Why oh why do you keep ending up in the friend zone? I am sure this is a question you are constantly asking yourself.
Let me try to explain why this keeps happening to you by using an everyday example so that it may be easier for you to understand.
My friend is having a barbecue. There are all kinds of meat on the grill. Chicken, fish, steak, ribs, everything! I go up to the bbq and say I am so hungry and that looks amazing. I would love a piece that meat. Can I have the one on the top shelf?
My friend will look to the top shelf and see 10 pieces of meat of all different assortments. He’ll then look at me and say “which one?” and I will say “the one on the right?” My friend probably still have be confused about which one on the right I am referring to.
Now what if I were to change the way I was asking for that meat and said “Can you I have that piece of chicken on the top shelf second from the right?”. BINGO!!! My friend knows instantly what I am asking for, reaches for the chicken and hands it to me. We are all happy. There is no room for confusion. He knows what I want and can give me exactly what I am asking for.
See where I am going with this?
In my experience as a woman, I have seen many men who tippy toe around asking for what they want with me. They do this because they don’t think it’s polite to be obvious and let a woman know they are attracted and interested in pursuing. My assumption is that men also think women are clueless. Of course we know. As soon as you approach us we know or at least we always assume that is why you are approaching. We don’t think you are coming over to us at a bar or social location because you REALLY want to tell us about the recent stock market crash or find out our favorite color. We know and there is nothing wrong with that.
If you are attracted to us, approach us and then be perfectly clear why you are approaching. Don’t hide it or cover it up to seem less obvious. Seem very obvious and let her know your intentions.
Don’t try to be sneaky and ask to be a friend. Because you know what’s going to happen don’t you?
YOU WILL BECOME THE FRIEND. If you don’t ask for more, we won’t give you more. AND we will assume that you are very content being that friend until you tell us differently.
I refer to this as Nice Guy Manipulation. A manipulation tactic that sadly, always blows up in a guys face.
So next time you meet a woman be very clear on what you are looking for. Tell her you think she is attractive and want to get to know more. When you are online don’t say you are looking for a friend because you most certainly are not. Be clear, be straight and be direct with what you want and I can guarantee you will not find yourself in the friend zone.
The only way to get what you want is by asking for it!
Remember the only one sticking you in the friend zone is you.
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i used to live in the friends zone. I remember one time sitting with a girl in a coffee shop and having such a deep connection that she started crying. she felt so safe and was sharing such vulnerable things. which of course melted my heart. we got into her car after and i told her i liked her. awkwardly. in a very shy and embarrassed kind of way. but it was too late. she looked at me with all this sadness, not wanting to hurt me “Tad . . . I . . . i really just want to… Read more »
Dude….what you just said here will change my life. You HAVE to tell the world this story!
I used to be the shy guy that used to try to win over woman by being nice, holding doors open for them, etc. The I realized being a complete douchbag wins them over every time. yes being honest works, but you also have to act like you don’t give a flying rats about them.
Bottom line, chivalry gets you no where except a broken heart and an empty bed.
Hey Grendel
I agree that being a doormat or too nice isn’t so attractive. You need to be direct, honest and have boundaries and standards so that a woman (and people in general) respect you. That doesn’t mean you can’t be chiavlrous too though… just save your best acts of kindness for a woman who’s proven to you that she really deserves your love.
Good luck Marni 🙂
I just found a great article on avoiding the friend zone written by PracticalHappiness.com.
You should check it out: http://www.practicalhappiness.com/avoid-friend-zone-with-women
Was that a typo? I can’t parse “Can you I have that piece of chicken on the top shelf second from the left?” at all. I’m very confused. I get that trying to become lovers after being friends is a poor strategy, but the guaranteeing that being “clear on what we are looking for” guarantees that we “won’t be stuck in the friend zone” seems to imply that women will always say yes when asked for sex. It can’t be as simple as just asking for it, can it? Or did you mean that we’d be stuck in the third… Read more »
Because the first sentence, “can I have that…” is perfectly clear. The second sentence, “can you I have…” is makes no sense at all. It’s not even legal English grammar. I’d like to learn what you have to say, but I don’t get that example. What I did get is your major point, that NO isn’t the worst answer; it’s an opportunity to move on…much better than wasting time on an extended “maybe” that will ultimately end up as a NO anyway. Just wondering tho, while I don’t expect success ALL the time, I wonder what kind of success rate… Read more »
Oh Crap! That post was meant to go in the Should Men Buy Women Drinks column. I copied it there. Delete my previous post (and this one too).
Thanks. But you’ve got to delete the “Oh crap” post too, because now it points to my real post before that.
BTW, I noticed that your replies all inherit the date of the original posting. This was posted May 20, not May 6.
Look like your webmaster has some work to do.
I don’t agree with this. I think you really should date someone who can be a friend with. If you come up to a woman and instantly show your interested in her in a dating way all you are saying is you think she is physically attractive and you want to have sex with her. You might as well just say nice boobs. A lot of men are uncomfortable with this it seems wrong. Its not “manipulation”, I guess you could say it is a shyness about expressing sexual interest in a woman without getting to know her. Apparently that… Read more »
Although I find your comment humorous, I have to say I do not agree. If you go up to a woman with the intention of “I think you’re cute, let’s see what else you got and then I’ll decide if I want to move forward with you” then you are being honest. It’s no where near saying “nice tits, want to bang?”. If, on the other hand, you go up to a woman, who you think is attractive and right away think “OMG this is the woman, she’s the one I want cause she’s so attractive” that’s where you can… Read more »
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The title itself is self-explanatory, the one reason why guys keep falling in the friend zone, is because they are doing just that…being a ‘friend.’ I know all of you’all are like ‘isn’t that what your’re suppose to do?’ I though the same thing a year ago, but being her friend before and while you’re dating her would put you in the friend zone before you even know it. I know because I have done this. I though if I just be the best friend ever, I’ll have her in no time… Wrong! I was put in the super-mega ultra… Read more »
Too true, Chad!
Marni 🙂