a little more about you. But so far what Marni and everyone is saying is absolutely correct, there must be something with the connection.

    I have a firm rule that if it feels to needy it is. And if you feel as though opinion openers are not working change your technique. There are plenty of other openers besides opinion, indirect, situational, direct (my personal favorite now). The age and everything is an obsticle no doubt about that. But my best friend and wingman is twice my age, balding and short and fat. But I tell you he has found a system congruent to his personality and makes a connection.

    Again I dont know what Marni teaches I have my own method and the only reason I came on here is because I saw a note Marni made. You sound to me like you need some inner game work and definatly need to go around and check out differnt stuff, not saying haveing a base in WGM isnt good but have your base here and check out other things to enhance what she teaches you. I have been teaching now for almost three years and I still go to learn all the newest stuff from every friend I have that has a method and anytime something new comes out I learn it. This game is ever changeing and you must learn to change because it will be differnt one set to another. Any of us that teach myself, Marni, IceDragon, AFC Adam, Mystery, or I can name 50 others I know, we just give an outline, tactics and technics that we have found work. It is on you to take them get good with them then mold them to your personality.

    A woman can feel if you are uncomfortable and if you dont believe in the opinion openers, then they will know you are hitting on them and the opinion openers purpose is to mask that atleast long enough to get into conversation with her.

    I kind of went into stuff that doesnt have to do with connecting but I believe it is important and saw it as nessisary as to what I saw with what you wrote. Soory about the spelling never was my strong point.

  12. TruConfidence // May 2, 2009 at 4:15 pm

    One last thing if you can get good rapport with them and you are getting thrown into the friends zone maybe you should look at it as you are building to much comfort not enough attraction. KINO KINO KINO. That is the best way I have found to turn a friendship rapport into a sexual. Maybe you are not sexually frameing enough. This could come from the fact that you are taking the opinion opener to much to heart and carrying it on past the 30-45 seconds make the transition which should come immediate. Control the frame and make it sexual.

  13. EasyEC // May 2, 2009 at 6:53 pm


    I think you are close to succeeding with women. I applaud you for your persistence in trying to understand them more. Here is some theory for you about the function of looks.

    “Good looks” are one way to convey personal sexuality. Having good looks can be a definite advantage, sure. Sexy looking guys don’t even need to say anything, and already women might connect sex with their character. If you don’t have good looks, though, then you’ll simply have to convey your sexuality in other ways. Sprinkle your sexuality (not hornyness) subtly throughout your conversations and interactions. It’s like adding salt to a staple meal. A little bit can make all the difference; too much will completely ruin it. A platonic friendship is an example of a hunger-satisfying, but tasteless meal.

    As mentioned earlier, physical touch is one method of conveying sexuality. Innuendos are another. Talking about sexual subjects (without intent of arousal) is a third.

  14. Karl // May 3, 2009 at 8:48 am

    Thank you all for your insights. There is a lot of great information here for me to absorb. After another weekend of 10 to 12 approaches (day and night) and again no numbers, emails it gets pretty frustrating. I try and alot of guys do not. I appreciate your help and hopefully all will set me on the right track.

  15. James // May 7, 2009 at 2:58 am


    Maybe you need to take a break from all those damn approaches and just go out and have fun. But keep your eyes open and if you happen to make some good eye contact with a gal you find attractive, hit her up.

    You probably don’t like the idea of “cold approaching” these ladies, so it ends up being a chore. But if you’re just out with friends having a good time you’re going to be in a much better mood and you’ll be far more confident with the women you decide to interact with. And getting the number will be a helluva lot easier.

    And don’t worry too much about the looks thing. Sure, good looks is a foot in the door. So what…I am older man, wear glasses and size 44 pants, and weigh about 260 pounds. And I don’t care for the typical Seduction Community style of approach. Plus, I’m lazy.

    But…when I’m out having fun, or even just minding my own business during the day, I still meet women, get numbers, and go on dates. But it only works if I do it MY way, because that’s what’s congruent for me.

    As for what Marni teaches…things have always worked out better when I’ve been confident and direct, like Marni says. And, of course, whenever I’ve been unsure of myself, and beat around the bush, I’ve always had miserable results. So give the canned approaches a rest, have some fun, and be ready to take action should the opportunity present itself.

  16. Karl // May 7, 2009 at 9:22 pm


    I think you are right. This week I have been pretty shut in with the flu (not swine!) and its been a very mellow time. I think I will give the approaches a rest. Its so funny.I went to the store this week to pickup some medicine and just observed the customers (couples). In my mind all I could thing is that all these experts say “oh women love when a great guy approaches them with something fun and original they are just waiting for some great teasing and feeling so good” – I think oh really? Go to the grocery store or a Costco sometime and look at the goofy dudes with attractive women by their sides and you know these guys have the personalities of bricks….maybe I should get a lobotomy…lol..oh well….



  17. James // May 8, 2009 at 1:57 am


    Hope you get well soon. I hear you about the Costco thing. Just goes to show that for every hard and fast rule taught by the experts, there will always be men who either don’t know about the rules, or could care less, but who STILL get the girl. Anything is possible, and just about anything can work. And that’s not to take anything away from the Dating Gurus–they are doing a noble thing teaching attraction, pickup, and dating principles that apply in most situations. But their job is to help us lay the foundation, and it’s our job to build the framework based on our own personalities.

    Hey Karl…looking forward to hearing how things go next time you roll out just to have some fun…



  18. EasyEC // May 9, 2009 at 12:47 am


    a lot of these “goofy” guys with pretty women I see *do* tend to seem like bricks–unaffected by eye contact with me and not overly emotional (which doesn’t mean they lack emotional capacity). Actually, this is a general trend that strings together bad boys, assholes, powerful men, and other guys that women apparently find attractive (generally). That extra half-second you spent looking into a stranger’s eyes whom you did not fear is obvious to women watching you in the periphery and so are the personality subtexts conveyed by the tone of your voice.

    Maybe some of the dating gurus are onto something…

  19. Karl // May 9, 2009 at 11:13 am

    Well I am glad to at least hear I am not crazy with my observations….lol..

  20. Karl // May 9, 2009 at 11:20 am

    Funny, I have always heard from women that they want men that show emotions and make connections…I get more confused by the hour to tell you the truth….I guess there is something to the strong silent type after all….

  21. EasyEC // May 9, 2009 at 3:05 pm

    I do hear many women say similar things, but before analyzing that statement, I want to warn you that women often apparently give poor advice (until you understand how to interpret it better). It is a combination of poor logic and lack of male perspective understanding. This site is one of the few that seems to provide some good info from women for men (that seek deeper meanings on fewer factors).

    For the sake of argument, let’s say that when a man first approaches a woman, there are 50 different factors which give clues about his character–frequency and fluidity of walking stride, angle of postural tilt, degree of shoulders being pulled back, hair style, fashion sense, where and how eye contact is made, fluidity and directness of vocal tone, verbal syntax and diction, response time and affectedness to specific stimuli, etc. There are two general ways in which to understand the significance of these various factors. The first, by analytical logic, is to focus on one or a couple factors; the result is a deeper understanding of a couple factors (like individual mosaic elements) with less understanding of the whole picture. The second general method, intuition, is to simultaneously integrate all of the factors for interpretation (viewing the mosaic from far away), at the cost of not understanding any specific element well.

    Women tend to be more intuitive and, along with discussing relationships more often, that generally makes them better judges of character overall. Their feedback is very important, if you know how to interpret it. The problem is that if you ask someone intuitive about the deeper meanings and consistency of a single element (such as specific dating inputs), you may get poor answers from knowledgeable people. The logician knows how to formulate theories (that may not correlate well with real life); the intuitionist knows a lot of what happens in real life, without being able to generalize this knowledge into well-developed theories.

    Basically, the preceding paragraphs were an argument to say that logic and intuition can be synergistic and to take both the intuition from a logician and the logic from an intuitionist with a grain of salt.

    Now, finally, let’s interpret the line you mentioned, assuming it to be true–women want men that show emotions and make connections.

    If women tend to be more intuitive and we suppose that intuitive women are making that statement, then simply being emotional and making connections is not enough to make the entire mosaic desirable. **women want men that show emotions and make connections and a lot of other stuff**

    Next, consider of whom these women are talking about. Do they want all men to be emotional and make connections? Are they willing to enter into relationships with all men? The short answer is no, only those they find attractive, with actual attraction switches varying per women. **women want attractive men that show emotions and make connections and a lot of other stuff**

    Now, if we apply the observed trend of mental “strong-types” to the preference (and this will be somewhat of a leap to generalize it), then **women want mentally strong-type men (with other attractive qualities) that show emotions and make connections and a lot of other stuff (and are still mentally strong after having done so)**

    Based on your specific relationship goals and subpopulations of women whom you’re interested in, you can mad lib further so that you can both ask more specifically relevant questions and make better interpretations.

  22. Karl // May 9, 2009 at 3:54 pm

    Ok, if women are so great at judging character, then why is the divorce rate above 50%? Why are there so many single moms struggling to get alimony and support from dead-beat boyfriends and dads? Why do women stay in abusive relationships?….I do not agree with you on the character thing…actually it’s just the opposite – how can you be a good judge of something if you are emotion filled vs. logic? Laws are based on logic not emotion…..

  23. EasyEC // May 9, 2009 at 4:33 pm

    Judging character means being able to spot lies and other inconsistencies. It doesn’t mean being able to predict the future (because people are not static).

    The divorce rate is so high is an indication of many things–too many marriages, too many options, increased independent financial stability of women, poor social role models, etc.–and is not a direct result of present-tense judge-of-character from a single individual. If you were a woman living in a rural town a century ago, your options for a new relationship would be limited, many industries would be unavailable to you for employment…even if you wanted to divorce, could you?

    Logic describes consistency, intuition deciphers a plethora of inputs simultaneously. This is like comparing a quantum physicist (more logical) with an evolutionary psychologist (more intuitive). Which of the two would you go to for a better understanding of human social structure?

    Laws are not *based* on logic. Rather, laws are presupposed assertions that attempt to elegantly connect natural patterns together. Many natural phenomena continue to break our “laws” (which really is an indication that our logic is insufficient).

  24. Ray // May 11, 2009 at 3:59 am

    Regardless of whether we’re a man or woman, we’re attracted to someone who we think can give use what we think we want. whatever that may be. But at a deeper level, don’t we all just want be with someone that really understands us? Someone we feel comfortable enough to let down our guard? Ultimately, I know that’s what I want.

    Anyway, if someone really likes you, I think they’ll make it a point to make sure you know it. They may be subtle at first, but if they’re really interested, they’ll escalate and be persistent.

  25. Marcus // May 12, 2009 at 11:15 pm

    I have to disagree that women like tall men. To me that is a myth. Reason being I am 6’2″ and average looking. Some of the women I met even told me I am cute. The guys I know all around me are shorter than I am and all have girlfriends or married. And they all tell me I am so lucky to be tall because women love tall guys. If that is the case then why am I without any women and they have the girlfriends or married?

    I think I have the same problem as Karl. I can open sets with women and carry a conversation for some time. But then I somehow I lose it and become forgetful. I have not been able to get numbers or emails. After reading some of the other responses I come to think my problem is not connecting also. How does one connect? I can make the women laugh and even kino escalate.

    Things sure have changed. When I was in my 20’s and early 30’s getting women was not a problem at all. I never asked a woman out back then they just came after me.


  26. Marni // May 12, 2009 at 11:32 pm

    Marcus it sounds like you may suffer from Witlinitis!! This is just a term I have made up for guys who were good looking when they were younger.

    It can be a serious problem for a lot of men. Guys (and girls) who were very good looking when they were younger may have under developed personalities when it comes to the opposite sex. Why? Because as a hot young man girls just came to you. They may not have stayed with you but they came to you easily. Therefore as a hot young man you never really had to make an effort and work on your skills with women.

    As we get older, women start to care about other “things” and therefore being just the good looking guy does not cut it anymore. The once hot young man is now the old cute man with no ability to attract women.

    This can easily be changed and worked on but it requires effort.

    Marcus, if you are interested in working together we can try to get to the bottom of this for you and help you connect more with women.

    Some quick tips for connecting are:
    1) get out of your head and into her heart. Listen to women and ask questions. Not too detailed questions but ones that can lead and show you are listening.
    2) Don’t focus too much on making her laugh. When you focus too much on yourself you start to forget about you and then you become a dancing puppet.
    3) If you have female friends talk to them. Ask them what they like. Ask them to be honest with you and tell you how women perceive you.


  27. EasyEC // May 13, 2009 at 12:30 am

    Marcus, here’s my attempt to analytically break down connecting through conversation:

    A conversation is essentially a mutual exchange of information that alters the identities of both individuals, such as by adding information or changing previously developed opinions. To begin with, two distinct individuals are necessary, whom possess uniquely different (even if similar) thoughts, opinions, and perspectives.

    Spoken language is one medium through which intangible thoughts can propagate from one identity to another (vocal tone, body language, etc. are others). It is an inefficient transformation that can distort those thoughts. This is why it is important to ask intelligent questions intended to proofread and correct such distortions so that you can properly retransform them into similar feelings in your own mind (empathy) and convince the other that you posses that understanding. e.g. “So what you’re saying is…” (clarification)

    After having received that information, it’s your turn to reciprocate with a response–your own opinions about the topic, a reinforcement of the position with a tangentially added statement of opinion, etc.–that invites any number of branched responses from the other individual.

    If done well, you can be assertive about your own values and opinions without being judgmental of the other. A connection is made if the nature and responses of the transmitted information allows the mutual change of identity, such as by learning new information or changing old positions. Also Important, it is the result of both identities influencing each other with valuable information.

    For example, saying (genuinely) funny jokes out of a joke book is less likely to produce a connection because the objects of those jokes are not directly related to you. They may connect with the joke (but not you) and laughter can be a symptom.

    Another example, smiles and laughter are present, but your body language betrays that your personality is not consistent with the one projected by your tone and choice of words. In this case, the connection is poor because your identity is not recognized as consistently defined.

    Another example, a conversation entirely consisted of fact swaps may lead to poor connections if one side does not value the facts highly.

    To summarize, a connected conversation is a mutual transmittal of valuable thoughts between two distinct individuals that results in mutual influence of the valuable thoughts of each other.

  28. Marcus // May 13, 2009 at 1:27 am


    Thanks for the response. However, I grew up with 5 sisters and I have always got along better with women then guys. When I talk to women I usually ask them questions like “What do you do for fun?” but would not ask “What’s your job like?” and take it from there.

    I am also the type of guy that notice the little things about women and not just the overall picture. Things like nice dress is wearing or cool watch she might be wearing, or the earings she has on to match that nice dress, etc..etc. I have noticed women seem to like that.

    Sometimes I would give compliments on those things other times I might tease about those things to try and build sexual tension.

    Am I doing something wrong here or not enough?


  29. Marcus // May 14, 2009 at 12:02 am


    I am pleased you are willing to work with me. I would greatly appreciate it. I will be either available on Friday evening or Saturday. Let me know which day works for you and time.



  30. JIM // May 20, 2009 at 6:33 pm

    First, let me say that I like and respect Easy’s writing. He is certainly way more advanced than I am. But I take issue with this idea…

    “How to get someone to be attracted to you? My general definition of attraction is–you want something, can’t get it, and want it more.”

    Nope. the Best Things in Life are Free. I’d rather go to the library than buy a book, copy my friends music or listen to the radio, and check out the free events in town rather than pay admission. And the museums in DC are Free too.

    And most of us like shopping for low prices. Cheaper is better.

    And if I had some way of knowing which women were receptive to me, or better yet, wanted me, I’d limit my attention to them.

    For me, there is no Thrill of the Chase, there is only the Thrill of the Capture. But even that’s not quite right. It’s more the Thrill of Discovery of that person.

    The point I am trying to make is that the Value of something doesn’t go up or down because of how much effort you have to expend to get it or what the asking price is.

    If a woman plays Hard to Get, I don’t want her more than before, I don’t want her at all. Thanks for letting me know you’re not interested.

    We like people because they like us. That’s not Sufficient, but it is Necessary.

    What’s left unspoken here in my own personal case is Fear and Laziness, but that’s not the issue here.

    What bothers me about flirting and scenarios life the Coffee Shop and the other one that Easy mentioned is that it all seems too much like Playing Games. I can’t pretend that I want something less than I do.

    Gee, wouldn’t it be nice if we could just do what we did on the playgrounds: I like you, do you like me? Yes. or No.

    I dunno, maybe it IS Fear and/or Laziness after all. Sigh.

  31. EasyEC // May 20, 2009 at 11:54 pm


    I agree with you that many of the best things may very well seem free, but they might only be free of money. Exploration might not require money, but it does require time and effort. Pleasure is a comparative state and a sustained period of instant and effortless gratification plateaus in monotony. In a similar vein, evolutionary replication/recombination of the fittest is a zero sum game–the players might be getting “better” but they continue to remain in the same spot.

    The thought might have come into your head that you wanted to check out a specific museum (want). You couldn’t go there immediately–you were at work, weren’t spatially nearby, couldn’t immediately fit it into your schedule, etc. (can’t get it). You might have then thought about it more, looked up general info online, and scheduled a payment of time and effort for your intended future exploration (want it more).

    As far as games go, the word “game” in context of dating has come to have negative connotations. Maybe it would better to think of dating games as interplay with variable amounts of inclusion between different players. It’s true–a game can be played with the primary goal of beating or selfishly manipulating others. Playing “hard to get” can be playing the other because they aren’t in on it. However, teasing can create a similar attractive effect; it’s a “hard to get” game that more equitably includes both players. In this case, two people are playing games *with* (as opposed to against) each other.

  32. JIM // May 21, 2009 at 7:44 pm

    The reason I object to the “games” is that I, like many men, don’t have the skill set or know the rules. I am a computer programmer, a scientist, and I take things rather literally when I’m not speaking humorously. Imagine my surprise when I hear that the words being spoken only count for 10% of the communication; that body language and the push/pull dynamics are what turns a woman on.

    I’d rather just be able to say, “Hey, you’re sexy, you wanna?” without having to play all those games. Heck, I feel as lost as if I was required to recite my words in iambic pentameter or perform them as a song and dance.

    What I am hearing is that this is a skill set that can be learned, but it would be so much easier for people to speak directly. Yeah, and pigs will fly.

  33. EasyEC // May 22, 2009 at 3:10 am

    Suppose you didn’t know anything about computer programming. You might object to learning certain computer languages because they were either too foreign or abstract. Your initial learning experience might be painfully frustrating, especially if the body of knowledge was complex. This might be your feeling, at least, until you learn enough knowledge to empower you in the pursuit of consequences you find valuable.

    Just because the rules of computer programming languages might seem unnecessarily complex doesn’t mean that it couldn’t be fun, exciting, or fulfilling to those that know the rules.

    As far as social communication is concerned, really the process is of transmitting elements of feeling from one individual to another; verbal communication is only one medium of transfer. Similarly, In the case of computers, you can transfer the data from one computer to another by physically transferring the hard drive of one computer to the second. Alternatively, you could transmit the data online–your computer reads the magnetic imprints on the hard disk and, through the electrical circuits in your computer, converts the data into packets sent through your network cable, perhaps as reflected light, until the packets eventually reach the target computer and are recombined. Different forms of communication can accomplish similar data transfer in distinctly different ways.

    We have multiple senses which all accept sensory input and any such sensory inputs can be interpreted, be it sound or visual perception. It all means *something*, though the eventual reaction might be integrated into some generalized notion such as “I like her” or “something’s fishy about him.”

    It would be nice if more people were direct. However, there is a certain amount of vulnerability in being direct and, perhaps due to a lack of mental/self-esteem solidity, people often see benefits to being indirect in order to prevent vulnerability (rejection, manipulation, etc.). Furthermore, directness itself is not enough. People have all sorts of logical barriers, constructed as a consequence of their personal values and beliefs. You might say, “hey, you’re sexy. Let’s do it.” She might think–this guy barely knows me and already wants to have sex. I must not be special and he probably says that to many other girls, which is not ok with me. Directness can be good, but without empathy, it can more likely be unappreciated.

  34. EasyEC // May 22, 2009 at 3:25 am

    As far as push/pull goes, it’s successful basically because of the logical inhibitions people generally have. Be too mean too consistently in a short interval and you’ll likely be received as being rude or a jerk. Be the other polar extreme and you’ll likely be perceived as giving attention that was not deserved, easily manipulable, and unfaithful (as a consequence of the previous two). Just as in other actions, push/pull can be manipulatively orchestrated on your part or a genuine reflection of your reactions.

    Realize, however, that push/pull refers to attraction (what pua stuff seems to focus on) and not bonding (the foundation of a relationship) where too much can be detrimental. Both elements, attraction and bonding, seem to be necessary in a successful relationship.

  35. JIM // May 22, 2009 at 9:39 am

    We all have aptitudes. No one should be forced to learn or engage in stuff they don’t want to know. Some of us just won’t get the simplest things, no matter how hard we try.

    “this guy barely knows me and already wants to have sex. I must not be special”

    From one point of view, they’re NOT special. But from another, they are: they are the one I am talking to RIGHT NOW.

    Wanting to have sex just by looking at someone is the most natural thing in the world. We don’t buy Playboy et al for the articles, and I dare say that women don’t buy Playgirl for the articles either.

    They say “Be Yourself.” OK, I want lots of Friends With Benefits. Not exactly No Strings, but closer to Unfaithful than Faithful.

    Too bad I am male … if I was female, having lots of FWBs would be simple.

  36. EasyEC // May 22, 2009 at 12:01 pm

    Their values and logic are ultimately what motivate their responses, even if you would think other thoughts if in their head. The impulse to engage in sex may be natural, but social/cultural influences and even our own intelligence fight that impulse.

    A large portion of playgirl’s subscriber base are gay men.

    What does “be yourself” even mean? Isn’t “yourself” the only thing you can be, even if yourself is someone that tries to diverge from something they aren’t currently? If I were overweight and decided to adopt the eating and activity habits of a thin man, for a time I would be a fat man that acted like a thin man. Eventually, however, I would be a thin man that acted like a thin man. If I just followed “be yourself,” I would never have lost weight. Rather than “be yourself,” I think a better statement is keep doing what you’re doing if you want to keep getting what you’re getting.

    As a scientist, perhaps you can think of “be yourself” as a poorly defined theory (since it’s ambiguous with what it refers to). Through personal experimentation and the results of others, you can test the theory. If the theory fails to accurately predict results, it is wrong. Through continued results, eventually, a better theory can be developed.

  37. EasyEC // May 22, 2009 at 1:07 pm

    By the way, if you were female, the cost of sex would be higher. Pregnancy means over 9 months to produce a child you undoubtedly know is yours but have uncertainty whether you can count on anyone for help in raising him/her. Also, sleep with too many guys and your reputation is trashed (slut) which would make you unattractive for a long-term relationship.

  38. JIM // May 22, 2009 at 2:10 pm

    You only have a “reputation” when people know who you are and what you do. In a small town, that is the case, but in a big city, it’s easy to behave anonymously.

    They say that a slut is just a woman with the morals of a man. I think it’s hypocritical to penalize people for acting the way we want them to, or the way we do ourselves.

    Birth control is not foolproof, but it’s close to it.

    My intelligence rarely limits my impulses to have sex with people, but it does wreak havoc with my ability to risk my ego and approach women.

    When I say “be yourself”, I mean as opposed to “suppressing yourself”. When more than half the women I desire don’t even know it, that is suppressing myself. Je m’accuse.

    That is the whole lesson about why women put guys in the Friend Zone, because we didn’t tell them what we wanted from them.

    OK, so the gays are buying Playgirl. But are you saying that women don’t look at guys and think to themselves “I would (or wouldn’t) do him”? I’d venture to say that just about every guy does this with just about every girl they see on a pretty much constant basis.

    Maybe this is a question best answered by Marni, if she isn’t already pissed at me for hijacking her site with all my postings. 🙂

  39. EasyEC // May 22, 2009 at 3:11 pm

    You have a reputation if people know what you do and form an opinion of the knowledge. It’s easier for people to know what you do if you are direct and not discrete. In relationships, people often *do* seek the truth of each other; directness is appreciated (from both ends). That attractive women may value directness more is probably more an indicator that they are more discriminatory with their preferences (perhaps as a result of more options to choose from).

    In terms of the general pua articles I’ve glossed over, the general methodology I’ve seen is to:
    (1) disarm her logical defenses, such as through humor or other comfort building techniques
    (2) create attraction
    (3) provide a satisfacory alibi that will absolve her of blame for having sex with you; the most consistent alibi is direct truth.
    (4) missing is insight about relationship growth.

    Your intelligence does limit you. An understanding and application of the punitive consequences of rape probably prevent you from having sex with just any woman. Also, their looks or age. Would you have sex with a 70 year-old-woman? How about 11? Why don’t you get a hooker? Male chimps are not discriminatory with whom they mate with, and yet we are for no real biological reason.

    Friend Zone is an indication of a lack of attraction. Directness, or more generally described as demonstrated solid self-esteem, is sexiness. By being direct, you generate a reaction (which could be good or bad). You take a risk that could go in your favor or not. This is opposed to taking no risks and getting little in return (e.g. friended).

    Male and female nature are distinct, however similar they may seem. Physical, hormonal, and even brain differences are observed. Just because you may consider looks as the most influential factor in a mate does not mean women think the same. If you were in a woman’s shoes, you’d be a man in a woman’s body, but not a woman in a woman’s body.

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  46. Troy Vayanos // November 24, 2010 at 3:22 am

    Thanks for the audio Marni.

    My question which I realise you touched on is: What is the main different charactics to look for when a woman just wants to be friends with you versus waning to be more than just friends with you? Is there some suttle differences that you can pick up on.


    • Marni // November 24, 2010 at 11:37 am

      Yes. She is open to your advances when you want to get physical with her. NOT meaning cuddling cause every girl likes to cuddle. I mean more. If you try to touch her or kiss her, and she says no, then FRIENDSHIP begins!!!

      When I like a guy, more than a friend, I’m not as comfortable or secure with my actions. When I am just friends with a guy, I don’t care what I say or what I do.

  47. John // November 30, 2010 at 3:21 pm

    First. A women who looks at you and can not keep her eyes off of you. That is a sign that she likes you. Also as she is looking at you and all she says is I… I… I… while being nervious or huffing and puffing i would say even thou, she likes you she also probally wants to tell you that she is ready for some kind of relationship or also it could be that she isn’t interested sometimes its best to let things go and allow it to fall in your lap. I have had this happen to me three days ago at a store and we had the eye contact but she was really nervious. Eye contact is the most important thing when you look in her eyes that uto mattic tells her that you Like her alot and then she will forget what to say and leave. that is what you call Romance its a huge key.

  48. Paul // July 24, 2012 at 8:28 pm

    Whether a stranger is interested or just happens to be leaning on your arm is the type of thing I would like to know. Once we have dialog, it is quickly clear if there is strong interest or not.

    • Marni Wing Girl // July 25, 2012 at 11:36 am

      Totally agree Paul- but touch and how close she gets to you are important too

      Marni 🙂

  49. Russ // September 19, 2013 at 7:59 pm

    Marni reminds me of my brother’s craze ex that cheated on him and left him in Florida.

  50. Scott // September 22, 2013 at 7:06 am

    The only way really to know if a woman’s into you is if one of you makes a move on the other. Anything else is just guesswork, and so-called “signals” aren’t reliable. Some women like to appear they’re attracted to a guy so they can get attention from him and manipulate him for an ego boost, so it’s not useful to gauge a woman’s interest by “signals.” Either make a move or let her make a move, and stop trying to analyze her behavior as “meaning something.”

  51. richard // September 22, 2013 at 7:26 pm


  52. Norm // October 23, 2016 at 7:45 pm

    Please stop stop stop using Adobe Flash anything. Flash is old, obsolete technology and have no place in modern web design.

    You should be losing sleep on just how many people and potential customers wanted to listen on an iPhone and simply could not due to your choice of the dreaded Flash.

    Dump Flash

    • Robert Hagedorn // June 17, 2017 at 9:24 pm

      Adobe Flash works great with my cheapo Chromebook. But then, Google has always been way ahead of Apple.